“Those G-spot things sound great—where do you buy one?” Read this and you won’t be the one who says it
abortion: Prematurely ending a pregnancy, usually through an operation called a termination.
AIDS (acquired immune deficiency syndrome): A condition caused by the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) where the body loses its ability to defend itself against illness. The most feared sexually transmitted infection of all, but avoided by using condoms and practicing safe sex.
anal intercourse: When a man inserts his penis into his partner’s anus. Some people’s idea of heaven, others’ of hell.
aphrodisiac: Any substance believed to stimulate or enhance sexual desire. Everything from oysters and champagne to ground-up goat’s toenails has been touted as one. Some work psychologically, few actually do anything.
areola: The pinky-brown ring surrounding the nipple.
arousal: Getting excited or turned-on. The physiological and mental changes that happen to our body when someone we like touches us in all the right places.
A-spot: The “anterior fornex erogenous,” an extremely sensitive section of the front vaginal wall, about one-third of the way down from the cervix. The G-spot’s neighbor.
bestiality: If your neighbors confess to it, lock up your dog. It means they enjoy sex with animals.
bisexual: Being attracted to both John and Jane—and not really minding which one you end up with.
blow job: The everyday term for her giving him oral sex. The official term is “fellatio.”
bondage: Tying someone up before having your wicked way with them or vice versa.
breasts: Two, frequently ogled, mounds of flesh found at chest level on women. Breasts come in all different shapes and sizes and you can buy a new pair if you don’t like your own.
buttocks: The fleshy, muscular cheeks of our butts that frequently dictate our jean size.
casual sex: Short-term affairs spent mostly in the bedroom.
CAT (Coital Alignment Technique): A new way to have intercourse that involves rolling rather than thrusting.
celibacy: Voluntarily abstaining from sex for reasons the rest of us can’t fathom.
cervix: The neck of the uterus that connects it to the vagina. Otherwise known as the part that hurts when hit by an over-enthusiastic, long penis.
chemistry: The X-factor, the I-don’t-know-why-I-like-him-I-just-do thing. Chemistry is God’s way of ensuring we all don’t like the same person, since a healthy dose of it can make an ugly duckling seem like a swan to someone who’s tuned in to their vibes.
circumcision: Removal of the foreskin of the penis, usually done at birth for religious or hygienic reasons.
climax: Orgasm, coming, getting off. The point during sex when someone could cut your big toe off and you wouldn’t notice.
clitoris: A little, pea-sized organ at the top of a woman’s vulva which becomes erect when stimulated. Plays a huge part in the process that leads to orgasm. Find hers, treat it with respect, and she’s yours forever.
come: Slang for the semen he ejaculates on orgasm. “Coming” is slang for orgasm.
come out: A short form for “coming out of the closet” or openly admitting you’re gay—when you realize all that bending over with a low-cut top on was totally wasted on your best friend’s roommate.
compatibility: Sharing the same interest and outlook on life as your partner. Dick and Dora are very compatible because they both like dressing up in latex.
condom: A thin rubber sheath designed to stop sperm and nasty germs from entering the vagina. Unfortunately, they don’t work unless you take them out of the packet and place them over an erect penis before having intercourse.
contraception: Things you swallow, insert, or put on to avoid getting pregnant.
crotch: The genital area that both sexes emphasize with tight, body-hugging clothing if they think they’ve got something worth advertising.
cunnilingus: Giving her head, going down on her. The correct term for oral sex that no one uses because they either can’t pronounce it or think it’s gross.
deep throat: A term inspired by the bottomless-mouthed porn queen, Linda Lovelace. She was able to take the entire length of the penis into her mouth and throat without gagging. The rest of us find our tonsils get in the way.
deviation: Any form of sexual activity considered to be abnormal by the majority of the population.
dildo: An artificial erect penis used for masturbation.
douche: A device for squirting water or other liquid into the vagina to cleanse it. Totally useless and quite harmful since the liquid often messes up the natural pH level in the vagina.
ejaculation: Shooting your load, coming. The ejection of semen from the penis through a series of pleasurable muscle contractions.
erection: Getting a hard-on, or a stiffy. The swelling and stiffening of the penis (or clitoris or nipples) during sexual stimulation.
erogenous zones: Parts of the body especially sensitive to sexual stimulation, differing dramatically from person to person and the situation. His forehead may turn into an erogenous zone if Pamela Anderson’s the one touching it.
erotica: Something (usually a book, magazine, video, or sex aid) that tastefully turns us on and makes us feel like having sex. (We call tasteless turn-ons pornography.)
erotic massage: Specific massage techniques that concentrate on the genitals.
ESO (Extended Sexual Orgasms) technique: A long and involved (but worth trying) series of techniques designed to make your orgasms last longer.
exhibitionist: A sexual show-off. Someone who likes others watching them. Having sex on your dining table with the blinds open in full view of the neighbors innocently watching The Simpsons is exhibitionistic behavior.
family planning clinic: A special clinic that provides information and advice about contraception and all sex-related matters. (See Planned Parenthood, index.)
fantasy: Imagining sexual situations or events involving real or imaginary people. The official term for those X-rated daydreams you amuse yourself with on the bus.
fellatio: Blow job, sucking him off. Using your tongue and mouth to excite his penis.
fertile: Being able to get pregnant or capable of making someone pregnant.
fetish: A sexual behavior where the handling of a specific, often inanimate object (like rubber clothing or preworn panties) is necessary for sexual satisfaction. If he can only orgasm if you wear your high heels to bed, he’s got a shoe fetish.
fidelity: Resisting going home with the best-looking guy at the party because you’d upset the one you already have. Staying faithful.
foreplay: Petting, feeling each other up, playing with each other. The stuff most people do before intercourse but should do during and after as well.
foreskin: The retractable fold of skin covering the tip of the penis on uncircumcised men that hurts if you yank it back too quickly.
frenulum: The string of particularly sensitive skin where the head of the penis meets the shaft. It’s on the underside (the side closest to his testicles) and well worth introducing yourself to.
frigid: An outdated, Victorian term used to describe women who aren’t interested in sex. Only used today by drunk men in bars to explain why the woman they attempted to screw wasn’t interested.
gay: Homosexual, camp. This used to be a blanket term for all homosexuals but is now mainly used to describe men who are attracted to or have sexual relations with other men. Female homosexuals generally prefer being called “lesbian.”
genitals: The external sex organs—a man’s penis and testicles, a woman’s labia, clitoris, and vagina.
group sex: More than two people having sex with each other at the same time. Works great in fantasies, has a tendency to backfire in reality.
G-spot: A hot spot discovered by the German physician Dr. Ernst Grafenberg. It’s a small, slightly raised, sensitive area about 2.5 inches inside the vagina on the front wall.
hard-on: See erection.
head (of the penis): The mushroom-shaped bit at the top of the penis that’s softer than a baby’s bottom.
heterosexual: People who are only sexually attracted to the opposite sex. If you’re female and can’t have John, you wouldn’t even consider Jane.
HIV (human immunodeficiency virus): The virus that causes AIDS.
homophobes: People who are incredibly rude to and about homosexuals because they have psychological hang-ups about them.
homosexual: People who are attracted to people of the same sex.
hormone: A chemical substance produced by the endocrine gland which plays an important part in sexual and reproductive functions and alters moods. Why one day you feel like being Annie Sprinkle, the next Mother Theresa.
hymen: A thin membrane that partly covers the entrance to the vagina before a woman first has intercourse. The hymen used to be considered proof that a woman was a virgin. These days, tampons and physical exercise break it more often than peruses do.
impotence: Not being able to get it up, the inability to achieve an erection.
inhibitions: Thoughts, morals, or feelings that stop you from letting loose and enjoying sex to the fullest.
Kama Sutra: Possibly the world’s first sex manual and a literary classic. Written by Vatsyana in the fourth to fifth centuries A.D.
Kegels: Exercises designed to strengthen the pubococcygeal muscle (PC), which controls the size and grip of the vagina. Men also have a PC muscle and should also exercise it.
kinky: Something sexual you do that others would love to but don’t have the courage.
Kinsey (the Kinsey Institute): World-respected American sexperts.
K-Y jelly: The brand name of a popular water-based lubricant.
labia: The lips of the female genitals. The small ones are called the “labia minora,” the larger outer ones the “labia majora.”
lesbian: A woman who has sexual relations with another woman.
libido: The desire or urge to have sex, your “sex drive.”
love: A very strong feeling of attachment or desire to someone or something. Often confused with “lust” (see below).
lubrication: Oils, creams, or gels that are used to add moisture to the genital area to reduce friction and make sex more comfortable. Any couple who is serious about sex has some in their bathroom or bedside cabinet. K-Y jelly and Astroglide are lubricants.
lust: A strong desire to have sex with someone. The havoc-wreaking emotion that makes us go for the hunk on the Harley over the sensible accountant our mother wants us to date.
making love: Having sex with someone you’re happy to wake up with in the morning as opposed to simply having sex.
masochist: Someone who gets pleasure from pain.
Masters and Johnson: Pioneer sex researchers.
masturbation: Playing with yourself. Stimulating your own genitals to achieve orgasm. Mutual masturbation is when you and your partner stimulate each other’s genitals.
ménage à trois: The French term for a threesome.
menstruation: Period. The monthly discharge of blood that takes place if no eggs are fertilized.
missionary: The most famous, most used position for intercourse. He lies on top of her.
monogamy: Only having sex with one person over a specific period of time.
mons pubis or mound of Venus:The soft, mound-shaped pad of fat, covered in hair, that cushions the woman’s pubic bone so it doesn’t hurt when he’s on top.
Morning After Pill (MAP): A pill containing a high dose of estrogen that can prevent pregnancy if taken seventy-two hours after unprotected intercourse.
necrophiliacs: Seriously weird people who want to have sex with dead bodies.
nipple: The tip of the breast that becomes erect if sexually stimulated (or it’s really freezing).
Nonoxynol-9: A chemical present in most spermicides. It kills the HIV virus in laboratories, but unfortunately doesn’t appear to be as successful in real life.
normal: Like everyone else, average, not different. The most commonly asked sex question in relation to any behavior is “Am I normal?” Somehow, being “normal” makes people feel better. Strange, when normal often equates to boring.
nymphomaniac: A woman who wants lots of sex or sex with more than one man. Commonly used by men to describe a girlfriend who wants it more than they feel like providing.
oral sex: Using the mouth to stimulate the genitals. See also cunnilingus, fellatio. orgasm: Climax, coming. The peak of sexual excitement usually accompanied by muscle contractions.
orgy: A wild, abandoned group sex experience usually involving excessive drinking and drugs. A favorite in Roman times and really bad R-rated movies. Good luck finding one outside Hollywood ovaries: The two female sex glands on either side of the uterus.
ovulation: The monthly release of an ovum (egg) from an ovary.
Pap test: A smear test used to screen against cancer, particularly cancer of the cervix. If you’re over sixteen, sexually active, and female, you should be having them regularly.
PC muscle: See Kegels.
penetration: Putting something inside something, him “entering” you. Usually used to describe the insertion of his penis into a vagina or anus.
penis: The erectile male sex organ. The long, hard thing that pokes you in the back while you’re trying to sleep.
perineum: In women, the area between the vagina and the anus; in men, the area between the scrotum and the anus. In both, a highly charged sexual area.
period: See menstruation.
pervert: Anyone who gets sexual satisfaction from doing something unusual. Definitions of “perverted” behavior vary depending on who’s using the word. To a ninety-six-year-old virgin, tongue-kissing may be seen as perverted. To a twenty-one-year-old male, smearing chocolate sauce all over his girlfriend’s body and licking it off while she’s tied to the fridge isn’t.
petting: Feeling each other up. See also foreplay.
pheromones: Substances secreted by the body, with an often undetectable odor, that stimulate sexual desire in others. Perfumes attempt to simulate the effect of natural pheromones; some are more successful than others.
Pill, the: A tiny tablet that turned a set of sexual mores upside down. Taken daily and correctly, it’s an oral contraceptive that stops women from getting pregnant.
platonic relationship: A close relationship between two people that doesn’t involve sex. Liking but not lusting after someone.
pornography: Material designed to stimulate sexual exitement that’s rarely left on people’s coffee tables. Hard-core porn is explicit, nothing-left-to-the-imagination stuff. Soft-core porn doesn’t require any imagination either but you don’t get to see any pink parts.
precome or preejaculatory fluid: The stuff that comes out of his penis before the real whoosh. Mother Nature thoughtfully provided it so the penis slips easily into the vagina.
pregnant: Knocked up, having a bun in the oven, about to have a baby. A time of great joy or desperation depending on the woman it happens to and what’s happening in her life.
premarital sex: Sex between two people who aren’t married. What just about everyone under the age of twenty-five is doing. Extramarital sex is sex between two people when one, or both, are already married to someone else. What lots of people over the age of twenty-five are doing.
premature ejaculation: When he ejaculates before his partner or he is finished with his erect penis. This could be before he’s even penetrated, three thrusts in, or an hour later—it all depends on what the couple’s definition of “too early” is.
promiscuity: Sleeping with lots of people on a casual basis. Promiscuous to one person might mean three partners a year, another might define it as more than three a week.
prostate gland: The male gland that surrounds the neck of the bladder and the urethra. The male G-spot (found in his rectum).
prostitute: Someone who gets paid for having sex. Women or men who marry purely for money aren’t called prostitutes but they technically fit the definition.
quickie: Sex in a hurry, usually when both of you are so hot you don’t need foreplay and want penetration NOW!
rape or sexual abuse: To force someone, either with violence or verbal threats, to have any type of sexual contact against their will.
rear entry: Him penetrating her from behind.
rubber: Slang for condom.
sadism: When a person gains pleasure from inflicting pain or “disciplining” another. S and M is short for “sadism and masochism,” getting turned-on by inflicting and/or receiving pain.
safe period: The stage in a woman’s menstrual cycle when she’s least likely to get pregnant.
safe sex: Sex that carries a relatively low risk of contracting STIs or HIV, like kissing, mutual masturbation, or using a condom during other activities.
scrotum: The pouch of loose, wrinkled skin that contains a man’s testicles.
semen: The mixture of sperm and seminal fluid ejaculated from a man’s penis during orgasm. We usually say “sperm” but the correct term is “semen.”
sex aid or toy: Any object used to generate or enhance sexual arousal and/or orgasm. If a jar of peanut butter puts a twinkle in your eye when used in a certain way, it’s a sex aid.
sex drive: See libido.
sex therapist: A psychologist who is specially trained to solve your sexual problems. A good one is worth his or her weight in gold. shaft: The length of the penis.
69: Two people simultaneously giving each other oral sex. The position they adopt—head to toe—resembles the number 69 when viewed from certain angles.
sleeping with someone: A euphemism usually meaning you did everything but. smegma: A smelly, cheeselike substance that accumulates under the foreskin of an uncircumcised male or under the hood of a woman’s clitoris because of poor hygiene. Capable of putting either sex off oral sex for good.
sodomy: Anal intercourse.
sperm: The male reproductive cell. Millions of sperm are produced in the testicles and mixed with seminal fluid before being ejaculated from the penis.
spermicide: A substance placed in the vagina or used with condoms or diaphragms to kill the hardy little buggers.
squeeze technique: A method of curing premature ejaculation where a man or his partner squeezes the head of the penis before he reaches the point where ejaculation is inevitable.
STD: See STL STD is the old term for STL They dropped “disease” and replaced it with “infection” because it sounds less off-putting.
STI (sexually transmitted infection): Infections that are passed from one person to another during some form of sex. Not high on anyone’s wish list.
straight: See heterosexual.
stripping: Removing your clothes provocatively rather than yanking them off willy-nilly and leaving them in a pile at the end of the bed.
swinging: Partner swapping with other singles or couples. Dangerous stuff.
testicles: Balls, nuts, testes. The two male sex glands carried in, the scrotum that manufacture sperm and produce sex hormones. Extremely sensitive, they produce a pain quite unlike any other if knocked or kicked. testosterone: The primary male sex hormone responsible for the male sex drive. Women also produce it and it’s responsible for our sex drive as well.
thrusting: The act of him pushing his penis in and out of a vagina or anus.
transsexual: A man or woman who feels they are really a member of the opposite sex trapped in the wrong body. Many undergo sex change operations.
transvestite: A man (sometimes a woman) who has a compulsion to cross-dress (i.e., dress in the clothes of the opposite sex). Him throwing on your robe to get you both a cup of coffee on a cold morning doesn’t make him a transvestite.
uncut: An uncut penis is one that is uncircumcised.
unprotectedx sex: Sex without a condom which puts you at risk of pregnancy and STIs.
urethra: The tube through which urine is passed from the bladder. In men, it’s also the tube through which semen is ejaculated.
uterus: The womb. A tranquil place where the baby lives until it’s ready to face the world. Not surprisingly, most refuse to budge and have to be pushed out.
vagina: The soft, short passage that leads from a woman’s vulva to her cervix. Also the part where he puts his penis during intercourse.
vas deferens: Either of the two tubes that carry sperm from the testicles.
vasectomy: A male sterilization procedure that cuts or seals the vas deferens so sperm can’t pass into the semen.
VD (venereal disease): An old-fashioned term for STIs.
vibrator: Battery or electrically powered device, often penis-shaped, that’s used to stimulate the genitals. Guaranteed to fall out of a closet when your mother-in-law visits.
virgin: Any person who has not had sexual intercourse.
voyeur: Peeping Tom. Someone who enjoys watching others have sex (often more than doing it themselves).
vulva: The external sex organs of a woman. Everything you can see.
water sports: Playing polo or volleyball in water, skiing on top of it—or having sex that somehow involves urination.
wet dreams: Previously used to describe a nocturnal experience that made men involuntarily ejaculate in their sleep and the sheets stick together. Now, sexperts believe women have wet dreams, too (though they’re a lot less messy). Any dream where either sex is so turned-on, they have an orgasm in their sleep or wake during the throes of one. withdrawal method: A somewhat risky method of contraception where he agrees to remove his penis from the vagina just when he’s enjoying being in there the most.
Xmas: The time of the year when no one has sex very much because they’re either (a) too drunk, (b) too full, or (c) too broke to go out and get some.