9

Fantasies

Drop the but-I-thought-you-loved-me stuff—steamy fantasies make for even steamier real-life romps

I had my first sexual fantasy when I was seven years old and I’m ashamed to say it was about Engelbert Humperdinck. My father was crazy about this singer, who looked twice as dorky as he sounds and was at least 100 years old even back then. Brylcreamed hair styled into rippling, Elvis-like waves, swarthy skin set off by shiny suits, eyebrows a girl could tangle her fingers in—I thought he was sex-on-legs. Trouble was, I really didn’t know what sex was, a fact that becomes rather obvious from the fantasy. I used to imagine that I’d kidnap Engelbert and keep him around the side of our house. (For some reason, he was quite happy to do nothing but stand on a concrete path for days on end.) I’d sneak out to visit him and then he would—wait for it—roll bacon rinds up my arms. What a turn-on, eh! Why the thought of this produced such a pleasant, naughty shiver up my girly spine is utterly beyond me. I’ve examined those record covers a million times since but still can’t figure the connection between Engelbert and bacon fat—except maybe that they’re both slimy.

You’ll be relieved to hear my subsequent fantasies haven’t come close to matching the oddness of that little gem but, like millions of others, I still thoroughly enjoy letting my imagination run wild. Just about everyone fantasizes: men, women, and (obviously) children, and there are lots of reasons why. In fantasy land, there are no rules. No one can accuse us of being right or wrong, nice or nasty, perverted, dirty, or plain revolting because (thank God) no one’s invented a device to read minds. So, we’re free to invent idealized situations that are totally impractical or unattainable in real life. Pimples, cellulite, cramps, periods, pissed-off girlfriends or boyfriends, smelly genitals, and children wanting cookies—they all magically disappear in fantasies. Our dream lovers know exactly when, how, and what to do to make us giddy with desire because we’re directing the show.

No two people conjure up exactly the same fantasy, but there is a unifying thread to them all: a longing to escape from what’s socially acceptable. In real life, ripping off your secretary’s skirt and bending her over your desk will land you a sexual harassment suit. In your fantasy, it gets you the blow job of your life. Fantasies are a welcome escape from the stress of day-to-day living. Daydreaming about some gorgeous Jamaican delivering more than a cocktail on a sun-drenched beach is infinitely more appealing than worrying where next week’s rent is coming from.

Most of the time, our fantasies revolve around things we’d never want to try in reality—some would horrify us if they actually happened. (Arriving home to find your girlfriend in bed with six workmen is a hell of a lot different from aimlessly daydreaming about it.) But their effect on our libido and sex life is immense all the same and, in some instances, our fantasies would delight us by coming true. The more you fantasize, the higher your libido. What came first, the chicken or the egg, is anyone’s guess, but it’s pretty well established that the more you think about sex, the more you want it. That makes fantasies the cheapest, most effective sex aid around. Even better, they’re tailor-made to suit the user. We can turn them on or off at will and they introduce variety into our sex lives without the complications and devastation of real-life affairs. They add the spice of infidelity without a price to pay for it.

Fantasy and masturbation go together like bacon and eggs and lots of people have one favorite that always guarantees an orgasm. Studies show almost 60 percent of us fantasize every time we make love with our partner. Sexperts estimate the real figure (that is, when our partners aren’t watching over our shoulder to see what survey box we check) to be much higher.1 Of those that do fantasize during sex, all report a much more satisfying love life than those who don’t. And our fantasies aren’t necessarily about other people or other situations. Often, we’ll imagine how we look or picture what our partner is doing to us as they’re doing it, because we can’t “see” with our eyes because of the position.

Whatever the motivation and whatever your brain conjured up, you’d be hard-pressed finding a sex therapist who didn’t include fantasy in a recipe for hot sex. Here are a rundown on our most common themes, some real-life confessions, and hints on how to use them to enhance your sex life, both in and out of bed.

IN HIS DREAMS: THE 10 MOST COMMON MALE SEX FANTASIES

“What are you thinking, darling?” she asks, snuggled up romantically on the couch, one head on your shoulder. “Er … um … how much I love you.” “Oh, how sweet!” she gushes. What was really running through your head was any of the following …

1. Fantasies about your current partner

No kidding. This is the number one sex fantasy for most men: things you’ve done, or would like to do, to your girlfriend. (It’s her top fantasy too, by the way). Forget big-breasted blond Swedish women begging for more—scenarios featuring your girlfriend are far more frequent and likely. Why? Because available flesh-and-blood is sometimes more of a turn-on than the unattainable—there’s a good chance it could come true or has already.

2. Having sex with a woman other than your partner

Often, she’s a past lover, a friend of your girlfriend, perhaps a celebrity. The psychology behind this one isn’t too difficult to work out: lots of people long to have sex with someone new and fantasy is a great way of indulging this longing without losing your partner in the process. If the woman in the fantasy is a virgin, you’ve cast yourself in the teacher role, initiating her into hedonistic pleasures through your skillful lovemaking. If she’s got big boobs, choose from a variety of psychological theories. Freudians would say you haven’t cut the apron strings; breasts (i.e., sucking on Mom’s) are a symbol of your childhood. More sensible therapists would say you’re one of those guys who equate big breasts with the ultimate sexy women.

3. Giving or receiving oral sex

This is near the top of the list for both sexes. Fantasy fellatio has one vital ingredient: the woman doesn’t do it to give pleasure. She does it to get pleasure—worshiping your mighty penis, slurping, gobbling, begging you to let her take it into her mouth, giving long, lascivious licks. She accompanies the blow job with comments like “God, it’s huge” and (of course) not only swallows every last drop of sperm but licks her lips afterward. This one’s heaven for just about all men (and a very easy one for her to turn into reality).

Fantasies about giving her oral sex aren’t surprising either. Many women are more obviously turned-on by oral than intercourse and as the ultimate pleasure-giver, this is what you know will drive her craaazzy. Plus there’s still a part of us that secretly thinks of oral sex as “dirtier” than intercourse, hence the huge turn-on factor.

4. Sex with two or more women

This is the adult male equivalent of the childhood fantasy of being accidentally locked up in a candy store. If having sex with one woman feels good, having sex with two must be double the fun. Throw in some lesbian lovemaking and this one sends most of you drifting off into la-la land with an if-only expression on your face. In your fantasy, you’re superstud: capable of bringing both women to screaming orgasms, over and over. In reality, lots of you worry (consciously or subconsciously) whether you’re truly satisfying just one so it’s not surprising just one so it’s not surprising this is dream-fodder. Studies show the vast majority of men don’t want (and actually couldn’t cope with) such sexual demands in real life.

Fifty-seven point five percent of women feel good about the idea of having sex with another woman; 33.4 percent have done it, and out of those 92.9 percent enjoyed the experience.2

Orgy type fantasies not only remove real-life logistical problems (“Umm, would you mind moving your leg? Your toe’s going right up my nose”), but you can magically orgasm time and time again. Watching two women make love (especially women you know—your partner is often one of them) is another common male fantasy. The classic version has you arriving home from work unexpectedly to find your partner, dressed in some wispy thing, curled up on the bed with a divine-looking “friend/goddess.” Hands, handcuffs, and definitely tongues feature, but the climax is always them begging you to join in, so they can experience “the real thing.”

5. Watching others have sex and/or being watched

It’s called voyeurism (watching) and exhibitionism (being watched). In reality, few people would be able to stop themselves looking at a couple having sex if they were guaranteed not to get caught, but voyeurism is a fantasy, of both sexes, because sex is private and mostly hidden. Sure, we watch couples do it on TV, but it’s rare we get to see the real thing, and there’s also a narcissistic appeal: we imagine we’re one of the couple because we can’t see ourselves when we have sex. Even if you do it in front of a mirror, all angles aren’t covered and you tend to forget to watch the good parts because you’re too carried away by the sensation. Some of you are turned-on by the thought of watching other men make love to your partner—she’s a creature of such savage sexual appetites, you alone can’t satisfy them. Not surprisingly, few (brave or stupid) individuals actually take that one through to real life.

Exhibitionistic fantasies often revolve around others admiring you. You put on a fine show (of course) and the voyeur is usually envious of your sexual skills, desperately wishing they were the person you were making love to. It’s an ego-boosting fantasy.

6. Having her masturbate for you (or watching her without her knowing)

Watching her “play with herself” is up there on most men’s wish list, possibly because it reassures you that we’re as into sex as you are. Secretly spying appeals to your curious side: what is she really up to when you’re not around?

7. Anal sex

It doesn’t mean you’ve got “gay tendencies,” because the anus is undeniably an erotic zone, especially for men. A lot of you would love her to penetrate you with a finger—or want to have anal intercourse—but worry she’ll think you’re gay if you suggest it. So you fantasize instead.

8. Bondage (tying-up fantasies)

Being tied up is her favorite, tying someone up is usually yours—which works out rather nicely if you play this one out in real life! Bondage fantasies are usually about power—having it or relinquishing it, and both have their appeal. Sometimes, it can mean you want to tie her down, rather than up (you don’t feel she’s truly yours); most of the time bondage comes to mind because it’s the subject of many scenes in erotic books or movies.

Sadomasochistic (S and M) fantasies are less common but certainly not rare. Sadism is getting off on inflicting pain on someone else; masochism is getting off on someone hurting you. Most mild S and M fantasies revolve around whipping and spanking. Pleasure and pain are inextricably linked in the minds of some people and, in reality, spanking increases blood flow to the genital area (and therefore turns us on biologically). Aggression is common in the animal world: some female animals only ovulate if the male bites them. Masochistic fantasies sometimes stem from subconsciously thinking sex is bad (you need to be punished for liking it).

Sex-line workers say these are the most popular fantasy requests from men who call them:

9. Pretend rape

Contrary to what most women believe, when you fantasize about forcing a woman to have sex with you it’s more about overpowering her through your amazing sexual technique and charisma than violence. She starts off saying “no,” then can’t help but say “yes” given the superhunk that you are. Often set in Disney dungeons, nobody really gets hurt and the victim enjoys it even more than you do. If she’s forcing you to have sex, you’re indulging in a submissive sexual role quite unlike the one you probably have in real life. Usually, it’s just a release from the day-to-day responsibility of always having to be in charge.

10. Sex with another man

Same-sex fantasies or threesome fantasies involving another man are extremely common and don’t mean you’ve got a secret wish to be gay; it just means you’re sexually curious (see “Am I gay?”).

HER HEDONISTIC HEAD GAMES: THE TOP 10 FEMALE SEX FANTASIES

Thinking sexy thoughts make our tummies ache, skin tingle, and vaginas moisten. Women who rate themselves as good lovers fantasize more often. Not only that, those who prepare for future sex by fantasizing are more easily aroused and enjoy sex more when it happens.4 While just about all of us use fantasy while masturbating, lots also do it during sex, particularly if we’re having trouble tipping over the orgasm brink.

1. Fantasizing about your current partner

It’s up there for both sexes, for all the reasons I’ve listed above.

2. Sex with a man other than your partner

For women, this is most often a past lover. Some feel adulterous or guilty reliving a particularly hot session from the past: don’t. It’s normal. We tend not to marry the person we were most sexually passionate with (most of us prefer to play it safe and settle for what we think are more sensible attributes). So, while you love your current boyfriend, an old one may have turned you on more.

If it’s someone new you’re fantasizing about, it’s the old want-what-you-can’t-have syndrome. Alas, morals and things like AIDS stop us from having sex with whomever we please. But being involved with a partner doesn’t mean all other desirable men go away. So those adulterous feelings have to be dealt with in one way or another. The safest outlet of all is our imagination—and it’s remarkably fertile. In it, we have sex—if we’re white—with black men (he’s got a prize penis and his different skin color makes him seem terribly exotic); boy toys (he’s seen as more sexually active, gets harder, plus you’re the experienced one who’s calling the shots); and celebrities. In reality, stars are usually nothing like the public persona their publicity machine pumps out but, hey, they seem a lot more interesting than the average person. An extension of this is how famous you’ll be if you get them: walking in with a Hollywood hunk on your arm is the quintessential ego boost and affirmation of your attractiveness.

3. Sex with another woman

We’re more likely to have same-sex fantasies than he is, probably because it’s seen as more acceptable. We’re also far less likely to get hung up on homophobic fears that we’re gay. The woman featured isn’t usually one we know but she always knows exactly what to do to turn us on because she’s got what we’ve got.

4. Something new you’d like to try

It’s that dreadful “nice girls don’t” stuff at work again. While many women are outrageously experimental and imaginative in their fantasies, not so many admit a desire for anything “kinky” to a partner for fear of being judged. Playing out the scenario in your head is the next best thing. For those who are open, fantasizing is also a form of rehearsal, upping the anticipation of experiencing it in reality. Included in this type of fantasy is being tied up, threesomes, group sex, and watching others. Having sex in public is another popular dream: we’re turning on more than just our lover and our exhibitionistic side loves it.

5. Being given oral sex

It’s the quickest, most effective (sometimes the only) way we orgasm, so it’s not surprising it features heavily in our fantasies. The guy of our dreams doesn’t just like giving oral sex, he’s so enthusiastic, he’d actually like to climb inside and stay there for days. Often he’s a sex slave: tall, drop-dead gorgeous, and muscle-bound. We order him to give us oral sex on demand (for hours on end) but he also feeds us, gives amazing massages, does the dishes, and makes the bed.

6. Fantasies involving romantic sex

This is the one most women readily admit to, probably because it’s the most “acceptable.” Somehow, it seems more ladylike to say “My fantasy is making love on a tropical beach at sunset” than “Being given oral sex by the Pope during high mass while the rest of the congregation masturbate.” Romantic fantasies are sex with emotional attachment and most read like a Harlequin plot: gorgeous man, incapable of loving one woman, meets us, is knocked over by our looks and headstrong personality, then ravishes us on a moonlit beach. Personally, I don’t know one woman who has romantic fantasies, but sex therapists assure me most “normal” women do (which I guess makes my friends deviants).

7. Being forced to have sex against our will

The “safe rape” is a very common female fantasy but it’s such a far cry from the real thing it seems silly even calling it rape. Passionate and forceful but rarely violent and painful, the “rapes” in our head differ dramatically because we’re always in control. Again, it’s the good-girl thing: we relinquish responsibility as the man of our dreams overpowers us and “makes” us submit—we can relax because we are just a pawn in the sex game. On the opposite end of the spectrum are fantasies where we force him to have sex with us, often in male-dominated situations like a courtroom or a business meeting. Being the aggressor or having physical power over him appeals because in real life it’s usually the opposite.

Number of women who have sexual dreams: 76.9 percent. Number of women who enjoy and are turned-on by some porn magazines and videos: 71.8 percent. Women account for more than half of the 100 million porn video rentals in the U.S. Number of women who tell their partners about their fantasies: 60 percent. Those who go on to act them out: 33.6 percent.5

8. Being found irresistible by a man

If you’re so gorgeous/sexy/long-legged/stunning he can’t help himself, you’re absolved of responsibility once more. This is a favorite with women who still feel they need “permission” to let go but also a pleasant daydream for most of us. Who wouldn’t want to be so beautiful they have men drooling at their feet!

9. Working as a prostitute

Again, this one’s popular with women who may be inhibited sexually in real life. In the fantasy, they indulge their true sexual selves under the guise of being paid for it. It’s sex for sale, free of commitment—and a marvelous chance to show off. Men paying to have sex with you is also reassurance that you’re attractive: you have something men want so badly, they’ll hand over cash for it. Stripping is a more common variation on the theme: you tease the men mercilessly, and they’re popping their zippers they’re so turned-on by your body.

10. Sex with a stranger

In reality, this sort of sex usually works out rather badly. In our fantasies, it’s tremendously rewarding. Gone are the practical (often boring) needs of a relationship—this is sex for sex’s sake and the reward is pure, unadulterated pleasure. You can be as wicked as you like because not only will you never see him again, he doesn’t know who you are so can’t spread any nasty rumors. Sex with a “faceless” man is even more of a turn-on. He comes up behind you, you feel rather than see him, and you can experience the sensations of sex without the intimacy of eye contact.

AM I WEIRD OR LIKELY TO END UP IN A RAINCOAT?

Relax! In pretty much all cases, strange but sexy daydreams are a sign of a vivid imagination, not deviant leanings. Here are answers to some common questions about fantasies.

Do men and women fantasize about the same things?

Yes, though there are differences. His fantasies are often more explicit, and men tend to center on things they’ve done rather than things they’d like to try, while we do quite the opposite. Men are also more active in their fantasies, focusing on the effect they’re having on the imaginary partner. Women focus more on feelings and responses. While he often fantasizes when his sex life isn’t great, we have more fantasies when it is, and while women who fantasize a lot tend to put at least some of their daydreaming into practice, he’s not quite as lucky.

No two people’s fantasies are identical, even if they are of the same sex, but a quick scan of the top ten favorites shows there are common themes. Why doesn’t everyone fantasize about the same thing? It has everything to do with individual taste. Some people kill for freshly shucked oysters, others vomit at the thought. Same deal with sex.

Often, when I have sex with my boyfriend, I fantasize about someone else, and I feel guilty.

Fantasizing isn’t just healthy for relationships, it can save them. It’s natural to get jaded when you’re sleeping with the same person night after night and playing a steamy sex fantasy in your head jazzes things up nicely without hurting anyone. Many sex therapists recommend it. Indulge your desires guilt-free—imagining isn’t being unfaithful, living it out in real life is. I bet he’s transformed you into someone else on more than one occasion, too. The only time you really need to worry is if you have to fantasize every single time and are never turned-on just by him. If that’s the case, your sex life’s in dire need of rescuing, or you’ve fallen out of lust with your boyfriend.

What if my fantasies are weird or completely out of character? Does it mean I’m a closet nutcase?

Most therapists say there’s no such thing as an abnormal fantasy, as long as the person can distinguish between fantasy and reality. There’s a big difference between thinking loony thoughts and wanting and intending to act them out. Deviant fantasies can be an indicator of true sexual deviancy, but for the vast majority of people they’re not.

If there’s a consistently violent theme, if all your fantasies center on a peculiar scenario that worries you, or if you find you now can’t climax without thinking about the scenario, it could be worth checking it out with a sex therapist. It’s rare that a person becomes so fixated on one particular scenario that he or she can’t become aroused without it, but you might be the one in a million that it does happen to (in other words, you’re probably worrying about nothing). Otherwise, think of your brain as a bus. You’re the driver: drive it wherever you want, pick up as many passengers as you like, and tell them to hop off once you reach your destination. If a seemingly weird fantasy is arousing you, but you’ve got no inclination to do it in real life and it’s not a fixation, what’s wrong with it?

Should I tell my partner about my fantasies?

This is a tricky one. On the one hand, airing fantasies can zap your sex life through the roof. On the other hand, it can destroy it. You’re definitely taking a chance, especially if you don’t know your partner very well. What you think of as normal, he or she might consider perverted; it very much depends on individual views, upbringing, and morals. Don’t assume that because something turns you on, your partner will feel the same.

Men often have problems accepting their partner’s fantasies because they take it as a criticism that you’re not happy with “just them.” Women often feel jealous and insecure for the same reasons. I really wouldn’t recommend sharing any fantasies about people you know (with the exception of a celebrity, who you’re unlikely to meet) and I also wouldn’t share any unusual fantasies unless I trusted and knew the person so well I was guaranteed a nonjudgmental, positive reaction. Be especially careful to ensure that your partner knows why you’re sharing the fantasy. Spell out whether you want to playact it in any sense or are simply revealing intimate thoughts. (If you’re female and share a rape fantasy, for instance, make it very, very clear that you’re not asking for violence in real life.)

If someone shares their fantasy with you, treat the knowledge with respect. Don’t be too scathing about their secret dreams, especially if their fantasy isn’t one you were hoping for. Don’t even think about telling your best friend and don’t immediately launch into your theories as to why they’re having that particular fantasy. He doesn’t really want you to wear red leather with strategic cutouts next time you visit his parents. It’s a fantasy, that’s all. On the other hand, beware the date who reveals a weird or violent fantasy very early, particularly if you’re female.

What if I don’t have any?

You’re not alone, though you do belong to a small subsection of the population. Those who claim not to fantasize usually have unconscious reasons for repressing them (such as they’re unacceptable because of rigid morals or a strict upbringing). A few therapy sessions can work wonders for unblocking and unlocking your imagination.

Some people don’t have any qualms about having sexual daydreams, they’re just unpracticed at using their creative side. Maybe you aren’t very creative generally, prefer working with facts and figures, or you think making up stories is a waste of time (something weirdos and children do). Loosen up a little and read other people’s fantasies (start with the real-life confessions in this chapter; invest in Nancy Friday’s Woman on Top or Men in Love if you want more). That’s usually enough to get the brain ticking and trigger some of your own.

LIGHTS, CAMERA, ERECTION!

That lurid reverie about your elementary schoolteacher and raspberry jelly isn’t first-date material. But sharing and acting out some fantasies is an excellent idea if you’ve been together a while, talk openly about sex, and, most important, know that your innermost thoughts won’t be the subject of your partner’s next boys’ or girls’ night out.

Literally thousands of us secretly use fantasies to orgasm during sex, so owning up and acting them out can be the lustiest sex game you’ve played in years. Provocative barmaids, nymphomaniac nurses, dominatrixes, and bootlicking boy toys, sexy slave girls and sultans, muscle-bound bikers and straitlaced career women: find the role that appeals to you and make like you’re in the movies—though I strongly advise against turning it into one. “Of course it’s for our eyes only,” you both purr in the lovey-dovey stage. It’s a different story when you ditch him for his best friend and a copy “accidentally” gets dropped in your mother’s mailbox.

How do you suggest acting out a fantasy or finding out about theirs? Wait until you’re both feeling relaxed and intimate, then say you had an amazingly sexy dream last night. Tell your partner about it and see what reaction you get. If they seem nicely titillated, confess that it’s actually been a fantasy of yours for ages, and ask what are some of theirs. Once you’re both talking, it’s relatively easy to move into a line like, “Hey, I’ve just had a great idea. Why don’t we act them out for fun?”

Try to choose fantasies that appeal to both of you, particularly the first time round, and work out the scenario together beforehand: what you’ll each wear, how you want them to act and vice versa. Then use your own imagination to embellish the story, adding a few surprises to the screenplay, maybe taking it even further. You could also try each writing down three favorite fantasies along with instructions on how you’d like to act them out. Write them on separate pieces of paper and put them in a jar for either of you to fish out when you feel like playing. You won’t know what fantasy it is until you open it, and neither will they.

Acting out fantasies doesn’t have to be literal: symbolism is often all that’s needed. Got an anal sex fantasy but don’t want to actually do it? Pretend you are while having vaginal sex doggie-style. Use stockings and ties not rough ropes for bondage games; and there’s no need to tie knots tight—the idea is to fake a struggle rather than to have a real one because your circulation’s cut off. Lavishly expensive props aren’t necessary (though they are worth thinking about for favorite fantasies): black stockings and high heels turn her into a prostitute; jeans, no shirt (and a suitably sub-serviant expression) turn him into a sex slave.

Remember to set the scene using music and different rooms of the house (take it outside if it would work better) but don’t stress about it. You don’t have to be too literal—it’s the “sense” of the fantasy that you’re re-creating. Similarly, don’t be surprised if the first time you do it, either (or both) of you nearly explode from trying to stop giggling. Laughing together is all part of it.

Keep going and you’ll feel less ridiculous once you start getting into it.

Only one word of caution: work out an agreed “stop now” signal before starting anything. This is particularly important if your sex games include bondage or spanking. Part of the fantasy may be the person’s begging for mercy, but how are you supposed to know whether it’s real or feigned without a sign? Apart from that, the world is your stage and you’re the superstars. Here is a fantasy each for inspiration.

    FOR HER

Playing the stern mistress

Reverse the traditional roles and become the master of his destiny (well, for about an hour, anyway).

If you own anything leather, put it on. Improvise—a leather jacket worn over black underwear (stockings, garters, push-up bra, and no panties) with knee-high boots will do the trick. Otherwise, anything tight, black, and short—the sexier the better! If you’ve got something in PVC (that horribly uncomfortable shiny stuff), drag it out from the back of the closet. His outfit’s easy: nothing. Him naked while you’re clothed sets the scene and makes him feel suitably helpless and vulnerable.

If you can’t manage a thunderously threatening expression, go for no expression. Be as unflinchingly mercenary as you can. Show him who’s boss by telling him he’s misbehaved and you’re going to punish him. Order him to sit or lie down, face turned away from you, blindfold him, and tie his hands together behind his back (pushing him forward into a submissive pose).

He’s now naked, blindfolded, and bound—completely in your power! If he’s really into this one, he may want you to hit him with a riding crop or wooden spoon. By all means make your strokes sting but you don’t want to cause serious pain. (Now isn’t the time to show the bastard how you really felt when he flirted with Rachel at that party.)

His begging you to stop is all part of the game. Refuse until you’re either (a) so turned-on, you’re frothing at the mouth for sex or (b) either of you are finding the late night movie playing in the living room more interesting than your own acting. Tell him you will show mercy but on one proviso—that he ravishes you NOW!

    FOR HIM

“Forcibly” seducing an innocent

It’s forbidden sex for both of you and an easy role-play to start with. Don’t panic, there’s absolutely no violence or pain involved. This is a very mild version of the common “pretend rape” fantasy with a virgin element thrown in. Add more “struggling” and “force” to suit your taste!

She’s naked, you’re clothed (it doesn’t usually matter what in, but dressing formally can add to the older man/younger woman element). She pretends to be discovering her sexuality privately by standing in front of a mirror, running her hands over her body. You come up silently behind her and cover her eyes with your hand. The feel of her naked skin against your rough clothes feels exciting because it’s a new sensation. Be suggestive, speaking in a low voice and tell her you’ve been watching and fantasizing about her for weeks. If she likes you to talk dirty, here’s your chance to let rip.

As you tell her what you intend to do with her and what she will have to do for you, begin to gently caress her body with your lips and hands. Just when she’s starting to melt, turn on the tension and remind her she’s in your power. You’re still standing behind her, so pull her arms gently behind her back, hold them together at the wrists with one of your hands and use the other to continue exploring.

Now make good on your promises. She should resist any new advance initially, then be “overcome” and let you continue (pretending all the time that she’s not enjoying it). You take the lead, pretending each touch is her first.

“Come on, you want it,” you whisper finally. She halfheartedly protests, then surrenders and grants permission for you to penetrate her. Remember, she’s inexperienced and this is her first time. Stop and ask if she’s okay and once you’re inside, thrust gently.

REAL PEOPLE REVEAL ALL

I asked four very different people to share their favorite fantasies and have faithfully recorded them in their own words. Be warned—there are a few four-letter words!

Catherine, 24, nurse

“I have lots of fantasies, but this one always gets me off. I’m walking past a building site and all these muscle-bound workmen start whistling at me. I’m so flustered I trip, fall over, and sprain my ankle (though it never hurts, of course). Two of the men rush over to pick me up and ask if I want to sit down. They take me into their lunch room (the rest of the guys conveniently leave for a diner), push beer cans, papers, and overflowing ashtrays out of the way, and lay me down on a big table. One kneels to start massaging my ankle.

“ ‘How does that feel?’ he asks.

“ ‘Great,’ I say enthusiastically.

“ ‘You look a bit tense,’ says the other one. ‘Would you like me to massage your shoulders? You’ve had a real shock,’ and his big, powerful hands go to work.

“By this time, I’m horny, so say brazenly, ‘Seems a shame to stop there.’ They don’t need any further encouragement and one guy runs his hand up my thigh and starts stroking my dit through my panties, which are wet through. The other guy takes off my top and starts sucking and biting my nipples. My panties are off before I know it and hands plunge inside me and diddle my dit, which feels like a marble in hot oil. The first guy is still licking my nipples and my neck, the second puts his head between my legs and gives me the best oral sex I’ve ever had. I come loudly, and the first guy unzips and fucks me while his friend watches and masturbates.”

Karen, 21, student

“Every Tuesday night, my boyfriend and I and another couple go to see a movie. In my fantasy, I lock eyes with the cutest usher as we walk in: blue eyes, long hair, tall and well built. It’s electric, that look, and we both know we’re attracted to each other. Halfway through the film, I have to pee, and standing right outside is the usher. I stop, his eyes travel deliberately over my body. I’m instantly wet and start to throb. Without a word, he takes my hand and starts walking down a corridor. I follow like a lost little girl. He leads me into the projection room and I can see everyone in the theater—including my boyfriend. Then he lays me down on a table and runs his hand up the inside of my thigh. His thumb massages my clitoris, then his tongue excites it and my whole body explodes in his mouth. It’s incredibly erotic—this guy’s a total stranger and I can see my boyfriend innocently watching the film. I’m so bad. I get off the table and stand against a wall, my ass in the air so he can take me from behind. Without warning, he’s inside me and I groan so loud a few people in the back row turn to look. We fuck hard and fast while I watch my boyfriend polishing off the last of our popcorn.”

Jeff, 30, manufacturing manager

“In real life, I have to work with this fantastic-looking woman who does our PR. In my fantasy, I arrive early for our weekly meeting. She walks ahead of me up the stairs and I watch her ass moving underneath her short business skirt. She’s wearing a blouse I particularly like, but this time it’s open and she’s got no bra on.

“ ‘We never seem to have time together and that’s a shame. I’d like to get to know you a lot better,’ she says, locking the office door and telling her secretary to hold all calls.

“I’m wondering why and hoping like hell it’s what I think. She sits on the desk, motions me to a chair in front, then puts one high-heeled foot on either side of me. I can see she’s not wearing underwear. She sits there, calmly talking about business and doesn’t seem to mind me staring at her crotch, which is wet and totally shaved. Eventually, she takes pity, stands up, and unzips my fly. She takes out my prick then kneels down and sucks it expertly. I come a split second before her secretary knocks at the door saying the others have arrived. She straightens up, wipes her mouth with a tissue, and waits for me to get myself together before letting the others in.”

Bruce, 26, electrician

“I’ve had the moves put on me by bored housewives before but never the ones you want. In my fantasy, I’m asked to install a light fixture in a bathroom. I knock on the door and this total babe answers. She’s obviously just about to take a shower because she’s got a robe on and a towel over one arm. My cock stirs. She shows me into the bathroom and asks if I’d mind if she took a shower while I’m working because she’s running late. Who am I to complain? I pretend to fix the light but she’s so close and in full view, soaping her tits and slipping her fingers into her pussy. She turns the shower off and asks me to pass her a towel. I say, ‘No problem, let me dry you off.’

“So I start drying her shoulders and then get down on the floor to dry her legs. She puts her hands on my head and stands with her legs apart so I nuzzle her sweet-smelling pussy and lick that little knob until she’s clasping her thighs so hard around my head, I can’t stand it. It’s mushy and wet and her juices are dripping down her legs. She begs me to fuck her, so I do. I bend her over the tub and fuck her from behind, thrusting so deep as I come, she has trouble keeping her balance.”

Of all our sexual fantasies, bondage (tying each other up) is the one we’re most likely to act out. Twenty-three percent of men just fantasize about bondage, 27 percent have done it. Twenty-five percent of women just dream about it, 26 percent take it through to real life6