SOMETIMES DENISE OPENS THE violin case just to smell the caramel wood and the lump of rosin like a warm forest. That is what she’s doing when her mammy says it’s time to go. She loves when it’s time to go to music because they sit in the car – just Den and Mammy – and they can listen to whatever tapes they want or no tapes at all.
But when Denise comes downstairs with her violin on her back, Mammy says, ‘You need your musicianship folder too Denise; it’s Saturday.’ On Saturday, Denise has musicianship class before real violin class. Denise hates musicianship class because of the singing-all-together and the sore benches that hurt her bum. She likes real violin class which is just her and her teacher and their violins.
Denise plays best when her violin teacher, Mo, is listening. It’s a kind of magic, being in that room with Mo. Mo casts a spell, like she’s giving Denise all of her brain energy for playing. Practising at home is not the same. Her little sister Megan is three, and she doesn’t like the violin. If she hears the sound of it, she puts her hands over her ears and screams. Daddy says that’s just because the sound confuses her on account of her ears are glued and she needs grommets.
Just when she is about to say no to musicianship class, her mammy’s phone rings and when she picks up she clutches the phone to one ear and puts a finger on her other ear and frowns, and says, ‘Okay, okay Grandma, I’m coming. Yes. I’m coming now.’
Mammy runs upstairs herself for the musicianship folder, telling Denise to hurry into the car. Then she kisses Daddy and talks quickly and quietly to him, and she pulls Denise’s jacket on her so quickly that the sleeves of her jumper stuff up at her elbows, and she rushes her into the car and starts driving without checking that Denise is strapped in and with no tapes playing and she says, ‘We’re in a hurry now, Den; we need to go to Mimi first.’ Maybe she will be late for musicianship. That would be good.
In the back of the car there is the amazing-and-beautiful necklace that Denise made in school. It took her loads of days to make it, because she could only paint one side of the pasta at a time. When they were all dry, she put them on a ribbon. Some people in her class didn’t do it right, even though Ms Dowling said about patterns and they all practised patterns on paper. Denise’s one is amazing-and-beautiful and Ms Dowling said it was perfect and pretty. It is a three-pattern: blue pink yellow; blue pink yellow. Denise checks every piece again, to make sure that it really is amazing and beautiful and perfect and pretty, before stuffing it into the pocket of her tracksuit bottoms.
When they get to Mimi’s house, there is a blue van in the drive, and they have to park outside the garden wall, with the car half on the pavement and half on the road. Mammy says, ‘Wait in the car, I won’t be long,’ and Denise doesn’t whinge to go in. Mammy shuts the door very hard and hurries towards the house. Denise watches her disappear around the gate, but very soon Mammy comes back and opens the back door and says, ‘Actually you better come on in, Den – your Mimi would love to see you. Sorry, chicken, I’m not with it. Sorry, my darling. Everything is okay.’
Mammy knocks at the window and Mimi’s minder comes to the door with her white-plate face and yellow hair and stands back to let Mammy and Denise into the hall. Denise holds Mammy’s leg. There is a new smell in Mimi’s house. It is a smell like opening a new toy – sweet and clean and a bit poisonous – and Denise knows there are strangers in the good room because she can hear them talking and banging things.
‘They’re replacing the carpet,’ says the lady, and her face is serious.
‘Did Grandma organise it?’ asks Mammy.
‘No, no of course not, Cara. She’s very confused and frightened by all the traffic in the house. I’ve shut the doors and tried to keep it from her… It was Aoife. Aoife has organised a new carpet and new furniture… she had Mrs Kearney write the cheque.’
Denise doesn’t want to let go of Mammy’s leg, but she does want to see, so she creeps very quietly to the good-room door and looks in. There is a big ghost sheet over the dining-room table and the other big things and they are together at the end of the room, and all the walls are naked and the big friendly clock is gone from the corner, and there are men pulling up the carpet and under is just slices of dusty wood.
‘Oh, it’s a big job,’ says her mammy behind her.
Denise pushes herself back into her mammy’s legs, and she feels her mammy’s hand on her chest and she clings onto her fingers. The nice lady is talking quietly. Denise loves the strange shapes of her words.
‘… Cara, I am sorry but I need to talk to you; this is not the only thing. Aoife is coming with papers for her to sign – every few days there is something. I don’t know what they are, but your grandmother doesn’t know either and it’s – it’s not ethical. She becomes very anxious and distressed. She writes cheques for Eileen. All night she was talking about a trust fund? She has dementia, but your aunts refuse to get a diagnosis… I’m sorry, but I can’t witness it all and not say anything. You have to do something to protect your grandmother. If it was my grandmother, I wouldn’t stand by…’
*
Mimi looks very big in her chair. There is a fire going and the air is squiggly with the heat coming out of it. She looks a bit like a king, on account of how her hands are holding the arms of her chair, and no smile on her face, and the way she lifts her head very slowly. Her mouth is all tight and small, and her eyebrows curled and white; she looks different. Denise puts her hand into her pocket and feels for the amazing-and-beautiful necklace.
Mammy kisses Mimi, and kneels down beside the chair, petting Mimi’s hand. ‘Hello, Grandma,’ she says.
‘Have they guns?’
Mammy turns back and looks at Denise. In her pocket, Denise is passing each piece of pasta through her fingers, counting one-two-three, one-two-three, one-two-three, on account of that’s the pattern she has made. Three/four time is harder than four/four, but once she played a waltz that went one-two-three, one-two-three, and she was very good at it and Mo said, ‘Well done!’ and, ‘Great girl, Denise! You are a talented little girl!’
Mammy pushes Denise’s hair back off her face and swallows, and when she speaks again there is a cheep-cheep sound behind her voice. ‘Who, Grandma? No guns.’
‘Kat’s not here and Dada neither, but I’ve cleaned the gun very well with Vaseline; it’s in the chimney.’
‘No, no, Grandma. Just freshening up the good room. We’re just… there’s a new carpet going down, that’s all. Nothing to worry about…’
‘Are you sure, darling?’
‘I’m sure, Grandma. Now what did you want me for?’
‘Pass me my handbag, darling.’
Denise drops herself onto Mammy’s back, her arms hanging over Mammy’s shoulders, and cosies her head into the back of her neck.
‘Get off me, Denise, good girl. You’re too heavy.’
Mammy puts the handbag on Mimi’s lap. Mimi slowly opens it and looks inside. She takes out her big purse that is all soft like the bellies of puppies.
‘Look at this,’ she says, and she pulls it open. ‘Not a penny, Cara. I am so sorry my darling, I don’t want you to be short, but could you give me something for my purse?’
‘Of course, Grandma. Let’s see what I have.’
Mammy takes some brown notes out from the back pocket of her jeans. She helps Mimi to straighten them out and slide them into the purse. ‘Now,’ says Mammy, ‘is that better, Grandma?’
‘Yes, thank you, darling. Did you ever? Wouldn’t you be ashamed, asking for money like that?’
‘No, Grandma, no shame. Now you mind your handbag, okay?’
‘Yes, I’ll do that, darling. Thank you, darling. I will pay you back, you know. I just need to speak to Eileen and tell her to get me some money. She has the card…’
‘Don’t worry, Grandma. It’s no problem.’
‘There’s a letter in my handbag, darling. Take it out, will you?’
‘This one?’ says Mammy.
‘Yes. Sort that out, will you, darling? Read it at home and sort it out. I am old, I think. The problem is I am old.’
‘Okay. Grandma, I’m sorry, I have to drop Denise to music class. I’ll come back, okay? I’ll be back in an hour and a half, maybe two hours. No more than two hours…’
Denise takes the amazing-and-beautiful-and-perfect necklace from her pocket. She makes a bowl for it with her two hands and holds it up for Mimi to see. She opens her mouth to say ‘Here, Mimi,’ but then she can’t speak on account of Mimi’s face.
‘Denise has made you a beautiful necklace, Grandma!’ says Mammy. But Mimi still doesn’t smile. Denise pushes the necklace a bit closer. Mimi looks down with her eyes and not her face. Denise can see into the holes in her nose: hair, and white snots.
‘I see,’ she says.
‘What do you think, Grandma? What do you think of the beautiful necklace that Denise made for you?’
Then Mimi looks like she has had a big, big fright – like as if there was a big noise or something – and her head comes up and she stares at Denise’s Mammy like she is frightened and in trouble, and she says, ‘What do I think?’
‘Yes, Grandma, what do you think of the lovely necklace that Denise made for you in school?’
‘Well…’ says Mimi, ‘it’s not mine. Is it that someone is trying to profit from me? Aoife says someone is trying to profit from me…’
‘No, Grandma, no, no. Denise has made a beautiful necklace for you. What do you think?’
There is a big quiet and Mimi looks at the necklace for a long time, and then she looks all around her, and then at Mammy, but not at Denise. Mammy rubs her hand up and down Denise’s back, and squeezes her shoulder, and there is a big balloon blowing bigger in Denise’s chest and making her throat sore. Then, after a long time, Mimi turns to Mammy and says, ‘I think you should find a bin somewhere and throw it in.’ She flaps her hand for Denise to take the amazing-and-beautiful necklace away.