‘Good morning Class 6A,
hands up if you remember my name.
Good, that’s everyone . . .
except the boy at the back.
Can anyone give him a hint, perhaps?
Yes, thank you for all pointing at the door.
Very imaginative,
my name is Senior Constable Dawe,
spelt D-A-W-E.
That’s right,
still Senior.
There is no Super Senior rank, I’m afraid.
Today,
we’re talking about bushfire safety,
but we agreed last time
to call it bushwalker safety.
Please don’t mention bunyips.
When camping, what’s the best way
to prevent a bushfire?
Yes, camp in your bedroom,
or in the backyard,
but what about in the bush?
What should you do with your camp fire?
Yes, have a big barbecue,
but afterwards?
Yes, of course,
eat all the sausages!
I mean after you’ve finished with the camp fire,
why are you giggling, young man?
What is so funny?
You’ve remembered how your dad
put out the camp fire,
well,
please share it with us all.
He what!
He did that on a camp fire!
I’m sorry, toilet humour is not appropriate.
Yes, even if it did extinguish the camp fire
but
a bucket of water from the river
would work just as well.
Now settle down, Class 6A,
we have established
that putting out the camp fire is important,
this giggling is really not getting us anywhere.
What happens if you’re caught in a bushfire?
Yes, this time you do run like heck, young man.
But where?
Away from the fire.
Yes, very sensible and logical.
To the river . . . good.
To a patch of ground without grass or trees, yes.
No, not up a tree, young man.
You’re not being chased by a bear.
Yes, I know bears don’t exist in Australia.
Koalas aren’t bears, young lady.
And being chased by a koala
is hardly life-threatening, is it?
Do not run uphill,
fires move faster uphill than down.
Look for a road or a gully without vegetation.
Yes, call the fire brigade, that’s correct.
Who knows what number to call?
No, not 911,
that’s in America, children.
Surely we know,
yes, of course, 000.
And tell the person, calmly, where you are.
No, screaming “I’m in a bushfire” won’t help.
Try to locate a landmark.
Finally,
and I really don’t want to go into this too much,
but what clothes should we wear
when walking in the bush,
and before anyone says it,
yes, underwear,
let’s all have clean underwear on,
just in case.
What else, Class 6A?
No, swimmers are not necessary.
Yes, I know I said to run into the river,
but keep your clothes on this time,
to protect against the fire.
What should you always wear on your feet
when bushwalking?
Shoes.
Not thongs, not barefoot, but good leather shoes.
I’m sorry your mum doesn’t wear leather
because she’s vegetarian, young lady.
Yes, we all want to save the world, young lady,
each in our own way.
So, are we agreed, Class 6A,
while bushwalking,
wear good protective clothing,
and in a bushfire,
run towards a river
or open ground without vegetation,
and yes,
throw water on the camp fire.
Okay,
pee on a camp fire
if it makes you and your dad happy, young man!
Thank you Class 6A,
that’s my last talk for this term.
It’s been . . .
enlightening.’