Kittie was waiting at the tree line for Mr Whitman. When he hopped off the back of a stagecoach, she didn’t know what to say. It was obvious that she had been waiting there for him and she had no reason to hide that. By now, it was clear to him, she imagined, that she cared for him as more than simply her brother’s tutor.
“Lady Montague,” he greeted.
“Mr Whitman,” she said with a curtsey. She had not seen him since he kissed her hand four days earlier. Now that he was before her once again, she was desperate to be drawn close to him once more, whether by a kiss of the hand or a confession of admiration.
“I am glad to see you again,” he said.
“And I am glad to see you, as well. After…after the last time we spoke, I was unsure what to say, but I know what I wish to say to you now,” she began.
“You do?” he asked, taking a step closer.
“Indeed. And I know that it may be foolish of me. I know that I am young and naive to the ways of the world, but I cannot stop myself,” she said, tortured by her desperation to be with him.
“Please, Lady Montague, allow me to speak first,” he said. “Will you give me just this one indulgence and then I promise that I will let you speak freely?”
His request appeared to be just as desperate as her own and Kittie was full of hope that he was going to share his own heart. She knew there was nothing to be done but relent and hear him speak first, even if it was only going to end up crushing her, even if he was going to say something contrary to her wishes.
“Lady Montague, I fear that I am struggling to tutor your brother for no other reason than my unrealistic hope that you might one day care for me as much as I have come to care for you,” he said, barely meeting her gaze.
Kittie’s lips parted in surprise. He really did admire her? And he was willing to tell her? It was the bravest thing she could have imagined.
“Mr Whitman, you must call me Kittie,” she said with a grin, hoping it would alert him to the fact that she felt the same and had no intention of turning him away.
He stared at her for a long moment, as if shocked that he had not been cast aside or told to leave. He simply waited for her to explain.
“You must know by now that I have come to admire you, Mr Whitman,” she said.
“You must call me Gabriel,” he replied, echoing her sentiment.
“Gabriel,” she said, the name sweet on her lips.
“I can hardly believe that you feel the same as I,” he said.
“Nothing could make me happier. Except…well, you know as I do that it is very complicated. I am not sure what to do about it. I fear that we will never be allowed to be together. Not only will my brother forbid it, but society will make it nearly impossible for us,” she said.
“Yes, I know. I have been wondering the same, trying to figure out any option which we could possibly pursue, even before I knew that you felt the same,” he said.
“Well, now that we have overcome that question, we must discern the best thing to do regarding this challenge,” she said.
“Yes, we must. I cannot help but have hope that something will come of this,” he said.
“As do I. I know that it is foolishness, but we would have to leave together. I know that Richard would not allow it and he would make it very difficult for us, but I cannot walk away from how I feel about you. He wants me to marry another, and I would be grieved to have to do something like that,” she confessed.
“It would break my heart to see you married to another. I feel as though I would do anything, but I also know that my mother and sister are dependent upon me to live. I have no choice but to work and provide for them. It makes all of this much more complex than I care to admit because, as much as I wish for us to be together, I cannot abandon them,” Gabriel said.
Kittie’s heart sunk, but she understood how difficult it was for him. She could not imagine asking him to give up his position when his family relied on his work. And if she were to be with him, she would lose everything and would have no money to help support them. Richard would never be willing to support her financially if she left the house to marry a man who was not of noble birth.
There was truly no choice for them.
“So, we would both be forced to abandon everything we know, and we would not be able to maintain our reputations or finances if we were to try and be together,” she said, verbalising their painful reality.
“I fear not. I wish I had an answer, but the only way we could be together would be to run away. And if we were to do that, I would leave my mother and sister destitute, which I could never do,” he said.
“No, you could not,” she agreed. “I would never agree to be with a man who was willing to abandon the ones who depend upon him most.”
“So, you see, I am at a loss for what to do. I wish to spend my life with you, Kittie. I would love nothing more. But how?” he asked.
She looked at the ground in despair. It was so unfair that they knew, at last, how the other felt. They knew, at last, that they were in love. But they could never realise the joy of that. They were utterly stuck without the happiness they craved with one another.
“I am terribly sorry,” he said.
“I understand,” she replied, quietly.
“I have asked my friend Adam if he knows of any positions at the university. Last he told me, he was unaware of an opportunity, but that does not mean he will never hear of one. And if not there, perhaps elsewhere. Your brother is not the only young man in England who needs a tutor,” Gabriel reasoned.
“But even if you find a new employer instead of Richard, as soon as anyone finds out that you left this work because of a scandal in which you pursued a noblewoman, it would put you in jeopardy,” she said.
“Not if we were married,” he said, causing her to look up at him with hope.
“Married?”
“I wish I could propose marriage to you at this moment, but I cannot. Not until I know what I am able to offer you and what other choice I have for employment. But, once I do, I imagine that no one save your brother could fault us for marrying and my reputation will only be tarnished to the extent that some noblemen would not hire me if they had daughters,” he said.
Kittie looked at Gabriel closely and tried to read his expression. She thought it seemed as if he was trying to convince himself more than her, but she was determined to know what he was thinking. She needed to know what was in his heart so that they could have the future she longed for. And if he was going to find an option, a solution that would allow them their happiness, Kittie knew that she would do whatever it took to ensure that she helped him.
“So, it could happen? We might find a way?” she asked.
“We will try.”