IT WASN’T raining yet, so Jordan took the opportunity to go for a run. But he couldn’t outrun the mess the mermaids had caused or the mess tangled inside of him that tightened when he was near Edra. He understood the risks, and he knew he should stop.
Sometimes he wasn’t sure if Edra wanted to continue with this pre-mating thing, but when Edra was in his bed or on his sofa, it was like there was nowhere else he’d rather be. It was as confusing as hell. Jordan was beginning to wonder if his own attraction to Edra was because he couldn’t have him and shouldn’t have him, much like Bliss.
His feet pounded on the pavement as he ran, and the air was heavy and humid. The breeze tugged his clothes, and the scent of smoke and ash was everywhere. The fire was spreading faster now, fueled by the very storm that might stop it, assuming the mermaids weren’t playing games.
Mytho games.
Did any human really understand them? Then he hated that he was thinking that way. He knew Edra, and he liked him far more than was safe. But they’d only known each other for two months. He should call it off. He’d seen the looks they got in the café and he knew what his friends would say when they found out. He knew what the caption under the next photo in the newspaper would say. As much as he wanted it to be different, humans and mythos didn’t mate. They couldn’t even casually date and have sex and be normal.
Dragons mate for life.
He slowed and stopped, unable to go on. The pain wasn’t from a stitch in his side. It was much deeper. A wound he’d thought healed and forgotten had torn open. The sensation was so familiar he couldn’t brush it aside.
They could’ve taken the next step—had sex and bonded or whatever—but each time, Edra pulled away. With his lips he said he wanted Jordan, but with his hands he held him at a safe distance. And while Jordan had never even considered marriage with any other boyfriend, he wasn’t averse to the idea. He actually quite liked the idea of a wedding—nothing over the top, but a chance to get dressed up and have fun. He had no idea if lesser dragons even bothered with ceremonies.
He rested his hands on his knees, hating the hilly streets when he usually loved them.
Edra was discovering he was unworthy. The night he’d crawled around to Edra’s place begging for Bliss loomed large in his mind. Had that been when Edra realized? What had he said, something about nothing happening while he was using? Of course he didn’t want to be with an addict.
Jordan’s stomach twisted, and he couldn’t blame it all on last night’s excesses.
His father’s voice was in his ear, whispering that he was a freak, that no one would want him. It had taken years to shake that feeling. Every relationship was doomed because he wasn’t good enough, no matter what he did.
Jordan made it home and stumbled indoors. Sinner was nowhere to be seen.
That his relationship with his cat was his longest said an awful lot about him, and he wasn’t sure any of it was good. As he stretched, he tried not to obsess about every interaction Edra and he had, but it was a hard habit to break.
He was sure he hadn’t misread the signs. They’d talked about things, and they had met each other’s friends. As much as he liked to spend time with Edra, he wanted more than friendship. Was that the Bliss in his blood demanding he get laid, or Edra’s dragon pheromones making him think that was what he wanted?
He stood in his living room, not sure of anything. If he wasn’t sure, how could he make life-altering decisions? He ran through his list of friends, trying to figure out who would be the best to talk to. The one most concerned about his love life, or lack of, was Mason. As annoying as Bud was, he wasn’t a total dick and he’d do anything for Mason. Which meant Bud would give them some space to talk.
He couldn’t talk to Sean or Pete the way he could Mason. Jordan hit dial before he could reconsider.
“Hey… how’s the hangover?” he asked when Mason answered.
“Awful. You sound far too bright.”
“Just wondering if you wanted a hand cleaning up.”
Mason paused. “Yeah, okay. Bring some pizzas. We might get some cleaning up done.”
“Will do.” He hung up and stared at his phone. Now he had to shower and do something more than wonder what he was doing with his life besides making a mess off it. The common denominator was him. He eventually sabotaged everything that made him happy. Was he doing it again?
DESPITE THE strategically placed garbage bags that had been around during the party, Mason’s apartment was still a bomb site. Jordan put the pizzas down on the kitchen counter, the only clean place in the house. “I didn’t realize it got quite so messy.”
“You wouldn’t have. You were far too occupied.” Mason flipped the lid on one of the boxes and helped himself. “You really are the best.”
“Where’s Bud?”
“He cleaned up outside and then went to the gym. I’m supposed to do this.” He waved the pizza, his new ring catching in the light.
Jordan was a little envious. He wanted what Mason had. Mason was able to believe it would all work out, even when he and Bud were on opposite sides of the globe. Jordan saw Edra almost daily and didn’t have a clue. “Set a date?”
Mason shook his head. “We’ll wait until this deployment is over for that. He leaves on Tuesday.”
He shouldn’t be around here talking about his problems when Mason had bigger ones. “Shall I pick up the garbage and do the floor while you wipe and wash everything else?”
“Yeah… but eat while it’s hot. I know you didn’t come around to clean up and admire my ring.” Mason held his hand out so Jordan could see the diamond-filled band.
“I might have. It’s a very nice ring.” Too much bling for Jordan. He wanted something simple. No… he couldn’t think about that.
“You want my assessment of your new man.” Mason lifted his eyebrows and took a bite of pizza. “That’s fortunate because I have been biting my tongue all day. Bud told me to let you ‘sort your own crap out.’ I don’t think he fully understands how tragic your dating history is.”
“Let’s not go through that, otherwise I’ll have to mention that it was you who set me up with Devon.”
“Touché. Okay. Let’s talk about Edra.” Mason licked his fingers. “First, he’s a cop. I’m really not sure about that. I mean your hours and his hours, but he’d at least understand. Second—” He counted them off on his fingers. “—he came across very pro-mytho. I didn’t think that was usual for cops. I got the sense that he’d have really ripped into Sean if given half a chance, and Sean is trying to be on their side. Third, his ass. I’d keep him just for that, assuming that’s what he’s up for, but he didn’t strike me as a bottom. And lastly, does he know about your lingerie? If not, tell him now and save yourself the heartache.”
Jordan ate a slice that was mostly bacon. Whoever had made the pizzas had not distributed the topping very well. “First, I agree. The working-together thing is an issue.”
“Oh, like he’s your partner at work. That is bad.”
“Yeah. I know. He is pro-mytho. That’s one of the reasons I’m working with him, since I do the mytho cases. That part I’m fine with. His ass is also very fine.”
“And?”
“And I have only seen it. He wants to take things slow.”
“You aren’t his first?”
Jordan nearly choked on his pizza, and Mason handed him a glass of water. Edra was over 100. Jordan doubted there were many firsts left. But he was Edra’s first human mate… if it happened. And Edra seemed cooler about the whole thing, questioning how it was even going to work when at first he hadn’t cared. “No, and he’s definitely a bottom. We’ve had that conversation.”
“But nothing more.”
“No. It’s killing me. And yes, he knows about my lingerie and has seen it and is into it.”
“And you are totally into him.”
“That’s the problem. He’s hot and cold.” And when he was cold, he tended to vanish. Literally.
“His gaze was on you last night, and only you, like he wanted to lick you up and swallow you whole. I was watching. I liked that about him.”
Jordan smiled. He hadn’t realized.
Mason took a drink. “Look, I know this is going to sound far-fetched, but have you tried talking to him?”
“Why did I not think of that?” Jordan said with mock horror and then glared at Mason. “Of course I have.” They did too much talking. “The work thing keeps getting in the way.”
“Will you get fired or whatever they call it?”
He’d been put on leave during the election. He didn’t want to repeat those few anxious days he’d spend wondering if he was going to need a new job and career. “I don’t think it would be well received, put it that way.”
“But cops do date.”
They did, but this was a little different. “I think I can deal with the work stuff. It’s the way he draws away. Maybe I’m not what he wants, but he doesn’t know how to break it off.” He hadn’t wanted to come to the party. Was that a sign he’d ignored?
Mason hugged him. “Honey. That’s not the vibe I got at all. Is there a reason he wants to take it slow? Have you asked his status?”
“That’s all fine.” It was the biggest lie he’d ever told. He had no idea if lesser dragons even got STDs. Christ, the way Edra got around, he could have anything. They hadn’t even had that conversation.
He couldn’t tell Mason that the reason why Edra was going slow was because he was a lesser dragon and they had mating rituals and this was part of it and somehow Jordan wasn’t measuring up. Jordan didn’t have wings or magic or anything. “I don’t know why he likes me.”
Turning up at Edra’s apartment hungry for Bliss hadn’t been his best performance. Had that been the first bit of damage? But they’d shared some great nights while he was Blissing. At least they’d been great for him. Was he remembering them all wrong?
“Love isn’t logical.”
“We’re barely together.” Two months wasn’t long enough to be thinking of forever.
“You brought him. You wanted to see if he’d fit. He does fit, even if he’s not your usual.”
“You mean what you set me up with?”
“I thought that’s what you like?”
“Depends what I want them for.” He picked up another piece of pizza. But Mason was right—Edra wasn’t the kind of person he’d dated in the past, usually because he settled for what he could get. Edra was everything Jordan wanted, with a side of mytho added in.
“If you weren’t already invested, you wouldn’t be here. But you need to find the reason he’s holding back. Does he have someone else or a secret wife? In that case, he needs to clean up his act, because he can’t be looking at you like the last beer in the fridge and then not drink it. There’d be plenty of others who would be more than happy to date you.”
“I don’t think the list is that long.” He had too many black marks against his name. He remembered the first time he met Edra at the precinct and he hadn’t been able to work out what Edra was, only that he was mytho and he doubled Jordan’s heart rate with one look.
“Don’t undersell yourself. If I can get engaged, you sure as hell should be able to. Dentists are no one’s idea of a dream date. But you come with a uniform and everything.”
“It was the nurse’s uniform you wore to the party that caught Bud’s eye.”
“I have great legs.” Mason sighed and looked at the mess. “We should get started. If you want to run away, I won’t hold it against you.”
Jordan stayed, mostly so he didn’t have to go home to his empty apartment. He wasn’t ready to face the noise of his self-doubts.