HER HOME HAD always been her sanctuary. The one place where she knew she was safe, and happy. But as she turned on the lights on the Christmas tree, Nya knew it would never be the same.
She’d thought Theo’s utilitarian flat in Falmouth, a place where he stayed only during emergencies at St Isolde’s or if he was on call there, had seemed sterile and lifeless. Then, she’d thought it was because he’d made no effort to add any personal touches, opting strictly for function.
Yet here, surrounded by all her own personal items, pictures and art, the blankets she’d knitted and the ornaments she’d picked up over the years, she felt that same sense of emptiness. All the strength she’d gathered, so as to hold it together while they left Hope in Truro and Theo dropped her home, drained away, leaving her as hollow and lifeless as her cottage.
Sinking down onto the ground, she pressed the heels of her palms into her eye sockets, letting all the pain she’d been suppressing batter her in waves.
Just weeks ago, her life had seemed ideal. She had a job she loved and was proud of doing, friends she could count on, her mother near at hand. She’d been content in the knowledge that she’d been loved passionately, had loved Jim in return, and been true to that love. Living in Carey Cove, delivering babies, had given her great satisfaction. It hadn’t been perfect. What life was? But it had been enough.
Would she ever get that contentment back? Be peaceful in spirit? Happy and grateful for all she had, without this grinding agony over what she’d lost?
What more she’d lost.
It overwhelmed her, hammering away at her control, and the more she fought the agony, the harder it came at her, until she was gasping with the effort to hold in her tears.
But they wouldn’t be denied, and she had to, for once, let them fall, sobbing as the pain kept striking through her.
She cried for Willow, little more than a baby herself, who’d given birth and was scared and confused. Just when she’d needed her mother, more than ever, she’d been heartbreakingly rejected.
And she cried for baby Hope, so sweet and good, whose future was uncertain.
For Theo. A man of such strength of character, such sensitivity and devotion, who’d been hurt in a way he didn’t deserve.
Then for Jim, for the life they’d shared, and the one they’d never had a chance to live. For the children they’d both wanted, and the home they would have created to nurture them.
And even as she cried, she realised the truth.
Losing Jim hadn’t just hurt. It had been the death of her hopes and dreams. The destruction of her future. There would be no children with Jim’s gleaming, heavy-lidded eyes. No shouts of laughter over silly things that others couldn’t understand. No more surprises prefaced with, ‘I saw this, and thought of you.’ No one who understood her sometimes better than she understood herself.
Over the years, even thinking about being with someone else had felt like a betrayal and had burdened her with guilt. It had been more comforting to lock her heart away and lean on Jim’s memory. Mum had seen and tried to point it out, but Nya hadn’t wanted to hear.
Besides, why love again when she already knew, all too well, that those you loved only left? Losing her father and then Jim had created an immense hole in her heart that had filled with fear.
But that hadn’t stopped her from loving again, had it? Only stopped her from reaching for that love with both hands, too afraid to risk being hurt again.
Too cowardly.
The tears abated, bringing calm, and clarity.
She’d always love Jim, but he was gone, and had been for a long, long time. Because of the man he’d been—generous, full of life and laughter—he wouldn’t have wanted her to lock her heart away the way she had. In fact, she thought he might be disappointed if he knew. He’d always been one to seize life and wring the most joy and pleasure out of it.
He’d have urged her to move on, to take all the love she had inside and give it away.
And Nya was almost positive he would have liked Theo, a lot.
Jim would have wanted her to take the chance to tell Theo how she felt, to risk rejection, in the hope that he would want her the way she wanted him. Loved her, the way she loved him.
She had no idea how Theo really felt about her—or whether he was ready for a relationship after his divorce. But she knew he’d touched her with tenderness and passion. And she’d seen how he looked at her when he thought she couldn’t see, with the kind of longing that made her feel more feminine and sexier than she ever had before. And after all this time, without a doubt she could trust him with her friendship, trust him to tell her the truth, and, if he wanted it, trust him with her heart.
As for that last one, there was only one way to find out.
Gather her courage and tell him how she felt—without expectation. Simply because her honesty would allow them to salvage their friendship, if that was all he wanted from her.
Getting up, she went into the bathroom to wash her face, and in twenty minutes was in the car and on her way to Theo’s house, her heart pounding like a bass drum.
Driving through Carey Cove, she was struck once more by how lovely the village was. With its stone and half-timbered buildings, the small, perfectly proportioned church and Georgian homes here and there, it was, in her mind, one of the most beautiful places she’d ever seen. Especially now, when everyone had taken the time to decorate for Christmas, and the village glowed with lights and festive ornaments.
Growing up here, she’d always taken it for granted. Not until she’d returned, heartsore and depressed, had she appreciated the benefits of living village life.
All the things other people complained about were the things she loved. Being instantly recognisable by name to everyone else. Having only one pub and one café, where you always knew exactly what they’d be serving. The camaraderie that brought everyone together in times of need, or simply to celebrate. Even the petty competitions that sometimes reared their heads: who made the best saffron buns, or most delicious ice cream, or had the freshest eggs.
Those, along with her work at Carey House, were the fabric and rhythm of her life.
Stopping the car near the turn-off up to the cottage hospital, where the main road dipped and went through the centre of the village, she took a moment to appreciate the picturesque scene.
It calmed her, centred her thoughts.
For the first time in her life, rather than moving towards safety, she was stepping outside her comfort zone and embarking on an adventure. There was no way to know how Theo would respond to her admission of love, but it was something she knew she had to do for herself. Instead of her habit of planning everything, and wanting all the answers right away, all the questions she had would have to wait.
One step at a time.
And all the pain she’d been through in the past, instead of being a negative, really was the reason she knew, no matter what happened, she’d be all right.
As long as she knew Hope and Theo were safe and happy, with or without her, she’d be happy too. Or as happy as possible while pining for something you knew you could never again have.
She was stronger that she’d ever given herself credit for, and she was ready to use that strength to her advantage.
Putting the car in gear, she made her way along the lane to Theo’s house, feeling a sense of homecoming that had been missing when she’d arrived at her own cottage earlier.
Taking a deep breath, she exited the car, noticing Theo hadn’t turned on his Christmas lights, and wondered if that was an indication of his state of mind. In a strange way it gave her a sense of optimism, so that when she got to the front door she didn’t even hesitate, but knocked straight away.
When Theo opened the door, her breath caught in her throat, and as the expression on his face morphed from polite inquiry through surprise to delight, she knew it would all work out.
Theo held out his hand and, instinctively, Nya took it, feeling as though the world had suddenly righted itself, and she was exactly where she needed to be.
Theo couldn’t seem to catch his breath, anticipation wrapping itself around his chest and making him light-headed.
Nya, a little smile tipping the edges of her lush mouth, stepped easily into the house, and into his arms as the door swung shut behind her.
How could he resist her upturned lips? Why would he resist, knowing that kissing her was tantamount to being thrown into paradise?
When their lips met, and she melted against him, Theo knew that if he had his way, he’d never let her go. They fitted together perfectly—physically, emotionally, intellectually—in all the important ways.
She was what he needed to move forward and live happily again.
But he needed to know exactly why she was here.
Was it just for sex? Or something more?
Dared he actually hope that she had feelings for him that went beyond friendship with benefits?
Yet, the magic of their kisses kept him enthralled, and when Nya nudged him further into the house, he didn’t resist.
She pulled back, just far enough so her breath rushed, warm and sweet, across his lips when she said, ‘Make love with me.’
Everything inside him strained towards her, wanting to do what she asked without question, except the one, small part of his heart that whispered, I need to know.
He couldn’t stand the pain, if all she wanted was the physical connection, and not the emotional.
‘Why, Nya? What do you need from me?’
Nya drew back a little more, her gaze searching his, shining and intent.
‘I don’t need anything from you, Theo.’ His heart clenched, and a cold ball formed in his stomach. ‘I want your love, but that’s not something to be demanded. I want your love, because I love you.’
That was all he needed to know. To hear.
A wave of heat crashed through him, washing away the icy fear. Picking her up, he carried her through to his bedroom, telling her, in between kisses, that he loved her too.
When he laid her on the bed, she twined her arms tighter around his neck, and tugged him down with her.
‘I never thought I’d love again,’ she whispered against his skin, before tracing the tendon along his neck with her tongue. ‘You’ve brought me back to life.’
Later, he thought, they could talk more. Tell each other all that needed to be said. But just then he wanted to show her exactly how much he loved her, with his body, and his actions.
And it seemed she felt the same way too.
They rolled and kissed, taking off each other’s clothing, touching each bit of skin as it was exposed. The scent of her filled his head, an aphrodisiac more potent than any liquor, and everywhere her hands skimmed was brought to tingling, straining life.
Time seemed irrelevant, as though they’d fallen into a place of enchantment where only they existed. Although his need grew to almost desperate levels, Theo forced himself to love Nya slowly, thoroughly. The sounds she made as she climbed towards orgasm, the way she cried out his name on culmination, pushed his own arousal even higher.
When she rolled him onto his back, and began her own slow, exploratory journey of his body, he knew it wouldn’t take much for him to lose control.
As though knowing this, she teased him gently, keeping him hovering on the edge of release, then easing him back. There was something so erotic about her total concentration, he found himself having an almost out-of-body experience. As she caressed him, his vision narrowed until she was all he could see, and even though his heartbeat echoed in his ears, he also was aware of every breath she took, every soft sound she made.
Then her gaze lifted to his, and Theo reached down to pull her up and over his chest so he could kiss her, long and hard.
‘Now, please, Theo.’
Her words made him tremble as though they were a touch. Rolling her to one side, he reached for a condom, going up on his knees to put it on, her eyes, dark and heavy-lidded, watching his every move.
She opened for him, her arms reaching to hold him, pull him close, and then closer yet, her gaze not wavering, holding his captive.
And he knew that as long as he lived, he’d remember that moment as one of the most beloved of his life.
Her need for him, and his for her, were the culmination of rough roads and heartbreak, but the two of them together, just then, had created an instant of pure perfection.
‘I love you,’ they whispered at the same time, and Theo thought his heart would explode with sheer, unadulterated joy.
He’d planned to go slowly, give her as much pleasure as he could, for as long as he could, but Nya took control of the pace, undulating beneath him, rocking faster and faster.
Gasping, he gripped her hips, trying to return to a more leisurely pace, but she just laughed, and somehow the sound of those delicious giggles made him even wilder.
‘Yes,’ she cried. ‘Yes, Theo. Just like that.’
Then she was coming, arms and legs locked around him, pulling him into the whirlwind of her orgasm, and he felt as though he were flying.
Still entwined, they rolled together onto their sides, lying face to face, and he gazed into Nya’s eyes, savouring the present, unimpeded by the past.
Free, except for the chains of love binding him to her.
‘You say I brought you back to life, Nya, but in reality you did the same for me. You and Hope filled my heart, chased away my loneliness. Made me believe in love again.’
She nodded, her smile so glorious he was almost blinded by it.
‘I realised I had to put my fear aside, so as to be with you, Theo. Take the chance that you might not want me, but find out one way or another. Being with you showed me I’d rather risk everything, give up anything, if I could be with you. If you want to move from Carey Cove, and want me to, I’ll go with you.’
That was when he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that Nya loved him, fully, completely.
Carey Cove had been her refuge for years, but she was willing to give it up, to be with him.
He shook his head, then leaned in for a kiss.
‘This is our home. If I have any say in it, we’re not going anywhere.’
‘Oh, Theo.’ Throwing her arms around his neck, she hugged him hard. Then she giggled, and said, ‘Maybe we should move, just so I don’t have to hear my mother repeatedly saying she knew there was something between us, and telling me she told me so.’
He chuckled with her, hearing their mingled laughter like a miraculous symphony of love.
One he hoped to hear for the rest of his life.