Gabriel came upon Lady Montague as he so often did. He went to greet her but saw at once that her demeanour had shifted.
“Good afternoon, Mr Whitman,” she said with a curtsey.
“Are you all right?” he asked.
“Yes, I am fine, thank you. But I am sorry if I got you into trouble with my brother. I was relieved that he did not dismiss you from your duties altogether. It was my fault. I never should have insisted upon studying with you and Henry. I apologise for allowing my selfishness to cause you any harm,” she said.
“It was not your fault,” Gabriel said. “I knew better. I ought to have told you that it was a mistake, and your brother would not approve. I am sorry that you, as well, seemed to have been in trouble for the matter.”
“I am his sister. My livelihood does not depend upon it as yours does,” she reasoned.
Gabriel gave her a slight nod in acceptance of her apology, although he still didn’t want to admit that any of it was her fault. He was glad that they at least had this brief moment to talk, even though it probably would not account for much in the end.
“You do seem sad, though, Lady Montague. Are you sure there is nothing wrong? Have I done something? Has anything happened?” he asked.
“You? Do you think you did something wrong? No. Not at all. You are the one bright spot in the midst of all of this. In truth, I simply miss getting to learn with you and Henry. I wish that I still had the opportunity to study with you,” she said.
“Indeed, I do as well. You are an excellent student, and it will be difficult without you. I am sure that Henry will miss you as well. You were always excellent at guiding him towards the correct answers—on the days you weren’t so eager that you simply burst out the answer on your own,” he added with a laugh.
“Yes, well, I believe that is part of what bothered my brother so badly. He does not want me getting in the way of Henry’s education and it is best that I give the two of you the opportunity to learn without interruption from me,” she said.
But all Gabriel wanted was an interruption from her. He wanted her around more, not less. He wanted to hear her thoughts on different topics, to listen to her answers, to watch her excitement when she figured out a new equation. He enjoyed all of it. Knowing that she would now be muzzled only grieved him.
Gabriel’s feelings were growing. Although the matter was extremely complicated, he couldn’t help the fact that he was falling in love with her, that he thought she was the most incredible woman in the world, and he had never met anyone like her.
He wanted to spend more time with Lady Montague, but that was not going to happen. He had begun wondering what more he could do, how he could convince her to be around more often or how he could get Richard to allow her to study with them.
“Perhaps another time, you will be able to learn. I know that it would be unusual for someone like you to get an education such as the kind I give, but it is not entirely unreasonable,” he said.
Lady Montague laughed.
“Someone like me? Do you mean a woman? And an education like yours? You mean one suited to a man?” she asked.
Gabriel didn’t answer, but tried to hold back his laughter, aware that what he had said was ridiculous. He had only been trying to appease her and give her hope, but she was right. It didn’t make much sense and he wasn’t sure if anything ever would.
“I appreciate your kindness, but I know what the world is what it allows. No matter how difficult it may be, I will never be allowed to live freely as I wish. I will forever be limited by the things around me,” she said.
Gabriel placed a hand on her shoulder, not stopping to consider whether or not it could get him into trouble or if it was appropriate. He simply needed to stop her and give her a bit of comfort.
“You will not always be limited. These things that seek to push you down? You must push them back. You should never have to live your life according to the whims of another,” he said.
She looked between him and his hand on her shoulder and he realised that Lady Montague had stiffened under his touch. Her eyes were wide, but she did not seem unhappy. Still, knowing that he should not have done this, he pulled his hand back.
“I beg your pardon. My family is very affectionate and sometimes I forget that comforting another does not typically mean laying a hand upon them,” he said, nervously.
“It is fine,” she said, seeming unbothered, despite the fact that she had been so anxious a moment before.
“You are being very patient with me,” he said.
“And you are being gracious. I need someone who will be honest with me, but not take away all of my hope. It seems that I can find that nature in you. I have never felt that you are lying to me, nor have I felt coddled. And yet, you still encourage me,” she said.
“You are worth encouraging. You have an incredible mind and I dislike the idea of it being stifled. I care nothing about your gender, or the expectations put upon that. That is why I love the poem by Sir Edward Lawson. It addresses not only what young women must go through, but also how little we notice it,” he said.
Kitty found herself blushing at his praise.
“And here you are, Lady Montague, suffering through it all. I should not like to see you continue in this, but I understand that you feel trapped. It is my hope that one day, you escape that trap. I hope that you are able to burst forth from it and see the light at the other end of this dark, lonely tunnel,” he said.
She looked at him again and opened her mouth to say something but seemed to think better of it. Whatever it was, she blushed deeper with embarrassment and Gabriel was deeply curious to know what she was going to say before she paused. He wanted to hear from her, to know what was in her heart and her mind.
“Lady Montague, just promise me that even if you do not have a tutor, you will continue trying to learn,” he said.
“Of course, I will,” she replied. “I was trying to learn even before I met you. Nothing is going to make me stop,” she promised.
“Good. I am glad to hear that. Now, I fear that I must go. It is time for me to teach your brother. But, perhaps, we might see one another again at the end of the lesson or even tomorrow,” he said.
“Yes, of course. Until then,” she said.
“Until then,” he echoed.
With that, Gabriel turned and made his way for the study, where he found Henry looking confused as he tried to read and study in preparation for the lesson. It was a relief that he was at least putting forth more of an effort, but Gabriel was certain that this was the result of Richard’s demands and nothing more.
Gabriel hoped that Henry would decide to put in more effort and joy learning, but there was no promise of that. For now, he simply hoped that things would come together and that, soon enough, he would see progress.
Moreover, he wondered if he and Lady Montague would have a chance to continue speaking later. He knew it made no sense to hope for a romance, but surely he could still hope for a friendship, couldn’t he? That was something worth holding onto.
And if he could not have even that, there was little to keep him here.