Kittie was thrilled to see Gabriel once more. It had been two days since they had spoken last, and he was coming and going quickly without stopping to speak with her. She had wondered if something was wrong or if she had committed some error, but when he gave her a simple nod and faint smile while passing her in the hall, she knew that there was a reason for it all.
“I was terribly frightened that he would find out and I still am. However, I am hoping to have a new position very soon. As soon as I do, I will be able to leave here and I can find a way for us to be together then,” he promised.
“You mean it? We may be together once you have moved on from here?” she asked.
“That is my hope, Kittie,” he said, brushing back her hair as they stood under the cover of the trees.
“Oh, Gabriel, I am so nervous,” she confessed.
“As am I, but I know not what else we can do. We must be cautious and not be seen together. If you feel that I am neglecting you, please know that it is simply for the safety of our love and ensuring that your brother does not find out,” he said.
Although Kittie understood what he was saying, she couldn’t help but feel bothered by it all. It was not fair that Richard was controlling her like this. He should not have had the ability to wave her life to and fro without a word to her regarding what she wanted. Kittie was standing there with the man she loved, waiting to learn her fate. It seemed incredibly unfortunate that she could not at least enjoy the happiness she thought she deserved.
Was Richard truly going to control her to such an extent that she could not even enjoy Gabriel’s company? It was awful, knowing there was no other choice.
“I know that you are only trying to find a way for us to safely be together, but it grieves me terribly that it means we might have to be apart. I never imagined that I would find someone I truly love, and then you came along. I have hope in the future for the first time, but it would seem that everything that can come against us is trying to. I do not know what I shall do if we are pushed beyond the point of a solution, if we cannot find a way to be together,” she admitted, feeling utterly hopeless when she considered the complications.
“We will find a way,” he said, placing a hand on her shoulder.
Kittie heard the sound of someone coming from the house. She immediately panicked and searched through the trees to see who it was. She could not see very well, but just enough to catch a glimpse of Richard’s hair. Turning back to Gabriel with fearful eyes, she gave him a nod to urge him to depart.
“Until next time, my love,” Gabriel whispered.
He snuck off towards the main road that would lead him home and Kittie found the path in the trees, walking along to appear as though she had simply been out for a stroll. When Richard came upon her, he took a step back in surprise.
“Katherine? I was not aware you were out here,” he said.
“Am I not allowed to enjoy a walk in the woods anymore?” she challenged him.
“Nonsense. You know that I am not as bad as all that. I simply did not hear you go out earlier. Have you been out for long? I had rather hoped to say one last thing to Mr Whitman, but it would seem that I have missed him,” Richard said.
“I heard someone go by a short time ago. Perhaps it was him,” Kittie said, nonchalantly.
Richard searched her for a moment with his gaze, but relented, as though he didn’t even know what he was looking for. It seemed that he was content to believe what she had said, although Kittie knew that a day was coming when he would believe her no longer.
“Very well. It is good that I found you, regardless. I wish to speak with you about the ball this evening,” he said.
Kittie tried not to groan. She had no desire to think about the ball or anything related to it. She did not wish to see any of the men her brother had chosen for her, particularly when she knew that this was her last chance to make a decision as to whom she would best like to be matched with.
“After this, I would like you to simply give me the names of three potential suitors. You did not like the men I chose for you from the previous ball, nor the others who asked to dance with you. Now, you must decide regardless. There are easily half a dozen gentlemen who would be thrilled for the opportunity to dance with you. I fully expect that you will be grateful for the choice and make a wise decision based on whom has the appropriate qualities for a husband,” Richard said.
“You still have not told me what I am to do if there is not one among them who interests me,” Kittie said.
“That is because I will not accept such an answer. There must be at least one, Katherine. These are good, decent men. They have excellent reputations in society. They are the very sort of men who might make you a famous woman in society. They may even allow you to study so that they are able to show off an intelligent wife,” he said, trying to bribe her.
But Kittie would not be fooled. She knew that her brother had no interest in finding her a husband who would respect those qualities within her. He only wanted her to find a husband who would be good for the family’s association. And while she understood that this was exactly what every other father or brother would do in such a situation, Kittie could not help but grieve that she had been pushed into this position.
“Richard, what if I had more time to find someone who really is the kind of man I would like to marry? I will do so, I promise. You have my word that, within the year, I shall be engaged,” she vowed.
“Oh? And how do you expect to find someone if I am not arranging for it? You detest balls. You have few friends aside from Jane, which I cannot fault as I know you prefer deep friendships over plentiful friendships. But you must be aware that I find it difficult to trust that you will truly seek out a husband when you have made so little effort in the past,” he reasoned.
“I will, Richard. I promise. You simply need to give me more time,” she said.
But Richard shook his head in disbelief and looked at her without any sense of warmth.
“Kittie, I will not give you another opportunity to push aside the efforts I have made to find you a husband. You will do this because it is the right thing to do. I know that you have no desire for a husband, but I expect you to be the bold, brave sister that I know you are. I expect you to put forth the effort and find a match. Someone who will make you happy and will also be good for our family. I trust that you will find that man among my friends. This evening,” he said with finality.
Forlorn and desperate, Kittie ran from him, making her way back to the house. Yes, she needed to get ready. Yes, she needed to make herself presentable. But for now, all she could do was collapse on the bed, take out her mother’s journal, and read the words of hope and encouragement from a younger version of the woman Kittie had lost.
It was this she would hold onto in hopes that, eventually, she would find a way to be with Gabriel.