I was fortunate that Dr. Price had an appointment available. For the whole week, I still hadn’t answered the question if Brian was speaking to me from the grave or not. Sitting in the office looking at Brian’s note, his scribble was hard to read, but it was clear. There were two columns, one with the heading Boys and the other, Girls. The list of the boys’ names was long, but it appeared that he’d settled on Brian Joseph Jackson, Jr. That was the only name that didn’t have a line crossed through it. There were no names in the girls’ column but instead, a question mark.
I told Brian that I was pregnant on a Thursday and he died the next Monday, so I was sure that he wrote this list the weekend before he died and he probably thought he had time to get back to it.
I still wasn’t sure if Brian was speaking to me, but after reading the note, I knew that God was with me, giving me everything I needed when I needed it. A sense of peace began to fill the sadness dwelling in my heart.
“Mrs. Jackson.” Dr. Price greeted me with a warm hug, bringing me out of my daze. “I know the last three weeks have been rough.”
I took a deep breath, forcing a smile.
She continued. “I’m glad that you came in. Based on the tests, you are eight weeks pregnant. How have you been feeling?”
I thought about it for the first time. “I’ve been feeling okay, physically. Of course, I’ve been depressed, not wanting to get out of bed, not wanting to eat. But, one of my best friends is in town, and she’s been helping me.”
“So, no morning sickness?” “Nope.”
“Great. If you want to have the baby, we can discuss the details of the plans that I discussed earlier.” She let a beat go by. “And if you don’t…” She looked directly at me. “We’ll talk again next week. How does that sound?”
I knew what she was saying. But I knew what I came to tell her. “Dr. Price, I’m going to keep my baby.”
The brightness of her smile was her approval.
I continued. “And I’ll follow your instructions.”
She nodded her approval and agreement.
“Can you tell me more about symptoms to look for and strategies that we might use to ensure that we stay healthy?”
Dr. Price went back into doctor mode, hands folded on her desk. “Absolutely. Do you remember I mentioned before that your pregnancy is high-risk by default because you’re over thirty-five?”
At forty-two, I didn’t anticipate getting pregnant. I nodded to let her know that I was following along.
“You will continue to see me, as your primary OB/GYN. You will also see a perinatologist.”
I was sure my face twisted when she said the last word.
Dr. Price smiled. “Perinatologists specialize in high-risk pregnancies. We work together to do our best to make sure that you and the baby get the best care.”
Continuing, she told me, “Signs or symptoms of preeclampsia are swelling, rapid weight gain, very bad headaches or dizziness. This usually happens closer to the end of the pregnancy, but I want you to be vigilant. Don’t hesitate to call us if you experience those symptoms or anything else that makes you feel uncomfortable.”
Knowing that I’d have two doctors looking after me was a comfort.
“There is one more thing that we might consider,” she said as I was just feeling a little lighter.
“We may consider delivering the baby a few weeks before your due date. We’d want to ensure that the baby has developed enough; the closer the birth to your due date, the better for our little one.”
If I counted correctly, I would be due in January. I might even have a Christmas bundle of joy. At that moment I felt that I was moving forward. Then I remembered there was one thing that I promised Brian that I’d do. He’d promised to do it with me. I knew he’d be with me in spirit. But, I was blessed because I had both of my girls in town to get me through the pilgrimage that I promised Brian I’d take. He said it would help alleviate the pain and the grief. I was ready to see if Brian’s prediction was correct.