2

Foreplay

Not just the appetizer, it can be the main course (and dessert) as well!

Foreplay?” joked a male acquaintance (note, not a friend) of mine. “Isn’t that when she says yes?”

Tragically, he’s not the only guy to think that way. It takes the average man two to three minutes of direct sexual stimulation with a partner to orgasm. It takes the average woman twenty to thirty—which goes a long way to explain why women are a lot keener on foreplay than men. Unless you’re talking fellatio, of course—there’s no such thing as a bad blow job. What are the three things men want more of in bed? Oral sex, oral sex, oral sex.

Okay, we’ve got the message already—only problem is, men don’t seem to have gotten ours. Let me put it very clearly. MOST WOMEN WANT MORE FOREPLAY. Some women would be grateful for any at all. But like everything else attached to sex, there are some outdated attitudes about it that seem to be clinging on for dear life.

Despite the name, foreplay isn’t necessarily something you do before sex. Stop thinking of it as an appetizer that’s to be raced through to get to a “main course” of intercourse and you’re halfway to becoming a better lover already. If you’re both really aroused, foreplay might be something you do after penetration, when you’ve taken the edge off. Experienced couples do it during intercourse—they’ll take a break for some oral sex or masturbation to keep the mood hot and heavy for longer. The most inventive lovers of all do nothing but foreplay the entire sex session. Not every time, just sometimes. Orgasms through mutual masturbation and oral sex are often more intense for both sexes; for some women it’s the only way they climax.

“I met a girl at a bar who looked me straight in the eye then said, ‘I want you inside me,’ within five minutes of meeting her. This happened at around 9 P.M. and we didn’t sleep together until the early hours of the morning, but I was in a state of high excitement from that moment on. That’s what I call good foreplay.”

Simon, 29, sales representative

Foreplay isn’t a luxury to indulge in when you’ve “got time,” especially if you are planning to have intercourse. It’s necessary for the woman’s vagina to physically prepare for penetration; without it, she’ll be left dry but not high. And even men who can get an erection by inserting a coin in a slot machine can’t deny that a good, slow, erotic “tease” dramatically heightens the sensations of intercourse.

Just one tip before you go gleefully poring through this chapter, eager to try out every suggestion: don’t try to do everything at once. One of my girlfriends, who’d complained to her lover that she was bored with sex, had ice dripped over her breasts (and up her nose), (prickly) feathers stroked all over her body, and a (rather too ripe) banana shoved you-know-where, all while she was blindfolded and tied to the bed, all at once. Full marks for effort but the shuddering climax he’d hoped for didn’t happen. She felt shuddery all right—like she’d just been put through the spin cycle of a washing machine.

If there’s one rule about foreplay it’s this: savor each experience, relax into it and take your time. Anticipation is one of the biggest turn-ons of all. Herein lies the secret of being a truly good lover—and truly hot sex.

WHAT EVERYONE WANTS MORE OF—MASSAGES!

In an ideal world, we’d all have two professional massages a week. Unfortunately, few of us have the time (let alone the cash), so that leaves … our partners, right? While no one particularly wants to start every romp around the bedroom with a leisurely massage, once a month is something all of” us can aspire to. By all means take turns massaging each other, but not in the same session. There’s nothing worse than having to put all those sensual feelings on hold if you have to reciprocate the minute your partner’s hands leave your body!

A sensual massage

Schedule it for a Saturday or Sunday afternoon when you have hours to while away. Take the phone off the hook, put something slow and sexy on the stereo, and make sure the room is warm. It’s more pleasurable for both of you if you’re both undressed—though he’s probably better off keeping his underwear on if it’s his turn to play masseur (an erect penis tends to get bumped around a bit). If you really want to make his day, leave one thing on (like a pair of sexy panties or high heels) while you’re massaging him. Aim to spend at least an hour sensuously plying him with your hands.

“My first husband was so predictable with fore-play, I could not only tell you exactly what he’d do, but what order and how long he’d spend on each bit. First he’d kiss me on the mouth, fondling my breasts at the same time. About one minute later, his hand would go straight to my genitals, he’d put a finger inside me and move it in and out a few times, then climb on top. He refused to talk to me about sex and denied there was a problem (he told me I’d been reading ‘too many books’ if I expected more). No wonder I left him.”

Rachel, 32, gym instructor

I’ve written this for a woman to follow, but the same technique will work for him, too.

Get him to lie facedown and cover all the bits you’re not massaging with towels. Start by warming some scented oil or baby oil between your palms. (Don’t drop it directly onto his skin—it’s cold!) Now gently stroke along his back. Skim your fingertips very lightly over the skin to make it supersensitive (this is the part where he gets goosebumps) before moving onto firmer strokes. You don’t need to be a professional because almost anything feels good, but you could try some or all of the following strokes.

• Circling: make firm circular movements with the hands, working outward and away from the backbone (the hand movements mirror each other).

• Gliding: put your hands on the lowest part of his buttocks, palms flat and fingers pointing toward his head. Use the weight of your body and push both hands up along the spine.

• Thumbstrokes: use your thumbs in a circular motion to ease muscular tension, particularly in tight areas. Similarly, try running your knuckles along either side of his spine for a blissful sensation. Generally, you should always work upward and away from the spine.

Make sure you pay attention to every (nongenital at this point) part of his body during the massage; massage his back and front including his hands, feet, bottom, and chest for the first half hour make it more relaxing than sexy—for the last, tease him mercilessly! Run your hands between his buttocks and penis, rub his inner thighs and lower stomach, but don’t touch his penis, no matter how much it strains toward you. After at least forty-five minutes of stroking and kneading, he’s ready for the pièce de résistance: an erotic genital, massage!

Around 28 percent of women aren’t happy with the amount of foreplay they’re getting, yet almost all of us need it to allow penetration and achieve organism¹

The knock-their-socks-off erotic version

Genital massage has been around for thousands of years, but has only recently been discovered by Western society—and westernized, of course! The true, unadulterated version draws heavily on the Kama Sutra and Tantric sex and is preceded by all sorts of bizarre, complicated rituals. But for our purposes (and because, to be honest, I’ve never found things like breathing in each other’s breath terribly sexy), we’ll skip straight to the nitty-gritty. You’ll chuckle over the names but these explicit techniques are easy to learn and can transform the most mediocre lover into a wow-honey-that-was-incredible lay overnight. You may need to have the book beside you the first couple of times to follow the instructions, but once you’ve mastered it … well, your lovers won’t forget you in a hurry!

    FOR HER

Most men assume the “power position” during sex, so erotic massage will be especially pleasurable for him because it’s a totally different sensation. Instead of you lying back and him doing all the work, he gets to relax and experience the sensation of touch while you take control.

Most of these techniques work best with him lying on his back on the bed, legs comfortably apart, and you kneeling between them. You’ll need lots of oil; a water-based one, sold at most sex shops, is ideal, but unscented massage oil or baby oil will do the trick. Ask him to give you feedback all the way through the massage, saying which strokes and pressure he prefers. Watch his face and read his body language for clues. The idea isn’t for him to orgasm quickly but to immerse himself in the concept of receiving pleasure. If it seems like he’s losing control, stop what you’re doing and lay both hands on top of his penis. Hold still, maintaining a firm but not heavy pressure, for about thirty seconds to calm him down. If you want him to orgasm, speed up the strokes.

The roll

Once he’s lying on his back, kneel between his legs. Hold his testicles between your fingers and thumb and roll them gently, slowly, and lightly using the pads of your fingertips.

After a few minutes, change into a tickling stroke: put your hands underneath his testicles so they’re resting gently on your fingertips and, using the pads of your fingers, tickle them. The lighter the pressure, the more exquisite the sensation.

Spiraling the stalk

This is great to use if he’s having trouble getting an erection.

Hold the base of the penis with one hand and take a firm hold of it with your other. Start at the bottom and slide to the top using a circular, twisting motion as you wind toward the head. Picture a corkscrew—that’s the sort of movement you’re imitating.

When you get to the head of the penis, use the palm of your hand to caress the entire surface. Only work upward.

“My girlfriend puts a hell of an effort into our sex life. Each time we have sex, she’ll introduce something new—whether it’s a position, a technique, or a location. It used to freak me out. I couldn’t help obsessing that she’d done all this with someone else (or was doing it on the side and picking up tricks that way). Then I figured she just had a vivid imagination and was really into sex. She drives me nuts outside the bedroom, but there’s no way I’m letting go of her.”

Neil, 19, mechanic

The 12 o’clock stroke

Save this one until he’s aroused and has a full erection. It’s called “12 o’clock” because you’re moving directly upward in a straight line.

Open your hand so your thumb and fingers are separated to make an L-shaped space. Slide your hand underneath the testicles until they rest between that space (if you’re using your left hand, your fingers would be on the left-hand side of the testicles, thumb on the right). Push up a little so you’re lifting them slightly.

With your palm down separate the first two fingers of your other hand to make a V and slide the penis between them working upward from the testicles to the head and tilting your hand so the flat of your hand brushes up against the shaft of the penis. Only work upward with this stroke. When you reach the head, remove your hand and start from the bottom again. Don’t just slide up the middle; try sliding up the sides as well.

Making fire

This is the final technique because he’s almost certain to orgasm.

Imagine you have a stick between your hands and are trying to start a fire by rolling it. Hold the palms of your hands straight, facing either side of his penis.

Using a rolling/rubbing motion, start at the bottom of his penis and slide upward, then down again, keeping the motion consistent and rhythmic. His penis will sit naturally between your palms. Start slowly, then build pressure and speed when he approaches orgasm.

    FOR HIM

Rather than foreplay, think of her erotic massage as a sensual gift. It may lead to intercourse, but she’s far more likely to enjoy it if there’s no pressure to have sex at the end. As with the male massage, most of these techniques work best if she’s lying on her back with her legs apart and you’re kneeling between them. Put pillows under her knees and let her legs fall open naturally: it’s more comfortable and she’ll feel less vulnerable and exposed.

Don’t use oil on her vagina; use a thin, liquid lubricant. K-Y is too heavy. Try Astroglide, Glyde, or Sylk (available at pharmacies and sex shops). Warm the lubricant by rubbing it between your fingers.

Ask her to tell you which strokes feel best, whether she prefers a firm or gentle touch. If you’re unsure, err on the too gentle side; she’ll probably push against your hand if she wants more pressure. Keep the rhythm regular and don’t chop and change techniques too much. Watch her face—if it’s relaxed, so is her body.

Remember, erotic massage isn’t meant to replace foreplay. Use these techniques every single time you make love and sex will, once more, become routine and predictable. Instead, adapt the strokes to suit her individual preferences, combine techniques, invent some of your own—then transport her to orgasmic heaven!

Stroking the thighs

Perform this first to relax and arouse her.

Alternating between using the flat of your palms and your fingertips, lightly brush up the inside of her thigh. Then do the whole length of her body. Start at the ankles, brushing over the genitals and pubic hair, then move up to the breasts, circling around them. Repeat several times.

Focusing on the genitals, stroke the pubic hair and genital area using soft, gentle motions. Use your fingers to gently stroke and “tap” the outer labia (the outside lips), keeping up a regular, consistent rhythm.

Awakening the clitoris

Lie next to her or kneel between her legs. Using the knuckles of your first two fingers, knead the outer labia lips, moving backward and forward while massaging. Make sure you’re kneading, not pinching. Working downward, massage the whole labia with a firm but gentle pressure. Move downward toward the anus, then lift your hand and start at the top again. Alternatively, you can use your thumb and first finger if that feels more comfortable.

The two-finger stroke

Nicknamed the “bread and butter” stroke, this technique is the easiest and simplest way of giving her pleasure.

Rest your thumb and index finger at the top of the vagina (the end where the clitoris is), on the inside lips. Rotate your fingers around the top of the clitoris, then move your fingers downward. Massage and roll evenly, rubbing up and down on either side of the vagina, settling into an even rhythm.

She’s ready for more direct clitoral stimulation when she opens her legs wider, pushes against your hand, or raises her pelvis off the bed.

Rock around the clock

It’s extremely useful to imagine a clock dial surrounding the vaginal area, the top (near her pubic hair) being the 12 o’clock position and the lowest point (near the vaginal opening) being 6 o’clock. If she tells you what feels good, you can memorize the position (3 o’clock, 9 o’clock) for next time. Plus she can direct you more accurately. This technique was adapted from the Tantric original by the outrageous (but ever inventive) sex guru Annie Sprinkle.

Using the tip of your finger, move around the clitoris in a circular motion. Using bigger circles continue the circular motion down the entire length of the vagina, alternating with stroking, teasing caresses with your fingertips.

Now move back to the clitoris and circle directly over it with a fingertip. Some women don’t like direct clitoral stimulation, so check with her which area feels best when stimulated, using the “clock” as a guide.

Try “pulling” the clitoris between two fingers. It’s not actually possible to get a grip on it, but the pulling motion feels fabulous!

Entering the garden

This is a double-action stroke that works on the G-spot and clitoris simultaneously to bring most women to orgasm.

Insert a finger (or two) into her well-lubricated vagina, curving them so you’re working on the front wall (imagine you’re aiming upward to her stomach). Hold your finger still for a few seconds; she may move against it, but don’t apply pressure until she feels comfortable.

The G-spot feels like a small, textured lump. When aroused, it engorges with blood and becomes more sensitive. Once you’ve found it, move into a “come here” motion, like you’re beckoning someone with your finger. Don’t press hard or constantly; a gentle, stroking motion is usually far more pleasurable. Try a “zig-zag” motion so your fingers are passing over the G-spot without concentrating on it too directly.

With your other hand, “rock around the clock,” circling the clitoris with your finger, thumb, or a flat-surfaced vibrator. Also try moving directly back and forth over it as she’s about to orgasm.

ABOVE THE BELT: A GUIDE TO STIMULATING HER (AND HIS) BREASTS

If you’re a DD cup, encouraging him to pay attention to your breasts usually isn’t a problem (getting him to pay attention to anything else probably is). But for those of us whose grandmothers don’t even notice when we go without a bra, our breasts are often bypassed on the way to what men perceive to be the real goodies, the genitals. Yet for most women—and lots of men—the breast area is highly erotic, playing a vital part in sexual excitement.

As with the rest of our bodies, what we like, when, and how we want you to touch them is all individual. As a general rule, start off gently and slowly, increasing the pressure in line with your partner’s arousal. Watch their body language carefully to see how they respond to different touches—and make sure it’s desire that’s making the nipples erect, not the cold breeze drifting in through the open window!

    FOR HIM

Try sucking, nibbling, licking, stroking, or gently squeezing the entire area. The nipples and areola (the pinky brown area around the nipples) are sensitive but so is the area underneath. Some women feel zilch when you directly touch their nipples, but stroke underneath and, hey presto, they’ll stiffen immediately. Use your tongue, fingers, whole hand, lips, and the head of your erect penis to stimulate the entire area.

Some women like their nipples flicked, pinched hard, or bitten. But this very much depends not only on personal taste, her mood, and how many glasses of wine she’s had, but where she is in her menstrual cycle. Sometimes, even your fingers might feel too rough; other times, what seems like a fierce bite to you might not be hard enough for her. There’s no magic way of telling what she’ll want on a particular day—just ask her what feels good.

Men are more likely to reach orgasm during intercourse while feeling your breasts than you are from having them felt.²

    FOR HER

Some men’s nipples seem to be directly linked to their penis. Suck, stroke, or tweak them and they’ll get an instant erection. Other men are lukewarm to the idea—play all you like, but he’ll still look about as excited as someone sitting in the dentist’s waiting room. Again, there’s only two ways to find out which category he fits into. Open your mouth and apply it to a nipple to see how he responds, or ask him directly.

Use the same techniques he uses on you (or that you’d like him to)—nibbling, stroking, sucking the nipples gently to begin with, tipping the pressure if he seems to enjoy it.

Try a Tantric technique. Put a glass of water with ice cubes in it by the bed. Rub an ice cube on his nipples to make them stand up and get the blood flowing to that area. Now use your fingertips to make a circular motion around the nipple, alternating occasionally with a little pinch. Pull at the nipples to draw them out, watching his face to see which motion arouses him most.

DELICIOUS DETOURS

“Happiness isn’t a destination; it’s a means of traveling.” This old saying can be applied to foreplay. Rush through the “traveling” and you might find the destination isn’t quite as exciting as you’d expected. Lavish attention on the whole body and you can’t help but take your time.

Erogenous zones are areas on our bodies that create intense sexual arousal when stimulated. Apart from the obvious parts that we all share (like the penis and the clitoris), each of us has our own secret area that sends frantic YES! YES! messages to all the right places. For some, it’s being bitten in the small of their neck. Others go crazy when someone strokes their buttocks. But what works for one lover won’t necessarily work on the next, so consider each new lover unexplored territory. There are few places on our bodies that we don’t like being touched. Why restrict foreplay to the breasts and genitals when the entire body is itching for attention?

• Take a body tour. When you get to a new city, you often take an orientation tour to get your bearings, right? Then what’s stopping you doing the same with your new lover’s body? You can go all out here and even use a few props. Make him lie down naked on his stomach and close his eyes—make sure the room you’re in is private and warm—then trail a scarf slowly and tantalizingly across his naked bottom and back. Then turn him over and stroke a feather around his penis and scrotum. You can then move on to using your hands, hair, breasts, and mouth on his nipples and genital area, creating different sensations as you search for his ultimate pleasure zones.

• Try stroking her face, the back of her neck, her back. Play with her hair, lift it up from her neck and stroke underneath, slide your palms up and down her arms—and this is just while you’re watching TV together. Don’t even make it to the bedroom.

• Massage his feet, kiss his toes, massage his hands, then take each finger into your mouth and suck it, pretending it’s his penis.

• Don’t dive straight for his penis during foreplay. Use long, sensual strokes up his inner thighs until he’s trembling with desire.

• Bottoms up! Both your bottoms are an arousable area. Try massaging them, stroking, even gentle slapping. Don’t neglect the perineum (the area between your genitals and your anus). Press firmly and massage with two fingers, gently stroking along the entire length; use your tongue to do the same.

• Use your fingers to rub along the outline of his lips, then insert a finger into his mouth for him to suck. Do the same with your nipples. He can do the same with his penis.

• Get into neck nibbling. Do you know anyone who doesn’t enjoy having their neck kissed or gently nibbled? (If you do, they’re either incredibly ticklish or totally uptight.) It’s a sadly ignored area that can produce amazing results.

• Suck her toes, slide your tongue into her belly button (try diving on her after a shower if you’re paranoid about lint)—have fun with foreplay! It really doesn’t matter if she laughs instead of sighs—she’s still complimented that you find all of her sexy, not just “the good parts.”

• Kiss all over his body, not just on his mouth and genitals.

• Use your whole body to massage his. Lie on top of him when he’s lying on his back or front, gyrate slowly and revel in the simple sensation of skin against skin.

And for my next trick…

• Tie him up. We’ve all seen it done in the movies. You don’t need to pop down to a sex shop and buy one of those leather numbers to slip on (unless you want to, of course) or crack a whip (ditto) to play the dominatrix. But you do need a bedpost (or chair) to tie him to, a couple of long scarves (some old stockings or a few of his ties will do), and a nasty smile on your face. Once he’s comfortably trussed (don’t cut off the circulation, you need the blood flowing for him to get an erection, let alone keep his heart pumping), you can try out a number of erotic scenarios, like …

• Masturbate for him. Watching you give yourself pleasure will give him a big kick. The effect will be even more spectacular if you masturbate loudly and theatrically while he’s tied up and is utterly helpless. If you want to get him really worked up, simply leave him tied up and then …

• Blindfold him. Even a see-through chiffon scarf can increase the sexual tension tenfold. It also makes you less inhibited about what you do to him because he can’t see you. Tie the scarf across his eyes then build the anticipation by withdrawing completely for a few seconds, then caressing him in his favorite places, and a few he’s not expecting. This also lets his imagination run wild—you could be a provocative French maid, slave girl … you get the picture.

• Undress each other. Don’t just fling your clothes in a corner and hop into bed naked; let him undress you and vice versa. Stop along the way to lick and caress the body part that’s just been exposed.

• Play the vamp. Thought the only time you’d use those long, black gloves was on black tie occasions? Put them on now and start masturbating him. Yes, it does come out in the wash.

• Make it good enough to eat. Whipped cream, bananas, and berries aren’t just good for fruit salads. Take them out of the kitchen or, better still, stay there and satisfy two appetites at once. Having a feast off each other’s bodies is silly more than anything else, but even if it simply makes sex more fun, it’s worth the experiment. Unless you’re talking hot and spicy foods, it’s safe to smother or insert most foods in and around the genitals for both of you to devour. While you’re at it, grab some ice cubes from the freezer, put them into your mouth, then suck his penis.

• Drop it. Leave the sisterhood stuff outside the bedroom door. If he fantasizes about you dressing up as a waitress, serving him exactly what he hungers for, he is treating you like a sex object—but isn’t that the point?

  Go for the cliché—most men love it. Invest in some sexy black underwear. After a night out, take off your clothes to reveal stockings and garters. (Even better, flash him a glimpse while you’re out.)

• Tease, tickle, and titillate. Brush your lips over his mouth but don’t let him kiss back. Put his penis momentarily in your mouth, then withdraw and start kissing his neck. Sit on top of him and let him partially penetrate you, then get up and walk away. The trick is to keep him unbelievably aroused rather than frustrated. At some point, though, you have to put him out of his misery by bringing things (and him) to a fabulous finale!

Ninety percent of women would pick cuddles over orgasms if they had to choose between the two for the rest of their lives.³

THE LONG, SLOW STRIP

You probably can’t equal (but then again, who knows?) the hot little strip that Kim Basinger did for Mickey Rourke in 9V2 Weeks. But you can certainly make up in enthusiasm whatever you lack in professional technique. Here’s a wiggle-by-wiggle guide to taking it all off and really turning him on.

• You absolutely must wear stockings and garters and sexy underwear. Add a silky, short slip (à la Kim).

• Put on some music. Anything you like to dance to will do (though heavy metal possibly won’t create the atmosphere you’re aiming for). Try some Barry White or Prince; if you have the original Joe Cocker song “You Can Leave Your Hat On,” put it on and hit the play button!

• Gulp some champagne for courage, sit your partner in the living room, and tell him if he laughs you’ll not only kill him, you’ll stop immediately. (He won’t even smile!)

• Start by rubbing your hands over your body, letting the slip ride up your thighs and the straps slide down off your shoulders. It’s best if you have a slip you can step out of, rather than one you have to pull over your head (and end up getting stuck in).

• Removing your stockings is next. Really work this one, rolling the stockings down seductively, leaving your garter belt on.

• To begin with, play it coy and keep your eyes modestly lowered, so he gets the impression you’re undressing privately and he’s not supposed to be looking. As you get to your garter belt, move into a more dominant role—fling yourself and it around a bit like professional strippers do. (Practice this in front of a mirror first and keep your distance. Flicking him in the face with the belt will ruin the mood—and he needs two eyes to watch you.)

• Remove your panties a bit at a time. Play it up a little by almost taking them off, then deciding not to. Put one leg up on the side of a chair as you push them down over your thighs, so he can see your genitals.

• Walk over to him and look him straight in the eye when you undo the final garment (your bra) thrusting your breasts forward. That way you can also finish the show off with an extra most strippers never supply—taking bis clothes off in the middle of a long, slow, French kiss.

TOUCH UPS

The sexperts call it “mutual masturbation,” a deadly term that brings up an image of a group of people, all sitting around in a circle, playing with their own genitals. While mutual masturbation can mean masturbating in front of each other, it’s usually used to describe your giving him a hand job and vice versa. In other words, it’s “heavy petting”—what you were (probably quite rightly) accused of doing when you stayed out late with your boyfriend as a teenager.

Like every other sex skill, expertly masturbating someone else’s genitals takes practice. Though it’s pleasurable to be touching each other simultaneously, if you’re really serious you’ll take turns. It’s far too easy to lose concentration and focus instead on what he/she is doing to you. This is one area where I’m pleased to be female. The great thing about penises is that they’re usually happy no matter what you do to them—the very fact that your hand is “down there” stroking him, will usually be enough to get his juices flowing—unlike vaginas and clitorises, which are super-sensitive, contrary creatures, highly individual and finicky.

There’s another huge difference between the two sex organs. For women, gentle is nearly always best; for men, firm is invariably better. What sends you orbiting into orgasmic heaven can leave him limp; what makes him groan with I pleasure can have you yelping in pain. So, if you’re a female, you can probably up the pressure a bit. I’m not suggesting you wring his penis with abandon or bend it willy-nilly (it’s attached, remember, and not made of rubber), but you can probably go harder than you think. If you’re male, tone it down a little. She’ll soon let you know if your touch is so soft she’s forgotten you’re even in the room.

“I swear it’s true: I’ve never had a woman try to masturbate me to orgasm. Usually, they’ll stroke and play around a bit but they’ve never taken a firm grip and done it the way I do. It doesn’t worry me as long as they’re good at oral, but I find it intriguing. Why don’t they?”

Shane, 36, small business owner

As with any sexual technique, the best way to get good at mutual masturbation is to ask your partner to show you how they do it and imitate. At the very least, guide each other by saying what feels good and what doesn’t. Even a “harder” or “move up a bit” is better than nothing.

    FOR HER

Just as you hate him diving straight for the clitoris, he hates you pouncing immediately on the penis. Kiss and stroke everywhere, glide up the inside of his thighs, pay attention to his testicles and the area of his tummy his erect penis sits on.

Remember our biology lesson? (If you don’t go back and read “How the penis works” again.) The head of the penis is packed with nerve endings and so is the frenulum (the string of skin underneath the penis where the head meets the shaft). Pumping up and down the shaft alone will do little more than give you a miniworkout.

If he’s uncircumcised, don’t pull back the foreskin until he’s well lubricated (either with preejaculatory fluid—the stuff that comes out when he’s excited and looks like sperm—saliva, or personal lubricant). Even then, proceed with caution. The head of the penis is more sensitive on uncircumcised men; you’re better off using the foreskin as a buffer between you and the head, and manipulating that up and down over it.

• Get into a good starting position. Chances are you’re lying beside him, but while this is the most usual position, it’s probably the hardest to work with. If you’re serious, get him to stand in front of you or sit astride him. Want to stay lying down? At least prop yourself up on one elbow so you can work properly with one hand; better still, shift your weight so you can use both hands and still be balanced. Make sure you’re on the right side (that is, if you’re right-handed, that’s the best hand to use). If it feels awkward for you, it’s going to feel less than perfect for him.

• Start by stroking his penis until it hardens, then roll it gently between your palms before moving into the basic stroke. Make an open fist with your hand (for more detail) and move it up and down the shaft of the penis in a regular rhythm. As you get to the head, try closing your fist and gliding over it, increasing the pressure a little.

• Ask him to put his hand over yours to show you what pace he likes. The three things to keep in mind are: smooth, firm, and consistent. Try to make one long, smooth action rather than a number of jerky movements. This shouldn’t be too hard because it’s a very simple movement—just close your fist as you go over the head, and open it to move down the shaft. Try long strokes taking in the whole length, or short strokes concentrating on the head.

• Start off slow and speed up as he approaches orgasm. The faster and harder you masturbate him, the quicker he’ll orgasm. If you want to tease, speed up for a while, then slow down before speeding up again.

• You have two hands. Use the other one to cup the scrotum, play with his nipples, massage the perineum firmly with your fingertips.

• Some women use two hands on his penis—one holding it firmly at the base, the other moving up and down the shaft. Others prefer to make a thumb and first finger ring rather than a loose fist. (While we’re on the subject of hands, change them often so they don’t become numb.)

• As he’s about to climax, he’ll tense up and breathe heavily. If you’re watching closely, you might notice the head of his penis becoming dark red and his testes lifting toward his body. Most men prefer you to be working quite fast until they start ejaculating, then to slow it right down or simply stop and hold the penis during ejaculation. Lots of men say they like less pressure on the head the closer they are to coming. It’s incredibly sensitive just after ejaculation; resist the urge to do one last stroke for good luck and remove your hands gently. (This is also why he’ll wince with pain if you cough while he’s still inside you but has already ejaculated. Coughing involuntarily squeezes your vaginal muscles around his—ouch!—oversensitive penis.)

• As an alternative, let him masturbate his penis between your breasts. If they’re little, hold them close together with your hands to create cleavage.

COMMON MISTAKES WOMEN MAKE

• You’re either too hard or too soft. Getting the pressure right is simply a matter of asking him which feels best. Men with smaller penises generally like a softer touch (the nerve endings are more concentrated).

• You don’t ask what he likes and use the same technique on everyone. (You ask people how they like their coffee, don’t you?)

• You don’t keep up a steady rhythm or do it for long enough. Many guys complain that women are jerky, stop at all the wrong times, and don’t position themselves properly, so their hands go numb way too quickly.

• You don’t hit the right spot. The bottom of his penis may feel wonderfully macho and hard to you, but it’s stimulating the top that feels best to him.

    FOR HIM

Just like Monopoly, you can’t collect your $200 until you’ve passed Go. In other words, don’t even think about touching her genitals until you’ve paid your dues on her breasts, neck, and stomach, and stroked up her thighs.

• You’re probably lying beside her, hopefully with the hand you’re most comfortable working with free. If she’s not already wet, lubricate the area with saliva or personal lubricant. Her natural lubrication will keep the area moist once she’s fully aroused.

• Start by “warming” and stimulating the whole genital area. Place your whole hand over the closed outer lips and rub in a circular motion. You’ll be stimulating the clitoris by moving her lips against it.

• When she starts to become aroused, the outer lips will open naturally themselves. Gently part them a little wider and move your fingertips up and down the inner lips, in a long, slow, soft movement, grazing the clitoris—still covered by a little hood of skin—on your way up and down.

• Wait until she’s well lubricated before honing in on the clitoris. Then circle around it with one fingertip several times before sliding back down the inner lips again. Get her to guide you by putting her hand over yours to show you what speed and pressure she likes. Even lubricated, the clitoris is extremely sensitive. If you’re too rough, too direct, or stimulate for too long, too soon, it gets oversensitive and feels painful. Concentrate exclusively on the clitoris only when she’s close to orgasm.

• An alternative technique is to ’use vibration. Place your middle three fingers over the top of the vagina (where the clitoris is), press firmly (but not too hard), then vibrate your hand gently but rapidly and consistently or move it in a circular, vibratory motion.

• The three golden rules for men: gentle, slow, and regular. Keeping up a steady rhythm for a long period of time, even if your technique isn’t perfect, will get you further than switching all over the place with the most adroit strokes. While she can speed up, slow down, or stop completely to tease you, you do the same and she’ll end up frustrated rather than turned-on.

• Most women like to be penetrated with a finger (fingernails trimmed, please!). Use one finger to begin with, add another when she’s more excited or use your thumb and press deeply. Move it in and out of the vagina, gently to start with. Some women love to be penetrated deep and quite hard but still keep it slow. She’ll be wetter inside, so spread the lubrication over the clitoris. Keep stimulating the clitoris while penetrating her by keeping the flat of your hand firmly pressed against it while your fingers dip in and out.

• A lot of the time you’ll have one hand working on her clitoris, the other inside her. When you’ve got one hand free, use it to stroke her nipples. As she’s about to climax, she may clench her buttocks, tense up, hold dramatically still, and go completely quiet. (Not all women put on a Meg Ryan When Harry Met Sally performance.) At this point, it’s crucial to keep doing whatever it is you’re doing—don’t stop or change anything. As she’s coming, slow down but keep going (gently). She’ll push you away when she’s had enough.

• Try rubbing her clitoris with the tip of your erect penis as a sexy alternative to using your fingers.

“I went out with a bodybuilder whose idea of foreplay was taking his clothes off. I guess I was supposed to get off by looking at al! those muscles, it was all over in about three minutes—and he didn’t know what afterplay was either.”

Helena, 26, journalist

COMMON MISTAKES MEN MAKE

• You’re too rough. This is the number one complaint of all women, regardless of age.

• You get offended if we try to guide you and don’t read our body language. It doesn’t matter how many lovers you’ve had, each female is different. We’re not criticizing you when we move your hand, simply teaching you what suits us. Many women say men don’t read their body language for signs. If she presses against you, she wants more pressure; if she pulls away, she wants you to be more gentle.

• You don’t keep a consistent rhythm. Just as we start climbing the climax ladder, you change techniques and we slide right to the bottom again.

• You push your fingers inside too soon. Stimulate the labia and clitoris a little first.

• You stop at the crucial moment. Our orgasms often last longer than yours do (we knew there had to be some payoff for having to suffer through period pain). You might think she can’t possibly still be having one, but she may be. If you stop what you’re doing while we’re still climaxing, the orgasm continues but it’s not as intense and we feel horribly robbed.

BLOW THEM AWAY!

If you’re not good at giving oral sex (even worse, can’t be bothered learning), give up now on ever graduating from sex school. Nothing will score you more points in the bedroom than delivering mind-blowing fellatio (to him) or cunnilingus (to her).

Oral sex is the one erotic act everyone consistently reports wanting more of. Without it, many women would never orgasm with a partner. Equally adored by both genders, oral sex appears to have universal appeal. If being told “You’re a great lay” is a compliment, you’ll be worshiped for performing phenomenal blow-jobs.

Why the fascination? The thought of someone’s tongue licking your genitals seems naughtier than intercourse; unless you’re in the 69 position, it’s perfectly acceptable to lie back and receive pleasure without having to reciprocate simultaneously; and tongues are usually wetter, softer, and more agile than hands and penises. They’re also warm, and genitals respond to heat much more than they do cold fingers. Convinced it’s a skill worth mastering? You should be. Read on …

    FOR HER

Giving him mind-blowing fellatio (the fancy term for oral sex) is number one on his sex wish list, and it’s the thing most women feel least confident about. Who better to ask for tips than a sex worker who specializes in it? (If you have something against taking advice from experienced, high-class prostitutes, get over it now. They make a living out of sex and are experts in their field.)

I asked Olivia, a skilled fellatrix, to reveal her most intimate secrets for this no-holds-barred guide to giving him pleasure. Prepare to turn from the most nervous novice into an instant expert—and have him begging for more! This is her guide, so I’ll let her tell you in her own words …

Ten-step guide to the best fellatio he’s ever had

1. Learn to love it

“Women who love sex are good at it; it’s as simple as that. If you don’t like giving him oral sex, the best techniques in the world won’t turn you into a skilled fellatrix. Usually it’s the smell, swallowing, or gagging that women are scared of, and all are easily fixed. Turn a shower into foreplay if he’s not scrupulously clean and use the soap as a lubricant to masturbate his penis (if he’s uncircumcised pull the foreskin back very gently and wash underneath). Gagging isn’t a problem if you use my techniques, and you don’t have to swallow to be good at oral.

“Fellatio, or ‘French’ as we call it, is requested and enjoyed by almost all clients, regardless of the prostitute’s speciality. Show him that you love doing it—make lots of noise and ‘uuumms,’ compliment him on his penis—and he’ll be anything but putty in your hands! Get to know his penis: examine it, talk about it. Be aware of his body language. Learn how to read his moods and play up to any secret fantasies.”

“Most girls, they treat your penis like it’s a lollypop. Licking alone doesn’t do a thing for me and most of the time they’ll screw up their faces during oral, like it’s some nasty object. You know she’s only doing it because she thinks you expect her to. That’s why if you meet a girl who gets off on giving you head, you’re stoked.”

Danny, 18, gym instructor

2. Give him lots of foreplay

“Women aren’t the only ones who love foreplay (even if he hasn’t realized it yet) and your mouth shouldn’t be anywhere near his penis till it’s rock hard. Pamper him by giving him a massage then a ‘body tease.’ Oil his body and yours and lie over him, supporting your weight on your hands. Come in close and slide up and down, gyrate your pelvis against his body letting him feel how turned on you are, and push your butt in the air (especially if there’s a mirror behind you). If you’ve got long hair, use it; lean forward and let it caress his body. Bite his nipples, and tease him by lowering yourself over his penis so your genitals are touching, but don’t let him penetrate. Give him ‘Spanish’: put his penis between your breasts and roll and knead them around it using your hands. Stroke, lick, and nibble your way down his body while you’re telling him exactly what you’re about to do to him. Get feedback: ask him what he’d like you to do.”

3. Vary the scene and stimulate all his senses

“Don’t do it in the same position every time. Guys love getting a blow job just about anywhere but variety’s a turn-on. Try him standing up and you kneeling or squatting in front of him; him up against a wall; a ‘69er’; in the car; in the park while walking home from a restaurant. Different locations add a fresh psychological kick. It doesn’t matter what you’re wearing but lots of men find it exciting if you’re totally naked and he’s fully clothed with just his fly undone; alternatively, try you fully dressed and him totally naked. Make sure he can watch. Men are erotic visualists and are primarily aroused by what they can see, one reason why they’re so into porn mags. He’ll want to see your face, maybe even hold your hair back. Don’t close your eyes, keep them open. I hold eye contact with the man while I’m fellating him and make ‘horny eyes’—narrow them sexily and make them smolder. If you’re too embarrassed to look at him, look at his penis instead.”

4. Don’t just concentrate on his penis

“His anus, perineum, testicles—all are erogenous zones you should pay attention to before and during fellatio. Get him to lie on his back then lick and stroke him on the perineum (the area between his anus and testicles), massaging it with slight pressure. Bend his legs back and lick from the base of his anus through to the scrotum. Cradle his testicles in your hand, lick them, take one or both in your mouth. Massage near the base of his penis, one hand holding it, the other massaging.”

5. Use your hands and start masturbating him

“Always use two hands during oral: one to stimulate him elsewhere (nipples, testicles, anus), the other as a guide. It gives you more control and he can’t gag you. I usually keep one hand at the bottom of the shaft of his penis, then it’s up to me to control how deeply I take it into my mouth. Lots of men like to put their hands on the back of your head but tell him it’s hands-off if he won’t stop pushing you deeper than you want to go. ‘Deep-throating’ is a head game more than anything else. If you can do it, great! If you can’t or don’t want to, rest assured that it doesn’t necessarily feel better; it’s just what he’s seen in a porn film. Most feeling is at the head of his penis not the bottom. If you’re really paranoid about gagging, place the penis to one side of your mouth rather than dead center.”

6. Take control of his penis but handle with care

“Some women are too rough! The best way to find out how he likes being masturbated is to get him to show you how he does it himself then imitate the technique. Don’t tug or yank at his foreskin if he’s uncircumcised; make sure it slides up and over the penile head. Take a firm grip, then start teasing. Let him see your nice pink tongue and play up the lick movements. Do long, lolly-pop licks, lick up the side, around the head, cover your teeth with Your lips (and keep them that way!) and do ‘lip-pinches’ (a biting motion without teeth involved) up and down the side of the shaft. Use lots of saliva: the more lubricated he is, the more pleasurable it will reel. Finally, take his penis right into your mouth, swirl your tongue around the head, then withdraw and give a big ‘uuummm’ of satisfaction!”

Is it fattening? There are around 36 calories in the average ejaculate of sperm, while about 150 calories are burned in an hour of sex.

7. Technique is all-important

“The basic technique is to slide your hand up and down his penis (closing it when you reach the head, opening it slightly as you slide down the length) as it’s moving in and out of your mouth. With your lips covering your teeth, close your mouth around the penis and encircle it so there’s a firm but comfortable pressure. You’re not actually sucking, more making sure your mouth is a snug fit. Practice on your finger and imagine it’s his penis. What sort of sensations seem like they’d feel good? Imagine how his penis feels when it’s in your vagina and try to imitate the sensation. When you’re confident, move into the ‘twist-and-swirl’: make a gentle twisting motion with your hand as you’re sliding it up and down his penis and swirl your tongue around the rim of the head, paying particular attention to the frenulum (see ‘How the penis works,’). Tense your tongue and vibrate it; swirl it around the head and the base—-the more tongue movements while it’s in your mouth the better! As with women, a steady rhythm is important. Start off agonizingly slow, then increase the pressure and the rhythm as he approaches orgasm.”

8. Tease him mercilessly

“Take him to the brink of orgasm (you’ll get better at timing this with practice!) so he experiences that intensely pleasurable preorgasm wave several times, then stop fellating him and use your mouth on his testes, the perineum, and his anus before returning. Be creative and use different strokes: long slides up and down his penis, taking it deep in your mouth; shorter strokes concentrating on the head and inserting just the tip. Once he’s approaching orgasm, however, stick with the same technique and rhythm.”

9. Step up the stimulation just as he’s about to orgasm

“The male G-spot is about 1 to 2 inches inside the anus, and by inserting a finger, you’ll make his orgasm even more intense. If he enjoys anal stimulation, he’ll push his butt toward you or stick it up in the air the minute you start to explore the area. Be gentle and make sure your finger is well lubricated. If you feel uncomfortable doing this, give him a stronger orgasm by pressing the perineum area firmly with your thumb as he’s ejaculating.”

If his sperm tastes bad, it could be something he ate What he eats and drinks hours before making love strongly affects the way he tastes. For the best flavored sperm, him bland foods like pastas and patatoes; for the worst serve a curry, washed down with beer and coffe.

10. Decide beforehand what you’ll do when he ejaculates

It will be obvious when he’s about to orgasm: the penis starts to throb, jerk, and spasm; some men stop thrusting and stay perfectly still, others thrust harder. Some men are over-sensitive when they orgasm so keep your hands away from the head of the penis and masturbate him at the bottom. If you’re going to swallow his semen, do it properly. Don’t make faces; simply swallow it and say ‘yuuumm.’ If you don’t want to, don’t take any sperm in your mouth; spitting it out is rude, unattractive, and insulting. Instead, withdraw when he’s in the throes of orgasm and continue stimulating him with your hand. A sexy alternative to swallowing is to let him ejaculate elsewhere on your body—over your breasts or your neck. If you rub it into your body afterward, he’ll know you enjoyed fellating him as much as he enjoyed receiving it!”

Tricks of the trade

• Drink a hot drink beforehand. The sensation of a hot mouth around his penis is sensational! Smearing honey or cream over it, then licking it off, adds a fun element.

• Play up to the power fantasy. Power—having it or being completely dominated—is a common fantasy for many men. Let him call the shots and kneel before him or you take control and let him know you’re boss!

• Brush your tongue with a toothbrush every time you brush your teeth. A healthy, pink tongue is a turn-on.

• If he goes limp, slow it down. Ask him why. Either he’s stressed or tired and can’t concentrate, or you’re not fellating him correctly. Applying too much pressure—holding him too tightly with your hand or sucking too hard—can make him lose his erection. Also bear in mind that men are individuals with their own preferred turn-ons and techniques. Talk, start again, and slow it down.

• To make him come quickly, insert a finger into his anus or press the perineum firmly with your thumb. The more extra stimulation you give, the quicker he’ll usually orgasm.

• It’s what you do before your mouth even touches his penis that counts. The more foreplay and teasing he’s had, the more sensitive he’ll be. Just about any sensation will feel great!

HIS TOP FIVE ORAL SEX TURN-OFFS

1. She acts like she doesn’t want to be there. A woman who’s performing fellatio only because she has to was listed as the number one passion killer.

2. She bites. While some men actually like their penises being “nipped,” most feel faint at the mere thought! Accidentally biting or scraping his penis with your teeth is an absolute no-no. Keep them covered at all times with your lips.

3. She’s too rough. Yanking back the foreskin on uncircumcised men, holding or sucking too hard, pumping his penis “like she’s trying to draw water from a dried-up well” were all top turn-offs.

4. She’s got no idea what she’s doing. “Women who do that stupid bobbing-up-and-down head motion might as well not bother,” says Olivia. Not knowing how to pleasure him orally, and not bothering to find out by reading some sex books or asking him what feels good, was a common complaint.

5. She acts like semen is poison. You can be a skilled fellatrix without swallowing, but that doesn’t mean you have to race out of the room gagging the minute sperm appears! Accept that sex is messy: if he ejaculates elsewhere on your body, is it really such a big deal?

    FOR HIM

Cunnilingus is the rather unexotic name for you giving her oral sex, but men who master it rarely lack lovers. Trouble is, it’s dark down there and you’re often forced to rely on touch and feel rather than eyesight. Apart from eating more carrots, there’s not too much you can do about the natural lighting around her vagina. But you can persuade her to let you turn the lights on because it’s essential you get this technique right. With some women, oral sex is the only way you’ll get her to reach orgasm; for the rest, it’s often the most intense. Again, I went to an expert to find out how best to perform cunnilingus. David is a male escort and sex worker who only services women. And guess what’s the most commonly requested thing on his menu? Here, in his words, are his professional tips. Don’t just read this section, study it. If you want to make her quiver, this is how!

Ten percent of men and eighteen percent of women would prefer to have an orgasm through oral sex than intercourse. More than twice as many career women would prefer to climax by tongue than women who don’s work.⁴

A ten-step guide to ohmygod-don’t-ever-stop oral sex for her

1. Women are slower to become aroused and slower to reach orgasm than men, so time—not rushing her—is the biggest luxury you can give a woman

“If she’s stressed, relax her first by massaging or stroking her body until she starts to become aroused. Follow this with lots of kissing on the neck, and stroke and lick her breasts and nipples before moving on to her genitals. Leave her underwear on and stroke her through the fabric until she becomes wet; only then remove it.”

2. Start by running your hands up and down the outside, then the inside of her thighs and at this point, ask her how she likes oral sex: slow, fast, gentle, or hard

“While kissing and licking down her body, pull the outer vaginal lips over the inner in a gentle, circular motion to warm the entire area.”

3. Position counts

“If she’s shy, it’s best if she lies back while you’re kneeling at the foot of the bed between her legs. Lots of women love being licked while they’re standing and you’re kneeling (it appeals to their slave fantasies, plus they can control the pressure and rhythm by holding your head) or being licked from behind. Another favorite, which gives her ultimate control: lie back on the bed while she kneels above you and lowers her genitals down to your mouth. She may put her hands flat against the wall for balance. Some women like to feel completely exposed with their legs wide open, others prefer their legs quite closely wrapped around your head. It all depends on how sensitive her clitoris is.”

4. It’s really important to keep her moist, so use lots of saliva to lick the entire area before concentrating on the clitoris

“Don’t tense or point your tongue; it’s better to use the whole surface of the flat of your tongue rather than just the tip. That’s the one thing that most men do wrong. Start with indirect stimulation, gently wiggling your tongue around and over the clitoris: it’s toward the top of the vagina and feels like a tiny marble.”

“I stayed with a complete loser of a guy for six months simply because he gave the best oral sex I’d had in my life. I was addicted to it. I couldn’t give him up because—and sadly, this is true so far—I knew I’d never find a tongue like that again.”

Mary, 24, secretary

5. Move into longer, wet, gentle strokes with your tongue, keeping up a slow but steady rhythm

“Rhythm is really important; chopping and changing techniques and rhythm all the time doesn’t work with women. Read her body language or ask her what stroke feels best, then keep on doing it. If she pulls away, you’re being too rough; if she presses her vagina closer or pulls your head closer, step up the pressure slightly.”

“It’s weird but I don’t really like guys giving me head. I don’t know why, I just feel uncomfortable. I’m not prudish about anything else. I’ve only ever liked it with one guy—and he was so good, he had a reputation for giving great oral sex. Somehow he hit all the right spots. With everyone else though, I can take it or leave it. Leave it really.”

Nikki, 17, student

6. It’s generally best to be too gentle than too rough

“Again ask her what feels best. Try shaking your head from side to side, making circles around the edge of the clitoris as well as up-and-down strokes.”

7. Make sure she knows how much you are enjoying yourself by making noise

“If she thinks you’re enjoying it as much as she is, she relaxes and knows she can take her time. Again, you have to be prepared to settle in and keep going until she says to stop. The tongue movements are gentle and if a guy can’t keep them up for at least ten to fifteen minutes, his tongue’s too tense or he’s doing it too fast.”

8. When she’s really aroused, insert a finger inside her vagina

“A lot of women like to be inserted with a finger or dildo just before they come but others find it distracting. If she’s good at communicating, she’ll pull your hand away if she doesn’t like it; if she does, she’ll usually move her hips against your hand to achieve deeper penetration. Some women like manually stimulating their own clitorises while you’re performing oral; others put their fingers down to feel your tongue working on them. If she does either, lick her fingers as well.”

9. When you’re not manually masturbating her as well as licking, use your other hand to knead her breasts and nipples or to stroke the perineum, the area between her anus and vagina

“Some women like a lubricated finger inserted into their anus as they orgasm; try inserting the tip gently and see if she pulls away before going any deeper.”

10. Her body will tense when she’s closer to orgasm

“At this point, increase the pressure slightly or move a little faster. The most important thing, though, is to maintain the rhythm as best you can even if she starts moving around. As she’s actually orgasming, switch back to slow, gentle strokes but make sure you cover the whole clitoral area by using the whole surface of your tongue. Most women’s clitorises are unbearably sensitive immediately after an orgasm, so don’t be surprised if she puts a hand down to cover it or pushes your head away.”

THE FIVE THINGS MOST MEN DO WRONG

1. You only do it if we ask and obviously find it distasteful. A man who turns his nose up and says “it smells,” even when she’s fresh out of the shower, is being ridiculous. Assuming she doesn’t have any infections, the natural scent of a vagina is musky and sensual. Don’t blame her for swapping lovers if you can’t be convinced.

2. You’re too rough. Some women like a very firm tongue but gentle suits most of us. The clitoris is sensitive so while over-enthusiastic licking will have her squirming, it’s with pain not pleasure.

3. You don’t do it for long enough. You might be able to orgasm at the mere sight of her mouth wrapped around your penis, but she takes longer to climax. Tell her she can take as long as she wants because you love doing it to her, and she’s yours for life.

4. You change techniques too often. Women need regular, consistent rhythm for an extended period in order to orgasm. While she might be impressed with your extensive repertoire of mouth movements, stick with one or two each session. The clitoris is a funny beast—it can be terribly turned-on by one sensation but take ages to get used to another if you change.

5. You stop at the crucial moment. You might like stimulation to stop while you’re orgasming, but we prefer it to continue, though often softer, right through to the last spasm. If you stop just as we’re hovering on the brink, we often don’t make it over the fence.

THE UPS AND DOWNS OF 69

Sixty-nine got its name because the numbers are head-to-toe, as you are. It simply means both of you giving each other oral sex simultaneously. The usual position is the female on top of him, her rear pointed toward his face, genitals lowered so he can lick them. Meanwhile, her mouth is positioned above his penis.

It’s the idea of 69—giving pleasure to each other at the same time—which is the turn-on for most people. In reality, it’s all too easy to get lazy on your end. If your partner is sending you through the roof, you’ll forget about them and try to get away with a few lackluster licks; same goes for them if you’re working your magic. On the upside, 69 is great fro variety and works well when you’re so-o-o-o turned on, just about anything will feel good. If you like the position but have trouble keeping your mind on the job, take turns. He can give her cunnilingus in that position while she uses her hand on him. She can fellate him while he uses his hand to stimulate her.

Number of women who enjoy receiving Number of women who like giving it to him: 24 percent⁵