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Kit,
Sorry my last letter was so weird. I’m not sure what was up with me. But I’m totally fine, don’t worry about it.
I had a dream last night about our trip after the Snatcher again. Thinking about it so much lately and writing to you about it has put it at the forefront of my mind. I still miss those days more than I can express.
We’re lucky we didn’t get hurt that weekend, you know? Fuck, my parents were pissed when we all came home a day late. My Dad beat the shit out of me with the buckle of his belt. I remember Mom crying afterwards as she cleaned up the damage he had done to me. I still have the scars across my back. Dammit that guy is a prick. Sometimes I just can’t wait for him to die so I don’t have to ever see him again. Although, who am I kidding? I haven’t even said hello to him in at least two years. After that scuffle a while back, he doesn’t talk to me unless he absolutely has to.
Here I am, bitching about my dad when you’ve lost both of your parents. I’m sorry Kit. I need to be more grateful.
You know, I remember, after we got back, when you told me that your Dad didn’t even notice you were gone an extra day. At the time I was so jealous, bandages strapped across my back and unable to do anything without being in pain. But it never occurred to me how hard that must have been for you. I remember how things were before your Mom passed away. You guys were a tight family... but your Dad fell apart after that. Part of me feels bad for him and I understand why he took to the bottle, boy do I understand that. But the other part of me hates him. Yeah he lost his wife, but he didn’t need to abandon you too. That was cruel.
I remember that day that I stood next to you at the funeral in that sea of black fabric. I was familiar with death at the time, as familiar as you could be at ten years old through cartoons and stories, but nothing prepared me for that day. It all felt so wrong. A child without a mother seemed like an act against nature, a declaration of war against the way things were supposed to be. This wasn’t how my favorite stories went or how the movies played out. How was a kid supposed to get along in the world without their mother?
As her casket was lowered into the hole, I realized the harsh truth. You could live an entire life and you’d end up being nothing more than some garbage buried in the middle of nowhere to be forgotten. It didn’t matter how much money you had or how much you loved your family. The Earth always claims its prize. That cemetery was the landfill of life with nothing left in its wake but broken homes and broken promises. I never wanted to go back there ever again.
You got so quiet after that day. I was worried you might never speak again, not that I’d blame you. It took time and a lot of nights with the four of us all huddled in your room, but you eventually started to come around. I was so happy to hear you speaking again.
Sorry for the tangent. I’m sure you don’t want to remember all that stuff.
After that weekend I don’t think Kevin got in trouble, he was too perfect and smart to ever really get into too much trouble. I’m sure he told his parents about leading us all home using his compass skills and they just melted. Chris however... I don’t think we ever found out what happened, but I bet it wasn’t good. His dad already had a temper to begin with. You know, he still doesn’t talk about his Mom. I know she just up and left one day when he was eight, but I don’t think I’ve ever gotten the story from him. I wonder if it would be too painful to call him up and ask him. Maybe it’s not my place to ask, even if he’s still one of my best friends. Life is hard enough without me making it more difficult for everyone.
We actually had dinner together not that long ago. We talked about you a lot and my issues with Cheryl. Chris may not be great with his own relationships, but he seems to always have solid advice to offer to others. This time however, he told me to leave her, which surprised me. He seemed like he had a lot more to say, but he buttoned up after that.
I’m not sure if I could do that honestly. It would feel like I was breaking a promise, and a big one at that. I vowed I’d ‘love and cherish her forever’, but I’m not sure if I really love her anymore. Or if I ever did. Maybe I just don’t know what love is. I suppose that could be it, you know how stupid I am. She still hasn’t come home from her parent’s house yet...
Anyway, it was nice to catch up with him. He brought up his old high school habits of course. You remember how he was pretty much a drug dealer for like four years? God he’s so proud of that, haha. To be fair, I was totally jealous the entire time. He had more money than we could even dream of at that age and he was always hooking us up with the best shit. We had a lot of really intense parties because of him. We weren’t even out of high school and he was already the biggest dealer in town. He’s absolutely insane, but probably one of the best guys I know, present company excluded of course.
Hope everything is going well,
Ryan