Kittie had barely slept all night. She was angry and frustrated and still at a loss as to what to do. No answers seemed to come to her, but she was desperate to find them, nonetheless.
When she came downstairs the next morning, she was surprised to see Richard in the parlour, still sitting with the journal in his hands.
He looked up at her and tears were pooling in his eyes. The journal was open and it was clear that she had disturbed him while he was still reading.
Kittie wondered if he had not known about the journal or if he had simply never cared to read it. Surely he would have if he had known that it carried the most exquisite words of their mother. Their mother had written it in a time early in her love affair with their father. Her passion and desperation for their future were written in those words.
And now, Richard had finally read them. It was clear he had not known she was coming, but she had caught him in the midst of his emotion. And knowing that he had grown emotional while reading the journal meant something to Kittie.
“You read the journal?” she asked.
“I have, yes. And it brought Mother back to me in a way that I never expected. I never imagined that I would so clearly hear her voice again or that she would be this real to me once more. Katherine, I had no idea that this could be so meaningful, but this is truly our mother,” he said with emotion. “It reminded me of memories and how much I love our family. It reminds me how much she and Father loved us. That is something I am ashamed of having forgotten.”
“Yes, I know. It always brings me back to the days with Mother laughing and holding us. I miss her greatly,” Kittie said.
He nodded, clearly understanding. It was obvious that the journal had made an impact on him. It was strange, however, because Kittie had never imagined that he would be so moved by this. If she had known, she would have given it to him a long time ago and insisted that he read it.
Now that he had, she hoped he would be willing to see life from her point of view, that he would be more understanding. And if he was unwilling to consider her feelings even now, Kittie was certain that there would never again be a time when he would listen.
This was her only chance.
“It is inconceivable to think that you would ever have an education and marry a tutor, but I know that is what you want,” he said. “You must know how improbable it is. You must understand why I am shocked and dismayed by your behaviour and the fact that you are fighting for this.”
“I know. I understand that it is not what you want for me and it is not something society would ever willingly accept,” she said.
“Truly, it is not. There is nothing about this that would be redeemable in the eyes of London,” he said, scoffing. “But I also know that you detest every man I have chosen for you and you believe them all to be fools and unpleasant fellows.”
Shocked that he had finally acknowledged her unhappiness with the men he had chosen, Kittie was already relieved. Although it was not an approval or a relenting, at least he had admitted that she deserved better than this. At least he was willing to accept that she wanted more.
“Well, yes. It is true. I do not like any of them,” she said.
“And why not? Truly? They are good men,” he said.
“Most of them are not. They are arrogant. And the ones who may be decent were boring or unattractive to me. Not just physically, but mentally. I wish for a husband who is clever,” she said.
“And?” he asked
“And I beg that you would not force me to marry any of them. They are absolutely the opposite of what I should like in a husband,” she said.
It was her last chance. She had to beg him, even if it made her look like a fool. This was the first time he had been willing to listen to her in their entire lives and it was a chance that she would never have again. If she did not take it vantage of the moment now, she would end up marrying someone she did not love, someone of his choosing.
“Please, Richard? Please do not make me marry any of them,” she said
“Very well,” he replied in a quiet voice. “You shall not have to marry one of the men I have chosen for you. I will give you the freedom to avoid any such union, no matter how much I had hoped that you might find a match from among them.”
She was shocked. It was incredible to learn that he was not going to make her marry any of those men. Once more, Kittie wished that she had given him this journal years ago. But now, now that he had seen those words, he was willing to give her a chance for freedom. He would not make her marry someone she detested.
Still, she had not received the approval she had so desired.
“Oh, Richard, thank you! Thank you for this! I am so relieved. Astonished, but relieved,” she said.
“I am glad to hear it,” he said.
“But…” she began.
“But you wish to know whether or not I shall allow you to marry Mr Whitman?” he asked, a challenge in his voice.
“Yes. I cannot help it. No matter how you feel about it, I must beg you to allow me to marry him, even if you say no,” she said.
Richard did not reply at once, but rather opened the journal and flipped to a specific page he had marked. He began to read the words of their mother.
“Love is unlike anything I ever expected. I have come to understand that love is like drifting in a garden. There are colours I have never seen before, there are smells sweeter than any I could have imagined. There is no perfume to match. The air here feels different. A cool breeze with the sun shining down upon me. That is love. The soft caress of petals. The sound of the bees buzzing, bringing pollen from one to the next.
“Indeed, love is unlike anything I ever imagined. But this is it.
“The most striking thing about love is knowing that it multiplies. I am soon to marry the man I care for more than anything else in the world. And I know that, shortly after, we will only create another. My hope is that we leave a legacy of love. True love. Love unlike any other. Love unhindered.”
Richard looked up at her, the tears in his eyes once more.
“I cannot be the one to stand in the way of what Mother wanted for you. For us. If you wish to be married to Mr Whitman, I will allow it,” he said.
“Y-you…” she began in astonishment, her heart beating faster than she had ever felt before.
“Yes, Katherine,” he said. “I give my blessing upon your marriage.”