On Sunday morning, my phone woke me at way-the-hell-too-early from where it lay next to my pillow, rather than plugged into the charger. Hmmm. Even more confusing, I’d fallen asleep without turning off the lamp beside my bed, sprawled out on top of my covers, still in last night’s clothes. And my room was freezing. Seeing Griff’s name under the time, I accepted the call. “What the hell, dude? It’s still dark out. I worked last night.”
Slightly out of breath, over a bunch of background noise, Griff said, “Wanted to call before I got too busy and forgot.” His voice got muffled as he spoke to someone. “Sorry. How’s Lily?”
“As far as I know she’s fine. Why?”
“You were pretty rough on her. At Capital City.”
Like I needed clarification.
“You made her cry.”
I rubbed my ice-cold hand over my face and down my beard, which needed a trim, hating that I’d lashed out and upset her.
“She thinks you’re regretting ever meeting her.”
Observant. Though probably not for the reasons she thought. Since getting to know her, and even more since moving in with her, Lily had become a huge, happy part of my life. Leaving her would be difficult. I avoided attachments for that very reason. “I don’t want to hurt her when I leave.”
“Pay attention. She already cares about you. She’s going to be sad when you leave. I will too, if that matters.”
It did. With Mom gone, I wasn’t looking forward to going back to California. Not that it mattered. Duty called and all. My base was there. My life was there. “She can do better than a fuckup like me.”
“Your definition of fuckup and mine do not line up.” Griff’s voice got muffled again as he gave someone direction. Then the background noise went quiet. “You graduated college cum laude while playing division one football. You’ve spent the last nine/ten years in the Marines, serving your country, at great personal sacrifice. You were the perfect son, a loyal friend. Hitting a rough patch when your life is upended, developing a little dependency on pain medication prescribed for treatment of long-term pain, does not make you a fuckup. Not in my eyes. And it shouldn’t in yours either.”
Damn if my eyes didn’t feel a little wet right then.
“It’s not like you’ve taken any serious pain meds since you’ve been in Vermont, and you’re doing fine.”
I stayed quiet, held perfectly still, didn’t want to lie to my closest friend.
“I think she’s good for you, man,” Griff said. “If you need to hear it, I think you’re good for her too. Lily gives people surface happy and that’s what they give her in return. Not you. You let her know exactly how you felt, unfiltered. I think she needed to hear it.”
“Stop.” I sat up in bed. “I’m trying to stay away from her, to do the right thing.”
“What right thing? She’s unhappy. I have no idea why you think staying away from her is the right thing. For either of you. Lily’s a grown woman. She knows you’re not here long-term. If she’s still willing to enter into any type of relationship with a grumpy ass like you, you should be thanking the good Lord for your good luck.”
I had no response to that.
Griff sounded calmer when he spoke again. “Instead of doing your version of the right thing—and again, we do not align on a definition—consider doing a good thing. Show her what it’s like to be with a decent guy, to be treated well, to be respected. Be upfront with her about what you can and can’t give her, but do you both a favor and include her in the decision making. You both deserve to be happy, even if it’s only for a little while.” Someone called out to Griff and he said, “Gotta run.” He disconnected without giving me a chance to respond.
Show her what it’s like to be with a decent guy, to be treated well, to be respected.
You both deserve to be happy, even if it’s only for a little while.
“Do not even consider it,” I told myself.
Myself didn’t listen.
What if…I did what Griff suggested, set an example, defined “decent guy” so Lily would have something to compare future boyfriend prospects to?
I hated the idea of Lily having future boyfriends. But if I could help her choose more wisely…
My gut burned at the thought of Lily with another man.
Jealousy.
An emotion I had little experience with.
A jealous man would have to be out of his mind to go after a beautiful woman like Lily, a woman who garnered attention everywhere she went, a woman who thrived on attention and manipulated it to her benefit…mainly in the form of tips.
I couldn’t recall ever being jealous when it came to a woman.
No one who knew me would every label me as “out of my mind.”
Yet I wanted Lily to the point desire overwhelmed my good sense.
Seemed my trip to Vermont had two very unexpected consequences.
Knowing there would be no getting back to sleep, I placed my phone on the charging chord and stood to do some morning stretches. Surprisingly, I felt more rested than I had in months. Apparently, passing out as soon as I got home the prior night and getting six hours of uninterrupted sleep did a body good. But I stunk like stale beer and needed to get rid of that scent before I tackled the problem of next steps with my roommate.
After my shower, on the way back to my room, I heard scratching on the inside of Lily’s door. Since she preferred late nights to early mornings, I quietly opened it enough to let Tulip out then closed it. “Good morning, princess.” She happily followed me to my room and waited patiently for me to get dressed. I’d never been much of a pet person, but Tulip—with her cute, scrunchy face, oversized ears, and huge personality—had won me over. I was going to miss her as much as her mama when I left.
“Come on.” I walked to the front door, grabbing a pink leash and harness to match her satiny, pale pink sleep shirt. “Your mama is not going to like you going outside in your pjs.” Another thing for her to be mad at me about.
Our short morning walk, for the purpose of Tulip taking care of business, turned into a stroll around the block. I waved to Mrs. Simmons, one of Lily’s overly friendly neighbors. She gave me a big smile. As we got closer, she met us at the end of her driveway. Tulip’s stubby tail went into wag overdrive, knowing what came next.
“Sit,” Mrs. Simmons said.
Tulip sat.
“She’s such a good girl.”
“When treats are involved, yes she is.”
Mrs. Simmons gave Tulip a small treat in the shape of a tiny dog bone, homemade, in honor of her late Bichon Frise, Bonnie. Peanut butter, oatmeal, banana and apples. I checked. Tulip loved them.
“Better get back. Lily’s probably waiting to give her breakfast.” Probably not, but if I gave Mrs. Simmons a chance to get talking, she’d take it.
“Have a lovely day,” she called after me.
“You, too,” I called back.
As we rounded the corner, I saw Lily, in her tiny sleep tank top and skimpy shorts, pacing on her front porch with her phone to her ear. As soon as she saw me, she took off down the steps, across her front lawn, and into the road. Her feet bare.
I picked up Tulip and jogged toward her. Tears streamed down her cheeks.
“What’s wrong?” I asked. “What happened?”
She grabbed Tulip, holding her close to her chest, rocking from side to side as she kissed the pup’s head. “I thought you left.” She sucked in a choppy breath.
I noted it wasn’t me she was relieved to see. “And you thought I took Tulip with me?”
“No.” Her eyes wouldn’t meet mine.
“Bullshit.” I walked past her. “Real nice. I go out of my way to show you I’m not like Dorian, to the point I piss you off and you retaliate by provoking me, just looking for a fight, out in public in front of Griff. Yet you still lump me in with all the rest, thinking I’d take off with your dog. Knowing how much she means to you.” I wanted to hit something. I settled for pounding my feet against the road as I stormed off. Not as satisfying as a punching bag, but it would have to do for now.
“I’m sorry.” She hurried to catch up with me. “I glanced into your room, the bed was made, I didn’t see any clothes or any signs you were still living there. Then I couldn’t find Tulip. I panicked.”
“I’m neat, so you assume I left. You can’t find your dog, so you assume I stole her?”
A pickup truck passed by slowly. Someone let out a loud wolf whistle.
“Get back in the house,” I snapped, trying to shield her from view. “What the hell were you thinking, coming outside half naked?”
No answer necessary. She was thinking I stole her dog.
After she closed the door and removed Tulip’s harness, she said, “I expected you’d be gone this morning.”
“And my neat room confirmed your suspicions.”
She nodded.
“Because we had an argument?”
Her expression answered for her, and it said yes.
“If you want me to, I’ll go. I’ve got a few things to say first.” One thing life with my mother had taught me, when you had an argument and tempers were hot, give it a night to calm down and think things over before addressing the issues in the morning.
“Oh, now you want to talk? After shutting me out?” She picked up Tulip’s food and water bowls and washed them in the sink. “I tried to make things right last night but you wouldn’t let me.” When she went into the pantry to take out the dog food, I took a good look at her. Aside from her puffy eyes, which were expected, she looked exhausted. Drained. Like she hadn’t slept all night.
Uh oh. “Exactly when, last night, did you try to make things right?”
“After my shower.” She returned the dog food and slammed the pantry door. “And you couldn’t even be bothered to respond.”
Shit. “Remember, late into our shift, how you pointed out my limp?”
She nodded.
“That happens when I push too hard. Do too much. Look at me.” I made sure I had her full attention before I continued. “I passed out as soon as we got home last night.” From physical exhaustion. No pain pills required.
She didn’t believe me. “Your door was cracked open, like you leave it while you wait for me to get out of the shower.”
“Because that’s what I was doing. Until I passed out. You didn’t open the door?”
“You mean…?” Her hand went to her mouth. “You didn’t hear a word I said?”
I shook my head.
Relief softened her features. Her eyes looked a little watery, but no more tears fell. “How about I put on some coffee, you put some more clothes on, and you can tell me again. When I’m awake to hear it this time.”
“Would you be willing to lie down in your bed and let me talk through the door?” She looked up at me shyly. “I find it easier to put my feelings into words when I don’t have to look people in the eye.”
“Let me get this straight. You’d trust me with your body but you don’t trust me with your feelings? Afraid I’ll what…trivialize them? Get angry?” She wouldn’t meet my eyes. “Lily. Damn it, would you look at me?” Gradually she turned to face me. “People have differences of opinion. They argue. They say stupid shit. But if someone matters to you, you talk things out, you listen and do your best to understand where they’re coming from. My mom used to say, ‘Sleep on it and we’ll talk in the morning.’ By morning, we were always able to resolve our differences without yelling or tears.”
“My mom used to say, ‘Never go to sleep angry,’” Lily countered. “We always worked things out before bed. Which is what I was trying to do last night.”
“What a pair we are.” I shook my head. “In case you can’t tell, you matter to me, and how you’re feeling matters. I’ll always want you to be truthful with me.”
“I’m sorry I started a fight with you at the farmers’ market. Especially in front of Griff. I didn’t like the way you were so quick to deny us being together. Even though we aren’t, the way you said it hit me like I wasn’t…good enough. I have a thing about people thinking I’m not good enough.”
Because her dad had made her feel that way.
And Dorian. “She’s not worth it.”
Both of them were not fit to be in the same room with her.
Lily continued, “I’m also sorry about bringing other guys into the argument, pointing out they’d be happy to be in your situation. It was a childish move. You hurt my feelings and I…” She shrugged.
“Lashed out.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry I reacted the way I did in response to Griff’s comment about us being together. He caught me off guard. Up until that point, I’d thought I’d been hiding my attraction to you pretty well.”
“From everyone but me.” She smiled.
“Hard to hide it now that we’re living together.”
Her smile grew. “Hard, indeed.”
“Brat.” A cute brat. “Back to Griff. I keep running it through my mind and, honestly, I don’t know why I reacted like I did. One thing I am one-hundred-percent certain about, it had nothing to do with distaste at the idea of us being together.” I took a minute to figure out how to best get the rest out. “I’m in a weird place. He invited me into his part of the world. You’re his friend.”
“He matters to you, too,” Lily offered. “What he thinks matters.”
“I guess it does. Which also caught me by surprise. I don’t typically care what people think of me. Yet, I didn’t want Griff thinking I was the type of guy who would take advantage of his friend after her very recent breakup or worse, use her while I’m in town.”
“I’ve only ever heard respect in his voice whenever he talks about you.”
I laughed. “He called this morning, basically told me if a woman like you was willing to enter into any type of a relationship with a grumpy ass like me, I should thank the good Lord for my good luck.”
“You should,” she teased. Looking hopeful, she added, “Now that we’ve got all that out of the way, can we finally have sex?”
“What? No. We haven’t even gone out on a date.” Ideally, a decent guy would hold out for the third or fourth. My dick might not survive the wait.
“You know, people give me crap when I say it, but there really is a motivational quote for every situation. The one that fits here? ‘Don’t waste today. There are only so many tomorrows.’ Who knows how much longer you’re going to be here? I am done waiting.” Lily straightened up to her full height, forced her shoulders back, and, in her deepest, most commanding voice, bellowed, “Sergeant, lieutenant, major, colonel, I-don’t-care-what-your-rank-is Dickson, report for duty in my bed at 0-right now o’clock.” She flung her rigid arm out to the side, index finger pointing the way.
So entertaining.
And so right.
When I didn’t obey immediately, she followed up with a loud, “Move. Out. This. Minute. Buster.”
The “Buster” got me. “Yes, ma’am,” I replied through a smile so big, my cheeks ached. Then I scooped her up and, like a good soldier, followed the orders I’d been given.
In the bedroom, she kept right on commanding. “Take off your clothes then lie down on the bed.”
Nope. Still holding her in my arms, I nuzzled in close to her ear. “One thing you need to be clear on.” I ran my tongue along the rim, slowly, while letting out a hot breath. Her little shiver made me feel all powerful. “I let you order me around behind the bar and in your shop. But in this room, in your bed, or wherever we happen to be getting at least partially naked together, I’m the one in charge.”
Her body went stiff. “But guys don’t—”
“I’m going to stop you right there.” I lifted her slightly as I leaned down to reach her neck. “Rule number one.”
“There are rules?!” Her outrage turned into a laugh. “Stop. Your beard is tickling me.”
I didn’t stop. “Rule number one,” I repeated, running a line of kisses down to her collar bone, something easily achievable after she let her head fall back, giving me full access. “No bringing up past lovers when we’re together like this.” I went in to kiss her on the mouth and she wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me in tight. Lily gave as good as she got, her mouth moving on mine, her tongue thrusting against mine.
My body heated and I pulled away, panting, to finish saying what needed to be said. “I’ll get you there, no matter what it takes. This first time, give me a little time to explore.” I kissed her cheek. “To find the best route.” Not the quickest. Not the easiest. The best as in the most enjoyable, for both of us. I nuzzled into her ear again to whisper, “I’ll make it worth the wait.”
“Promises, promises.”
Lily would soon learn another lesson in dating a decent guy: we don’t make promises we can’t keep.
“Rule number two.” I remained focused on what I wanted to say. “We do this, and it’s you for me and me for you until I leave.”
Lily repositioned in my arms, leaning in to my ear to whisper, “That’s exactly how I want it.”
My heart squeezed in my chest. What did I do to get so damn lucky?
“Anything else?” she asked.
“Last thing I have, for right now…when I leave this room, I’m taking your vibrator with me.”
“How did you—”
“I can hear that thing buzzing at all hours.”
She buried her face against my neck.
“You want something to fill you up, I got what you need.” I let her legs fall to the floor so I could grab her hips and pull her close to back up my words. “I’ll give it to you whenever and wherever you want it.”
“At Speakeasy?”
I thrust against her, the pressure, the friction so damn good. “I’d get you up on that stool, bend you over the bar-top and take you from behind.”
“In front of everyone?”
“After close. I’d want you all to myself.”
“In my shop?”
“As often as you’ll let me. But not near the power tools.”
“In the hot tub?”
“Only if you clean it.”
“Not gonna happen.” She smiled then began lifting the hem of my shirt. “My van?”
“On my lap in the passenger seat.” I whipped my tee over my head and flung it somewhere. “Let you go cowgirl wild.” I removed her tank top. “Take what you need.”
She had great tits. Round. Firm. The perfect size to fill a big man’s hands. To fill my hands. I cupped them, gentle at first. Until her nipples poked my palms. Then I gave them a squeeze, making her moan.
“I definitely want to do that.” She unclasped my trousers, slid them over my hips, and pushed them to the floor. “You’ve given us together a lot of thought.”
Day and night for weeks.
“I’ve thought about it, too.” She palmed me, gave a little squeeze, in just the right spot, sending a shot of pure desire into my balls. “Every time you heard that buzzing.”
Done talking, I picked Lily up, and tossed her onto the bed, taking a moment to slide off her sleep shorts and pretty lavender panties before tossing them aside. After ridding myself of my boxer briefs, I crawled on top of her, making a space for myself between the soft skin of her thighs. She opened wide to accommodate my size. It felt so good, I finally understood the phrase “weep with joy.” Not that I did.
Within seconds, I realized my mistake. My cock took over, grinding along the seam of her sex, throbbing with need, desperate to get inside.
“Yes,” Lily moaned, moving her hips. “More.” She wrapped her legs around my ass, increasing our contact, making it difficult for me to pull away. Damn, she had some power.
But they were no match for me. Despite her attempt to hold me where she wanted me, I scooted lower, kissing her neck in the spot that had made her shiver earlier. Moving down, I slid my tongue around her nipple before sucking it into my mouth. The rough skin against my tongue, her moans vibrating in my ears, her soft, warm body writhing beneath me was pure heaven. I’d found it and never wanted to leave.