“What’s the deal with all the mistletoe?” she asked with the need to break the tension that had started to build between us.
Shrugging my shoulders, I looked away and into the fire.
“You have a lot of decorations for a man,” she proceeded, not noticing that I was uncomfortable as she sat back down on the couch. “I didn’t even put up a Christmas tree this year, and yours is decorated beautifully. Don’t even get me started on the garland on your mantle. Is Christmas your favorite holiday?”
Her eyes were wide, and somehow innocent as she looked back and forth between the front door, the tree in front of the window, and the fireplace.
“Why didn’t you put up a tree?” I asked, changing the subject off me.
Gabi let out a frustrated sigh, her lips flattened into a tight line. “I hadn’t been home in months and hadn’t planned to be home but two or three days, so it seemed like a waste. I’ve only ever had a real tree, and I knew it would die while I was gone.” Her tone had turned defensive as she tried to explain.
“So, you’re not anti-Christmas?” I joked to lighten the mood.
Throwing her head back, Gabi laughed for a long minute. “Far from it. I love Christmas. I love the decorations, seeing the lights twinkle, the smells, and all the happy faces.” She frowned as she gazed at my dark tree. “I guess I feel guilty that I didn’t get a tree and enjoy Christmas this year.”
“Does your work take you away from home often?” I asked, trying not to stare at her perky breasts that had been pushed up when she crossed her arms over her chest.
“I’m used to it,” she finally replied bitterly.
“But not anymore?” I asked each word slowly, feeling like I was moving into dangerous territory.
Gabi huffed and may have rolled her eyes. It was too hard to see in the dimly lit room. “As least for the foreseeable future.” Leaning her head back against the cushion she muttered, “I don’t know what I’m going to do now.”
“Did you get fired? Who the hell would fire you right after Christmas?” I asked outraged. Only a total asshole would do that. Didn’t most people realize that the holidays were some of the happiest, but also the saddest, in people’s lives?
Tilting her head, she smiled at me. “You’re too sweet getting upset on my behalf. To answer your question, no, I wasn’t fired.” She let out a puff of air as she rolled her head back and forth on the cushion. “You really have no clue who I am?”
It was my turn to tilt my head as I took Gabi in. Her fingers flitted over her clothes and hair. Was she nervous? Did I make her nervous? I was sure that if I knew Gabi, I would recognize her. She was the most gorgeous woman I had ever seen. With her long brown hair that cascaded over her shoulders and down her back, her big doe eyes that endeared and hypnotized me at the same time. Then there were the tattoos that I’d seen last night that covered her body. There was no way I’d forget her face or amazing body.
“I’d remember you if you’d ever crossed my radar. Who are you Gabi?”
Fiddling with the end of the sweatshirt she was wearing, Gabi laughed without humor. “I feel like a dick asking if you know who I am. It was very presumptuous. I don’t expect everyone to know who I am. You didn’t even know who Luke was, and you live in the same town.”
Who the hell was Gabi?
Coughing, I said, “Maybe I should be embarrassed.”
“No, you definitely shouldn’t. What’s important or interesting for a woman is not the same for a man. I’ve learned that through the years.”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I’ve never had a big interest in TV shows or movies, but if a celebrity was living in my town, you’d think I would have heard about it.”
Bobbing her head from side to side, Gabi studied me intently. “You said you got your scar two years ago, then your girlfriend broke up with you right?”
I nodded my head, unsure why she was rehashing what I had told her.
“I’m assuming that during that time you probably didn’t go out much and might have been a little depressed. Am I right?”
Slouching down in my chair, I answered, “I work out of my garage and didn’t get out much.” I chewed my lip, not wanting to admit how long I’d holed myself up in my house and garage but forced myself to tell her for some reason. “For probably around six months.”
Her eyes widened comically, but she quickly hid her shock. “I think that was around the time Luke moved here, and the hubbub of him being here happened, so it makes sense why you missed it.”
Leaning back in my chair, I ran my hand through my hair. “Thanks for letting me off the hook.”
“Anytime,” she smiled.
“Now why would I, or anyone else, recognize you? Are you an actress?” She had mentioned being on her friend’s show before.
“Up until a couple of days ago, I was in a band called Shadowed Alley. Then my asshole bandmates decided to break up the band and start a new one without me,” she answered bitterly.
I didn’t blame her; that was a dick move.
“Why would they do that?” Surely if they had talked to her, they could have come up with a compromise.
“They weren’t happy that they weren’t the center of attention, and they think that starting a new band, when none of them can sing worth a damn, is going to help them. I don’t know.” She shook her head, eyes blazing. “Maybe they want an all guy band. I was so pissed at the time, their excuses went in one ear and out the other.”
“I can see how you’d be the center of attention, with you being the singer and your beauty.”
She turned her head and her hair slid so that her face was hidden. “You never answered why you have all that mistletoe hanging around, and why you decorate for Christmas more than any man I’ve ever known. Have you been bringing unsuspecting women to your house to get them underneath your mistletoe?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. She didn’t know how far off the mark she was. “Far from it,” I eventually choked out. It had been almost two years since a woman had stepped foot in my home.
“Then why?”
“Because it was my mother’s favorite holiday. She believed in love and had some crazy story that if you kissed someone underneath the mistletoe at midnight on New Year’s Eve, then that person was your destiny.” I was hoping that Gabi wouldn’t ask any more questions, because I wasn’t sure how much more I could answer. Even three years later, it was still too fresh to talk about.
“Do you believe in all that destiny stuff?” she asked in a sweet tone that I couldn’t deny.
“I don’t know.” I shrugged and looked at the mistletoe hanging at the front door. “I guess I used to when I was young and saw the belief through her eyes, but now,” I let out a deep breath, “I don’t even know if I believe in love, let alone that we each have someone who we are destined to be with.”
Gabi sat up and moved to the edge of her seat. “I don’t know if I’d put it like that. I don’t believe in destiny, but I do believe that we make our own fate. Even though I have no reason to, I believe in soulmates. Maybe that’s what your mom meant.”
“Perhaps,” I said, keeping my eyes on the mistletoe and thinking of the happiness and wonder on my mother’s face during Christmastime.
“Did your mom decorate for you?” she asked innocently, not knowing the dagger she’d just used to pierce my heart.
Needing some space, I left to get a bottle of water. After taking a couple of deep swallows, I braced my hands on the counter and looked outside. Everything was covered in a sheet of ice.
It was peaceful. The only sounds were the snaps from branches breaking and the crackle of the fireplace.
“Hey,” Gabi placed her hand between my shoulder blades. “Are you okay? If I overstepped my boundaries, just say so. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I know you didn’t. Don’t worry about it.” I continued to stare out the window, and after a few minutes of silence on both our parts, I listened to Gabi walk away. Unable to stop thinking about how happy the holidays had made my mom and how she would have wanted me to be happy.
Could I be happy with Gabi? Would it be worth opening up to her if she was only going to leave? We were from two very different worlds. Fuck, if I wasn’t thinking like some chick. I couldn’t deny that I had never once in my life been drawn to anyone the way I was to Gabi. It was getting harder and harder to fight the pull I felt toward her.
Lowering my head, I closed my eyes before pushing off the counter to find Gabi. Here she was my guest, and I had ignored her when she was trying to make me feel better.
Starting in the living room, I searched from room to room, unable to find her downstairs. Making my way up the stairs, I spotted her sitting on the top step with her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands.
I knew she could hear me as I made my way up the steps, each creaking with my weight, yet she continued to be unmoved. “Gabi,” I spoke her name quietly as I sat a couple of steps below her, so that we’d be on the same level.
Neither of us said anything for a few moments. I was so out of practice with women, I had no idea how to handle the situation. If I would have known she would take my silence so hard, I wouldn’t have ignored her. I had only wanted a few minutes to myself so that she wouldn’t see how upset talking about my mom made me.
“Gabi,” I said a little louder this time as I scooted closer and rested one hand on top of hers. “I’m sorry if I hurt you. I’m… fuck, I’m not used to this.”
Turning her head, she peeked out of her curtain of hair. “Used to what?”
“Talking. Opening up. I’m not good at this, but I feel like shit for upsetting you.”
“From my experience, most men aren’t particularly good at opening up.” She bit her bottom lip as she peeked out a little more. A look of indecision on her face.
“Go ahead and say whatever’s on your mind.” Moving the hair from her face, I tucked it behind her ear. The moment we touched skin-to-skin, I felt a rush of warmth through my body as Gabi gasped in shock.
Clearing her throat, Gabi sat up with eyes wide and bright. “Wow!” She eyed my hand that I let fall to my lap. “Um… I might be wrong here, but I think when your girlfriend broke up with you, you started to see yourself differently.”
“No,” I denied and started to get to my feet.
“Wait, Jax. Don’t go yet. Please, just hear me out.” Her shoulders slumped as she looked up at me. “Like I said, I might be wrong, but I don’t think I am.”
If she wanted me to stay, she was going about it in the wrong way. Why couldn’t we talk about boring shit instead of all the things from my past that still haunted me?
I stood and started making my way back downstairs when I said over my shoulder. “I’m going to try to make us some soup. I thought I could cut up the vegetables in the fridge and put them in a pot with some stock in the fireplace. It will either be a total failure or a warm meal to celebrate New Year’s Eve.”
“Do you need any help?” she asked hopeful.
“I’m good. There’s a den downstairs. It’s the last door on the right. It has all my mom’s old books, and mine. There should be something for you to read in there. If you open the blinds and curtains in your room, there should be enough light to read by if you sit in the chair.”
“Oh, okay. I guess I’ll do that then.” Ducking her head back down, she hid her face.
And once again, I felt like an asshole. I’d gone to apologize and fix my mistake, only to hurt her again. I really needed to get my head out of my ass or figure out a way to get Gabi to her friend’s house and out of my life.
I knew which one would be easier, but which way would my heart lead me?