TRIXIE'S DIARY - March 4, 1992

 

 

Big bummer news for you today, Diary. Got the official word that MOXY is closing up. Rumors for a few weeks, and a couple of the full-time employees got laid off during that time, so things weren’t looking too good. Should have known the end was nigh, but now Nico’s officially spilled the beans. We’ve got about a week left, tops, before the doors stay locked and we need to start looking for other jobs. A couple of the girls already bailed. This is so terrifying. I don’t know what to do.

What makes it worse is that Jesi told me she’s leaving for New York in two weeks. That’s so like her to be super organized and have some sort of contingency plan. I guess she knows a couple of other big-time queens out there, so she shouldn’t have any problem connecting into a new job, a bigger and better drag scene. She asked me to come with her. Part of me is tempted, and I know it’s flat out stupid for me to refuse the offer, but I don’t think I can make the leap. Not yet anyway.

Somehow, leaving Sweetville might be even scarier than trying to fight for a decent life within its city limits. It’s all I know. Yes, Miss Diary, I’m well aware that “all I know” hasn’t exactly been working out too well for me, but I feel like I need to stay. Any sane person would say there’s nothing for me here anymore. But it’s my home. And New York feels like it’s a totally different universe, one I’m probably not cut out for. It’s probably like Sweetville times one thousand in a city that huge. Jesi’s been so amazing for me, but she knows she can’t force me to go with her. And she’s too damned proud to beg. Not that it would help. But she said that the offer remains open, so I suppose if I end up changing my mind somewhere down the line I can try to summon some bravery.

I’ve got a tiny bit of money saved up. Enough to start a new life, I guess, or at least enough to carry me over for a little bit while I continue this shitty one. Maybe I just need time. Some perspective. If it takes me too long to find another job I might have to. I can’t revert back to the streets. That’s absolutely not an option. You’re my witness, Diary. You need to hold me to my word.