I stared out of the window, watching the traffic go past as PC Davidson drove me home. There was a time when I would have been embarrassed to arrive at my apartment block in the back of a police car, but right now it didn’t seem to matter. Nothing did.
‘Are you sure you don’t want to go back to your mother’s house?’
‘I don’t want to see her.’
He nodded. ‘Okay.’
The past was running through my mind on a loop. Had I remembered it wrong? Had I missed something? Had Mum told me? Had I been in denial?
I’d been so little. Perhaps I couldn’t understand Dad’s death. Perhaps I couldn’t accept it. Had I pretended Dad left us? Had it been easier for me that way? It had still hurt, but at least I’d been able to imagine him out there somewhere, still living, still happy.
The car stopped and PC Davidson stepped out and opened the door for me. I hesitated for a moment. I didn’t want to go home. I didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t know what was real any more. Not Adam, not my life, not even me. Everything was twisted and distorted.
PC Davidson would arrest me if he could, I had no doubt about that. And yet, in a weird way he was my only ally. He was neutral and independent.
‘Everyone has their own past, their own way of seeing things and they are rarely the same,’ PC Davidson said, as I stepped out of the car. ‘Maybe you should hear your mum out.’
I nodded. ‘Maybe.’ But I knew I wouldn’t, not yet. It was too soon.
I started to walk towards the building but stopped as my gaze fell upon my car in the car park. Maybe there was somewhere I could go. Someone who could help me. Someone who would understand.