After watching Jax walk away, I sat at the top of the stairs for a few minutes, trying to wrap my head around the fact that he had gone into the kitchen and started chopping up vegetables as if nothing had happened.
With a huff to myself, I rose to my feet and went downstairs to Jax’s den. I had left my headlamp in my bedroom earlier, and with the blinds closed, I hadn’t been able to get a good look at the room. Everything was in shadow. I couldn’t wait for the power to come on so that I could get a good look at everything. And that everything included Jax. I would never again underappreciate electricity.
Grabbing a random book off a shelf, I went and sat by the window in my room so I could pretend to read if Jax walked by. I highly doubted that he’d come to check on me, but I wanted to look busy just in case.
Jax may have denied that getting his scar and his girlfriend consequently dumping him hadn’t change his view of himself, but I knew it was true. Even in the dark, he was gorgeous, and damn did that scar make him hot. If I were a blind woman, I would have wanted to jump him from his voice alone. It was so deep, husky, and gravelly. An auditory aphrodisiac. If anyone in Hollywood heard him, they’d cast him for his voice alone.
God, I couldn’t wait to see him in the sunlight. Real sunlight, so I could ogle him properly.
How could I get Jax to see that he was gorgeous on the inside and out? Hating the scar that marred his face wasn’t the only reason he’d closed down. Something had caused the heartache reflected in his dark eyes.
I wasn’t sure how long I sat staring out the window, seeing nothing and thinking about Jax. How could I get him to talk to me without shutting down? I knew that everything would change between us if he talked. I couldn’t explain why I wanted him to open up to me, but I needed it. Even though I would be leaving soon and would never see him again. Why did that thought make me so uneasy?
When I next blinked, the world had descended into darkness once again. I decided that Jax should have had enough time to get himself together. If not, too bad because I was done hiding. Since I’d awoke with Jax blinding me with his flashlight, I had been off. I wasn’t a girl who got embarrassed or hid. A blush hadn’t hit my cheeks since grade school, and now I felt as if they heated up every time Jax’s eyes landed on me.
He made me feel like a beautiful girl. I hadn’t felt that way in ages. Constantly touring with three guys and a year and a half without sex had battered my self-image.
Grabbing my headlamp and letting it hang around my neck, I stepped out of the bedroom to hear Jax somewhere in the house talking to himself. I paused to listen to what he was saying.
“Stop fucking this up. Gabi is not MacKenzie. She didn’t do this to you.” He continued to talk to himself but had gone out of earshot.
Instead of waiting to see if he’d come back so I could hear more, I loudly padded down the hall in his thick wool socks. I was glad that he couldn’t see me, because I was sure I looked like an idiot trying to make so much noise. Once I got close to the end of the hallway, I walked as if I didn’t have a care in the world and hadn’t heard him talking to himself.
Jax had lit a couple of candles in the kitchen and had one going in the living room along with the fire. I found him once again standing at the sliding glass doors looking out into the dark.
Putting a smile on my face, I greeted him as I walked to the kitchen table where a pot sat covered with a potholder on the lid. Lifting it up, a heavenly aroma filled the air; my stomach rumbled.
I moaned as I took another whiff. “That smells so good. I can’t remember the last time I had a home-cooked meal.”
Jax chuckled as he pushed off the wall he was leaning against. “Let me get something to serve with, and you can have as much as you want.”
After a few tense moments of us eating in silence, I watched Jax from the corner of my eye. He stared down at his bowl, his lips in a flat line, as if his soup had the answers to all his problems.
“This is really good. Thanks for making it for us. It’s perfect. All warm and homey.”
“I’m glad you’re enjoying it,” he muttered, not looking up.
Fuck, this was awkward. Maybe I should’ve had him try to take me over to Alex and Luke’s when it was still light out.
“So,” I drew out the word until he looked up at me through his long lashes. “Did you have any plans for tonight? Any parties or hanging out with friends?”
“Nah, that’s not really my scene. I was probably going to watch some Netflix and then head to bed.”
Could we be any different? Before I’d decided to come here, I’d planned to go with the guys in my band to Vegas. We had been invited to multiple parties that were sure to be wild and the epitome of the rock star life. It’s what the guys lived for. And so had I at first, but their growing resentment toward me slowly killed my love of the lifestyle.
Now I was in Fairlane, Missouri, in an ice storm with no power, and happily stuck in a house with a stranger who was the hottest guy in the world. If I could only get him to open up and see himself as I saw him.
After several more minutes of quiet, I cleared my throat. I hated that we had become so uncomfortable with each other.
“How old are you?” I asked to break the silence.
“I just turned thirty-two. How old are you?” He made a face. “Wait, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t ask that.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. Maybe in another twenty years I wouldn’t want to share my age, but I didn’t care. I had nothing to hide. “I don’t mind. How can you get to know someone if certain subjects are off limits?”
His eyes locked on mine, knowing that I wasn’t talking about him asking about my age. “Touché.”
“To answer your question, I’m twenty-eight.”
“Really?” His brows rose as he tilted his head. “You look younger.”
“Yeah, I hear it all the time. I’m hoping it will work in my favor when I’m older.”
Silence fell upon us once again. Obviously, I would need to keep the communication flowing.
“So, what’s your favorite color?”
Jax threw his head back and let out a hearty laugh, giving me hope that he hadn’t totally shut down. “Really?” he choked out.
“Well, I could ask about the weather, but we both know how bad it is.”
“Is it that bad being stuck with me?” he asked with a hint of sadness in his voice.
Looking him over in the candlelight, a smile tipped my lips. “It’s not so bad when you’re talking to me.”
“Yeah, about that. I’m sorry.” He took a deep breath and exhaled loudly as he let his shoulders relax. “I’ve never been very social, but after my mother’s death, and then my girlfriend breaking up with me because of my scar, I holed up here and kept to myself.”
“Oh Jax.” My hand covered his and squeezed, producing a little zing, but I kept it there for comfort. “I’m so sorry about your mom. When you told me about Christmas being her favorite holiday, I heard the fondness in your voice, but I thought you were just a momma’s boy.”
“I guess you could call me that.” He stopped to clear his throat. “Especially now that she’s gone, and I know what I’m missing.”
“That makes sense, and it’s sweet.” I knew I should probably stop while I was still ahead, and he shut down on me again, but I couldn’t help but ask, since he was talking to me and opening up. “Did the two happen close together?”
“Depends on how you look at it. It had been about six months since…” he looked down, running a hand through his messy hair. I had a feeling he had repeated that motion quite a few times while I had been tucked away in my room today. “The incident in the bar was around six months after she died. I was finally over the roughest part of losing her. It was still hard, though, but I was… better, I guess.”
He shrugged like he couldn't find the appropriate word. “Then my girlfriend could barely look at me without bursting into tears, only for her to break up with me.”
With my hand still on his, I squeezed again and held it. “I can see how that would be hard.” Leaning forward in my seat, I asked, “Do you think your scar makes you ugly or scary?”
I took a deep breath in as I waited to see if he’d answer or leave.
“When people look at me, they look away after getting a good look at my scar. What else am I supposed to think?”
“I think it has to do with your demeanor. First, your size draws attention. You’re tall and in great shape. That’s going to draw anyone’s eye. Second, you’re gorgeous, so women are going to look, and men are going to be jealous.”
“And the third?” he asked with a shy smile.
“Are you fishing for compliments?”
Jax shrugged, and I laughed. “Okay. Third, I’ve already mentioned your voice. Seriously, you could do voice over work or be a book narrator. You’d have all the ladies swooning.”
He turned his head and held my gaze. “Is that what you’re doing? Swooning?”
“How could I not?” I pursed my lips fighting a smile. Maybe, just maybe, I was starting to break through.
“I wish I could see myself as you see me. Even in the darkness, you see so much.”
The sadness in his voice made tears sting the back of my eyes.
“Me too. I know I’ve only known you for a couple of days, but…” I paused trying to decide if I would lay myself bare for him. Was it worth it when I’d be gone soon?
“You can’t stop now. I thought we were getting to know one another.” He smirked at using my previous words against me.
“You want to know what I was about to say?” I asked with a tilt of my head. He nodded almost too eagerly. What the hell was I being so timid for? I might as well spit it out. “I was going to say that I’ve been drawn to you since the moment I woke up. At first, I thought you were my angel, then I heard your voice, and I was a goner. I know I haven’t seen you in the full light of day yet, but from what I’ve seen, you’re gorgeous. Inside and out.” I gave him a pointed look I wasn’t sure he could read in the dim light. “You didn’t have to take me in or help me. I can’t remember the last time I felt anything like this for another person, if ever. There’s something about you that I can’t explain.”
Jax sat with his mouth open before he cleared his throat. “I don’t know what I was expecting you to say, but that wasn’t it. Is that really how you feel?”
Giving him a small smile, I answered, “I wouldn’t have said it if it wasn’t true.”
His throat bobbed as he swallowed hard and looked out the window for a brief moment. Turning back to me, Jax spoke in a shaky voice, “I don’t know if I can open up to you that way, knowing that you’re leaving soon.”
I tried to smile, but my lips turned down when I said softly. “You just did.”