Bringing Sean home from hospital was overwhelming, and when her son gave a whoop of excitement as he crossed over the threshold of their home, Alice almost collapsed in tears herself.
A few weeks ago his life had hung by a thread, and now he was back in Martello Avenue, safe and sound with her; back to his bedroom and the routine at home. He would miss the rest of this year’s college term and doing his second-year exams, but the college had already agreed he could repeat the year next year. For the moment he had to concentrate on getting well and getting back to normal gradually. He would join a programme out in the National Rehabilitation Hospital, which was fortunately near them, and had been told to take things slowly until he began to feel better.
Jenny had come from Galway, and Conor and Lisa and even Liam were all there for his homecoming, and she had to act like a sentry on duty as so many of his friends wanted to see him and talk to him. She had to limit his visitors – even Becky, who clearly was very close to her son and cared about him – but she had to make sure that Sean didn’t tire himself out trying to do too much. The doctor had advised him to avoid using the computer for a while and not to go on Facebook or email, as his brain still needed to rest. Even reading a page of a newspaper or book exhausted him!
Seeing him lying on the couch playing with Lexy she gave a silent prayer of thanks for his recovery.
Liam called frequently, and she tried to let him and Sean have time on their own together. Sean needed his dad, and that was obvious.
One evening when Sean had gone to bed early after having too many old school friends call to him, Liam came down to the kitchen and she made coffee and reheated some of the chicken casserole she’d made for dinner earlier for him. It felt strange having him back in the house … a weird sense of déjà vu.
‘Alice, I’m glad we’re on our own, as I need to talk to you,’ he said seriously.
She immediately felt her hackles rise, on guard for whatever he was about to throw at her.
‘I wanted to apologize for being such a shit over the past two years,’ he said slowly, ‘apologize for being such a bastard to you. I guess going through all this with Sean has made me realize how much my kids and you mean to me, and how I just took it all – my family – for granted. I can’t turn the clock back, but I promise to try to do better by you and the kids.’
She didn’t trust herself to look at him. He had hurt her so badly, but now she was beginning to live without him. He was no longer a pivotal part of her life. He was the father of her children, her ex-husband, ex-lover, but she had learned the very hard way to survive and manage without him.
‘It’s been so tough without you, Liam, but I have learned how to live my own life now,’ she said firmly.
‘I know that.’ Liam looked somewhat ashamed. ‘I see you now, and you’ve changed. You have your cookery school, and your friends and a busy life. You’ve got on with your life!’
‘What did you want me to do?’ she said bitterly. ‘Cry over you for ever?’
‘No!’
‘I’ve had to stand on my own two feet. I needed money and am doing my best to be financially independent of you or anyone else.’
‘I admire you for what you have done, Alice, believe me!’ he said. ‘I just wanted to let you know that I’ve talked to my solicitor and have organized that the house will be totally transferred into your name.’
‘Why?’ she asked, immediately suspicious of his so-called generosity.
‘We both paid for the house,’ he explained. ‘But you and I know that it was really your inheritance from Betty that paid off most of the mortgage and transformed it. It was all your money that you put into this place. So I guess for the sake of fairness it should be yours. The kids might be grown-up, but they still need a home to come to. It’s also become your place to earn some income. I may be a right shit, but after all we’ve gone through in the past few weeks I can’t take that away from you.’
Alice held her breath. She couldn’t believe it. She had been expecting a battle with him over the house, and now he was prepared to cede it to her.
‘Liam, thank you,’ she said, taking a deep calming breath.
‘The office and the apartment in Ballsbridge are, however, still in both our names,’ he said, ‘and I need you to agree to them being transferred into mine alone.’
‘Oh,’ she said, surprised. ‘Why?’
‘I want to offload at least one of them, even if the market is poor. A lot of my work is now on contracts with Johnny Leonard in the UK, and I am back and forward there a lot. I don’t need a big office with all the overheads here in Dublin any more. Something smaller will do.’
She had never had any interest in the apartment he’d bought as an investment about ten years ago, and as for the office, it had always been his as far as she was concerned. He could have it!
‘Whatever you want, Liam. If we need to sign papers and go to solicitors to set it up, just go ahead and organize it.’
‘Thanks.’
She could see the gratitude on his face.
‘Well, it looks like we are both getting on with our lives.’
She smiled half-heartedly.
‘I’ll be in the UK more and more, Alice, but you know I’ll be here if you or the kids need me. I’m just a phone call away.’
‘I know,’ she said, actually believing him. ‘What does Elaine think of you being away so much?’
‘She understands I have to go where the work is. She’s even talking about moving over herself, as her brother Tony has a wine bar in Putney and is thinking about expanding.’
She looked at Liam. Was he going to give the money to Elaine? But actually, she thought, it was none of her business what they did or didn’t do any more.
‘Well, I hope whatever happens, Liam, it all works out for you,’ she said, realizing that she genuinely meant it. Liam was no longer hers. As her husband he was so much a part of her past but she accepted the fact that he would have very little to do with her future.
‘Look, I’d better go,’ he said, standing up. ‘I said I’d collect Elaine after work.’
They hugged each other awkwardly at the front door.
‘I’ll be in touch about the legal stuff, Alice,’ he said, walking out to the car.
It occurred to Alice, as she watched her husband sit into his car and drive away that, for the first time in over two years, she was no longer angry with him, and that another part of her life with him was finally over.