Bristol’s heart fell when she didn’t see Annie in the crowd. She couldn’t blame her. Lizzy had asked that they cool it until the end of the tour because they both had big decisions to make. She felt terrible every time she blew off Annie with a text. A month ago, Lizzy was joking about them hooking up, but now she was dead set against it. She insisted it would be easier to make a clean break from Top Shelf if they had fewer entanglements. At the time, it’d made sense.
Being in Annie’s arms made her forget that they were on different career paths. Annie was on her way up, and Bristol wanted out. They didn’t have a future. Annie didn’t strike Bristol as a one-night-stand kind of girl either. As much as Bristol cursed Lizzy’s bad timing that night in Bristol’s suite, it was a blessing. At least it had seemed so at the time.
Not seeing her face with that beautiful, beaming smile and light blue eyes staring back at her soured Bristol’s mood onstage. She had to work extra hard to keep her voice upbeat and a spring in her step as she danced her routines. She couldn’t wait for the tour to be over.
“Good job, but not your best,” Lizzy said as she handed Bristol a towel and a cold water.
“I’ll do better on the encore,” Bristol said. Only a few more shows. She took a deep breath and jumped back onstage with the band. The crowd didn’t seem to notice that she was out of sorts. They sang the final two songs with her and begged for more when she waved good night.
“Much better,” Lizzy said.
Bristol fell into step with her security and followed them out to the buses. She waved to the fans who left the concert early to catch a glimpse of her getting onto her bus. They wanted to hit the road early tonight to set up in Sacramento because Bristol had a signing at a Top Shelf records store at ten, an interview with KIXS radio at one, and still had to get a sound check in before the concert. She could taste the finish line. She popped into the shower and washed off the sweat and bitterness of tonight. Slipping into fresh clothes, she could hear Lizzy barking at somebody. Who? And why? The show had gone off without a hitch. She hated it when Lizzy got overly bossy with people. What she did with her staff was her business, although behind the scenes, Bristol had words with her about being too stern. People, especially the ones at her beck and call, deserved respect. Tours were brutal, and everyone was doing the best they could.
“What’s your problem? One minute you’re nice and inviting, and the next you abuse me like I’m one of your staff.”
Bristol recognized Annie’s voice and quickly made her way to the front of the bus. “Hey. What’s going on here?”
Annie’s chest was heaving as she faced off against Lizzy. “I’m not required to attend every set of every concert. It’s a perk, and while I love watching you in concert, I’m getting tired of Lizzy making me feel like crap just because I miss one. I sure as fuck haven’t seen Fast Cars in the crowd.” Annie’s hands were curled into fists and her eyes bright with anger.
Bristol turned to Lizzy. “What did you say to her?”
Lizzy held her hands up. “I just wanted to know why she wasn’t at your concert. It obviously upset you.”
“She doesn’t have to be at my concerts,” Bristol said, although she always liked finding Annie in the crowd.
“It’s not just Lizzy. What’s going on with you? We had a great time the other night, and then your manager shows up drunk and you forget everything that happened. Who blows people off like that? It’s rude and childish. If you’d like to say something to me, don’t send Lizzy to come at me.”
Bristol usually kept calm. She understood this close to the end was hard because people were at each other’s throats. The world was small when they toured, and private spaces even smaller. And Annie had it wrong. “I need every single person to get the fuck off the bus right now except for Annie.” Her voice boomed in the bus.
Lizzy’s assistants scrambled over one another to get out. They’d never seen this side of Bristol before because she hid it, but not anymore. Lizzy’s lips disappeared into a straight line before she stood and slowly made her way to the door.
When she turned, Bristol held up her hand. “No.” Lizzy shrugged and left. Once the door was latched shut, Bristol blew out a deep breath and turned to Annie. “Please sit down.”
“I don’t want to.” Annie stood with her hands on her hips, still radiating anger.
“Didn’t you just give a massive speech about people being adults around here? I understand why you’re mad at Lizzy, but why me? What did I do?” Bristol hated that her voice got loud, so she stopped. “Well, I’m going to sit, and I’d like to talk to you about several things. Then maybe you’ll understand why Lizzy is the way she is and why I’m the way I am.” She sat at the end of the booth and waited for Annie’s next move.
“What did I do wrong? How did we go from being fun and flirty to you completely ignoring me? I know you have trust issues, and I completely understand why, but I’m pretty fucking vulnerable here, too. You’re Bristol Baines. Me trying to convince you that I’m in it for you and not because you can advance my career is fucking hard.”
Bristol felt the sting of tears starting to form so she bit her bottom lip and looked away. “You didn’t do anything wrong. Lizzy told me to hold off on talking to you until after the tour ended. I should have ignored her. I’ve spent the last two days missing you.”
Annie’s shoulders sagged as she let go of some of the anger between them. “Why did you listen to her?”
“Because she’s right about one thing. You’re one more connection to Top Shelf. The truth is that I want out.” Bristol made a slow, swooping motion with both hands. “All of this. It’s killing me. I have no life. Ever since I was sixteen, I couldn’t go anywhere without people mobbing me. I’ve even had people tear at my clothes.” Annie’s eyes softened at her confession. Bristol smiled sadly. “And you want all of this. We’re on two totally different paths, and as much as I wanted to make love to you that night in my suite before bonehead Lizzy showed up, it would have only made matters worse.”
“You don’t know that.” Annie voice was low and not convincing.
“I do. So many people love this life and would give anything to have what I have. The funny thing is that I would give up everything to be like them.”
“When was the last time you got out in the real world?” Annie thumbed behind her.
Bristol smiled. “Vegas. And before that was The Night Owl. And before that, it was three months prior where a kid was hurt because a bunch of people rushed after me. I wanted the fortune and fame, and I got it, but it cost me everything.” Bristol took Annie’s hands, thankful she didn’t pull away. “I want you to have everything you want, but just know it comes at a steep price.” Annie stared at her for a long time before speaking.
“So rather than tell me, you hid behind Lizzy.”
Bristol leaned back in her seat, breaking their physical connection. She was tired of getting pulled in every direction. “I’m really bad at communication. I can’t tell you the last time I had a relationship.” When Annie didn’t say anything, Bristol continued. “I don’t really know how to have one. I’ve been touring for years, and I’m home in spurts. Relationships are new to me.”
“But that’s an excuse.”
“How many relationships have you had in your life? Count them. Don’t forget everyone in middle school, high school, college, if you went, after college, last year. Count them out.”
“That’s not a fair question.”
“It is, and I’ll tell you why. You still had everything. Awkward school dances, prom, crushes at school. I didn’t. I never learned how to date. That’s not an excuse at all, but we didn’t have the same experiences growing up. I see you, and my palms get sweaty, and I feel weak, and my stomach flops around.”
Annie smiled. “That happens when I see you, too. But why wouldn’t you want to explore those feelings further with me? We could be great together, or we could crash and burn, but we won’t know until we try.”
Bristol braced herself for the hardest part of the conversation. She steeled her heart. “I can’t be on this journey with you. I think you’re wonderful, but your life, your decisions, everything you do in this industry would consume me. I would question your decisions and tell you what to do, and I don’t want that for you or myself.”
Annie nodded solemnly. “I get that, but you’re not giving me enough credit. And I don’t understand what this has to do with Top Shelf, specifically. Tell me the truth about them. Right here and now.”
“Everyone has different experiences with them.”
“Then tell me about yours. No bullshit. Just what happened,” Annie said.
Bristol gritted her teeth. “They bled me dry and manipulated me into signing horrible contracts that made them a ton of money and left me with very little.”
“But look at what all you have. You have everything.”
Bristol’s lips curled into an angry smile. “Lizzy had to fight for everything. I didn’t start making money until I turned twenty. My first contract was for three albums and three tours, and I saw very little profit. When Top Shelf saw I was on the rise, they bowed to me, but not before taking so much of me.” Bristol slid out of the booth to grab waters from the refrigerator. “And they aren’t the only ones to blame. I got too big, and now I’m living a very sheltered life. I would love to pump my own gas or go pick up a gallon of milk from the grocery store, but I can’t because everyone knows who I am.”
Annie put her hands flat on the table. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but other celebrities have lives where they get out and do things. Even Leonardo DiCaprio goes to get coffee. And Angela Jolie goes shopping in Beverly Hills. I’ve seen their pics all over the internet and in magazines. I’m not trying to say you don’t have it bad, but I think you have to trust the world a little bit more. And maybe go places where they either know you well enough to leave you alone or somewhere where nobody knows you at all.”
“Like where?”
Annie didn’t miss a beat. “LA, New York. The same places all those other famous people go out. I’m sorry a child got hurt, but I’m guessing that was in a smaller town where they don’t have many celebrities.”
Bristol thought about it. Annie was right. “Okay. But there’s still paparazzi everywhere.”
“You just need somebody to go with you. Lizzy’s worthless. I’m sorry, but I feel like a part of her gaslights you so she can always be around to save you. Not a Lizzy fan anymore, by the way.”
Bristol had always thought her relationship with Lizzy was solid, but Annie brought up interesting points. She didn’t think Lizzy was gaslighting her, but knew she was overprotective. “She’s just protecting me, but I get what you’re saying. It’s time for her and me to take a break.”
“Are you really going to walk away from Top Shelf?” Annie asked softly.
She had to trust her. She wanted to trust her. “Yes. They don’t know it, but I’m not signing with them. I’m not signing with anyone. I just want peace. Please keep that to yourself. I still have a crew to pay, and Top Shelf owes me money. If they knew I was walking, they would stonewall me, and as much money as I have to sue for what they owe me, they have more.” Annie slowly nodded as she processed the info dump. Bristol’s anxiety ramped up, realizing she’d just shared very personal information with somebody who was almost in bed with Top Shelf. She trusted Annie, but sometimes things slipped out.
“You really don’t trust them, do you?”
Bristol had told her almost the entire story. Annie deserved the rest. “I know you don’t like Lizzy, but she saved me. Do you know who Denny Briggs is?”
“Big-shot producer, right? He assaulted that pop star.” Annie’s veins felt cold at the realization that maybe Denny had assaulted Bristol, too.
“Ruby Delgado. She’s the sweetest girl.” Bristol took a deep breath. “Before that, there were rumors about him for years. Tyson wanted him to produce one of my albums. When I said I wouldn’t work with Denny, Top Shelf forced me to. They threatened to sue over violation of contract. After that, Lizzy never let me record without her present. She wouldn’t even let me alone in the building at Top Shelf. She’s protective of me for a reason. It might be extreme, but I know where she’s coming from.”
Annie’s eyes grew wide and serious. “Oh, my God. That sounds horrible.”
“It wasn’t a great environment to produce albums in. I was on edge, stressed, and angry the whole time I was in the studio. I never knew if he would somehow succeed in getting me alone or if he would sabotage my art. Producers have a lot of pull in this industry,” Bristol said.
“What happened? How did you finally get a different producer?” Annie asked.
“He was arrested for assaulting Ruby. Sterling put on this whole show like they were shocked.”
“Wait. Sterling knew?”
“Oh, yeah,” Bristol said.
“I’m so sorry that happened. After spending time with her and hearing all of this, I’m really hesitant about her and Top Shelf. Was she always like that?” Annie asked.
Bristol bit her tongue to keep from spewing out her hatred. “Yes. You know she was my first girlfriend?” Annie nodded. “She broke my heart, but that’s not why I dislike her now. I think she uses every means possible to get people to sign bad contracts. She’s shady and takes advantage of young, eager musicians. Some people think it’s part of the industry, but I don’t. At least not an industry I want to be a part of.”
“She rubbed me wrong in Vegas, but during the tour of Top Shelf she was really nice. She even introduced me to Willow McAdams.”
Bristol couldn’t help the eye roll. “Look, I’m sorry, but she’s a chameleon. Once she realized you weren’t into flirting or impressed by expensive champagne, she changed her approach.” Bristol watched Annie’s face as she processed their very blunt conversation. It was a lot to digest. “Why don’t we take a break? I know we need to hit the road.”
“Yeah. I guess I have a lot to think about. Thank you for talking to me.”
“I’m really sorry for blowing you off. And I’ll talk to Lizzy about leaving you alone. You’re the first person I’ve connected with in a long time, and she’s probably jealous. It’s always been just us.”
“I’m sorry this hasn’t worked out the way you wanted it to, but you’ve been a role model for so many people, and your music has touched the hearts of millions. Know that what you’ve done in this world is beautiful.”
“Thank you for saying that.” Bristol was exhausted and wanted her to stay. She wanted to walk into Annie’s arms and just be held by somebody who gave a damn about her and not her career, but she didn’t know how to ask for comfort. Annie waved good night and walked off the bus as though Bristol hadn’t just poured her heart and soul out in the space between them.
“Ms. Baines? Are we ready to go?” Lou knocked on the door that Annie had just closed.
“We’re good, Lou. Thank you for waiting.” She dragged herself to her bedroom and locked the door. She didn’t care who rode with her on the bus as long as they left her alone.
* * *
The Angel/Devil tour was finally coming to an end. Bristol looked at the people who hustled around her and realized, as much as she appreciated their efforts, she was fine with not seeing them again for a very long time. Lizzy had given her a wide berth since their blowup and was very cordial and friendly when they did communicate.
None of this mattered anymore. In eight hours, she would be home. She and Lizzy had already discussed bonuses and had deposits ready to drop in everyone’s account by the morning. Lizzy had a meeting with Top Shelf after Labor Day to deliver the news that Bristol was dropping them as a label.
“Are you ready for tonight?” Dom asked. She was the only one who either was oblivious to the mounting tension or didn’t care.
“I can’t tell you how ready I am,” Bristol said. She’d stayed close to the tour bus the last few days, not really having a place to land. Once the concert was over and the bands said their good-byes, that was it.
“Do you want to do a farewell video? It might be a good idea to publicly thank everyone,” Dom said.
“That’s a brilliant idea, and yes. When and where do you think?”
Dom sized her up and looked around. “I mean, we can do it here right now. You look amazing, as always. It might seem more heartfelt, too, instead of onstage in the heat of the moment.”
“Good idea. Where should I sit?” Bristol was still made up from a live appearance on Hollywood Hills with Lauren Lucas, so there was nothing for her to do other than find a place on the bus with the best background. Dom would set up the ring light, since the lighting on the bus was either too bright or too dark.
“Over there. Get comfortable. I’ll set up.”
Dom pointed to the chair that was closest to the front of the bus. Bristol looked confused. “Is this the best location?”
“You’re on tour. On a bus. It’s perfect. Trust me.”
Bristol watched as Dom expertly arranged the tripod and light. She threw out suggestions for Bristol before they decided she should wing it. It would sound more organic coming straight from the heart and not from cue cards.
“Tonight is the last night of the Angel/Devil tour, and I want to thank so many people who made this happen. I have to start with Top Shelf for arranging the tour and putting me in front of fans all over the world. My heart goes out to my manager Lizzy, who made the tour run like a well-oiled machine and for being my strength when I needed it. Where would this tour be without the crew that builds the beautiful and safe sets in every city? Thank you to them and to my stylists and assistants. I needed every single person on this tour, and they did amazing work night after night.” Bristol paused, not for effect, but because she was getting emotional. “Thank you to all the bands and singers who opened for me. Fast Cars is an incredible band, and I hope my fans enjoyed their music as much as I did. Ali Hart started the tour with us but had to leave because baby number three decided to show up earlier than planned, but that gave us Annie Foster, whose crisp, clear voice wowed us all. And all of this—the videos, the photos of the tour, the social media posts—are managed by my friend Dom. Come over here, say hi.” Dom’s eyes widened, but she walked over to Bristol, looked at the camera, and waved. She was quick to duck back out of sight so Bristol could finish. “And my fans.” She rested both her hands on her heart. “Thank you so much for your continued support over the years and helping me grow into the person I am today. I love you all, and I hope you enjoyed the tour.”
Dom signaled they were done recording and gave her a thumbs-up. “That was beautiful, Bristol. Even though you pulled me into it.” She pretended to be perturbed, but Bristol knew Dom loved the attention.
“Thank you for everything you’ve done on the tour. I know it’s hard to be away from your family and friends,” Bristol said. Dom was always going to be with her, even if it was in a smaller capacity. She was too good at juggling all the accounts, and she knew Bristol’s brand better than Bristol did. She liked posting the little, fun things like the flirting with Annie. What was she going to do about Annie? They’d talked a few times since the big bus blowout, but their exchanges were more cordial than personal, and Bristol hated it. She missed Annie’s warmth and her sunny disposition.
“Everything starts early today. How are you feeling?” Dom asked as she broke down the light and packed her messenger bag. As if sensing Bristol’s vulnerability, she sat opposite her and waited patiently for Bristol to answer.
Bristol appreciated Dom’s attention. “I’m overwhelmed but also excited for it to be over. I get to sleep in my own bed tonight. I’m sure we’re all happy to be heading home.”
“This was a learning experience, and I got to see the world, so don’t think you took anything from me, from any of us. Thank you for trusting me with your online presence. I think everything turned out well.”
Bristol squeezed Dom’s hand. “Because of you, I have millions of followers. And you really helped promote other musicians on tour with us. I think we all got a much-appreciated boost.” She didn’t want to get emotional, knowing full well that she would cry onstage. Some part of tonight would break her, but she didn’t know what or when. She could feel a vulnerable shift inside. “Now go spend some time for yourself. Thank you for being so wonderful.” Bristol got her first heartfelt hug in days and fought hard to keep the tears at bay.