‘They’re going to ask you where you were.’ Azeem sits across from her in the room they’ve been given, right leg crossed over left, iPad on the desk, notebook out. He scribbles quickly on the pad in front of him, jotting down questions.
‘What do you mean, where I was?’
‘Jenny, you’ve just told them you were outside in the park the night Becky went missing. You’ve told them where to find evidence. You’ve no obvious motive, no obvious connection, there’s no real evidence, but you have means. You could have been there. Now, can Will vouch for you?’
Would he? Would he lie for her? It was too late for that. She’d already told them he didn’t know she’d been outside.
‘But I don’t know what to tell them. I was walking; I came back. I didn’t kill the girls… of course I didn’t!’
‘Don’t get upset, it won’t help. You need to think carefully about the next steps. You could say nothing at all, but I think in this instance it would be better to be clear and get out of here.’
‘I need to get to Finn. He’ll be hungry soon.’ The thought of his fists, tiny, waving in her air, sucking his hands.
‘You will best help Finn by getting yourself out of here. You know on aeroplanes they say to put the child’s mask on after you’ve put on your own? This is that. You don’t help Finn without first getting yourself out. Now think. What did you do outside? Where did you go?’
Jenny lifts her hands to her face and covers her eyes. She imagines the cold underfoot. Her feet in the snow. Shivering.
‘I don’t know,’ she whispers.
Sitting straighter, Azeem places a hand next to hers. He leans towards her. ‘Think, Jenny. You said you were in the park.’
‘Yes, I was in the park. I woke and I was near some trees. A willow.’ She remembers their rustling, the whispering.
‘And how long were you outside?’
‘I don’t know. When I realised where I was, I tried to come home. I was scratched.’ She touches her arms. ‘The branches scratched me. She pulls up her sleeves. ‘They’ve nearly gone.’
They both look down. Her arms are covered, thin lines of scabs, snail trails of evidence.
‘Anything else?’
‘She was there.’ The whisper is almost soundless.
‘What? Who?’
‘The face.’ Closing her eyes, Jenny thinks of the black hair. In the lake, behind the willow tree. She had reached out, and the branches had taken their hold. She had reached through the trees. Reached for someone.
‘Who, Jenny?’
‘I see her, sometimes. I hear her voice. The night of the first murder. I saw her face…’
‘When Leigh died? You saw her face?’
‘I woke. I woke in bed, the sound, the cold. I woke and I reached for Finn, but he was asleep. I might have dreamt it, but it seemed real.’ She looks up at Azeem, thinking of the night. She hadn’t really thought of it before, remembered it, connected it; she had known and not known. Dreamt it. Saw it.
‘I watched her die. In a dream, by the lake. I watched her drown. Black hair.’ Had she? It had been, before all of this, just a dream.
‘In your dreams, Jenny. You don’t say you watched her. You had a dream. That’s not relevant here. Your dreams aren’t relevant. Focus on the facts.’
‘Her hair, it lay across the lake. I felt the wetness.’ Breath, sharp and sudden, fills her lungs, and Jenny grabs hold of Azeem’s wrist. Rocked, she needs him to hold herself steady.
‘What if… what if I didn’t dream it? What if I really was there? What if…’ Tears flow and she tightens her hold on his arm. His eyes are close to hers, and she looks into them, watching them fade from brown to green, to brown. ‘What if I have been there? Who would know? Will doesn’t wake… I could have been there, I could have let her drown. Maybe it was more than that… Jansen, he said so. If I know so much, maybe I…’
‘Listen.’ Azeem’s face is close to hers. Not oppressively, but his voice travels to her quietly, fiercely. ‘You had a dream. You say nothing. Not to me, not to Will, not to the police. You had a dream. Just a dream. And dreams are nobody’s business but your own. Say it to me, say it now.’
‘I…’ She stumbles, the hair on the lake, the (she had felt it) wetness, the death…
‘Say it.’
‘I had a dream. Just a dream.’