Alice had walked for almost two miles along the seafront, passing by Scotsman’s Bay, the Joyce Tower, the Forty Foot and Sandycove with Lexy, her West Highland terrier, trotting beside her.
She felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her since going and talking to Hugh about quitting her job at Ronan, Ryan & Lewis’s, and him promising to deal with it. Now it had all been resolved, and she was finishing up on Friday. Sinead, a junior they had just taken on, would take over her work until Maria, the girl who was out on maternity leave, came back in eight weeks’ time.
‘Young Sinead is chomping at the bit to move up a level,’ Hugh had reassured her. She suspected he was secretly relieved that she was leaving the firm before she committed some catastrophic error and embarrassed him even more!
Despite her ropey financial straits, she was glad she could now concentrate on trying to find some other source of income to bolster her diminishing savings. She’d get on to a few of the agencies to see if there were any jobs coming up, and scour the ads in the newspaper, too. She had to find some way of making money as Liam was being tight-fisted as usual, and claiming he could barely afford to give her anything, and that she had better get used to keeping herself.
For the past two and a half years Liam had complained about the difficulties faced by a small engineering firm like his: the contracts cancelled, the constant bidding for tenders, the lack of major orders coming into the firm. She had listened and tried to support him, glad that at least they could share their worries and talk about things. That’s what marriage was about! ‘We’ll get through this,’ she had reassured him, ‘and business will pick up again for Kinsella Electrics.’
Unfortunately, while she had been worrying about her husband’s business affairs, Liam had been busy with a different type of affair! She had discovered totally by accident that Liam was involved with a thirty-eight-year-old called Elaine. She went over it again and again in her mind, refusing to believe, at first, that honest, reliable, straight-talking Liam would do such a thing to hurt her and damage their marriage. Sure, he was under stress, but that didn’t mean he had to be unfaithful. How could he be stupid enough to betray everything their marriage stood for?
Pretty and petite and dark-haired, Elaine Power was the manager of a fancy new wine and tapas bar in the city where Liam and his business friends used to drink on a Friday after work. Alice had rarely ventured along on those nights, reckoning Liam deserved a chance to unwind with his pals while she either went to the cinema or was content to watch The Late Late Show. Then, one Friday evening, after going shopping with Nina in town, she had decided to surprise Liam and turn up in the wine bar and get him to take her to dinner. The surprise was on her! The minute she saw him and Elaine flirting and touching each other she became suspicious. Elaine was polite to her, but Alice sensed immediately that something was going on. She thought about the nights working late, and the business weekends away when he was supposed to be attending conferences, and confronted him. She wanted him to say Elaine was a big mistake, beg her to forgive him, say he was having a midlife crisis, but instead Liam, unapologetic, had told her that he loved this younger woman. Now that their children were grown up Liam believed that there was no need to prolong things and stay together. Their marriage had run its course and was over, though he hoped they could somehow still be friends.
Be friends with a man who had ripped your heart out of your chest and left you reeling … she didn’t think so! Liam wanted to turn over the page and start a new life with Elaine. What Alice did was no longer any of Liam’s concern!
Everything had been a mess. A nightmare! Following weeks of crying and anger, disbelief and despair, she had finally got enough sense to look at what she still had – her three healthy adult children, her home, her friends – and pull herself together in some sort of fashion. She couldn’t, wouldn’t, let Liam, her unfaithful bastard of a husband, destroy her.
Alice took a few deep breaths of the sea air, watching a cormorant dive patiently again and again in the water and reappear in the foaming tide below her. No matter how hard she tried she often found herself overwhelmed by loneliness. With Liam gone she suddenly found that she had no one to share her life, her home or her bed with. It was awful to wake up day after day and have no one to chat to over breakfast, to argue with or discuss articles in the papers or the news. To plan for the future with, let alone holidays or weekends or nights out. No one to laugh or joke with, confide in or simply to hug and hold. The boring routines of married life and living with a spouse were now gone from her as she faced the cold harsh fact of being a single woman again. The bloody loneliness of it could drive a person mad, she suspected, no matter how supportive their children and family and friends were. There was no escaping the fact that she was on her own now and had to get used to it. The tide was in and she walked quickly, glad of her navy fleece and scarf as there was quite a wind out there. Then she turned and headed back towards Monkstown.
‘Come on, Lexy, let’s get home and get something to eat.’
Passing by the old stone Martello Tower on the seafront she turned up home, thanking heaven that for the moment she still had the house on Martello Avenue to live in. So far Liam hadn’t the gall to go after that but she worried he might force her to sell the family home and move somewhere else. She loved the old red-bricked house they had bought off the busy Monkstown Road at an auction. They had ignored the rotting windows and roof problems and ancient kitchen and grumbling heating system, lured instead by the friendly neighbourhood, the long sun-filled back garden where the children could play, and the view of the sea at the end of their road. It was twelve years before they could afford to do up the house the way they wanted to. The death of Alice’s generous Aunt Betty enabled her to repay their mortgage ahead of schedule and build a wonderful bright sunny kitchen extension and family room and upgrade the rest of the house. Liam had wanted her to invest her inheritance in some fancy new apartments that were being built in the city centre, but wisely she had refused, knowing in her heart that eighty-three-year-old Betty, who had been a regular visitor to their home, would have preferred the money to be invested in number 23 Martello Avenue. So nearly all Betty’s money had gone into their home, and Alice had absolutely no intention of selling it or moving away, no matter what Liam and Elaine did!
She flicked on the CD player as she began to make a salad and popped her dinner in the oven to heat. She’d made a creamy cheese and ham pasta bake and it smelled delicious. She slipped off her trainers and curled up on the leather couch in the kitchen. Sean had told her this morning he’d be late home so she’d save him some. Nothing unusual in that, as like most students he practically lived on UCD’s campus! His life revolved around the student bar, restaurant and the gym; although she supposed he did attend a few lectures in arts, his chosen subject, as he had passed his first-year exams with flying colours. Sean was flinging himself into the college social scene and the smell in his room some mornings would rival the Guinness brewery. With his sandy-coloured hair and lean build he was a lot like Liam, but he had Alice’s manner and sense of humour and blue eyes. She liked having her youngest still living at home, even if he did drive her crazy with his constant computer games and hours on Facebook. When he was in the house there was music and noise, the phone ringing, friends calling, but once he left she was conscious of the silence and loneliness that sometimes gripped her. Tonight he was going to see some new indie band playing in town.
She glanced at the newspaper. She read a few pages and then turned to the back – sudoku or crossword? She would do one before she ate and one after. It was one of the luxuries of being on her own: being able to read the paper in her own fashion without Liam monopolizing it. She was engrossed in the puzzle when the doorbell went.
‘Hey, Alice, thought I’d just call in and see what happened about the job.’ Joy had been delayed at work and was only on her way home to Shankill now.
‘I’m finishing up in Ronan, Ryan & Lewis’s next Friday.’ Alice grinned. ‘And it’s such a relief.’
‘There’s nothing worse than being unhappy in work and trying to hide it,’ her friend said seriously.
‘I was worried about letting them down. But Hugh says they’ve got someone else lined up to take over till Maria, the full-time person, comes back … so it all worked out fine.’
‘There, I told you it would be all right.’
‘Have you eaten yet?’ Alice offered.
‘Alice, I’m not landing myself on you for another meal. We had a meeting with the third-year parents and you know these things. They always overrun and seem to go on for ever. I just dropped in to make sure you were OK.’
‘You haven’t eaten yet, so stay and have some dinner with me!’ offered Alice. ‘You know I hate eating by myself. Sean’s out, so there’s plenty.’
‘Smells good,’ admitted Joy, taking a seat at the kitchen table.
Alice set an extra place and served up the pasta bake with salad and a helping of tomatoes and vinaigrette.
‘Tastes gorgeous,’ said Joy. ‘Sure beats my usual baked beans and toast or a fried egg.’
Alice laughed. Joy lived in a nice two-bedroomed bungalow near Shankill. She had absolutely zero interest in cooking and her small galley-style kitchen was barely used except for the sturdy microwave.
‘So what next?’ quizzed Joy, as she helped herself to some more salad.
‘I haven’t a clue,’ admitted Alice. ‘I’ll have to do something to make a bit of money, but I don’t have any ideas yet.’
‘Well, we’ll all have to get our thinking caps on and see what kind of opportunities are out there for a talented woman like you.’
Alice had to laugh. Joy believed everyone had an innate talent or gift, and it was just a question of discovering it. No wonder she did so well as a career guidance counsellor in the big secondary school she worked in over in Ballinteer. The kids and their parents loved her, as she would leave no stone unturned in finding out what pupils were good at and the avenues they should explore in their career and studies.
‘When did you say you’re finishing up in work?’
‘Next Friday.’
‘Then what about a girly celebration meal on Saturday night?’
‘That sounds great.’
‘What about that nice Italian in Dalkey? I’ll check if the others can make it and book a table in Da Vino’s for us.’
‘Sounds good to me,’ Alice said. ‘I can take the DART out to Dalkey.’
When Joy had left Alice returned to the solitary glory of the crossword in The Times, while listening to the evening news.