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WE ARE SITTING IN MY room waiting for Ceryn to come back.
Archer sits with me on the window seat. Weaver and Finn are talking in low voices. Della is brushing Addyson’s hair in front of the fire; she’s like a mother to her, always fussing over her. I like it. Ginata and the teacher are discussing Archer’s recovery and how the teacher kept him alive.
I am quiet. I’m holding Archer’s hand, but my arm has gone numb and I can’t even feel his touch anymore. This little group of friends and family are my supporters, my most loyal subjects. People who I like and who like me.
Being the Kingmaker and a royal princess was a strange and isolated upbringing. My life was filled with people; little maids serving me, bringing me anything I wanted at any time of the day. I had lessons with different teachers for each subject. I nagged to be allowed to join in with Macsen and Millard. We’d ride horses, practice archery. My path crossed with hundreds of people every day. There were jousts and feasts and players and singers, visitors from one end of the Realm and the other. Life was busy and full but I was completely lonely. My only friends were Lanorie and Will. One a servant and one a fool in the making.
There has never been a person who chose to be with me and spend time with me because they liked me, apart from Will, and he did everything he could to make our time together good. And it was. We laughed and played about and were silly and daft. But I wasn’t normal.
I wasn’t a commoner in the village, a little urchin running around with the other children. I couldn’t play in the river on a hot day or chase puppies through the woods. I couldn’t pick fruit or hunt rabbits or kiss boys.
I spent a lot of time imagining my death. My entry in to the Kingmaker book. My little life, my short story. How can any Kingmaker make her mark on the world when her only job is to die and choose a new King?
I didn’t have ideas, or thoughts, or choices.
But now I do.
The whole Realm has opened up to me and everything has changed. I can plan things; I can make things happen. I pull my hand away from Archer’s and it startles him; he was probably as deep in thought as I was. “Alright?” I love the concern on his face. He cares about me and worries about me.
“Fine. Worried about Will. But fine.”
I stand up needing to move when there’s a knock at the door and it’s pushed open. Archer and Weaver have their hands on their weapons before the door fully opens and we see Ceryn and Will.
She’s in a right mess – blood gushing from a cut above her eyebrow and Will’s lip is bleeding. He runs towards me and I have to catch him; his legs give way and we sink to the floor in a huddle. He is crying and so am I. When I complain about a boring childhood with no friends, I am not speaking ill of Will. This boy would have died to save my life the night he took my place in my bed and my brother Macsen stabbed him. I thank the gods every day that Macsen was a terrible swordsman and I will thank the gods every day that Millard spared him this morning from the noose. He is my favourite person, above even Archer. He’s like my family, like a brother. I love him and I know him, like I know myself. He’s part of my heart. I am so happy that he’s alive and that we’re together again I never want to let go of him. The sight of him and the smell of him and the sound of his voice are so familiar to me, so calming.
“I am so sorry,” he says to me and I shush him.
If we all want to apologise for the things that have been said and done since I made the river rise none of us would ever get anything else done. I smile at Cook as she places a heap of goodies on the table, before kissing me and bustling away.
“We’ve got Wolf,” Ceryn says, her eyes dancing with delight. She pulls off her mask. It must be so hot and sweaty for her having to wear it all the time.
“What do you mean?” I know what she means, really, but I can’t believe our luck might be changing.
“I found Will walking up to the castle and we rode back together on Pitch. On the way from the stables Wolf attacked us. He punched me and tied me up, then did the same to Will.
I glance at Will and he looks embarrassed. I put my hand on his arm. I know how he feels; I compare myself to Ceryn and find myself wanting. She’s so plucky and feisty. I’ve never known a girl like her. She’s not like normal girls and that sounds like a criticism but it’s not; she’s better. Nothing phases her, nothing frightens her, but I know it must make Will feel useless in comparison.
“I head butted him and then we locked him in the tower.”
“You make it sound so easy.” Will shakes his head. “We both had our hands tied up behind our backs. Ceryn not only manages to head butt him, but knocks him to the floor, gets the key off him and escapes, barring him in there until Cook comes to help us lock him in.”
She can even win a fight against Wolf with no hands. This girl is a legend. “Archer, I think Ceryn should be the head of my army. Not you.”
He tries to look offended but then both him and Weaver shrug, laughing. They cannot deny the warrior inside this girl. The natural born soldier. She will be my greatest ally and protector if she chooses to continue here at the castle once I am Queen. I hope she will. “Will you stay here, Ceryn? You and Weaver?”
She bows low and I can see tears soften her eyes. “I would be honoured.”
Weaver nods. “That makes two of us.”
I don’t ask Archer; I know he’ll stay here. There is something growing between us. I’m a bit nervous of it really, now I don’t have my father here to give me advice.
I look over at the teacher, head to head with Ginata, talking softly. I hope he stays. He’s clever and kind and wise, more than even Halfreda was, and that’s saying a lot.
I need good people around me. I need all the help I can get. I know I’ve done stupid things, like trying to kill Millard in his bed and I know with a whole Realm to run I’ll need advisors that I listen to. I want to do well. I want to be a good Queen.
These people will be the most important ones in my court. Ceryn, Archer and Weaver to protect me, the people who live and work at the castle and the people who live in the Realm. That’s a big job. I want every person in the Realm, from the smallest village to the biggest to feel safe and happy, to be listened to. Criminals will have to be punished and justice will have to be served. I don’t even know where to begin with that.
My sister Addyson needs to be safe and happy. She’s the only family I have left. I’d like Della to live at the castle with us, be her guardian. I don’t know if that’s too much to ask, but it’s what I want. I won’t make her do it though. I won’t make an order as Queen. I don’t want to be that kind of Queen. If she can’t stay, then I hope she’ll visit often. Addyson has bloomed under Della’s attentions. She’s happier than ever.
Ginata, I’d like her to continue as wise woman of the castle. She’s done a wonderful job putting up with my brother and I know it won’t have been easy. I can sense a sadness in her and I worry about her. Millard is a mean old thing and I worry that looking after him and being away from us has upset her more than she would ever let on. I like her. She’s a hundred years younger than Halfreda, though how old I don’t know. She’s young and fresh and pretty. And I think the castle will benefit from her energy; so many of my father’s men were as old as Halfreda – not that youth is better than age or experience but some of them were so old and unable to do anything they were pretty much ready for the Ashes.
Once Ginata perks up it’ll be good, I think. With Millard gone she’s bound to start feeling a bit better, a bit more like her old self. I hope so. I like her a lot.
And Will. I certainly don’t want Will to be my fool. A fool is someone who wants to make people laugh and while he’s good at that, it’s not what’s in his heart, I don’t think. Will is a fool because his father was a fool and yet he’s the least foolish person I know. He is too wise and clever to be a fool and I would appreciate his help and advice as I make my way as Queen. And I know he’ll give it.
I feel overwhelmed by it all, all the things I have to do, the decisions I have to make and yet if I can continue doing as well as I have, choosing these people as my helpers, then maybe I’ll do well.
I ask one of the little maids for extra pallets and extra bedding. We are all in dire need of sleep. It’s been the longest day.