TRIXIE'S DIARY - November 4, 1988

 

 

Aron is the shittiest scum-sucking piggiest prick in all of Sweetville! No, the whole damned world!

Miss Diary, I’m so glad you’re here to listen to me. You’re not going to believe what happened! I ditched class today to go surprise him over at Sweetville West. I looked so fucking cute for once, too! A black halter, grey cardigan, baby-blue ruffled skater skirt, black leggings—yes, it fucking matters what I was wearing! I was really trying to make him love me today! I even showed up with a can of Jolt Cola for him, since I know that’s his favorite.

And what did that asshole do?

Ugh. I can barely bring myself to tell you.

I timed it perfectly for their lunchtime, and I found Aron hanging out with his buddies on the bleachers. I waved to him and I know he saw me. I guess in retrospect it would have been better if all he did was ignore me. But no, it was so much worse than I ever could have imagined.

This is so hard for me, Miss Diary.

I got up to where they were sitting and said, “Hey babe,” or something equally dumb. It’s all kind of blurry now. One of the guys he was with, some goober lunkhead in one of those preppie Izod shirts—fuck you, you stupid little alligator—pointed at me and laughed, then did the same to Aron. Then one of the other jerks said, “Who’s this homo?”

If Aron had been a real stand-up guy, and the kind of boyfriend a girl like me deserves, he would have defended me. Wouldn’t have necessarily required socking his pals in the gut, but that would have been mega bonus points. I would have made it worth his while. You know what I mean?

Anyway, he pretty much did the opposite.

He told them I was some fucking sissy that keeps following him around.

I really didn’t know what to do. Maybe I’m a complete idiot, but I really wasn’t expecting that! I think I was strong for a few seconds. My eyes weren’t quite wet yet, but the dam was ready to break.

I looked right at Aron and said something he already knew, that he told me he loved me last week when we were at Graves Park. Then I whispered, “You took my virginity.” Even though it was a whisper, I think his friends heard me. God, I hope they fucking did! I think I may have intentionally made that whisper a little louder than intended just so Aron could suffer some humiliation, too. I couldn’t hold back the waterworks after that.

His monkey goon crew turned into a pack of hyenas. Their laughs were demonic!

Aron looked like he was either going to puke or Hulk out. He called me a psycho faggot, told me to leave him alone.

I could see it in his eyes. He hated me with raw passion. The laughs were forced and mocking.

Izod Guy said, “Yeah, beat it, queer.”

Real original, fucknuts.

I stood my ground for a few more seconds until Aron started jabbing his finger into my chest. It felt like rubber bullets. I was about to turn around and get the hell out of there but then he shoved me! It was raining a little today and I fell right in a fucking puddle. Before I could get up, he kicked me in the stomach. Hard. Then he put all of his weight on me and pressed my face into the mud. I could barely breathe. He leaned in close and said something I’ll never forget, “If I ever see you again, if you ever spread lies about me like that again, I will beat the fucking shit out of you. And that’s if you’re lucky!”

I don’t think I’ve ever been so mortified before, and I hope nothing in life ever feels lower than this moment. I don’t know how it even could. It’s got to get better than this, right?

When are people going to understand that I’m not gay? I don’t want anyone to be attracted to my boy parts. I HATE THEM! I’d cut them off myself if I knew I wouldn’t bleed to death. I’m a girl. I’m supposed to be a girl.

How can I ever trust someone with my heart again?

Life’s pretty much over.