Lord Donahugh was nice enough, but he was terribly boring. As he and Kittie danced, she tried to learn more about him, to really give him a chance as she knew Richard would want her to do.
“So, tell me, what else do you enjoy doing? Are you fond of mathematics or reading?” Kittie asked him as they danced.
“Me? Oh no!” he said with a laugh. “I mean, I can certainly do those things just fine, but I cannot say that I enjoy them. I would much rather spend my time hunting or playing sports of any nature, really. I simply enjoy being outdoors, expelling my energy with others.”
“Well, it is very nice to be outside,” Kittie reasoned, trying to find a point of understanding between them. Although she was not entirely interested in him, she wanted to at least show Richard that she was making an effort. There was nothing about Lord Donahugh that left here thinking she would desire another dance at another ball, but she tried her best to be friendly.
“And you? I am sure that you play pianoforte very well?” he asked.
“I play, but I cannot say that I play well,” Kittie replied with a laugh.
Lord Donahugh’s face fell. He seemed rather unimpressed by that.
“I mean, I am not as skilled as many women, but I do play proficiently,” she clarified, worried that he may say something to Richard, who would then take her to task for not bragging about whatever abilities she did have.
“I am sorry to hear that. It is very important that a young lady knows how to play well. Pianoforte is quite important,” he said.
“Yes, it is, but do you not find it unnerving that the pianoforte must be played well by women, but only men may be famous composers?” she asked, voicing the problem that so often bothered her.
Once more, he seemed disappointed with her answer and, when the dance came to an end, Kittie was not surprised at how quickly Lord Donahugh rushed away from her.
When Richard drew near, Kittie was aware she would have to answer to him—something she dreaded terrible.
“Katherine how was your dance?” he asked.
“Lord Donahugh is not impressed by me and I found him decidedly dull. I promise that I made an effort, but we are not compatible, it would seem,” she said.
Richard winced and looked annoyed as well.
“That is rather a shame. I had hoped that you might find him interesting enough,” he said.
“It is nothing wrong with him. It is simply that we are not what the other would like in a spouse,” she said.
“And I fear that you are going to give me that answer all evening. Come now, Katherine. You must make a true effort. Show these men that you are worth their time and interest. I trust that I do not have to force you to dance with anyone, do I?” he asked.
“You already forced me to come here tonight,” Kittie grumbled.
“And I have done so for your own good,” he said.
The evening was already winding down and Kittie knew she would need to quickly dance with another couple of men if Richard was going to be happy. She accepted a few offers, and by the end of the night, she was relieved when it was finally time to leave.
Kittie said goodbye to Jane and Lord Bell before she and Richard got into the coach and prepared to make their way home.
“I need you to understand the importance of this, Kittie,” Richard said.
“Do you think I do not?” she asked.
“Absolutely not. It does not matter if a man is boring or imperfect. You need to engage more gentlemen so you might find one who will have you. Just think about it. With all the complaints you make about them, have you considered how they must complain against you?” he asked.
“I am not bothered by that,” Kittie said with honesty. She truly didn’t mind. It meant nothing to her, whether or not these men liked her.
“That has to change. You need to do what is expected of you for the sake of our family,” he insisted.
“Please, Richard! Why will you not listen to me? Why can you not give me the chance to be more than a society woman? Have you no understanding of what I want in life? Do you really not think it is important to me that I am allowed to live my life and be happy? I am trying to give you what you want, but it goes against everything within my nature,” Kittie said, bursting open and pleading with him. She couldn’t bear it any longer. She needed him to understand what she was saying, to understand that she couldn’t live this way anymore.
“Katherine, what is the matter with you? You have one duty, just as any other woman of your station,” he said.
“But that is not what I want,” she said.
“It is not what anyone wants, but it is how we keep this country going. You think I wanted to remain here? To become a father to my siblings? I wanted a different life. But I understand responsibility and I care for you and Henry, so I have followed it through,” he said.
“And you are seeking any opportunity you can find to still have that life. Why am I not afforded the same?” she asked.
“Because your only duty is to marry and make us proud. Nothing else matters for you. That is an easy life, Katherine. You need not work or labour. You do not have to do anything but have a husband you keep happy and children you can raise,” he said.
“And that is not work?” Kittie scoffed.
“It is woman’s work. Nothing complicated,” he said.
Furious and offended, Kittie was relieved that the coach arrived at their estate just in time. She burst out of the coach before the door was opened for her, doing it herself, and then ran up the stairs to the door of the house. Kittie opened it and rushed straight up to her room, desperate to get away from Richard and all of his expectations.
She couldn’t bear it anymore. The demands were too much. They were everything she didn’t want for her life.
Unable to stop herself, Kittie wept in devastation, hoping she might be able to find something, anything, that would get her out of this. She couldn’t imagine running away and she knew that she could never abandon her family to cause them even more grief.
But how could she handle this? How could she allow Richard to continue placing these rules upon her?
Kittie finally gathered herself and took out her mother’s journal, hoping to find wisdom there. She flipped through the pages and landed on an entry she had read earlier in the week, sharing about a difficult time.
Sometimes, I cannot understand my father. He wants a life for me that I do not wish for. He says that I have no choice but to marry a duke, but the man I love is an earl. Father says that an earl is below our station and I would be a fool to accept something like that.
I think it is nonsense. There is nothing wrong with an earl. I love Lord Courtshire more than anyone else in all the world. I only need to convince Father that this is right, that he can be the man who will take care of me.
Kittie was struck by the words, recognising that her own mother had been somewhat rebellious as well and had married happily because of it.
But could she convince Richard of the same? Would she ever have what she wanted? Could Mr Whitman possibly be able to fit into her dreams?