Jenna relished in the routine of bringing Avery and Dakota home and starting supper. When Ben arrived, they sat down to eat together like a family. But was Jenna getting too accustomed and even too attached? She couldn’t help the attractiveness of the warm security and belonging.
Thanksgiving neared, and the kids chattered on as she prepared the barbecue chicken for the oven.
Dakota tilted his head and gazed right at Jenna. “When you were little, did you put up Christmas decorations right after Thanksgiving?”
Jenna shoved the pan into the oven and shut the door. “Come to think of it, yes, we did start putting up Christmas decorations soon after Thanksgiving.”
Avery shook her head. “We won’t be putting any decorations up.” Her lower lip protruded.
“Why is that?”
“Daddy said we couldn’t put them up this year.” Dakota’s mouth drooped in a pitiful frown.
Jenna propped her hand on her hip. The kids’ disappointment was evident. Maybe she would mention this to Ben. Could be a misunderstanding. “Do you have any homework, Dakota?”
“Spelling. I need to study my words for the test.”
Jenna provided crayons and a coloring book for Avery while she drilled Dakota on his words.
The garage door rattled open and closed thirty minutes earlier than expected. Ben sprang through the side door, sporting a smile. “Hey, gang. I got to scoot out early.” He sniffed. “Something smells good.” He looked Jenna in the eyes and winked.
Her knees wobbled slightly. “Barbecue chicken.” She hustled around the kitchen, finishing the side dishes.
The kids replayed their day for their father.
“Okay, we can set the table.” Jenna reached for plates.
Ben patted her arm. “Here, let me.”
Warmth spread up her arm from the point of contact.
They gathered around the dining room table and Ben blessed the food. As he scooped a piece of chicken onto his plate, he glanced at Jenna. “Trying to show me up with the chicken, huh?”
“No, I just thought…”
Ben guffawed. “You know not to take me seriously.”
She shoved his arm. “Eat your supper.”
After the meal, a buzz of activity began. Dishes rinsed and stowed in the dishwasher. Two kids herded upstairs for baths and tucking in.
Ben plunked onto the sofa next to Jenna. “Whew. I think I need a vacation.”
“Speaking of vacation, the kids had this notion that you aren’t going to put up Christmas decorations.”
Ben’s eyes turned steel-cold and his jaw muscles twitched. “That’s not a notion. I’m not putting up decorations.”
“But why? The kids…”
Ben jumped to his feet. “You don’t understand. That’s something they did with their mother.”
“But, Ben, they need to share this tradition with you.” Jenna lowered her voice and tried to sound compassionate and understanding.
He crossed his arms over his chest. “I won’t allow it.” His tone was harsh.
Jenna’s chest tightened. “Don’t punish them.”
He glared at her. “This isn’t your business. I am their father, and this is my house. I will decide about these matters the way I feel is best.”
Jenna rose and snatched her purse from the coffee table. She marched toward the front door and whirled back around. Ben refrained from making eye contact and remained silent. She slipped outside and dashed to her car. Tears blurred her vision as she backed from the driveway and drove the short distance to her apartment.
Was this yet another sign that she should pack up and return to Tennessee?
* * *
Ben’s heart ached. What had he done? Had he driven Jenna away? Sleep eluded him all night, and he steered the car to his father’s office after dropping the kids at school. He jogged up the steps and into the lobby.
“Ben.” The receptionist rushed over and embraced him.
“Miss Eva, how are you?”
“Can’t complain. Your father is free.” She gestured toward his dad’s office door. Miss Eva had been his father’s loyal receptionist for as long as he had been practicing his counseling. She was like a part of the family.
Ben eased the door open and stepped through. His father peeked over the top of his glasses from some papers on his desk. He smiled. “Son, come on in.”
Ben plopped into the leather chair. “Dad, I think I blew it.”
His father rose and eased into the seat next to him. “What did you blow?”
He related the scene from the night before with Jenna. He rubbed a hand down his face. “I shouldn’t have spoken to her so harshly. I don’t know where it came from.”
His father leaned closer. “I think I do.” He stroked his chin. “You haven’t allowed yourself time to grieve Alyssa. You just jumped right into your duty. And I think on most days, you can keep any reminders of her hidden or pushed to the side. But the thought of bringing out Christmas decorations would be like staring those feelings in the face. Am I close?”
Ben shifted in the chair. “I’d say you’re close.” He heaved a sigh. “But I feel like I really like Jenna. Dad, I think I love her. Is that hiding my true feelings, too? Am I just trying to replace Alyssa?”
“Son, I believe you have true feelings for Jenna. But to move on, you’re going to have to say goodbye to Alyssa. You have to recognize your loss. I’m not saying you will forget Alyssa. She was the mother of your children, and you loved her dearly.”
Ben’s eyes burned with tears. “But you’re right. I haven’t dealt with it. I dove right into being a single father and providing for my family.” He jumped to his feet. “Thanks, Dad. I knew you’d put it to me straight.”
His dad rose and laid his arm across Ben’s shoulders. “Are you all right?”
“I will be.” He wrapped his arm around his dad and squeezed him in a side hug.
He raced to his car and hurried home, scrambling into the attic. Glancing at his watch, two hours remained before he needed to pick up the kids. Pulling a box labeled ‘Christmas’ to the middle of the floor, he knelt and opened the top. He dug through until he found a small white carton with the words, ‘First Christmas.’
Ben swallowed and tugged the lid loose and eased the protective wrap out, unfurling it. A much younger couple with hopes and dreams sparkling from their eyes stared back at him. Tears streamed down his cheeks. He swiped at them with the back of his hand.
“I really loved you. God knows I did.”
He flipped the ornament frame over and an inscription caught his attention. ’Til death, alone, parts us. A chill ran up his arms. He bent his head and shook with sobs. After several moments, he rubbed his sweatshirt sleeve across his face.
“That’s the only reason I can have feelings for another.” He shoved the ornament back inside the box. “I didn’t think this was in the plan, God. But I trust You. I have to.”
Ben glimpsed his watch. He would have just enough time to see Jenna before he picked up Avery.
He dashed to his car and struggled not to speed to the church. The woman at the front desk looked up and smiled. “Can I help you?”
“Yes. Is Miss Jenna in her office? I need to speak with her.” He started toward her office.
“Mr. Jacobsen, she’s in a meeting. I’m sorry. And I’m afraid I don’t know how long it will be. It was called suddenly. Do you want me to leave her a message?”
“Um, no. I’ll get in touch with her. Thanks.”
* * *
Jenna settled into a conference room chair. Her body trembled in anticipation of what the deacon chairman would say today. Would she be looking for another job after this meeting?
“I’m sorry to call you all together so quickly, but I felt you would want to know as soon as possible.” George smiled.
Jenna’s stomach knotted.
“The pastoral search committee has decided that the candidate they extended a call to was not the right person. When they contacted him, he was planning to cancel because he was feeling the same way from his end.”
A concerted sigh sounded from the staff members around the table, and they burst into a hearty laugh. Some of the tension released from Jenna’s shoulders.
George cleared his throat. “And furthermore, the committee couldn’t consider losing the fine staff we have here. We only want you people to leave when God calls you to.”
The meeting dismissed, and Jenna hurried back to her post, supervising child pick-ups. Avery was already gone. In light of the news about her job being secure, she should have been happy. But could she stay if Ben and she were at odds?
She returned to her office and punched the number for her father. He answered on the first ring.
“Hey, how’s my favorite children’s minister?”
“Pretty good. They aren’t calling that pastor. The committee didn’t want to lose their staff.”
“That’s great, honey. But you don’t sound too excited.”
“Sorry. Ben and I had a little disagreement. No, a big one. I’m not sure where we stand right now.”
“You two can work it out.”
“I don’t know, Dad. I’m not sure about anything right now.”
“Your mom wanted me to tell you that you shouldn’t have any more problems from Peter.”
“Oh?”
“Seems he’s found another poor girl. There I go again, judging.”
“That is a relief.”
“Everything’s going to work out, sweetheart. God’s got the plan.”
“Thanks, Dad. Love you. Tell Mom I love her.”