JESS AND NEMO WERE WELL on the road to recovery when Will and Jo went in to see them at around six. Ian was closing up and Laura had already left for the day, a fact that sent waves of relief rushing through Jo. She simply wasn’t up to facing Laura yet.
They spent an hour with the dogs, Jo promising to lock up after them so Ian could head home. He seemed to be in a bit of a rush and Will winked at her. `Must have a date with Phyllis,` he said.
She grinned, felt the heavy weight on her shoulders lifting somewhat. The burden lightened further at the hospital. A nurse pointed them in the direction of Shelley’s room and they walked in to find Shelley propped up in bed with a small bundle in a white blanket leaning on her chest, Grant sitting at her side. He looked up when he saw them, grinned hugely and Jo couldn’t help but smile at his obvious joy.
She walked over and peered down at the blanket, cooed at the wrinkled red face hidden in the folds, ran a finger against the soft skin of his cheek.
`He’s gorgeous,’ she said to Shelley, who smiled.
`Want to hold him?’ she asked.
`Oh, um – ‘
`Go on, here,’ Grant said, gently lifting the baby and settling him in Jo’s arms. She looked down at him, rocking him gently and he opened his eyes, stared up at her. She smiled, glad he didn’t start yelling his head off.
`At least he’s not a screamer,’ she said, looking up and meeting Shelley’s gaze.
Shelley nodded, frowned. `What happened to you?’ she asked.
Jo looked down. `Oh, um, I …’
`There was a bit of trouble at the house last night,’ Will said. He’d been standing next to Grant but now he pulled up a chair and sat down next to the bed.
`You mean other than the fire?’ Grant asked, suddenly serious.
Will sighed, looked over at Jo. She met his gaze but returned her attention to the baby, not wanting to talk about it.
`The bastards broke in while I was at the field. Jack … well, he attacked Jo but she got away.’
`Oh my God, Jo. That must’ve been awful,’ Shelley said, shocked.
Jo grimaced. `Probably not as bad as what you just went through,’ she said wryly and Shelley smiled faintly.
`True. No way am I doing that again. Ever,’ she said. But then she looked at her baby and her eyes softened. `He’s worth it though.’
Jo smiled, handed Luke back to his mother and sat down next to the bed, leaning her chin on her hands.
`I’m afraid I had to smash the lock on your door. I’ll replace it tomorrow,’ Will said and Grant nodded.
`Actually, I wanted to talk to you two … do you have anywhere else you can stay for a few weeks?’ Will asked again and Grant frowned across at Shelley.
`You think they’ll be back?’ Shelley asked.
`They might. I just don’t want you to have to worry about the baby. Hopefully we can have this all sorted soon but in the meantime I don’t think it’s safe,’ Will replied.
Shelley looked across at Grant again. `Well we can go stay at my mother’s place. She was going to come down to see us but we may as well go there.’
`I’m so sorry,’ Jo said, gritting her teeth.
Shelley turned to her. `Don’t worry about it Jo. Does it hurt still?’
Jo touched a finger to her eye again, shrugged. `Only slightly. It looks worse than it is and of course with the way people stare at you …’
`I can imagine.’
There was a pause in conversation and Will stood up, peered at the baby, tried to step back as Grant grinned, picked him up again.
`Your turn,’ he said, handing Luke to Will, who despite his protests suddenly found himself with an armful of baby.
Jo grinned at his obvious discomfort.
`Meet Luke,’ Grant said and Will smiled wanly, rocked the bundle awkwardly.
`Um, there’s a slight smell and something very warm on my hand,’ he said after a moment, his tone somewhat bewildered.
Shelley’s mouth twitched and soon both she and Jo were laughing so hard they had tears running down their cheeks while Grant chuckled, took the baby back and started changing him. `I must not have made the nappy tight enough, sorry’ he said to Will, who grimaced, went over to the small sink by the window to wash his hands, shaking his head.
`Why me?’ he asked in such an aggrieved voice he sent Jo and Shelley into fits of giggles again.
`How long have Julia and Shaun been married?’ Jo asked in the car on the way home.
`Three years.’
`And they don’t want children?’
Will shrugged. `I don’t know. I don’t really have those sorts of discussions with them. I’m sure they will do eventually, Julia’s always been the mothering type.’
`Isn’t she older than you though?’
He frowned. `Yeah, two years, why?’
`Well … that makes her thirty-six ... if she’s going to have children she’d have to do it pretty soon.’
He grinned. `Well I’m not going to have that sort of discussion with her. I can just see it, me telling her she’s getting too old to have kids she better get a move on. I think she’d drop dead from shock.’
Jo smiled, imagined Julia’s reaction.
`Do you want kids?’ she asked and Will raised an eyebrow.
`Maybe,’ he replied noncommittally.
`Scaring you, am I?’ she couldn’t resist asking and he rolled his eyes.
`Anyway, what do you want to do with your week off?’ he asked, changing the subject.
She laughed. `I don’t know. Relax, like Ian said. Do nothing, try forget everything.’
`I want to go out on the boat again. Do you think you’re up to coming with me?’
She frowned. `I don’t know Will, I’m supposed to relax not freak out.’
He sighed. `Okay, well how about starting small. Take a boat over to the island, it won’t take long and you really should see it, it’s a good place to escape to.’
`Maybe,’ she replied, yawned. `I’ll think about it later. I’m too tired now.’
They had arrived back at the farm and she got out the car, waited for him at the front door.
He paused, standing beside the driver’s door. `What are we going to have for dinner? Should we go get something?’
She considered the idea, remembered her eye and thought of all the people who’d stare at her, shook her head. `No, it’s okay, I’ll make something.’
He nodded, shut the car door and locked it, something he hadn’t done before. He also locked the front door behind them and she grimaced.
`Sorry to make you live in a prison.’
`Jo, stop apologizing. I’ve already told you to leave it. I’m not going to say it again.’
`Okay okay. What do you feel like eating?’
He flopped down on the couch, rubbed at his eyes. `Whatever.’
`You could come help me make it, you know,’ she said with some asperity, grinned as he peered up at her, looking rather shocked at the idea.
`You’ve been spoilt long enough. Come, you’re going to help, you can learn how to make a decent casserole and at least be able to feed yourself when I go back home.’
He sent her a sidelong look but stood up, resigned. `Oh all right then,’ he said, following her into the kitchen.
`Get the beef out the fridge,’ she told him, heading to the pantry and pulling out some flour and spices. `Oh – and also some mushrooms and tomatoes.’
He sighed but did as she said, bringing them over to the counter.
`Okay now you can chop,’ she said, handing him the knife.
His mouth twitched at the corner but he started chopping.
She bit back a grin herself, not used to seeing him so biddable, switched on the oven and set a fry pan on the stove.
`Right, you’re going to make this yourself and heaven help you if you poison me,’ she said.
He didn’t bother to hide the grin then, continued chopping, still not commenting. She was certain it was because he didn’t trust himself to not start laughing at her school matron tone.
`Once you’re finished there, mix half a cup of flour with these spices, a pinch you hear, not the whole lot. Dunk the beef pieces in the mix and brown them in the fry pan. Add the tomatoes and mushrooms and a glass of red wine and wait for the lot to start boiling. Once it does, transfer the mix to the casserole dish, here,’ she said, getting the dish out the cupboard, `one I bought, you note,’ she couldn’t resist adding and his grin widened, `and stick it in the oven for around an hour, maybe an hour and a half. Add some cream just before the end and voila, you have a meal.’
`Sounds so simple,’ he said, his voice mocking.
`Hmmm. Let me know when you’re done. I’m going up to shower.’
The grin faded. `Hey, you can’t leave me alone here.’
She smiled, sweetly. `Why not?’
`Well … I mean …’
He frowned at her and she laughed. `Simple remember,’ she called over her shoulder, starting up the stairs.
Jo had a shower then sat on the end of Will’s bed watching TV, looked up in surprise when he came into the room a few minutes later.
`Aren’t you supposed to be cooking?’ she asked.
He grinned. `It’s in the oven’ he said, taking a step towards her and she leaned back, wary.
`What?’
He looked at his watch. `Well, dinner will only be ready in an hour and I’ve got other plans for you in the meantime.’
She jumped up, scuttled to the far end of the bed. `Don’t even think about it. I’ve just had a shower.’
`Hmmm, I’m sure another one won’t kill you.’
`Will-‘
She didn’t get a chance to finish as he climbed onto the bed, reached for her waist and pulled her down, straddled her.
`Will, please. Stop it!’ she said, agitated and he paused, frowned.
`What’s wrong?’
She pushed at his chest in desperation. `Just let me up’
He hesitated then lifted his weight off her and she sat with her back against the headboard, her knees pulled up to her chest.
`Jo?’
She couldn’t meet his gaze, didn’t know what to say to him, how to explain that seeing Jack again, feeling his hands on her, had somehow ripped open the wound she’d felt healing over the past few weeks. `I just don’t …’ she couldn’t continue, stared down at the duvet, wished he’d simply go away and leave her in peace.
`Right,’ he said, and she could hear he was angry. `What the hell have I done now?’
She bit her lip, frowned, torn between wanting him gone and not wanting to hurt him. Compassion won. `It’s not you,’ she said in a small voice.
`What the hell are you on about? Are you trying to say you want to end this?’ he asked and she looked up, shocked.
`No. Why on earth would you think that?’
His frown deepened. `What the hell are you trying to say then? Giving me the “it’s not you it’s me” speech. What do you expect me to think?’
Oh God, how had things gotten so out of control?
`That’s not what I’m saying,’ she said carefully, weighing every word, trying not to aggravate the situation.
`What the hell are you saying Jo? If you want this finished then damn well say so.’
She couldn’t believe the sudden anger in him, the obvious hurt.
`Will, I’ve already told you that’s not what I want. I just … well, I mean … it was only last night that Jack was here and I can’t stop those feelings from coming back.’
`God, so now I remind you of him? Great,’ he turned and stormed out the room.
She hesitated then clambered off the bed and went after him. `Wait, Will.’
He turned at the bottom of the stairs, looked at her with a blank expression and she felt a sudden chill in her heart, didn’t realize how much she’d come to rely on him being open with her, warm, caring. Now he simply looked cold and distant and she was scared at how bereft she felt.
`What?’ he asked.
`Where are you going?’
`For a Goddamn cigarette.’
He turned, stomped out the front door and slammed it hard behind him.
She stood on the stairs, biting her lip, trying to decide what to do, what to say. At last she decided whoever’s fault it was, arguing like that was stupid so she breathed in, swallowed her pride and stepped outside.
He was sitting on the steps, smoking, staring out at the horizon. Even in the dusk you could still see the blackened char of the field on the hillside opposite them, a sight that only magnified her sense of guilt. She sat down next to him, cuddled her knees against the slight chill and tried not to notice that he didn’t even look at her, instead took another drag of the cigarette, kept staring at the hillside. Intensely aware of him next to her, she stared at the oak tree, still trying to find the right words.
`I’m sorry,’ she said eventually.
He shrugged, stubbed out the cigarette and looked down at the ground, scuffed at the butt with his foot.
`Will?’
He looked at her then and she felt a sharp jab at the expression in his eyes. `What do you want me to say Jo? Do you think I can simply forget what you said to me and we can go on like it didn’t happen?’
She frowned, looked away. `No … but surely you can see it’s not about you? It’s him.’
`How the hell can it not be about me when I can’t touch you because it reminds you of him? Do you know how that makes me feel?’
`God Will, that’s not what I meant. Not like that.’
`No? Well you said it and the damage is done now.’
She tried to put a hand on his arm but he pulled away and she sighed.
`I don’t know what to say to make this better,’ she said after a pause.
`Yeah well join the club. I don’t think you can make this better. I don’t know how I’m supposed to touch you without knowing you’re thinking that about me. It’s not exactly an inviting thought.’
It was breaking. The closeness that had been building between them over the past few weeks was suddenly evaporating and she was chilled to the bone. It couldn’t end like this. God, she really didn’t want it to end like this.
`Will please,’ she said, hearing the tears in her voice, trying not to give in to them.
He shook his head, clenched his jaw and didn’t say another word.
She stared at his profile, the hard lines of his face, saw that he had decided, closed her out, and suddenly she was overcome with an intense anger.
She stood up and knowing it was all over then anyway, she didn’t particularly care about what she was saying, started yelling at him. `How dare you close me out like that? You decide and it’s suddenly over? You don’t have that right! You don’t! I’m part of this too you know. I said I was sorry, there isn’t anything more I can say but you just sit there all high and mighty. Try thinking of someone other than yourself for a change you big …. big bully!’ she spat out, at a loss for a better word.
Then she stormed down the driveway, determined to walk home.
He didn’t come after her, simply sat watching her and that somehow made it even worse.
She walked on, tears flowing freely now, trying to think of where to next. She’d move again, go somewhere Jack couldn’t follow her, change her name this time. Maybe go to the States, California, start a whole new life. Meet someone new, someone better, someone who’d come after her when she was upset not shut her out, someone who actually cared.
That released a flood of new tears and she sat down on the side of the driveway. She didn’t want to go to damn California, she didn’t want to pack up and leave. She just wanted Will. But he didn’t want her. What a God awful mess.
`Come back to the house Jo.’
She tensed as she heard his voice, saw him standing in front of her. She’d been so busy crying she hadn’t heard his steps on the gravel.
`What’s the bloody point. You don’t want me there anyway,’ she said, studiously avoiding his gaze, staring at the gravel.
He sighed, crouched down. `Just come back inside.’
She noticed he was avoiding touching her. It hurt.
`Why? Because you feel guilty? Can’t leave me alone in case Jack gets me? Just put me on a damn plane and I’ll go home, you can forget about me and get on with your life.’
`Jo get up. I’m not going to get into another stupid argument.’
She laughed. `See! You decide and voila, no argument. It doesn’t matter what I think, what I feel. So long as you’re happy that’s all there is to it.’
`Goddammit,’ she heard the tone, knew his patience had snapped even before he reached out and picked her up.
`Put me down!’ she yelled, struggling, wriggling so much he almost dropped her, had to bend down and put her back on her feet.
`For fuck’s sake!’ he swore, stood glaring at her, no longer cool and distant but very much there and very angry.
She stepped back unconsciously, but glared right back at him.
`Oh do what you damn well like. I’m going back inside before my Goddamn house burns down too. The damn oven’s on,’ he said, storming off back down the driveway.
She stood staring after him, chest heaving with angry breaths, but finally followed him back to the house, knew she’d never had any real intention of leaving anyway.
And he had come after her. That was enough, it showed he still cared.