I took another sip of wine as I sat on the sofa. It was the most relaxed I’d been all day. Christmas dinner was always hard work, but this year… I glanced at Adam beside me and then at Mum, who sat in the armchair opposite. I took a deep breath. I’d doubted the sanity of my bold idea to invite Mum to join Adam and me for Christmas. I was even more surprised when she’d actually accepted.
The day had gone surprisingly well so far. No arguments. No thinly veiled insults, well, not many, anyway. Now everyone was too sleepy from overeating to bother bickering. We’d survived.
‘So, are you living here all the time now, then?’
I cringed. I was wrong. This had just been the lull before the storm.
‘Not all the time, no,’ Adam replied.
I lifted my glass to my lips. I was going to need more wine to get through the rest of the afternoon.
‘I assume you’re sleeping together.’
I coughed and spat the wine back into my glass. ‘Mum!’
‘Well, you are living together.’
‘That’s not really any of your business, Mrs Harper.’
I stared at Adam in awe of his polite restraint.
‘I just want to make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into, Jess. What if you get pregnant? What kind of mother would you be?’ She shook her head.
I tried to speak; to voice my objections. What made her so certain I’d be a bad mother? I’d love to have kids, maybe not just yet, but someday. I could do that, couldn’t I? I could look after them and love them. I could be a good mother. It was possible, wasn’t it?
‘I just don’t want you making more of a mess of your life.’
‘More of a mess?’ I glared at her. ‘Is that how you see my life? How you see me?’
‘You know what I mean, Jess.’
‘What I know is that Adam loves me and we want to have a future together.’
Mum scoffed.
‘Why is that so hard to believe?’ It was possible, wasn’t it? He could love me? Really love me?
It was as though my dream of being in a relationship, of being married someday, was somehow an insult to her. Why was it so wrong for me to want someone to love me, to be with me? It wasn’t mutually exclusive to loving her. It was just different.
‘There was a time you wouldn’t even contemplate speaking to your mother with that tone. You’ve changed.’ Mum glared at Adam. ‘He’s changed you.’
‘I’ll walk you to the door,’ Adam said, rising to his feet.
Mum glared at me. I could read her expression; her eyes questioning if I was really going to let him kick her out.
I didn’t move. Apparently, I was.
She grunted and picked up her bag from the floor by her feet. She always kept it with her when she visited, especially if Adam was home. She carried it around with her, never letting it out of her sight, as though she was afraid he might steal her purse. Another way of showing me that she didn’t trust him.
She marched into the hall. Adam followed at her heels. He didn’t trust her either.
Guilt gnawed at me. I hated being on bad terms with Mum. She was my mother. She deserved better from me. With a sigh, I walked towards the hall. Apologies were whirling in my head. I needed to smooth things over. I needed to fix it.
‘You won’t split us up, you know,’ Adam said as he opened the front door. ‘She loves me.’
Mum shrugged and smiled. That coy gloating smile that I’d seen thousands of times when she knew she’d won. ‘Don’t be too sure about that. I will get rid of you. Even if I have to do it myself.’
She slipped through the open doorway. My planned apologies slipped away with her. There was something about her tone, the sheer venom of it was bad enough, but the certainty of it sent a chill through my body.
Adam closed the door. As he turned, his gaze met mine and he smiled. ‘She really doesn’t like me, does she?’
I shook my head. ‘You’re dating me.’ That was all the explanation that was needed.
He shrugged. ‘Come on, let’s go watch Netflix and forget about it.’
I nodded and we ambled back into the living room. Adam put the TV on and I watched as he scrolled through the films, searching for one he liked.
I couldn’t get their conversation out of my head. It wasn’t just Mum’s words that bothered me. It was Adam’s, too.
She loves me.
It felt one sided. I loved him, not we love each other.
I shook my head. I was being silly and reading too much into it. Adam loved me. I studied his profile, his gaze was locked on the TV screen.
Of course he loved me.
Didn’t he?