Sandra Halder had awakened in a room in the Grand Central Hotel. It was positioned inside the Central Train Station and the constant announcements about arriving or departing trains could be heard in the distance even through the double glazing. Sandra was not fazed by this. She found it exciting to be back in the hustle and bustle of the city after her quiet, retired life on the island of Mull.
She had several things to look forward to on this short visit. It would be lovely to see her daughters and grandchildren. The little ones grew so fast, it was as if she had to get to know them all over again whenever she returned to the day care facility. Not that she needed to check up on their progress. Joanne had done a great job of helming the operation. She had bought a house in the neighbourhood which allowed her to be on the spot very early in the morning for their first clients. The old family home that had sheltered Sandra and Ian’s family during their childhoods had gradually been converted into a first class facility serving all the needs of babies and children in their care. Nurse Rachel being on board was the factor that reassured nervous parents that they could safely leave their little darlings while they pursued the working lives with salaries enabling them to purchase a home for the future. House prices these days were outrageous, Sandra thought. If she and Ian were starting out now, they would never be able to afford the kind of residence that had provided a home for five and become the excellent day care establishment she had created for her girls.
Sandra was hoping to see middle daughter Sharon this evening. As financial manager, she supervised the operation of the day care business but it was only one of her concerns. She had accounting jobs for several small businesses in the city, primarily those run by women, in addition to a part-time teaching job. Of all the girls she was the most ambitious and most like her father Ian.
Sandra had booked a table in the Grand Hotel’s dining room for the evening in hopes she could entertain her daughters and Zoe there before spending the night with Zoe.
Her thoughts turned to Zoe Morton as she finished brushing out her hair and applying subtle make-up enhancements. It was Zoe who had advised her to wear her hair in an upswept style but that was only one of the suggestions that had changed her life. Zoe’s encouragement had led to a whole renewal of Sandra’s energies. She had returned home from their Lake District week with ambitions to lose weight and take control of her life. The results of those decisions were evident in the mirror image she was inspecting. It wasn’t only her neat figure and well-fitting city outfit, it was there in her expression. No longer the apologetic look of the woman whose life was passing her by with frightening rapidity, she looked confident and serene. The outside matched the inside for the first time in her life.
Giving the mirror a last knowing smile, Sandra Halder picked up her purse and set off to meet Zoe Morton from her train with the hope that she could somehow return some of the help that had been given to her so generously. Whatever Zoe wanted on this mysterious trip, Sandra was ready and willing to supply.
The taxi ride through the centre of Glasgow soon gave way to the suburbs in the west end of the city.
Most of the houses were bungalows with established gardens and little walls bordering the property.
It looked like a nicely settled area to Zoe, much like the house in which she had been raised. Further on, there were newer streets with two storey houses and it was before one of these that Sandra asked the driver to halt. Zoe saw the sign on the front lawn advertising Day Care Services. By the time Sandra paid the taxi fare, a taller version of Sandra had emerged from the garage door with a baby in her arms.
“Mum! Here you are at last. And this must be Zoe. Welcome. I can’t imagine why you would want to spend time in this mad house but come right in. I’ll give you the tour in a minute. Mum could you come and see something I’ve done in the conservatory? I’ll just be a second, Zoe. Here! Hold on to Adrian for me. He’s good as gold, believe me.”
The Sandra lookalike had led the way through the garage, into the kitchen and over to a large conservatory, talking rapidly all the while. When she turned and deposited the baby in Zoe’s arms, she almost dropped the child from shock. Before she could protest, Sandra whispered, “Joanne’s always like this. I’ll be right back. Sit here in the rocking chair with Adrian.”
Zoe practically collapsed into a padded wooden chair with broad arms. It began to move back and forth with her weight. The baby Adrian looked up at this unfamiliar stranger with wide grey eyes which he soon scrunched together as if he was uncomfortable or unhappy. Zoe suddenly realized this little boy was about to cry. How upsetting! She rocked the chair and patted the rigid little back making murmuring noises that she hoped would calm him down enough to prevent an outcry.
After a minute, this seemed to do the trick. Adrian looked curiously at the stranger’s face and reached up a tiny hand to pull on the wing of black hair hanging down toward him.
“Ouch!” said the stranger.
“Ha!” said the boy, and did it again.
“No!” stated Zoe firmly, withdrawing the hand and blowing a kiss into his palm.
“Oooh!” said Adrian, and offered his hand for another kiss.
Zoe smiled at his male precociousness.
The boy’s entire body soon relaxed into a curved shape that seemed to fit her arm comfortably.
She looked down at his perfect skin and cherub mouth and saw his eyelashes gradually sink onto his cheeks where they formed a delicate fan. His breathing grew deeper and a flush coloured his cheeks.
It took a moment more for Zoe to understand that this child had accepted her enough to fall asleep in her arms. It was her very first contact with a baby and it was mind-blowing.
Nothing in any way approaching this had ever happened to her. She was completely unprepared for the sensations that overwhelmed her. It was as if a hidden door had opened in her mind allowing the unthinkable to become possible. She felt the warm weight of the little body and listened to the breath waft in and out of his lungs. This was a child, a new soul, a responsibility beyond all others but also a privilege she had never before been able to comprehend. Having a child with Wesley was not something to be feared. It was something to be desired; the fulfillment of their love for each other.
She had come to this place to discover if she had the capacity to endure the disruption of children in her controlled and perfect life. Before she had time to apply her decisive brain to the question, she had been overtaken with emotions she did not know she had inside. Her mind knew this was too easy. She knew nothing could be this simple. There were mountains to climb but at this moment all that was inconsequential. Without her volition her heart had taken over. A small child had shown her the way.
“Goodness! I am so sorry, Zoe. We didn’t mean to leave you here alone for so long. Mother does get carried away with new ideas. Adrian has mussed up your skirt, I’m afraid. I’ll take him and you can go on the tour with my mother. Thank you for giving us the chance to do some catching up.”
All at once the warm weight was gone and Zoe Morton felt a loss she could hardly understand.
As Joanne disappeared with her charge, Sandra arrived, and with her the noise of children playing in the garden emerged from the open conservatory door. They went outside together, through the groups of children busy with toys and mini bikes to the charming shed covered with flowering vines where a tea party was in progress. Zoe was offered a plastic cup and saucer and found her hand unexplainably shaking as she accepted the gift. She was unable to speak, so much was rushing through her mind and body. She managed a weak smile in thanks and was glad to exit after Sandra.
“Help! I didn’t think to give you a pair of flat shoes to wear! Those beautiful shoes will be ruined by this grass. Let’s go back inside and I’ll show you the quiet rooms upstairs and Rachel’s health department.”
Zoe never even glanced at the mud and grass stains on her high-heeled shoes. She had found a new life interest that surpassed any satisfaction she could achieve with fancy shoes.
The remainder of the day care tour went ahead. Sandra wondered if she was boring Zoe. There did not seem to be much response from the elegant young woman as they inspected the upper level rooms set apart for babies’ sleeping quarters, isolation beds and nursing needs. Perhaps, she thought, the damage to her shoes and that lovely outfit had annoyed her. Sandra had no way of knowing the seismic shift that had occurred in her companion. What she saw as lack of interest was, in fact, a complete internal revision of Zoe Morton’s life view. The years of self-development and business concerns had first been swept aside by her feelings for Wesley Philips, but that immense change was as nothing compared to the future she was now contemplating. She had no frame into which she could place that future but she knew it was now inevitable that it included a small person. God Willing, of course. Part of her wanted to flee back to Wesley’s side for comfort and reassurance. Part of her was still adjusting to the new Zoe and wanted more information.
She took her leave of Sandra and called a taxi for the ride across Glasgow to the east end and beyond to the small village of Lenzie. The women would meet later in the hotel for the family meal. Sandra was happy to spend the rest of the day with her daughters watching the improvements they had made to the business model she had begun. She had a deep sense of pride in their inheritance. A pride she had acquired late in her life but one none the less satisfying.
Michael Morton and Isobel Duncan had made a small but cozy home in Lenzie. Their cottage was snuggled in the valley close to the village shop and the garage. Within sight was the ridge on which the former village of Stepps commanded the view. It was now incorporated into the City of Glasgow but still retained that country feel of older Victorian-styled homes, leafy lanes and a generous park for dogs and cricket games.
Michael was happy sharing space with his sister-in-law. He had been, for too many years, living alone after the sad demise of his wife Grace, and Isobel, although much different in lifestyle and appearance, retained some of the gentle characteristics of her sister; enough that they soon settled into a side-by-side familiarity meeting the needs of both parties. Neither spoke in any depth of the life events that had brought them together. Like two boats adrift on a restless sea, they had finally found a safe harbour. They were content to have someone to share the winter nights by the fireside, comment on television programs and take part in cooking and cleaning their small domain. Michael enjoyed walking on back roads, watching the farming seasons come and go and stopping for a glass of ale in a country pub on his way home. Isobel was involved with activities in the local church and made occasional excursions by bus into the centre of Glasgow where she met up with the few remaining friends from her youth before she had married and emigrated to the United States.
Both of them were excited to welcome Zoe. They had last seen her and Wesley at Christmas in Dunstan’s Close. No mention was made then of a trip to Scotland and none expected in the busy lives of the professional couple, but it was a delight for Michael to see his daughter again and for Isobel to see a niece of whom she was inordinately proud.
The taxi driver made full use of the GPS to find the cottage on a quiet street saying he had never ventured to Lenzie before and “it was a braw wee place for a quiet life”.
Zoe hardly had time to straighten her skirt and brush the last mud from her shoes before the red front door opened and her father rushed forward to enfold her in his arms.
“What a treat to see you here, my dear! Come away in. Your Aunt Isobel has been baking since dawn so I hope you’re hungry.”
At his words, Zoe realized she was, indeed, hungry. It had been hours since the sausage roll on the train and it felt like days since she had arrived in Glasgow, so much had happened to her.
She let her family settle her down at a table by the window with a grand view of the tiny garden. They plied her with sandwiches, cake, scones and biscuits galore and she was glad to munch her way through some of the delicious display while they regaled her with the details of their lives in the village and the comings and goings of those who left each day for work in nearby Cumbernauld, or in the big city.
When the pace of conversation finally slowed, it was obviously Zoe’s turn to announce the purpose of her visit. She put the china teacup carefully back on its saucer and began.
“I won’t pretend this visit is just to see where you two have settled. I am so pleased you are happy here together and it is good to have a picture in my mind of your cozy place.”
She took a breath, gathered her courage and turned to the two eager faces.
“I have come to you for information and advice about something entirely unexpected in my life.
I need to know anything you can tell me about my mother when she was expecting me. No, no, I am not pregnant but I guess I am now hoping to be.”
The story halted until the happy news had been exclaimed over. Both faces were flushed with delight.
Both listeners had given up all thought of a new generation. This was, clearly, very welcome news.
“Today, I pretty much decided a baby is in my future but I still have questions and worries about the whole pregnancy thing. How was it for my mother? Did she have problems? What do I need to be prepared for?”
Michael and Isobel exchanged glances. Neither of them wanted to take the lead. Michael nodded to his sister-in-law to begin.
“Well, Zoe, your mother, as you know, did not get pregnant easily. It was a surprise when you were on the way but she was thrilled to bits to be carrying you in spite of the fact the timing was less than perfect.”
“What do you mean, Aunt Isobel?”
Michael Morton took over. “I can explain that part, Zoe. Grace had achieved a three year position at the Teacher’s College and she was very anxious to continue to the end of her final year there. It was something she had long desired and she decided to delay the announcement of her pregnancy until the end of the college term. In those days it was common for professors to wear the flowing black robes over their clothes so no one noticed what was happening.”
“Oh, I remember Valerie and Sandra telling me how they helped my mother to carry loads of books and kept her secret for months but how did mother deal with the symptoms during all this?”
“She was very tired at night, of course. For the first three months she hardly ate enough. She said she felt nauseous although she was never actually sick to her stomach as far as I know. After that she caught up quickly as the baby grew and she had a normal birth. I was at the hospital but not in the delivery room. It was frowned upon in those days. You were such a beautiful baby, Zoe!”
A nervous feeling was growing in Zoe’s chest. This information was making the whole idea real for the first time. She was beginning to wonder how long she could hang onto the blissful moments when she held baby Adrian in her arms and knew for certain what to do.
“Let me fill you in about that Zoe, dear. My sister and I shared similar birth experiences despite the fact that we were in two different countries at the time. My two were born at term and without incidents to cause any alarm. The births of all three of our children were straightforward and not unrealistically long in duration. There’s no reason for you to be concerned. Once you get pregnant everything should go as smoothly as it did with us.”
Zoe was digesting this information at top speed. It all seemed normal, as far as she could tell. The only fly in the ointment was in the last sentence. ‘Once you get pregnant’. There were no guarantees about that part of the process.
“So, my mother was older when she got pregnant? What about you, Aunt Isobel? I don’t remember anything about your age after you left Scotland.”
“Well, I, too, was a little older than most first-time mothers. In my case, it was because we were in the process of setting up a home and careers in a new country. It didn’t take me long once I stopped the contraceptives, however. I ‘m sure you won’t have any difficulties. And, remember, it is common these days for women to delay having babies. You won’t be the only older mother around.”
The rest of the afternoon was occupied with less stressful conversations for Zoe. They took a walk around the village with Zoe being proudly introduced to any friends they passed.
When the promised rain finally appeared, she took her cue to depart. The long, eventful day was not over. She had an appointment for dinner at the hotel.
She was welcomed back by Sandra who was positively beaming, wearing a fitted dress in a multi-coloured pattern that suited her colouring. Zoe rushed to change into something a trifle less crushed than her skirt and jacket. She had only a small bag with her but managed to unearth a tightly rolled-up silk dress that soon dropped its creases in the steam from the shower. Her suit jacket would do for a top layer. She was noticing a chill in the northern air now that dusk had arrived. The heels of her shoes were a trifle the worse for wear but she cleaned them off with tissues and was glad, once more, that she was not likely to be recognized by anyone in the hotel. A quick brush through of her hair, a spritz of perfume and a change of earrings and she was ready for the evening.
The hotel dining room was not large but had a number of sections allowing diners to choose different seating areas. Sandra had chosen a large booth to accommodate her three daughters. They arrived together having shared a ride to save searching for parking space in the city centre. The first discussion, around the table was about babysitting arrangements and Zoe listened to what was required for working women to get a free night. She wondered how Wesley would respond to such a request after his day’s work and another layer of inevitable change was added to what had already been a journey into an unknown future.
With four women who did not see each other informally all that often, the conversation flew back and forth easily and Zoe was content to sit back and enjoy the sharing of lives and concerns among the group. She ate sparingly, being full from her earlier meal, and had time to admire the close connections of a larger family, something she had never before experienced. Sandra’s role was as an encouraging elder. Joanne had taken over the lead position in the business and Rachel, the last to marry, was something of a beginner in the baby stakes although Zoe could see her nursing expertise was much appreciated.
She listened carefully to Rachel’s comments about juggling work and life commitments and knew she would have to deal with the same issues should she ever be in the same position.
When the meal finally ended and Sandra bade a fond farewell to her brood, Zoe had exhausted all her energy and she sank into the soft pillows without a thought in her head other than the fact she was glad to have another few hours on the train before she would have to account to Wesley for her discoveries.