Introduction
Anna went to the doctor for a routine checkup and some additional “age appropriate” tests. At forty, she had been super healthy all her life. As a matter of fact, she had never had a broken bone, a surgery, or even a cavity. When she spoke of her good health, she would often say, “I guess I just have good genes!” When the doctor’s office called two weeks later, she was shocked to learn of a number of serious concerns, including the possibility of cancer. She was given the number of a specialist to contact immediately. Two months later, Anna had still not told her husband and children about the doctor’s report, and she had not yet called the specialist her doctor had recommended.
Simon was a curious eight-year-old boy. He loved to play, explore, and experiment with anything and everything . . . including fire. He found a pack of matches and went out into a field near his home to see if he could light them and start a “little campfire.” In the dry summer conditions, starting a little fire was easy; the hard part was keeping it little. In less than sixty seconds, Simon’s experiment had gotten out of control. He ran home as fast as he could. Instead of telling his parents, he hid in his bedroom. He did not want anyone to know what he had done.
Ricardo and Maria could see that their daughter was not the same happy, joy-filled young woman she had been two or three years ago. At seventeen she had become sullen, a recluse who stayed in her room most of the day. She rarely smiled and had very little to say. They did not want to intrude or seem overly concerned, so they decided to leave her alone and hope she figured things out on her own.
God always runs toward us, not from us.
Talk About It
Think about one of the three scenarios in the session introduction and tell about how this story might end if the pattern of running away were to continue.
[Your Response Here]
or
How might the same story end on a happier, healthier note if there were a decision to run to the right person and address the challenge at hand?
[Your Response Here]
You were created on purpose for a purpose.
Video Teaching
Watch the video teaching segment for session one, using the following outline to record anything that stands out to you.
Notes
There is ice cream on your face
[Your Response Here]
The life-giving balance of grace and discipline
[Your Response Here]
The difference between “who” and “do”
[Your Response Here]
Many women have been trained to live in shame:
Shame we put on ourselves . . .
[Your Response Here]
Shame others impose on us . . .
[Your Response Here]
The shame-lifting story of a loving Father
[Your Response Here]
The only antidote to the power of shame . . . the unconditional love, grace, and acceptance of God revealed in Jesus:
The difference between shame and guilt
[Your Response Here]
We are loved, accepted, and sons and daughters of the King of kings
[Your Response Here]
Get up and run to the Father, not away from him
[Your Response Here]
Shame tries to keep us hiding from God rather than running to God.
Video Discussion and Bible Study
- 1. Tell about a time you got caught doing wrong but were afraid to admit it. Why do you think we tend to run away and hide instead of quickly admitting our wrong?
- [Your Response Here]
- 2. Nick and Christine still disciplined their daughter Sophia after she admitted her wrong and expressed genuine sorrow. How is this kind of discipline actually a sign of deep love and devotion? How does God extend grace to us and yet still lovingly discipline us?
- [Your Response Here]
- 3. How does realizing that our “who” and our “do” are not the same become the starting point of freedom from shame that wants to keep us imprisoned and shackled to our past?
- [Your Response Here]
A lot of times we feel such shame that we never recover from what we did because we cannot separate our “who” from our “do.”
- 4. Christine shares honestly about the shame she lived with and carried deep in her soul for many years. She also talked about how most women deal with some kind of shame in their lives. Take a moment to reflect on some of the sources of shame that can keep a person shackled, unable to fully receive God’s love, and unable to pursue his vision for their lives. Identify one or more of these that seems to be alive and working in your life:
- Shame over what someone has done to you in the past
- Shame over some aspect of your physical appearance
- Shame over needing the help of others and feeling you are not strong enough
- Shame over a poor and ungodly decision in the past
- Shame over how you parent (as you compare yourself to other parents and families)
- Shame over your personality and fundamental wiring as a person
- Shame over your dreams, hopes, and aspirations
- Shame over something else
Silently pray for God to give you courage and strength to face this shame and to bring it, in a new way, to the foot of the cross of Jesus. For those who feel led, tell the others in your group about one source of shame in your life. Seek to explain, as best you can, how this shame is affecting you.
[Your Response Here]
The perfect antidote to shame is the unconditional love, grace, and acceptance of Jesus toward each and every one of us.
- 5. Read Psalm 139:1–14. King David, the person inspired by the Holy Spirit to write this beautiful prayer, knew a lot about shame (self-imposed shame as well as shame placed on him by others). Yet he could write this bold declaration about himself and the God he loved. What do you learn from David’s perspective in this psalm?
- [Your Response Here]
Describe a time you actually felt wonderfully loved and accepted in the eyes of God. How does knowing and embracing God’s amazing love change how you see yourself?
[Your Response Here]
Nothing that you have done can change the fact that you are created in the image of God. You are a son or daughter of the King of kings and the Lord of lords.
- 6. Read Luke 15:11–24. The father in this parable is a picture of God, your heavenly Father. The wandering and rebellious child is a picture of you and me. What do you learn about the love and heart of the Father in this beautiful story?
- [Your Response Here]
- 7. Christine makes an interesting and provocative declaration in today’s session. She says that shame is destructive and demonic, but guilt can be valuable and helpful on our spiritual journey. What is the difference between shame and guilt? Why is it essential that we crush shame and still embrace the good aspects of guilt?
- [Your Response Here]
Jesus qualifies those whom the devil has tried to disqualify. He has borne your shame so that you no longer need to carry the burden of shame.
- 8. What does it mean to declare, “What we do can be wrong, but doing these things does not make us wrong”? How can admission of our wrong and guilt before God, and running to the cross of Jesus, lead to freedom from shame?
- [Your Response Here]
God declares that our “who” is far greater than our “do.”
- 9. In the story of the rebellious and wandering son, there was a moment when the young man came to his senses, got up out of the pigpen, and began heading home to his father. This was the beginning of his healing process and freedom from shame. What will it look like for you to come to your senses, get up, and begin running toward God instead of away from him? Share specific ways you will need to change your thinking, attitude, actions, and lifestyle if you are going to seek freedom from shame.
- [Your Response Here]
Only Jesus Christ can give us forgiveness for our past. And here is the power of it—a brand new life today.
- 10. Respond to this statement, “If it is not revealed, it can’t be healed!” Why is identifying our shame, admitting it, and sharing our story with other people essential in the freedom and healing process? How are you feeling about the coming four sessions of this Unashamed study?
- [Your Response Here]
How can your group members pray for you, encourage you, and support you in the coming week as you walk through this learning experience together?
[Your Response Here]
God can help you become a victor and not a victim of your past.
Closing Prayer
Spend time in your group praying in any of the following directions:
- Thank Jesus that he left the glory of heaven, bore your shame on the cross, and longs to set you free from all shame.
- Thank God that he not only extends amazing grace to you but also lovingly disciplines you because you are his precious child, whom he has fearfully and wonderfully made.
- Pray for eyes to see the spiritual reality that your “who” and your “do” are not the same.
- Pray for the members of your group to experience powerful freedom from shame in the coming weeks as you walk through this study together.
- Invite the Holy Spirit to show you the places in your heart and life where shame is entrenched and secretly seeking to destroy you.
God longs for us to run to him and not from him.