JEM STAGGERS BACK FROM the toilet bowl, the fright of it whooshing into his ears. It’s there again – a bright blue wee glowing right there in the toilet. He holds his breath, afraid of its smell.
Someone in this Big School does blue wees and they leave it there for him to see. They want him to know. They want to see what he will do. The scariest part is, it might be a grown-up doing it. Last time Jem saw the blue wee, Sharon-the-class-helper had just been in here. Her hair is a wrong colour too – pink-orange like paints.
What will happen if he does a wee on it? Blue and yellow makes green. Green fizzing up out of the toilet like a can that’s been shook.
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Out in the yard, Jem stands by the wall. In Big School the children wear tracksuits instead of shorts, and runners that twinkle like Christmas lights when they run or stamp. When his mammy bought him light-up runners off the computer, Jem thought she was the only one who knew about them, but when he started Big School he saw that the other mammies must know about them too. Some of the runners here are shinier than his, and some have lights at the front as well as the back.
His friend Lucy won’t play with him today because of boy germs. She’ll be out of the pink club if she gets boy germs. Most breaktimes the pink club makes him really sad, but today he is glad he has no one to play with. He needs to keep very still or the wee will come out.
After breaktime, Jem sits in his seat and he folds his legs together and he must be jiggling a bit because his teacher asks him three times does he need to go to the toilet. He holds it. He holds it all through the story about Jumping Jack. He holds it while he colours in the picture of Jumping Jack. He even holds it while he traces J J J.
At going-home time they have to find a partner and hold hands and make a line before the teacher opens the door. Lucy holds his hand and he wants to ask her what if Cliona sees but he is trying too hard to hold the wee. They are waiting so long for the door that their hands get slimy and they have to let go and wipe them on their tracksuits. When they go out Jem looks around for his mammy. The first thing he will tell her is that he has a wee and she’ll bring him somewhere to do it. There are lots of other mammies waiting, but not his mammy. There are daddies as well. Dylan’s daddy puts his hands out wide and when Dylan runs to him he snatches him up by the hands and twirls him around and around and then he throws him up and catches him and Jem can’t see if Dylan is laughing or crying but he knows he would be crying if that happened to him.
It’s only when he feels it go down into his shoe – warm and then cold, that Jem knows it’s happened. He looks at his teacher but she hasn’t seen. If his mammy comes soon, no one will see. It’s in both shoes. His socks are wet. He looks down and he’s happy that you can’t really see any wee.
His daddy liked Jem’s shoes. He knelt down and squeezed the toe. He sat down very close to Jem’s mammy at their table and Jem wanted to cover his mammy with a blanket and cosy up with her.
His mammy is here and she’s kneeling beside him and he’s crying. He’s crying and crying. His whole head is full of tears. There’s tears coming out of his nose and his eyes and his ears and he can’t stop but at least he’s not making any sound. She keeps kissing him and saying what’s wrong Jem what’s wrong my little man I’m sorry I’m late my baby what’s wrong.