Chapter Seventeen

The day after the dinner party, Lily opened the door to find Miss Granby on her doorstep, shoulders bunched around her ears and eyes shining behind her spectacles.

Miss Granby jabbed a finger at her in accusation. “It did not work. You promised me it would work.”

Lily opened her mouth, then shut it again. She didn’t know how to respond.

With a sniffle, Miss Granby tucked a stray tendril of hair behind her ear. She looked miserable. “Don’t you intend to invite me inside?”

Ever since Lily had sold off most of their belongings, the house wasn’t fit for entertaining. “Perhaps you’d care to take a walk instead?”

Miss Granby tipped her face up to the overcast sky, scowling. “It’s dreadful out here. I think it will rain.”

Hell and damnation. Perhaps the sole sitting room wouldn’t be too offensive, provided Sophie wasn’t currently occupying it. Lily bared her teeth in what she hoped passed for a smile. “Please, come in.”

Imperiously, Miss Granby stepped into the house, waiting as Lily shut the door behind her. “Thank you.”

“May I take your shawl?”

Miss Granby gripped it tighter around herself. “I don’t think so. I shan’t be staying long. I only meant to…to…” She pressed her lips tight and stared at her shoes.

“To chastise me?”

The young woman turned a frightening shade of plum. She looked close to tears. She couldn’t be much older than Willa.

Lily squeezed the other woman’s arm reassuringly. “Come with me, then. Let’s have a chat. Would you like some tea?”

Miss Granby nodded, mute.

Despite her aggressive entrance, she proved biddable as Lily led her into the sole sitting room with room to sit. As they passed framed watercolor paintings, the young woman’s eyebrows drew together with curiosity.

“My sister,” Lily supplied. “She fancies herself something of an artist.”

“They are lovely.”

There was the hint of a question in her voice, as if she didn’t believe the lie herself. Lily fought not to smile. “They’re lively, to be sure.”

She stopped short in the threshold of the sitting room. Although she’d half expected to find Sophie seeking solace inside a book, she hadn’t expected to find her husband doing the same. A frisson clambered down her spine at the sight of him bent over the book Lily had borrowed, seemingly captivated by the content. Lately, it had been altogether too easy to share her house with him, almost as if he belonged.

Dangerous thoughts. He’d proven yet again yesterday evening when he’d left the house upon their return that he had no intention of continuing the baffling kiss he’d delivered in Lord Granby’s sitting room. In fact, she’d expected him to avoid her.

Adam, it seemed, defied expectations.

Upon noticing their arrival, Adam flipped the book over the arm of the chair to mark his place. He stood, betraying no hint of surprise upon finding their guest. “Miss Granby, so good to see you again.”

“I offered her some tea,” Lily supplied.

Adam gave her a nod of understanding. Only the household knew that Lily had dismissed all the servants, or so she hoped. Thus far, Miss Granby hadn’t batted an eyelash when Lily had opened her own door. Perhaps she had been too distraught to wonder at the coincidence.

“I’ll see to it,” Adam promised. He crossed halfway to the door before hesitating. “Unless you would prefer a libation instead?”

The color returned to Miss Granby’s cheeks. She shook her head. “Tea will do.”

“Then it won’t be but an instant.”

In a moment that stole Lily’s breath, he leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to her cheek. Her skin tingled as he pulled away, whistling a jaunty tune as he left the room. She stared after him. Had he kissed her solely to maintain their personas?

“Mrs. Darling?”

Lily shook herself. She motioned for Miss Granby to sit and took the seat across from her. “What has you so distraught?”

The young woman looked at her hands, twisting in her skirts. “You know very well what has me so distraught. You saw what happened last night.”

Lily frowned, thinking over the evening. “I don’t recall anything causing much of a stir.”

“Precisely! I performed your instructions to the letter. I wore my best dress, pinched color into my cheeks, laughed at everything he said. He likely thinks I’m unhinged.”

Perhaps she ought not to have laughed at everything the poor fellow said. Fighting the urge to giggle, Lily asked, “Was this Mr. Peabody?”

Miss Granby turned cherry red and pulled her knees up to her chest. She balanced the heels of her slippers on the edge of the settee. Fortunately, the furniture had seen far rougher treatment. “Yes.”

The word passed her lips barely louder than a breath. Lily leaned forward to better hear.

“I know him well. He works for my father, you see, and he visits the house daily. I only wish… I wish he would see me as more than my father’s daughter. As a woman.”

“Then you ought to act with more mystery.”

Miss Granby jumped at Adam’s voice. Hastily, she slid her feet to the floor.

As though he didn’t notice the way their guest colored up, Adam carried in the tea service and set it on the table next to the overturned book. Lily took over, pouring three cups. She put one on a saucer in front of Miss Granby, leaving the sugar and milk within easy reach.

The young woman didn’t appear to notice. Despite her heightened color, she hadn’t taken her eyes off Adam. “Whatever do you mean?”

He flashed her a smile. “Men love puzzles. Am I right to understand that this Mr. Peabody is an intellectual?”

Miss Granby nodded.

Dropping into his seat—disconcertingly close to the one Lily occupied—Adam waved a hand. “I imagine a man like him thrives on a challenge. He wants a woman to engage him intellectually.”

Miss Granby straightened. She fiddled with her spectacles, quivering with excitement. “I can do that. I study the same subjects he does, and more besides. I’m knowledgeable in all manner of things.” Her gaze flicked to Lily, then returned to the man at her side. “Including antiquities.”

“That’s all well and good for after you have his attention. But in order to get it, I suggest you act more aloof. He’ll want to uncover your secrets, but only if you have secrets to keep.”

The young woman’s face wrinkled as she frowned. “But I haven’t got any secrets.”

“Pretend you do, or find a secret to keep.”

Lily raised an eyebrow at him. “I don’t think you’re making this any easier for her.”

He leaned back in his chair, admiring Lily from beneath half-lidded eyes. “To the contrary, my dear. I pursued you for the mystery.”

She snorted. “What mystery? I’m a hardworking woman. That’s all I’ve ever been.”

He cocked his head. “To the contrary. You have as many facets as the gems you adore. The fact that you are a hardworking, honest woman is only one of them. Any man who looks deeper will know there’s more to you than what meets the eye.”

The conviction in this voice left no doubt that he meant every word.

He can make a headache sound intriguing. Nevertheless, she felt her cheeks heat. She held his gaze for a moment longer before turning her attention to their guest. She seemed a safer subject.

Miss Granby was so riveted upon Adam’s every word that she nearly toppled forward into her tea. Awed, she whispered, “Is that how you fell in love?”

Their courtship hadn’t been nearly so poetic. In fact, he’d begun by confessing that his intentions were less than honorable. She should have slammed the door in his face. She hadn’t, and the next few months had been the happiest in her life.

I’m being honest with you. That’s more than I give to any other woman.

But he hadn’t been honest. Somehow, it had all been to his benefit and her detriment. Now he had returned without asking for a thing, not even her time. In the few months of their courtship and marriage, she had learned to read him. She still remembered those words, years later. Even knowing what he was, she’d chosen to trust him. She saw nothing in his demeanor but a genuine sympathy for Miss Granby’s plight. They’d accomplished their goal—an invitation into Lord Granby’s home—but still, he took the time to advise the heartsore young woman.

Adam offered his hand to Lily as he stood. “Come, my love. Shut the door and we’ll show her precisely how to win the attention of this Mr. Peabody. A demonstration, if you will.”

Miss Granby, as unconventional and heedless of propriety as she was, did not object. With the door shut, even with the young woman in the room, Lily felt as though she and Adam were alone. He watched her with an intensity that left her breathless. When he stepped closer, a shiver raised gooseflesh over her arms and neck. His warm breath chased them away.

“You will be the aggressor,” he reminded her.

She had tried that with him before. Adam had pushed her away.

Without waiting for her response, he turned to Miss Granby. “You must start with the knowledge that you are the most beautiful woman in the room.”

The young woman bit her lower lip hard enough to leave crescents, her expression falling. “But I’m not.”

“You are beautiful,” Adam said with conviction.

Despite the way his hand brushed Lily’s elbow, possessive, a hot surge of jealousy choked her. They’d been apart for four years. How many other women had he found desirable?

He’s been faithful. So he had said once, offhandedly. Lily bit the inside of her cheek, trying to contain herself.

For once, she was grateful that Adam dominated every room he entered. Miss Granby beheld him with shining eyes, leaving no room for her to notice the ugly emotion with which Lily did battle.

“I am?”

“Certainly. You only have to remember it here”—he touched his fingers to his forehead, then his chest—“and here.” With a warm smile, he laced his fingers through Lily’s and drew them up to kiss the back of her hand. The admiring look he gave her was entirely for her, no one else.

Certainly not the forgettable young woman hanging onto his every word.

“Lily is beautiful not because of the way she looks, but because of her strength of character. Her resiliency. Her ability to find humor even in the worst of situations. Her intelligence, her wit, and above all, her heart.”

Her cheeks flooded with heat. “I don’t know whether I should be insulted or complimented.”

His smile widened. “Complimented. You of all people should know how admiring I am of the way you look.” As if to demonstrate, he let his gaze fall to her figure, leisurely taking her in.

Emboldened, she whispered, “Prove it. Tonight.”

His smile faded, replaced by something urgent, yearning—perhaps even pained.

Miss Granby cleared her throat loudly. She touched her hands to her reddened cheeks as she mumbled, “I don’t know how any of this pertains to me. I’m not funny and I often trip over my tongue and…”

“Confidence,” Adam answered with emphasis. He dropped Lily’s hand. In the wake of his touch, her fingers tingled. “If you have confidence in yourself, it will bleed from your every pore.”

“Now that’s an image,” Miss Granby muttered under her breath.

Lily chuckled. “He’s right, you know. I was a wallflower when we met. Adam taught me to believe in myself, a lesson I sorely needed. I’m confident he can do the same with you.”

The look he gave her wore none of his usual masks. It was open and honest and it made her toes curl.

No, Adam Darling was no saint. He’d spent much of his time swindling money from the rich he disdained, men who thought themselves above those without prestigious lineage or income. But those who condemned him for it didn’t know how much deeper his character went. He was a man who gave freely to the less fortunate. A man who taught bookish, awkward young women to believe themselves the equals of queens, without asking for anything in return.

And because he was that man—even after all these years—Lily still loved him. Her chest ached for a simpler time, before she’d had her family’s future to consider. Before he’d proven to her he couldn’t be trusted. Had he changed? Did they have a chance four years after their happy life should have begun?

She didn’t know, but she didn’t want to have to pretend this feeling did not exist any longer. She loved him. The only question was whether he loved her—whether he ever had.

Smiling, he beckoned her closer. “Come now, darling. Let’s show Miss Granby how you would catch my eye.”

Lily matched the flirtation in his eyes and gave it her best effort. Little did he know, but this might be the foundation for their future, as well.

Lily held her breath as she peeked through the sliver of the ajar doorway joining their rooms. Midnight had come and passed. Where had Adam been?

Aside from a flimsy ceremony from years ago, she had no ties to him. She hadn’t demanded he keep her apprised of his whereabouts. Nevertheless, after an afternoon spent pretending they were enthralled with each other, without him she felt…bereft. During their demonstration, Adam had reawakened her senses, the long-dormant needs she’d discarded beneath the weight of her responsibilities. He’d made her consider the future.

She’d lived the past without him and proven to herself that she would survive. But somehow, when he was nearby to share the burden, the financial stress didn’t suffocate her. He gave her confidence not only in her abilities, but in a happy ending.

Lily blew out an irritated breath. Don’t be a fool. Perhaps she should climb back into her cold, empty bed and try to forget about him.

That’s worked smashingly thus far.

With a weary sigh, Adam plucked at his cravat, pulling it loose and tossing it onto the foot of the bed as he worked at the buttons on his waistcoat. Lily held her breath, peeking through the crack. Would he notice her watching?

The waistcoat joined the cravat. Lily swallowed hard. If she meant to speak with him, she should do it now, before he peeled off more of his clothing.

But she hadn’t seen his naked body in four long years. She ached for him. She trailed her fingers through her hair, curling a strand tight around her finger as she waited to be discovered.

If Adam knew she loitered, he ignored her. He pulled his shirttails from his breeches and worked at the laces tying his shirt closed. When it gaped open, showing his dark chest hair and defined pectorals, he turned and shucked the garment over his head in a mouthwatering display of rippling muscles. She had always admired the lines of his back, his broad shoulders. She could run her hands over them for days.

Watching him without his knowledge was wrong. Steeling herself, she slipped into the room.

He didn’t notice her. With his back turned, he worked on the buttons to his falls.

“You might want to keep those on, unless you’ve changed your mind about warming my bed.”

He turned. The taut muscles of his abdomen rippled with his breaths. “Lily.” Her name on his lips was a plea.

One she didn’t know how to answer. The last time she’d kissed him, he had walked away. Tonight, she meant only to discover whether he still held tender feelings for her. Or was this only about easing his conscience?

In the rushlight, with both of them in stages of undress, the answer didn’t seem as pressing. She licked her lips as she tentatively stepped forward. Her bare feet trailed along the cold wooden floor, step by step, as she crossed to him. He didn’t move.

She stopped within arm’s length, never taking her gaze off his expression. “Tell me to leave,” she whispered.

He groaned under his breath. “I should.”

Instead, his gaze traveled over her thin nightgown. The rushlight wasn’t strong enough for him to see through it, but if the heat in his expression was any indication, his imagination more than supplied for what the garment hid. The look in his eye gave her confidence. She played with the thin ribbon holding the nightgown together by her throat. His gaze followed the movement, riveted.

“You shouldn’t be here.” His voice was hoarse. It lacked conviction.

She shouldn’t do many things. Where Adam was concerned, should didn’t apply. Stepping up on tiptoe, she brushed her mouth against his in the softest of invitations.

He took it with a groan. His fingers tangled in her loose hair and held her steady as he tasted the seam of her mouth. She opened to him, but he pulled away after the briefest touch of their tongues. He dropped his hand.

“You should go to bed.”

When she took a step back, he looked pained. The disappointment on his face belied his words. Perhaps he, like she, couldn’t decide what he wanted.

“Perhaps I will.” She tugged on the end of the ribbon until the bow loosened and the sides of her collar drifted apart to show the shadowed valley between her breasts.

He flexed his hands as if he needed to touch her as desperately as she needed to touch him. They had had too many lonely nights, side by side. No longer—even if she had to play the aggressor.

“What are you…”

She shrugged the fabric off her shoulders and let it flutter to the floor, helping it along when it caught at her hips. Completely bare, she kicked it away. Her courage threatened to desert her as she straightened to face Adam once again. Her nipples puckered in the open air. She balled her fists at her sides and licked her lips, trying not to show her nervousness. What if he told her to leave again?

When he’d courted her, he’d left no doubt that he desired her. She’d never had to seduce him or make herself vulnerable in this way. Had she grown too lean for his tastes? He’d always reveled in her soft thighs, rear, and belly. She held her breath, waiting for him to react.

“You never stipulated to whose bed I should go.”

Heat enveloped his gaze. He swallowed audibly, his gaze raking her naked body and making her shiver. That wasn’t the look of a man who didn’t admire her figure. An ache started between her legs. She fought the urge to rub her thighs together, awaiting his response.

With a muttered curse, he raised his face to the ceiling, shutting his eyes as if in pain. The muscles in his throat were rigid, as taut as the chest rising and falling with his breaths. His hands fisted on either side of his narrow hips. The bulge behind his breeches left no doubt that he desired her. Why was he fighting so hard to keep his distance?

She perched on the edge of the bed next to his cravat before stretching over the mattress. “Come to bed with me.”

“I can’t.”

She lifted onto her elbows. “Another part of your anatomy tells me that you can.”

He looked down at himself before fixing his gaze on her once more. He looked like a starving man denied a feast. Softly, he repeated, “I can’t.”

Despite his arousal, he meant it. A chill swept through her and she sat up, hugging her knees to her chest. Her cheeks flooded with heat. “Why can’t you?”

He didn’t answer, his jaw clenched so tight that a muscle twitched by the hinge.

Forgetting her modesty—he’d seen her naked before—she shoved herself onto her knees to narrow the distance between them. “Tell me why and I’ll leave. Does it have anything to do with where you’ve been tonight? Do you…” She swallowed hard but forged past the lump in her throat. “Are you trying to remain faithful to another woman?”

The idea threatened to gut her.

“No.” He reached for her, then dropped his hand and stepped back. “I told you, I’ve been faithful.”

“You’ve also been leaving this house every night since you arrived.”

He held her gaze a moment, his mouth pressed together mulishly.

“Adam, tell me why. I deserve to know.”

He turned away. With jerky movements, he opened his wardrobe, found a banyan, and tossed it to her. Cold, she shoved her arms through the sleeves and fastened it over her breasts. It bunched around her knees. She didn’t leave the bed.

He didn’t meet her gaze as he sat heavily on the mattress next to her. Leaning his elbows against his knees, he dropped his head into his hands. It was the posture of a beaten man. Lily had never known Adam to admit defeat.

She sidled closer, brushing her fingers across the unyielding muscle of his shoulder.

He trembled beneath her tentative touch. “Please leave, Lily. This is too much temptation. I want to give you everything you ask and more, but I can’t.”

“Why not?”

If he said something flippant about earning her trust…

“I will not take you to bed if I can’t keep you.”

For a moment, Lily couldn’t breathe. Did he still love her, after all? Tears swamped her eyes, but she blinked them back. She feathered her bare hand over the warm skin of his back, firming her touch as she kneeled behind him.

“Why aren’t you able to keep me?”

When he turned to her, his eyes were bleak. “For the same reason I go out every night. I’m being blackmailed.”

She frowned. “Blackmailed?”

“Yes. Forced to stay away from you, as I was forced to leave the first time. I’m not supposed to tell you this, or he’ll carry through with his threat. But darling, I never left by choice.”

Lily dropped back on her heels. “No.”

He jerked away from her touch, leaving her bereft.

His words rippled through her, gaining in intensity like the tremors foreshadowing an earthquake. She swallowed hard, her mouth dry.

He had left. One moment, they had been blissfully happy, reveling in each other’s bodies, and the next, she had woken to a cold bed and no money. The heartbreak of that day was forever etched into her mind. He had abandoned her.

“I don’t understand.”

He looked anguished as he turned his back again. “You won’t believe me.”

He’s a professional liar, a manipulator. But not with her. With her, he had always been himself. A man who had given her confidence in herself, who never overlooked her. The man she loved.

She laid her palm over his back again, growing bolder. The quick beat of his heart thudded beneath her hand, connecting them. “Tell me anyway.” She hovered on a precipice as she braced herself for whatever lies were poised to fall from his mouth.

Or whatever truths.

Adam breathed deeply, rubbing his hands over his face and through his hair. He didn’t look at her as he began to speak.

“About a week after our marriage, Chatterley approached me.”

“Chatterley?” Lily’s ears rang. “Reid Chatterley?”

Adam hesitated. “Yes.”

He waited, as if expecting her to protest. She wanted to. Her chest ached to think that Reid was the reason her husband had left. But maybe she had misinterpreted. Perhaps he and Adam had become friends, shortly before this entire debacle.

And it will rain shillings.

Lily swallowed twice and whispered, “What did he do?”

Reid had been her friend. Yes, he had protested her marriage, but only because he thought Adam would treat her ill. Adam never had, not while they had been together. And if his departure had been forced…

What had it taken to separate Adam from her? She pressed her lips together, refusing to say another word.

Choosing his words carefully, Adam answered, “He has… Suffice it to say he has information about me that if revealed would ruin not only me, but you by extension. Perhaps your entire family. He threatened to reveal it if I didn’t turn over every penny I had, including your dowry, and leave. I thought…” His voice cracked. “I thought, with your father’s wealth, that you would be fine. I didn’t know…”

“I don’t believe it…”

He flinched away from her touch. She clenched her hand, lowering it onto her knee.

“Reid?”

So softly she almost didn’t hear, he whispered, “I told you that you wouldn’t believe me.”

Her chest ached. She was forgetting to breathe. She drew in a long breath. It cut her as deep as if she’d swallowed thorns.

As if a monocle had been out of focus on her life, everything became clear. No wonder Reid was willing to set her a task that not only went against her morals but might lead to her arrest and death. He had never cared for her, not if he had been willing to cause her this much pain.

Adam surged to his feet, turning to face her. “Forget I said anything. Go to bed, Lily.”

Shakily, she unfolded her legs and eased to the floor. When she straightened, facing him, he held himself perfectly still, as if braced for a blow.

“Reid is demanding you stay away from me. But he’s…” She couldn’t finish that sentence, he was my friend, with any conviction.

What had Reid learned about Adam that was so dire he had abandoned the future they had both dreamed of? Adam wasn’t a saint. His profession—confidence man—might have been enough to bring the entire family to ruin.

“I can’t believe…”

She didn’t finish the sentence. Because she could. She could believe that Reid had done this, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. If not for him, she might have been happy. Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes. Had he ever truly been her friend?

“He bought up my father’s debts with my dowry?”

Adam grimaced. “So it seems.”

She gasped for breath, spots forming in the corners of her eyes.

“Lily?”

Strong, warm arms closed around her and he pulled her against his chest. Wiry chest hair tickled her nose. She burrowed deeper, needing his strength to hold her upright. Tears flowed, overwhelming the dam she had built over the past four years as she had tried to remain strong. Never crack. Never show weakness. Keep her family from poverty or prison.

If not for Reid, she would never have needed to endure these hardships. He had ruined her family. For what? One more expedition to Egypt—the chance to chase a dream he’d been too cowardly to grasp?

Now he’d returned to London to do it all again. He was still using her. Still using Adam.

Hiccupping, Lily tried to pull away, but Adam’s arms tightened around her.

“Hush,” he murmured. “I’ve got you. We’ll set this to rights, I promise.”

She tilted her face up to his, her eyes still blurring with tears. “And what of you?” If he was turning her away from his bed, he had no solution to the blackmail. Reid might be willing to accept his presence for now, but eventually he would leave her. He would have no choice.

Did her family truly have anywhere left to fall? She bit her tongue to keep from telling Adam to let Reid reveal his secret. She didn’t care whether the whole world thought him a criminal. She knew him for the good man he was.

His expression shuttered. “I’ll survive. I only care that you come out of this on top.”

“You’ve never had any ulterior motive, have you?”

He brushed his thumb under her swollen eye, wiping away the moisture still on her cheek. “I only want to see you happy.”

“You never left by choice?”

He hesitated, then shook his head. “How could I? Life with you is the only thing I’ve ever wanted. But the situation hasn’t changed. Chatterley’s given us leniency, but once we finish this, I have to leave again, for both our sakes.”

Hearing him speak those words felt like poison dripping onto her skin. “What does he have on you? I assumed it was connected with your profession, but now…”

Adam cringed, but Lily pressed on.

“Tell me, Adam. I deserve to know.”

…

Adam had hoped never to have to reveal the full extent of his past. Those nightmares were better left behind him. But he couldn’t lie to his wife, not after everything they’d endured together. She deserved better.

So he slipped his hand against hers, which he held between both of his. “It’s not something that can easily be overlooked. It will ruin us both if it comes out. My life may be forfeit.”

She cocked her head to the side. “Is this about the money you took from Reid’s father?”

Adam burned with anger. “His father invested it of his own free will. A fool’s move, but one he was fully capable of making.”

“Under false pretenses.”

“Perhaps. But it was distributed in large part to those who needed it. Something he should have done to begin with.” Since leaving her, Adam hadn’t swindled the rich. He’d focused solely on building their lives together, despite the fact that she’d been nowhere near.

“And the leverage Reid has is worse?”

She must have read the truth in his face. He squeezed her hand, then dropped it. When he told her the full extent of the truth, he didn’t want the pain of her pulling free and turning her back on him. Softly, he confirmed, “It’s worse.” He tilted his head back, staring at the ceiling and wondering if there was a life after death, and if so, what his brother thought of him now. “My name is not Adam Darling.”

Lily’s breath hitched. “It isn’t?”

He shook his head. “Adam was my brother’s name.”

Her eyebrows knitted together. “You stole your brother’s identity? What does that mean for our marriage…”

His eyes burned, and he tried valiantly not to be transported back in time. Thinking of him, of Adam, returned him to that fateful day seven years ago. The gunshots, the stench of blood and gore mixed with ocean salt, the shrieks of pain. Men falling all around him on both sides. And his brother…

“Adam was my half brother. By chance alone, when we enlisted in the navy…” He clenched his teeth. “Well, Adam enlisted. I was stolen off the docks where I’d been doing odd jobs. We were thirteen. Either way, as luck would have it, we were assigned to the same ship. You can imagine my horror when I realized who he was and that he didn’t know of me at all.”

Lily opened her mouth, but he held his hand up to stall her. If he had to stop, had to say this more than once, he might not finish.

“Darling isn’t my surname. My father—our father—was a magistrate up in Northumberland. He had an affair with my mother, and I’m the result. I haven’t made myself known to him, though I believe he’s been awarded a larger jurisdiction somewhere closer to London. Adam… My brother was his legitimate heir.” He shut his eyes, still feeling the liquid pooling of blood flowing over his fingers as he’d held his brother in his arms. Adam had gasped for breath, his face ghostly white as he’d valiantly tried to tell his brother one last thing.

Live. Live for us both.

So Adam had.

When he opened his eyes, he found Lily staring at him, solemn. Her face was drained of color, her freckles standing out like spots on a canvas. She pressed her lips together. Oh, how he ached to pull her into his arms and take comfort from her. She was the only person he had ever met who held the memories at bay, at least for a few fleeting moments. This, talking about that day, drew him down into a deep chasm that threatened to swallow him in the past.

His mood darkening, he tried to focus on the positive moments. The time he had had with the brother he hadn’t known he wanted. Far too short a time.

It was good for him to speak of his brother like this. Someone ought to know the man who had died on that ship.

“After a few disciplinary sessions together, we learned to be friends rather than enemies. And despite the false name I gave the army when they snatched me, when he realized that I was his brother, he embraced me wholeheartedly. I’ve never—” Adam’s voice broke. Hot tears leaked from the corners of his eyes. “I’ve never had family like that. Family like you and your sisters have. I wanted it so badly.”

Lily’s figure wavered as more tears spilled over. He swallowed a thick knot. “We were chasing down a Spanish ship off Menorca. We outgunned them, but they were fast. They took us through the early morning fog. By the time it cleared and we saw the other ships they had led us toward…”

He shook his head, trying to keep himself in the present. It was too difficult. He felt the Mediterranean heat on his skin, the salt in the air, the sun burning off the fog. He heard the flap of the sails in the wind as it drew them ever closer to their prey. The shouts of the officers, which his brother now numbered among. The mad scramble, the imminent fear gripping them all.

His voice hoarse, he said, “It was chaos. Utter madness. Men pitted against men. Thrown into an unforgiving sea or blasted full of holes, and for what? Neither of us was fighting for anything worth killing over. We were fighting for rich men who’d decided they wanted to remain that way.”

He drew the bitterness around him like a cloak, taking solace from it. There was a reason he stole from the rich and only the rich. “My brother was shot. He… He died in my arms.”

Lily’s swift intake of breath returned him to the present, but the shadows of that day still clung to him like cobwebs.

“Adam, I’m so sorry…”

“Me, too. I’d give up everything, every penny I’ve ever had, to have him alive again.” He lifted his gaze, settling it on the woman he loved. “Though perhaps not you. Perhaps I’d give up everything but you.”

She blinked again, but her tears snaked down her cheeks. She reached out, clasping his hand. “I don’t understand. What does this have to do with you taking his name?”

Adam braced himself. “I didn’t see the glory in the fight, didn’t want the recognition for murdering other men. So after Adam died, I deserted the navy. It was chaos, like I said. I had hoped they’d think I fell overboard. He told me to live, so that was exactly what I did. I took his name. He no longer had use for it. I sailed to London to start a new life.” He looked at her again, drinking in the sight of her, despite the way it made his heart clench. “I don’t think I knew what it meant to live until I met you, Lily. You’ve changed my life. But if Chatterley carries through with his threat and sends the documents saying that he’s found Adam Darling, I’ll be punished for desertion. Perhaps even executed. My reputation, what I’ve done, will lower yours and your family’s. No one wants to associate with a man they believe to be a traitor.”

For a long moment, she said nothing. Then she turned away and frowned at her nightgown on the floor.

His heart cracked. There were moments in a man’s life that he would remember until the day he died. Lily turning away from him was one of them.

She whispered, “You didn’t kill your brother?”

He shook his head. “No. But I’ve killed other men.”

“Enemy soldiers.”

He nodded. “I don’t care how you justify it. I don’t see the sense in it. I won’t kill another man.”

“Which they would have made you do if you’d stayed.”

He swallowed and nodded, that very fate making him sick.

“And Reid has proof of your identity, that you are… What is your name?”

He swallowed hard. “Nathan. Nathan King.”

The burble of laughter drifted up from between her clenched lips. “Mr. King? It’s almost as bad as Mr. Darling.”

A smile flirted with the edges of his mouth, but it died quickly. If she would only look at him…

“But no, he doesn’t know that’s who I am. He thinks I’m Darling, and by this point, love, I am. In order to cast off my brother’s name, I’d have to invalidate our marriage. I’d never invite that kind of scandal upon you.”

A short laugh burst from her throat. She looked incredulous. “Don’t be absurd. If you can end this just by shedding your name…”

“I won’t. I meant it when I said you’re the only thing I refuse to give up.”

“Then marry me again!”

The way her eyes danced was intoxicating. He almost wanted to believe that it would be so easy. To change names like he changed jackets. “Too many people in London know me as Adam Darling. I still wouldn’t be able to stay here.” He hated to stamp out the hope written on her face, to have her turn away in dejection, but she needed to take the matter seriously. He hadn’t walked away from her simply because he hadn’t thought of a blindingly simple solution. “Would you consider leaving with me?”

I have a house for us. We can start anew. His fingers itched to show her the deeds he had in the bottom of his trunk. Instead, he waited with bated breath for her answer.

Her expression shadowed. “The shop. My family…”

“Sell it. Your family can come with us.”

To him, it sounded so simple. It was what he had worked toward during the years they’d been parted. But the look on her face was far more conflicted.

“Reid holds our debts. We’d have to leave London with nothing.”

Not nothing. He opened his mouth but shut it when she continued.

“You’re asking us to leave Papa behind.”

He’s dead.

Said the man who for seven years had clung to the only part of his brother he had left, his name.

Adam tucked his wife’s head against his shoulder, laying his cheek atop her hair. “Please,” he whispered. “Consider it.”

She didn’t answer. Her silence spoke volumes.