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A half hour later Amanda knocked on the door. "I brought a Lucky Lunch and a Delightful Dinner for the kids."
"Who are you?" Argus demanded.
"I'm the lunch lady." She pointed to Matt. "And you'll keep your mouth shut if you want your lunch."
"Hey, I was just going to ask what you brought the rest of us," he said defensively.
"Uh, huh. Just for that Sady and I get dibs and you get what's left." Amanda took the bags to the table while Sady rounded up the kids.
"What is it?" Argus asked when he saw the meal.
Amanda’s brow rose. "It's food."
"I don't like how it looks," Argus told her.
"Fine." Amanda snatched the burger Matt was about to eat and handed it to Argus. She set the Delightful Dinner in front of Matt.
"Is this meat processed?" Argus asked Amanda.
"No. It's 100% natural and organic. No fillers or additives," she lied. "Same with those fries. Do you know how much organic French fries cost?" Argus shook his head and Amanda muttered, "Me neither."
Bea refused to eat her Lucky Lunch so Amanda traded it for Matt's Delightful Dinner.
"Am I ever going to get to eat?" he asked.
"Stop being so picky," Amanda suggested. Matt's face turned red when he looked in the food bag.
"Can you explain what's so lucky about this lunch?" he asked.
Amanda looked in his bag. "I guess me and Sady," she answered with a laugh.
Matt pulled out an anemic looking hot dog, shriveled, and wrinkled. The bun dwarfed the dog.
"That looks familiar," Amanda said thoughtfully. "Oh, I remember. The guy at the Renaissance Fair." She nudged Matt. "You remember- the flasher?"
"Well, there goes lunch," Matt said with a scowl, as he dropped the hot dog in distaste. "I'll never be able to eat one again. Thanks, Amanda."
"Hey, don't blame me. It's not my fault..." Sady nudged Amanda and nodded at the kids. "It's not my fault you're such a picky eater," she finished. "Here, have an organic fry."
Matt looked outraged and Sady shook with laughter. She handed him the rest of her burger.
"You ate half of it," he complained.
"And you watched. It was good too," she said.
"Is he always this bad about food?" Amanda asked Sady. "Even the kids aren't making that much of a fuss."
"That's because you gave them my food," he said through gritted teeth.
"No appreciation, Stubbles. That's your problem. I bring you free food and all you do is gripe."
"Well, I might not mind if it hadn't been fingered by half the people in here before it got to me. As for that so called hot dog... you should demand a refund on that. It looks more like a cocktail weenie."
Amanda huffed. "That's because it's a kid's meal, Stubbles. It's not supposed to choke them when they take a bite."
"Yeah, well, a bite is about all they'll get. Calling it a hot dog is false advertising. They're selling a bun with a bit of dog in it."
"I thought you weren't eating hot dogs anymore," Amanda said.
"I'm not. It's the principle of the matter. Actually, it's more like I'm still hungry. Are you going to finish those fries?" He reached across the table and Amanda moved her plate. Bea pulled a mushy, slobbery fry from her mouth and offered it to Matt.
"Our mom says it's polite to take what a child offers. It encourages generosity," Argus told him. Matt turned white when he remembered what was in Bea's mouth a short time ago. Sady and Amanda snickered, but Sady wasn't go to let him escape the asylum by getting sick.
"Why don't we all give Matt a fry?" she suggested. She grabbed a fry from each plate and palmed Bea's second hand offering. Matt looked relieved, and she mouthed, "You SO owe me!"
"See what all the whining caused?" Amanda asked. She fluffed her hair and said, "You didn't ask how the game went."
Matt growled. "I know how it went because I watched it... on TV."
"Well, Uncle Sam and I had a good time. After a couple beers he unwound and let his hair down. I could run with him if he let himself go more often."
"Is that when you painted him?" Matt asked.
"He did need a little convincing. But the guys behind us helped," she admitted. "He even stood in for one of them. I don't remember which letter he was though." She pulled out her phone and flipped through her pictures. "Here he is, the letter G."
Matt grabbed the phone and slapped his thigh. "How many beers did that take?" He passed the phone to Sady. Uncle John had a big G painted on his shirt and posed for OGLE, GLOB, and BUGLE.
"I'm not sure," Amanda said. "He had a couple before we even made it to the seats."
"I bet he did," Matt said under his breath.
"Are you implying something?" Amanda asked with narrowed eyes. "Because there are still a few home games, but if you're being rude..."
"I just meant he'd have to be feeling pretty good for this to happen," Matt improvised quickly, pointing to the pictures.
"Good save," Sady hissed, and he grinned broadly.
The kids grew restless so Sady and Amanda cleaned them up and left Matt to take care of the clearing the table. Amanda surprised them when she asked if the kids had games to play. "Hey, I have nieces and nephews," she said. She and Sady played games with them for about a half hour. "Do they take naps?" Amanda asked. Argus shook his head vehemently and Sady retrieved the list.
"Nice try, Argus, but I can still read it," she told him. "It's high on the list too."
"I'm too old for a nap," he complained.
"Yeah, well, your naps are for the adults, not you. Now go brush your teeth and use the bathroom," she told him. She poked Matt and told him to go make sure he didn't skip brushing his teeth.
She took Bea and set her on the potty, then helped her brush her teeth. Bea didn't complain about her nap but Matt had his hands full settling Argus. He came out looking frustrated. "Are there any sedatives on that list?" he asked in exasperation.
Amanda shook her head. "Rookie. I'll take care of this." She left the living room and returned in less than three minutes.
"Where's Argus?" Matt asked.
"He's taking his nap. I told him if he didn't settle down then for each minute he acted up I would make him stay there an extra five minutes when he woke up."
"I don't believe you," Matt said.
"Go look," Amanda suggested. Matt poked his head into Argus' room. He wasn't sleeping, but he was laying quietly.
"What are you doing tomorrow?" Matt asked Amanda.
"Oh, no you don't," Sady interrupted. "You aren’t pawning your responsibilities off on Amanda. Besides, she works Monday."
"Sorry, Stubbles, but she's right."
"Why don't you stay out of my business?" he asked Sady.
"She's my friend. She tolerates you," Sady said with a sniff.
Amanda interrupted before they squabbled. "Sady, I need to know how you got to be so good at juggling and throwing. That stuff you did at the Renaissance Festival?"
Matt looked at her as well. He was twice the recipient of her pitching accuracy.
"I spent a week at a triple A, minor league, baseball pitching camp when I was eighteen. It was the runner-up prize in one of the beauty pageants." She smiled, her brown eyes sparkling with mischief.
"How come you didn't win first prize?" Matt demanded.
"I broke a nail during the evening gown round," she replied.
"You broke a...?" Matt showed confusion.
"Nine blood-red nails will let you down every time," Sady said with satisfaction. "The judges don't like it when something is out of place." Matt narrowed his eyes, and she gave him a quick grin and shrugged her shoulders.
"First prize was a trip to Disney World... again. The runner-up prize was way better. The juggling, card tricks, and music are all recycled talent show entries. I was a wandering minstrel one year. I wanted to be Robin Hood, but they didn't allow weapons that year so I had to make do."
"Good thing for you she wasn't William Tell," Amanda told Matt. She stopped to sniff the air. "What's that smell?" she asked, wrinkling her nose. Sady spun toward the hall where Bea stood watching them. Sady looked at Matt hopefully.
"Oh, no! I just did bathroom duty with her. Your turn again," he said sounding happy.
"You owe me for the fry, remember?" She could tell he hoped she forgot.
He turned to Amanda. "You're good with kids. Will you take Bea to the bathroom?"
Amanda snorted. "Nope. You just don't have enough going for you. Now if you had something to offer in return I might consider it."
Matt pushed Amanda toward Bea. "I'll think of something, I promise."
"I doubt you'll be able to afford it," Amanda replied, then she slapped her hand over her nose. "Little girl, let's get you cleaned up before the building needs to be evacuated." She grabbed Bea's hand and took her to the bathroom.
"I wonder why Bea didn't say anything," Sady asked.
"We aren't supposed to interrupt adult conversation when company is visiting," Argus yelled from his room.
"Wow, this whole nap thing is turning out swell. I wonder if it would be okay for me to take the nap and leave the kids up?" she asked Matt.
"Oh, no. You're not going to leave them both with me."
"It was just a thought. No need to blow out your fuse box," she told him.
Amanda came back, dragging Bea with her. From his room Argus yelled, "Did you remember to rinse her mess out in the toilet?"
"Yeah, of course I did," Amanda yelled back. She shook her head at Matt. "Bathroom trash needs to be changed- now. Make sure your check that little underwear tag so when you buy replacements you can get the right size. Oh, don't forget the receipt, Stubbles, or you won't get reimbursed."
Sady looked down at Bea and asked Amanda, "Why is she wearing a diaper?"
"Uh, uh. You did not just ask me that question! After what we smelled? If this little girl doesn't know when it's time to head for the little room when she feels the need, then she stays in diapers."
"I'm telling," Argus threatened from his room.
"Little man, get yourself out here," Amanda commanded. When Argus appeared in the living room she said, "You do that and I'll slap you in a diaper. Do you have a problem with it now?" She narrowed her eyes and Argus shook his head.
Matt walked past carrying a small garbage bag and holding his nose. He opened the apartment door. "Wait. Where do you think you're going?" Sady asked.
"To see if there's an incinerator. If not, this bag is going to the dumpster."
"Hang on, then. I'm getting that... other item... because there's no way it can be cleaned now." Sady found a plastic spoon and trash bag in the kitchen, then went to the bathroom to retrieve yesterday's messed underpants. She lifted the lid to the pail and nearly passed out. She slammed down the lid, shoved the pail in the trash bag, and ran for the front door.
"Hang on, I forgot something." She handed her trash bag to Matt and ran back for a can of air freshener. "Okay, now we can go."
"We'll be back," she hollered to Amanda as she and Matt rushed out the door.
As the door closed they could hear Amanda, "Now Uncle Sam's gonna owe me too- big time. Hey, you two, park it!"