Day Twenty-One
EMPATHY
But when He (Jesus) saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd.
—MATTHEW 9:36
We cannot confuse sympathy and empathy. It is amazing how our good intentions (through sympathy and compassion) can actually keep people trapped in their cycles of bondage and struggle instead of empowering them to take responsibility for their own lives. This is not meant to sound harsh. Sympathy encourages people, yes. But it tends to encourage them in their struggles instead of building them up until they are able to not only experience victory, but also to sustain victory. This is the empowering force of empathy.
In Stephen Covey’s highly acclaimed book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, he encourages us to seek to understand rather than to be understood. This is the art of seeing from someone else’s vantage point, or better stated, “walking a mile in someone else’s shoes.” Harper Lee, in her book To Kill A Mockingbird said it this way, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view…. Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.”
Empathy sees life through someone else’s lenses, and without prejudice or bias seeks to understand. It also recognizes both the need and the individual’s ability to respond to their need. For a deeper understanding, let’s contrast sympathy with empathy. When sympathy acts, it tends to create emotional dependency. Sympathy “does for us,” while leaving us powerless to do for ourselves. Empathy, on the other hand, comes alongside us and with compassion empowers us to experience victory for ourselves—and then actually sustain what we received. It is the proverbial “teaching a man to fish” rather than just giving him fish. Empathy props you back up on your two feet, and shows you how to start walking for yourself. Sympathy hands you crutches and says, “I’m so sorry this has happened to you.” Empathy says, “I can only imagine how it must have felt, but you don’t need to be in this state anymore. Let’s get you walking out your dreams and vision—here are the tools.” I want to help you recognize the difference between sympathy and empathy so that you can be a source of empowerment in your relationships. This is truly following the example of Jesus.
Jesus was often moved by compassion. However, this compassion was not idle. Compassion moved Him to step into people’s lives and provide empowering solutions for their troubles. Consider the miracles of Jesus. Even though He stepped in and performed the supernatural on behalf of those in great need, He often invited the hurting person into his or her miracle. He involved people in their breakthroughs. Why?
Perhaps Jesus was giving us a prophetic picture of what the life to come would look like. The life to come is not Heaven in this context; it is the Christian life that we are all empowered to walk in because of the resurrected Christ.
A day was coming when Jesus would ascend to Heaven, but, as promised, He would not leave His people as orphans. Even though many of us assume that having Jesus here—live and in Technicolor—would be an unparalleled experience, Jesus actually said that it would be to our advantage that He left so He could send the Comforter, the Holy Spirit. (See John 16:7.) Surely this perplexed the disciples. Jesus, on the other hand, was giving them a blueprint for a richer life.
In Matthew 9:36, we see that Jesus was “moved with compassion” for the people “because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd.” One of the reasons that Jesus was moved with compassion for the people was that they were powerless (weary). They were weary of being taught, but not empowered. They were burdened by laws, rules, and regulations, but had no solutions. Jesus felt strongly toward these people, but was intent on not leaving them the same way they came. He healed and delivered the people, yes, but then, as you see with the twelve disciples, and later with the seventy He sent out—and ultimately, with every believer, starting with the Great Commission—Jesus had always been set on bringing the powerless into a place of being power-full.
REFLECTION QUESTIONS
How do you understand the difference between sympathy and empathy?
What is the danger of only having sympathy?
In what ways do you exhibit empathy in your life? (In your relationships?) Do you feel that you extend more empathy or sympathy?
ACTION STEPS
Compassion hurts. When you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything. And you cannot turn away. Your destiny is bound with the destinies of others. You must either learn to carry the universe or be crushed by it. You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors.
—ANDREW BOYD
Identify key relationships where you might need to make the shift from sympathy to empathy. Write down the names of these individuals, pray for them, pray for your ability to interact with them appropriately, and start putting true compassion into practice. You will be amazed to discover the measure of grace that comes to empower you when you simply step out to follow Jesus’s example.