It took every ounce of strength I could call up to propel myself across the frozen lawn.
He’s going to be so angry with you. It wasn’t so much a thought as a conditioned response from years of training.
But I wasn’t a beaten dog. And Derek’s anger… well Derek’s anger was something I could face.
I knew that if I worked up the courage to face him, he wouldn’t repay my trust with fists.
I just had to trust myself enough to be brave and apologize.
The light was on over his porch. His Jeep was there.
I raised my hand to knock on this door.
It flew open.
He was clad only in his boxers. His hair stuck out in wild tufts and his beard…
His beard was… gone
I’d prepared an entire speech and what came out first was, “You shaved?”
His eyes scanned wildly over me like he was checking first that I was real, and second that I was uninjured. A slow grin spread over his face. “And you got a hair cut.”
“I keep forgetting,” I confessed, raising my hand to my head. “But then the wind blows and my ears get cold and I remember.” I blinked. “You like it?”
“I don’t know how you get more beautiful every day, but you do.” He opened the door wider. “Come in, let’s warm up those ears.”
“Wait, really?” I licked my lips. “You’re letting me in?”
“Why not?” He looked genuinely confused. “I want to apologize.”
“No, wait, I want to apologize.”
He grinned. “On the count of three?”
“I’m sorry,” we said in unison.
He smiled again and folded me into his arms, whisking me over the threshold and into the warmth of his house. “Your ears are so cold,” he clucked. “Come in.”
He shoved a mug of steaming hot cocoa in my hands. I looked up at him in awe. “You had this ready?”
“I’ve dumped out three batches prior to this one,” he confessed. “But yeah. I wanted to have one ready for you when you were ready to come home.”
“You mean, to your house.”
He blinked at me. “I mean come home.”
I had to look away. The disconnect between what the years of training told me would happen and what was actually happening between us now was giving me vertigo. I squeezed my eyes shut.
He knew I was coming home. He trusted me enough to leave to get my head together, to take some time away and realize my mistake.
Realize I loved him.
“I’m sorry I ran away,” I breathed.
“You came back.”
“You knew I would.”
“I was pretty sure. Like… ninety three percent.”
I touched his smooth face. “You were trying to help.”
“It wasn’t the right kind of help.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry for interfering.”
“I don’t think I’m ready to sit in a room and talk to people who’ve had the same experiences as me. But maybe only one person?” I shivered and then sipped my hot cocoa. The warmth spread through me and I smiled. “Wait, this is making me feel really warm and relaxed.”
Derek looked down. “It’s spiked.”
I snapped my eyes open and stared in horror at his own mug. He looked down at his hand, comprehension dawning on his face. “Oh, no. No no no, of course not. I borrowed a half empty bottle of Kahlua from Jesse’s wife.” Naked entreaty shone in his eyes. “I was trying to help you warm up. You can take it back to your house if you don’t trust me, or pour it down the sink, I just thought you could use it…”
I kissed him hard enough to silence his worry. “I trust you.” I pressed his face between my still-freezing hands to make sure he met my gaze. “I trust you and I love you.”
Disappointment flashed in his eyes. “Dammit.”
“What?”
“I was going to tell you that first. You beat me to it. God, I’m terrible at this shit.” He dragged his hand down his face in exasperation, then looked startled at his lack of beard. “Aria, I’m going to make so many mistakes at this. You have to know that.”
“I am too. We’re both pretty terrible at relationships in general.”
He laughed and then seized my shoulders. “But I love you. I love you so much that it doesn’t even bother me to know how many mistakes I’m going to make or how badly I’m going to inevitably fuck this up. Because I love you enough to show you every day that I won’t give up and stop trying. I love you so much I can’t hide it from you, my self or the world any more.”
I blinked. “Are you telling me…?”
He squeezed my hands. “If you’re ready to be a part of this town again… If you’re able to… Then so am I.”
“Derek…”
“Did you hear me when I said I got the bottle from Jesse’s wife? That’s because I went to his house. I asked his advice and he knocked some sense into my head. Friends, parents… people. The town Christmas tree lighting.” He swallowed. “The McCabes’ party…”
“Seriously?”
“Let’s do it.”
I wrapped my arms around him and then pressed the back of my palm to his forehead, “Are you feeling okay?”
He laughed. “I don’t know. I’ve never been in love before. Is it always this tough on the tummy?”
I smiled. “I don’t know. I’ve never been in love either. I guess we’ll find out together.”