Kittie sat on Jane’s bed and leaned back against the wall. Jane was busily going through her wardrobe, trying to choose which dress she would wear for her next visit with Lord Bell. She looked stunning in a deep teal dress which was a striking colour against her pale skin. It was also a rather unusual shade for women like them and that only made it more intriguing.
“You look perfect in that,” Kittie said, although her tone betrayed her sadness even as she tried to be encouraging.
“Thank you, Kittie, but I am not so concerned by this dress as I am by your demeanour. It is clear to me that you are sad. Will you at least tell me why?” she asked.
Kittie gave a gentle shrug.
“It is nothing. I am merely tired,” she said.
“Well, I know something which always makes you happy to discuss. You must tell me about your studies and the things you are enjoying with the dashing tutor,” Jane said.
“There is very little to tell,” she replied.
“What do you mean? I thought you were sitting in on the lessons?”
“I was. But Richard found out. I was in terrible trouble and he was very angry with me. I knew he would be, but I tried to hide it anyway. Since then, I have had to try and learn on my own,” she said.
“Really? That is a shame. What would make Richard happy? He seems to be so demanding towards you and Henry,” Jane said.
“He certainly is. It is very difficult sometimes,” Kittie said.
“If he will not allow you to learn, what does he want for you?” Jane asked.
“He wishes for me to marry. That is all. He cares nothing else for my dreams and hopes and happiness. So long as I find a husband, he will be content. But he is forcing me to choose between men who I find perfectly unpleasant. This weekend is another ball, and it is the last chance I have to make a choice. He wants me to marry so badly that he is giving me no choice other than to marry a man I dislike, so long as it is a man from among those he has chosen,” Kittie said, trying to contain her irritation.
“That is awful, Kittie. I am so sorry! I had no idea that he was being so demanding,” Jane said. “I knew he was a very particular man, but this? It sounds dreadful.”
“Indeed, it is. I hate having to try and make a match from among these men I care nothing for. They are unattractive, unintelligent, and care for nothing but society matters. I wish they had some sort of interest beyond whose business is making more money,” Kittie said.
“Why are they so determined to debate the matter? If they have wealth, they ought to be satisfied,” Jane said.
“I agree,” Kittie replied, thankful that there were at least some issues about which she and Jane thought the same.
“Kittie, may I be bold for a moment?” Jane asked, turning to her with concern in her gaze.
“Of course, you may. You are family and my closest ally. You may say whatever you wish,” Kittie said.
“I can see that you have fallen in love with the tutor. Mr Whitman. I know that you probably do not wish for me to say anything or to admit what I have seen, and I do promise to say nothing to Richard about it, but I have to confess that I have noticed,” she said.
Kittie was troubled as she looked fearfully at Jane. She tried to speak, but nothing came out and Jane held up a hand to silence her anyway.
“It is all right, Kittie. I mean it. I will say nothing. Not to my mother and father, not to Richard or Henry. I will tell no one. I am not saying this to threaten you or make you anxious. But I wanted to tell you that I can see it,” she said.
“J-Jane…”
“You need not tell me anything more. In fact, it is best that you do not. If I know everything about it, we will both get into trouble and I should hate that. Honestly, I want nothing but your happiness and I only mention this to tell you that I will support you. Whatever you decide,” Jane said.
“You mean…you mean that you would not abandon me?” Kittie asked.
“Never. Especially not for love. If you choose this and you wish to be with him, you may know that I will never turn my back on you. I will be here as an advocate, even with your brother. You will never have to worry about me leaving you to the wolves,” Jane promised.
Without another word, Kittie jumped up from the bed and rushed at her cousin, throwing her arms around Jane in gratitude.
“You are so wonderful, Jane. What would I do without you? Thank you. Thank you for caring for me and for being unwilling to forget about me altogether,” Kittie said.
“I could never do that, my dear. You are my dearest friend. We will always be close, and nothing could get in the way of that, not even your decision to marry a man against the wishes of Richard,” Jane said.
It meant so much to Kittie to hear this from Jane, but she was still at a loss as to how she could proceed. After all, it was up to her to decide whether or not she wanted this, but she still had to wait to learn whether or not Gabriel could find a way to push forward as well. After all, his risks were even greater than her own. He was the one who would have to choose whether or not she meant enough to him that he would find new work.
Kittie determined she would not be responsible for Gabriel’s mother and sister ending up without being provided for. That was the most important thing to her, and she knew it was the most important thing for Gabriel as well. It would have been a terrible thing to find that she had pushed him to the point of their detriment and one of the things she respected the most about Gabriel was knowing that he would not allow that to happen.
He clearly loved his mother and sister a great deal and it reassured Kittie that she truly could trust him. She hoped that she would never fall prey to doubts in that regard. It would be truly miserable to find that he was not so dedicated to the most important women in his life as she had hoped.
But for now, Kittie was simply glad that she and Gabriel had confessed their affection for one another, and that Jane was so supportive of it. All of this gave Kittie a renewed energy that she desperately needed.
“Well, now that we have discussed that, we must focus on your dress,” Kittie said with a laugh, determined to return their attention to Jane. It had certainly been enough, admitting her love for Gabriel.
And, for now, it was the only joy she could allow herself.