At the sound of a bang, my eyes shoot open. I take a second to get my bearings.
I’m on my couch and Sophie is standing by the entryway to the kitchen picking up her keys from the floor.
I got home in the middle of the night and found Sophie asleep in my bed. If I’d woke her she’d hound me with questions about what happened after she left my parent’s. Too tired to rehash it all, I crashed in the living room.
“Sophie.” I sit up.
She fiddles with the keys. “Sorry, I was trying not to wake you up.”
“Are you leaving?” I rub the sleep from my eyes.
“Yeah. I was going to get showered and let you sleep awhile longer.”
“I’m up.”
“What time did you get in?” she asks and steps in my direction.
“About three.” I check the time on my watch. It’s seven-thirty. “I didn’t want to wake you so I stayed down here.”
She cocks her head to the side. “You know I wouldn’t have cared.”
I nod. I know better than lie to her. “I was exhausted and didn’t want to talk about what happened with Candace.”
“How about now?”
I still don’t want to talk about it, but is there any choice? No point in delaying the inevitable. “We should talk.”
Sophie sits beside me. “What happened? Is she okay?”
“She’s really stressed out. Scared of losing the baby.”
She rolls her eyes. “Don’t you think she’s exaggerating a little?”
I grit my teeth. How can she be so damned insensitive? “She’s been sick, she’s lost her job, and she’s been cramping. So no, I don’t think her freaking out over me being gone is exaggerating.”
“She could be making up the cramping part.”
I blow out a breath, already exhausted with this conversation. “Could you give her the benefit of the doubt for once?”
Sophie gapes at me, dumbfounded. “Excuse me for not trusting her after everything she’s done. Did she even go to the doctor?”
I hesitate. She’ll use my answer as ammunition in her argument against Candace. Finally, I shake my head.
“See!” She throws a hand up. “If there really was something wrong, she’d have gone to the damn doctor.”
“She thought everything would be okay once I got back and she could relax.”
“Oh please. And you buy that shit?”
“What choice do I have?”
“You’re the father! Make her ass go to the doctor if something is wrong.”
“I tried!” I jump up and shoot her a glare. “I spent the entire night trying to convince her.”
“And it didn’t work, did it?”
I shift my gaze to the window. Again, I shake my head, knowing the answer will feed her fire.
Sophie leaps from the couch. “Of course it didn’t because there’s absolutely nothing the matter with her!”
“You know what?” My neck stiffens as I try to control my anger. “I hope nothing is wrong with her. Do you have any idea what it would do to me if something happened to that kid, and I wasn’t here?”
“Oh my god.” Her eyes widen. “Her guilt trip actually worked. She made you feel guilty for going away with me.”
I fall onto the sofa and look to the floor. “What I did was irresponsible. I left the mother of my child with no means of getting ahold of me.”
Sophie sits back down next to me. “Your mother had your number. I’m sure she would’ve called you if she thought it was important.”
You’re not getting it! I smack my thighs. “It’s not up to my mom to decide what is and is not important.”
“Camilla doesn’t believe her shit either does she? That’s why she didn’t call you.”
“Sophie,” I groan, “it doesn’t matter if we believe her or not. If Candace says something is wrong, and she needs me, I’m obligated to be there. Don’t you get that?”
Sophie’s nostrils flare. “As long as you’re with me and not her, there will always be something wrong with her. Don’t you get that?”
Yes, I get that. But it doesn’t fucking matter. Candace is pregnant with my kid. I have an obligation. “Fuck!”
I kick the coffee table across the room. Dopey whimpers and scurries to the other side of the room with his tail tucked between his legs. Sophie leaps off the couch, away from me. My chest tightens with guilt. I shouldn’t have done that.
“I knew this would happen,” her voice is small. “I knew she’d find a way to come between us when we got back. You said you wouldn’t let it happen.”
My phone rings. Worst timing ever, as per usual. I snatch the phone from my pocket and answer. “What?”
“We got a problem with the McDaniel build,” Pop says. “We need you here.”
“I’m on my way.” I jam the phone back in my pocket.
Sophie sighs. “And now you have to go.”
“It’s the shop. There’s a problem with a build.” I stand and take her hand. “I’m sorry if I scared you.”
“I wasn’t scared.”
I hope she means it. I kiss the top of her hand. “Remember those bad days I said we would have?”
She nods, but won’t make eye contact with me.
“This is one of them.” I tilt her face to meet mine. The sadness I see in her eyes is like a punch to the gut. “But it doesn’t mean I’m going to let anything come between us. I love you, Sophie. Nothing will change that.”
A tear falls down her cheek.
My chest constricts. It’s painful to see her cry, especially knowing it’s my fault. I pull her close and wrap my arms around her. “It’s going to be okay, Babe.”
After straightening out the issue with the McDaniel build, I stay at the shop to catch up on paperwork. When the lunch hour rolls around, I go to Candace’s to check up on her. She seems in better spirits but is freaking out about finances. She only has enough money saved up for a month’s worth of rent and bills. I tell her not to worry, I will loan her the money she needs. She probably shouldn’t be working right now anyways. It might be best she doesn’t work until the baby is born. And once the baby is here, I don’t want her going back to stripping. I know enough people in Halsey that I can get her hooked up with a clerical job somewhere.
By the time I get home at seven, I still haven’t showered and I’m completely spent from the stress of the past twenty-four hours. I will myself to get cleaned up and when I’m finished, I have no energy left to play with Dopey. I fall onto my bed and pass out as soon as my head hits the pillow.
I wake just in time to greet Sophie in the driveway after her shift at the restaurant. Moments later, I slide back into the bed with Sophie in my arms.
“Do you regret going away?” she asks.
I take a moment to think. I want to give her an honest answer, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings. “Yes and no. You and I needed the time together and I’m glad we had it, but I regret what it caused.”
“Do you wish we hadn’t gone?”
I wouldn’t trade what we shared over the weekend for anything. But the thoughtlessness in the way I handled it with Candace could’ve hurt my unborn child.
“No, but I wish I’d handled it different.” I brush her hair with my fingers. It always helps her to fall asleep.
“It’s like we took one step forward and three steps back.”
I lift her face to make eye contact. “You and I will be fine, Babe. I promise.”
“What about Candace? Are you going to be back to running to her every time she calls?”
I probably will until things calm down with the pregnancy. But the last thing I want is to start a fight at one in the morning. I glance at the ceiling and sigh. “I’m just going to take it call by call, day by day. That’s all I can do.”
It’s life as normal for the next two days. I work days, Sophie works nights. After work, I go to Candace’s and spend my evenings with her. Sophie stays the nights at my house after her shifts at The Grand. I’m on autopilot, living the same day over and over again. I can’t do anything to change it, but this is definitely not what I would’ve chosen.
I worry that Sophie and I won’t be able to maintain our relationship at this rate. The majority of our communication is via text. We have no time or energy to really connect. We haven’t made love since coming home. When Sophie texts me in the afternoon that she needs some “Jace time” I resolve that come hell or high water, that’s what I’ll give her.
But there’s a problem. Candace texted me asking what time I’d be over after work. She expects me to be there as I have been the last couple of days. When I tell her I won’t be there tonight, she’s not happy. Evidently she saw her doctor today, and the news wasn’t stellar. She goes off on a tangent about me putting Sophie first over the baby. She knew it was only a matter of time before it happened.
To try to smooth things over, I leave work early and go to Candace’s for a short visit. It doesn’t go well. The doctor’s visit really shook her up. She’s a mess. She begs me to stay, but I tell her I can’t.
As I pull into my driveway, I’m torn. Perhaps I should’ve stayed. But I made a promise to Sophie. I’ve barely seen her these past few days. I’ve spent a lot of time with Candace. It only seems fair that I spend Sophie’s night off with her. I’m trying to juggle my responsibilities as best I can. I’m failing, just as I expected. There’s no way I can keep both women happy.
I walk into the kitchen just before six and toss my cut to the floor. I pull Sophie into my arms and exhale with relief. “Coming home to you is the only thing that got me through this day.”
“Everything okay?”
“It’s fine now.” I take her face into my hands and kiss her lips. “It smells fantastic in here.”
She pours a glass of Jack and hands it to me. “I made chicken alfredo. Garlic bread is in the oven. I also made a salad.”
“Sounds perfect. I’m starved.” The whiskey burns as I damn near drink the entire glass in one gulp.
Sophie and I make small talk through dinner. She tells me a story about something that happened with Ryan, but I can’t recall a word of it. Candace is across town feeling angry and abandoned. Have I abandoned her? Perhaps I made the wrong decision. I’m cloaked in guilt.
“Are you sure everything is okay?” Sophie squeezes my hand.
I can’t answer. Everything is most definitely not okay. How do I tell her I shouldn’t be here? That I’m a piece of shit for abandoning my kid and its mother.
“You can tell me.” Her eyes are gentle as she squeezes my hand again.
“She went to the doctor today.” I rub the back of my neck. “She’s still cramping and bleeding. Her blood pressure is through the roof. The baby is okay for now, but the doctor said absolutely no more stress or she could miscarry.”
Yet I left her in complete distress. What kind of ass am I?
“I’m sorry.” Her voice is sincere.
“She’s a wreck which isn’t helping anything. She insists she needs me there with her. That it’s the only way she’ll get the stress under control.”
Sophie rolls her eyes.
If I had to work at the shop or had Club business, Candace wouldn’t have cared that I’m not with her. She’s only mad that I’m with Sophie instead of her. I continue, “I realize part of it is her and her games, but I saw the paper from the doctor. This is real. I don’t know what to do, Babe.”
“Were you with her before you came home?”
I nod.
“She probably wasn’t too happy when you left.”
Staring at my plate, I shake my head.
“And now you feel guilty.”
That’s putting it mildly. I glance at Sophie.
“Do you think you should’ve stayed?” she asks.
I rub my eyes with my thumb and index finger. “I feel split in two. I should do whatever I can to help the baby, but I don’t want to risk losing you.”
“If your being with me makes her so stressed that she miscarries… I can’t let that happen.”
My adrenaline spikes and my body tenses. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying you should go back there and get her settled down.”
I exhale sharply and take her hand. I thought she was breaking up with me. “Shit, you scared me.”
“I’ll clean this up and let Dopey out before I go home.”
I don’t want to be without Sophie tonight. I could just run over to Candace’s, spend a little time there and calm her down. Then I’d come back and spend the rest of the night with Sophie. I can give her plenty of Jace time. “You don’t have to go home. Bear’s there with Miranda and I seriously doubt they’re playing scrabble.”
“I need to catch up on laundry. I can always put my iPod on.”
“Do you want me to come over when I get back?”
She shakes her head. “We could both use a good night’s sleep.”
We’ve slept just fine the last couple nights. “You’re mad.”
“I promise I’m not.”
I follow her into the kitchen. “Then why won’t you stay?”
“Because I need a little me time.” She rinses her plate and puts it in the dishwasher. She walks toward the dining room, but I stop her.
“Earlier you needed Jace time.”
“Candace needs you more.” Sadness flashes in her eyes.
I have a split-second debate with myself.
If I go to Candace’s will it really make anything better?
Will it damage my relationship with Sophie if I go?
Even if it didn’t, she’d be deeply disappointed with me.
Candace is only upset that I’m with Sophie. If I run back to her, she will do this every time I try to spend time with Sophie.
Either way, I’m taking a risk.
My decision is made. “I’m staying.”
She wriggles away from my hold on her shoulder. “Rooter, you need to go. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”
“I refuse to leave things like this.”
“Things are fine.” She carries more dirty dishes to the sink.
When a woman says things are fine, they are never fine. I’ve seen it with my mom and pop. I draw Sophie into my arms. “I love you. I’m staying.”
My phone rings. Candace’s ring tone.
Sophie backs away. “You should answer it and tell her you’re on your way.”
I answer the call, “Yeah?”
“You don’t care about me or this baby at all!” Candace cries.
“Of course I care, but I can’t be there every second of every day.”
Candace hollers, “You care more about your princess than you do your own kid.”
“This is exactly why you’re in this condition,” I say. “You refuse to accept the situation for what it is and you’re getting yourself all worked up.”
She screams like a mad woman. “You’re the one who refuses to accept the situation! You better man the fuck up, Rooter! You’re a father now. You better start acting like it or I’ll make sure you never lay eyes on this kid!”
The phone goes quiet. I look at the screen and put the phone back in my pocket. “She hung up on me.”
“Don’t you think you should go?”
“I honestly don’t know, Sophie.” I drag my fingers through my hair. “I’m worried about the kid. But my going there won’t fix anything because the same thing will happen tomorrow and the next day and the day after that. She won’t be happy unless she and I are together and that isn’t happening.”
“I agree, but if you stay you’ll spend the entire night worrying.”
I lean on the counter and look to the floor. “My pop once told me that ninety-nine percent of the things we worry about never come to pass. That I shouldn’t drive myself crazy worrying about all the things that could go wrong.”
“What if something happens and you aren’t there?”
“I don’t know.” I gaze into Sophie’s eyes. “All I know is that I need to pick my battles wisely. Something may or may not happen with Candace and the baby tonight.” I go to Sophie and take her hands into mine. “But what I’m sure of is if I leave you’ll start giving up on me. So I’m going to stay here and believe everything will be okay with the baby.”
“If something happens…”
I place my fingers on her lips to hush her. “The only thing that’s going to happen tonight is you and me cuddling in bed and talking until we pass out.”
At two in the morning, I’m jolted awake by a nightmare. My heart is pounding and I’m gasping for air. There’s an indescribable pain in my chest and my face is wet. At first I think it’s sweat, but it’s not. I was crying in my sleep.
In my dream, the baby, a boy named after me, is born. The court has decided I will lose all parental rights to my son if I don’t marry its mother. That isn’t how the law works in real life, but in dreams anything can happen. In my dream that was the law. I had to end my relationship with Sophie and marry Candace. I was with Sophie in her living room telling her about the court’s ruling. I couldn’t be with her anymore. Sophie wailed as she beat the walls and furniture with her fists. She choked on her sobs as tears fell down her face. I was in pure agony at the sight. But there was nothing I could do. I had to let her go. And if I didn’t do it within twenty-four hours of the ruling, I would lose all rights to my child.
I roll over on my side and place my hand on Sophie’s hip and take deep, long breaths to calm myself. But it isn’t easy. The nightmare seemed so damn real. The pain of losing Sophie was crippling. I always expected it would hurt if I lost her, but now I know just how crushing it would be.
After a few minutes my heart rate and breathing slow and the pressure in my chest eases. But the anguish of saying goodbye to Sophie is still there, buried deep inside.
Even though she’s right beside me, she’s nowhere near close enough. There’s only one thing that will calm this ache. I need to be as close to her as physically possible. I need her body pressed against mine as I move inside her.
“Mm, that feels nice,” she whispers as I wake her with kisses on the small of her back.
“I’ve been dying to do this since I gave you the back rub,” I say with a chuckle to hide my desperation, “but I was trying to be chivalrous.”
I yearn to slam into her this instant. Despite my urgency, I try to take my time to love her the way she deserves. I sweep my lips across her skin from her lower back up to her neck. She starts to roll over to face me as I nibble her silken skin.
“Stay just like this,” I say and press my hard shaft against her backside.
I take a breast into my hand and tweak her nipple until it’s hard, squeezing just enough to make her whimper. I grind myself against her as I lick and suck the skin of her shoulder and neck. Just as I lower my hand between her legs, she reaches for my cock, pumping up and down.
Fuck the foreplay. “I need to be inside you.”
I yank her panties partway down with my hand and finish the job with my foot. I grab a condom from the nightstand and roll it on in record time. I drape Sophie’s leg over mine to spread her wide. She moans in pleasure as I slide a finger inside.
“So wet already,” I murmur.
I push inside bit by bit, reveling in the heat of her tight, slick cunt. I pull back and thrust again at the same leisurely pace, stroking her clit as I continue to move inside her.
“I love you, Sophie.” I push in once more and come to a stop, still circling her clit. “I want to feel you come like this, while I’m still inside you.”
I nibble and suck her neck as I continue to work her pussy while I’m seated deep inside her.
“That feels so good. You’re so big inside me.”
“That’s right, Baby. Talk to me. Are you getting close?”
“Yeah.”
Her pussy is like a vice grip around me. I could come right now even though I’m completely still inside her. “Say my name when you come.”
I don’t move an inch as I circle her clit faster and faster. Sophie whimpers and moans as she gets closer and closer to release. She grabs my hand and slows my fingers. Her entire body shudders as she screams my name.
“Oh yeah, Baby,” I murmur, “You’re so tight around me.”
I wait until I’m sure her orgasm has passed before slamming into her hard and fast. I feel more like a savage, wild animal than a man. With every thrust, I claim her, mark her, remind her that she’s mine. I’m her male, and she’s my female. I can never be without her.
The familiar pressure mounts. My heart pounds. I can hardly breathe. I want her to come again, but I’m right on the edge. I bite my lip and continue to pound.
Her body tenses. She’s close.
The first surge hits me.
Then the second.
Sophie hollers my name as she comes.
A third wave strikes as I reach the point of no return.
Fuck yes.
I stop moving.
I Can’t breathe. Can’t hear. Can’t see.
I can only feel as I succumb to the violent pleasure ripping through me.
I groan an expletive and clutch Sophie tight as my body shudders. “I love you so much, Sophie.”