37

Now

‘You have reached your destination,’ the SatNav informed me, as I cautiously weaved my car through the narrow one-way street lined with parked cars.

I pressed my foot on the brake gradually and glanced at the numbers on the building to my left.

116.

I edged forwards slowly.

118.

I pulled into an empty space by the kerb and studied the beige tower beside me. I felt small and insignificant in its shadow.

The engine was still running. My hands were still poised on the steering wheel.

I was here. But I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be.

I wasn’t sure if I should be.

You wouldn’t like it there.

Adam was right. It wasn’t the kind of area I was used to. Instead of a concierge, there were bars on the windows of the ground floor. His block of flats was very different to mine.

My gaze drifted up the building. Which floor was his flat on?

I felt a pang of guilt. That was a question I should know the answer to. I should know where my boyfriend lived. I should know what his life was like when he wasn’t with me.

But I didn’t.

I hadn’t even known the address.

Helen had looked at me with such scorn when I had asked her for it. She thought I should have known too.

I reached for the car door handle, driven by a sudden urge to go inside the building and enter Adam’s world.

But I stopped.

I didn’t even have a key.

I was locked out.

I nibbled my lip. Was that Adam’s intention? Had he always been keeping me at a distance?

Or had I never been interested enough to truly try to be part of his world?