When you were a kid, did anyone ever ask you, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Maybe an aunt or uncle at a family reunion pinched your cheeks, commented on your height or hair length or acne, and then started questioning your career goals. You were all of eleven years old, but you were expected to have a logical, feasible, fiscally responsible answer.
I remember being in first grade and trying to answer that question. My teacher, Mrs. Paulson, asked us to draw what we wanted to be when we grew up. As we drew, she walked around and, based on our personalities and abilities, gently directed us toward career goals that were . . . realistic.
I had a desk next to Kelly, who was the love of my life at the time. I used to call her my honeybun, which is just weird. I was a hopeless romantic. Still am.
Kelly was sitting next to me, and I will never forget Mrs. Paulson coming by as we were all attempting to draw pictures of what we wanted to be in that far-off future known as adulthood. Mrs. Paulson stopped by Kelly’s desk and said, “Kelly, what are you going to draw?”
Kelly said, “I don’t know.”
So based on Kelly’s propensity and genius and capacity, Mrs. Paulson started suggesting things she could draw. “Kelly, you are so smart and so brilliant. You could be a mathematician, or you could be a professor, or you could be an astronaut. You could even be the president, Kelly!”
Kelly’s eyes got big, and she started drawing as fast as she could.
Then it was my turn. “Judah, what are you going to draw?”
“Gee, I don’t know, Mrs. Paulson,” I said in my innocent and very, very high-pitched voice. “What do you think I could be when I grow up?”
Long pause.
“Uh . . . um . . . well, I don’t know, Judah. Lots of things I’m sure. Let’s see . . . well, you could be a good citizen. Yeah, you could pay your taxes and work . . . uh, somewhere? Doing something, I’m sure. You could have a family. Well, you’ll think of something.” And she hastily moved on.
I think I ended up drawing a picture of me saving a neighborhood cat, because that was the highest calling I could expect or aspire to. I can’t blame her for drawing a blank. School was obviously a challenge for me. And overly honest Mrs. Paulson was just trying to manage my expectations.
I never ended up saving a cat, but I did survive school, and today I am a full-fledged adult with an actual occupation and family and income. So I think it’s fair to say I exceeded Mrs. Paulson’s expectations. She’s probably very proud.
The experience makes me wonder, though. Why do we focus so much on what kids want to be and do when they grow up? It’s a misleading question. It insinuates something completely untrue about life.
It insinuates that life is a destination. That life is about arriving. And more specifically, that life is about arriving at a profession, a job title, and a career.
For example, you become a police officer. Okay, you arrived. Now what? You discover that becoming something, in and of itself, is not the end-all. It’s the beginning. Now you have to do the work of a police officer. You have to pull people over. People like me, who go a little over the speed limit and get ticketed.
I’m like, “Really? I’m one of the good guys. There are people out there pillaging villages, and you are pulling me over?”
Chelsea tells me, “You have an attitude problem, Judah.”
“No,” I insist. “They are wasting their time on me. I’m a good citizen. Just like Mrs. Paulson said I would be.”
She says, “You were illegally speeding.”
I say, “Don’t say it like that. I’m just passionate. I’m trying to get somewhere.”
Anyway, moving on. For some people, the goal isn’t to reach a career goal—it’s to get married. That is their benchmark for success. As if marriage were an end, right? No, my friend, it’s just the beginning. The beginning of the longest, most excruciating, most blessed journey you have ever been on. I go to weddings and see these young couples getting married. And everyone is like, “They are so sweet.” And I am thinking, They have no idea.
I’m kidding. Mostly, anyway. I am in favor of matrimony. I am pro-marriage. I am happily and blissfully and irreversibly married. But as all married couples can attest, getting married is not the end. It’s the starting gate. It’s the qualifying round. It’s only the beginning, and the best parts—and probably the worst parts—still lie ahead.
That’s life, though, isn’t it? Life isn’t about arriving. We don’t stop learning when we get out of school. We don’t stop working when we get our first big career break. We don’t stop dreaming when we reach a milestone. We never stop imagining; we never stop growing; we never stop reaching, believing, creating.
Life is a journey.
I think we should change the question. Rather than asking, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” we should ask a far more important question: “What do you want your life to look like?” Or maybe, “What kind of soul do you want to have?”
These are better questions; they are deeper questions. They are far more meaningful than asking what someone wants to do professionally or how much money he or she wants to have in the bank, because careers and cash are not the stuff of life.
This kind of question sparks an honest evaluation of how effective our lives are. Not effective in the sense of racking up monumental accomplishments or public acclaim, but in the sense of something simpler but less measurable: that of living lives worth living.
An effective life can look back and say, “My soul is full. I became who God made me to be. I did what God put me on this earth to do. I enjoyed life, I loved life, I made a difference. I had a full and fulfilled existence.”
Our souls have a God-given need for purpose and significance. I think that’s what we are subconsciously grasping at when we fixate on careers, titles, and achievements. A truly effective life, though, begins with an effective soul. It flows from a soul that functions and finds its value not in external accomplishments but in its relationship with God.
As our souls find themselves in God, our lives will find their purpose, place, and value in him as well. The apostle Paul wrote about this kind of fulfilled, effective life in his first letter to the Corinthian church. His concluding comments:
I will visit you after passing through Macedonia, for I intend to pass through Macedonia, and perhaps I will stay with you or even spend the winter, so that you may help me on my journey, wherever I go. For I do not want to see you now just in passing. I hope to spend some time with you, if the Lord permits. But I will stay in Ephesus until Pentecost, for a wide door for effective work has opened to me, and there are many adversaries. (1 Corinthians 16:5–9)
Notice the phrase, “effective work” (verse 9). I read that a while back, and I started to think: If there is effective work, there must also be ineffective work. There must be average work. I don’t know about you, but I want to spend the relatively brief hours, days, months, and years that I have on effective work, not on useless, mediocre, or unfulfilling work. I want to have a fulfilled soul and an effective life.
Throughout the Bible there are glimpses of what a truly effective life looks like. For example, notice what Psalm 1:3 says about a person who trusts and follows God.
He is like a tree
planted by streams of water
that yields its fruit in its season,
and its leaf does not wither.
In all that he does, he prospers.
I love the metaphor and imagery the songwriter used. He didn’t tell us how much money we will make, or what kind of job we will have, or whether we’ll ever reach our ideal weight, or if people will ask for our autographs, or if we’ll have more toys than our neighbors when we die. None of that. He said that our souls and our lives will be stable, faithful, passionate, fruitful, healthy, and blessed.
Psalm 92, verses 12–14, gives us a similar picture:
The righteous flourish like the palm tree
and grow like a cedar in Lebanon.
They are planted in the house of the LORD;
they flourish in the courts of our God.
They still bear fruit in old age;
they are ever full of sap and green.
This passage refers to “righteous” people. How do we become the righteous ones who flourish and bear fruit? According to the teachings of Scripture, it’s not by being perfect. It’s not the result of hard work or self-discipline. Righteous people aren’t those who by sheer effort have made themselves a bit better than the people around them.
Instead, righteous people are those who trust in Jesus as their source of acceptance and righteousness before God. That’s what Jesus came to teach us. We are righteous because of Jesus, and as we follow him, our lives begin to reflect these qualities and characteristics mentioned in Psalm 92.
Verse 12 says, “The righteous flourish.” I love that word flourish. I want a soul that flourishes. Why settle for money in the bank when you could flourish? Why hang your happiness on a six-figure salary or a corner office or a bestselling album when your soul could flourish? Not that those things are wrong, of course. But you’ll enjoy them a lot more if you are thriving and healthy on the inside, not just on the outside.
This passage says we will bear fruit throughout our lives and that we will be green and full of sap. I’m definitely not a plant person—I don’t even know what plant people are called . . . Plantivores? Herbicists? But even I know that this is a good thing. The writer was saying that no matter what your age, you will have passion and youthfulness; you will be influential and productive; and in your marriage you will be sexually active to the end. Okay, maybe I applied that a bit too far. Don’t be offended. I’ve said worse.
I want my life and my soul to be fruitful. I don’t know what my paycheck will be in the future. I don’t know what my bottom line will look like, or for that matter, what my waistline or hairline will look like. I don’t know if I’ll have a position or prominence or power. But I want to have a full soul. I want to have an effective, faithful, fruitful life.
Jesus returned to heaven at the age of thirty-three, but his years were full and fruitful. My dad passed away when he was sixty years old. He was young, but he had led an effective life. I don’t know how many years I have left on this planet, but I want them to be the best years of my life. I’d rather live an effective life to thirty-three or sixty than live an ineffective life to a hundred.
An effective life cannot be quantified by how long you live, how many digits are in your bank balance, or how many people follow you on social media. Those things do not measure or define a person’s life. An effective life has to do with the position and condition of your soul.
Are we effective, are we full, are we fruitful, and are we faithful? This is the life we want, but how do we obtain it? How do we find this space and place for our souls? How do we live in such a way now that when we reach the end of our days, we will be able to look back and celebrate lives well lived?
The apostle Paul’s closing comments to the Corinthians give us two major elements of an effective life. I don’t think Paul was trying to tell us his secrets—he was just concluding his letter. He was opening up his heart and giving practical help to the church at Corinth. But these two simple—but easily overlooked—elements to an effective life shine through in his writings because they were so ingrained in his lifestyle.
Keep in mind that Paul, formerly known as Saul, was not always effective. Before he came to know Jesus, this was a man who lived a very ineffective life. He was part of the problem, not the solution. He was involved in the arrest and murder of countless Jesus followers. His life was ineffective from God’s point of view.
But then he had an amazing encounter with Jesus, which you can read about in Acts 9. Saul’s name was changed to Paul, and his life almost immediately became effective. That’s an understatement, actually. God used Paul to write thirteen books of the New Testament. Paul started at least fourteen churches, and those eventually multiplied into thousands of churches. He dramatically affected the philosophy and even the theology of the Roman Empire. Paul lived an effective, fruitful, full life.
It was also a life full of persecution, by the way. Paul faced more than his share of pain, misunderstanding, and resistance. There were people who didn’t like him and who wrote mean blogs about him. There were people who tried to take credit for his successes, to undermine his efforts, and to discredit his motives. There were people who outright tried to kill him. His life was not free of pain or problems, but nonetheless, it was full, fruitful, and immensely effective.
I cannot promise that your life will be filled with nothing but rose petals and chocolates and cookies and cream. An effective life is not always easy and it’s not always perfect. Sometimes things don’t work out. There will be challenges and difficulties along the way. But in the midst of it all, you can still be full, fruitful, and effective.
The first element of an effective life is woven throughout the passage I quoted above. Here are the verses again, with a few specific phrases emphasized.
I will visit you after passing through Macedonia, for I intend to pass through Macedonia, and perhaps I will stay with you or even spend the winter, so that you may help me on my journey, wherever I go. For I do not want to see you now just in passing. I hope to spend some time with you, if the Lord permits. But I will stay in Ephesus until Pentecost, for a wide door for effective work has opened to me, and there are many adversaries.
Did you pick up the emphasis? I intend; perhaps; wherever; I hope; if the Lord permits.
“Paul,” I want to ask him, “do you have any idea at all what you are doing tomorrow? Do you know what a schedule is? Get a Palm Pilot, buddy.”
Palm Pilots are so outdated, you might be thinking. Well, ironically, that is the size of the iPhone now. Unbelievable. How does Apple do it? Someone texted me when the iPhone Plus came out and said, “This phone is so awesome and so big.” And I thought, What has happened? We used to be all about small, and now we are all about big. The phone is huge. It’s like a newborn baby: it doesn't fit anywhere. You never know where to put it. But we all love it, and Apple wins again.
Apparently Paul was not in charge of his own schedule. Notice, there are two I wills here: “I will visit you” (verse 5) and “I will stay in Ephesus” (verse 8). But there are five if God wills. He didn’t use that exact phrase, but when he said intend, perhaps, wherever, I hope, and if the Lord permits, he was referencing his dependence on God’s will, not his own.
In other words, Paul lived a surrendered life. That was how he functioned on a daily basis. It was the rhythm of his life. He said, “I am going to visit you—I think, I hope, I totally want to, if the Lord permits, if that’s the Master’s plan, if that’s on his schedule—and I’m going to stay in Ephesus for now. God bless.” An effective life is first and foremost a surrendered life.
Paul yielded his schedule, his decisions, his destinations, and his directions to God. Why? Because for Paul, God was not a formality or a tradition or a Sunday morning meeting. As I said earlier, once upon a time Paul was Saul, and Saul was a bad man. He was the mafia. He was a murderer. Saul was completely ineffective when it came to true living. He was on his way to hurt more people, and God basically knocked him off his donkey, shined a light in his eyeballs, and said in an audible voice, “Saul, what do you think you are doing?”
And Saul was like, “Who are you again?”
“I’m Jesus. The guy you thought was your opposition and competition. I have a team, Saul, and I want you to play on that team. As a matter of fact, I’d love for you to be the quarterback. Are you in?”
Paul was in. What would you do if you were blinded by heaven and heard God’s voice? It was one of those no-brainer moments.
So for Paul, Jesus was real. God had physically confronted him and audibly spoken to him, and from then on, Paul’s life was surrendered to whatever God asked from him. Paul’s attitude was, “Wherever you want me to go, God; whoever you want me to talk to; whatever risk you want me to take; whatever prison they put me in; and whatever persecution I come under, I will do whatever you want me to do. I’m yours.”
Some people think surrender is a sacrifice. I see surrender as the safest place to live. If God is leading, then all the pressure is on him. A surrendered life can say, “God, this is your fault. You’re the one who got me into this mess, so you’re the one who will need to get me out. I don’t know what I’m doing here. I’m in way over my head. But God, I am totally surrendered to you. This is on your schedule, so this one is on you.”
What a safe place to live, and what a beautiful place to live. We are just along for the ride. It’s fun—and at times frightening—but ultimately the weight and pressure are on God, because we are simply doing his will.
A surrendered life is a beautiful life, but unless you are intentional about staying grounded, it can backfire. Your surrendered life can become a really weird life. No offense, but I have met some people who are committed to living a surrendered life, and they are like, “I quit my job today, and I’m just walking the streets, and I’m singing.”
And I want to say, “You can’t sing, first of all. That’s not your gift and it’s not going to pay your bills. Let’s go back to your boss and beg him to give your job back. Your surrender is scaring us all.”
As we look at Paul’s life, we see a second element of an effective life that is just as important as the first. Verse 9, which we looked at above, talks about “a wide door for effective work.” Immediately after saying that, Paul wrote twelve concluding verses that focus on person after person in his life. He praises people, he greets people, he encourages people, and he connects people.
Verse 10: “When Timothy comes, put him at ease. He’s so great. I love this guy.”
Verse 12: “I really want Apollos to visit you soon.”
Verse 17: “You’ve heard about Stephanas and Fortunatas and Achaicus. They are amazing. They are incredible. They have helped me so much.”
Verse 19: “The entire church of Asia Minor, collectively, says hello. And Aquila and Prisca, who have a church in their house, send their love as well.”
What was Paul saying? He listed seven specific friends he wants the church of Corinth to know, to care for, to meet, to appreciate, and to befriend.
Paul isn’t just surrendered—he’s surrounded.
Do you want to live an effective life? It’s not as complicated as some might say it is. First, yield to God, your Creator and your Father. Turn over control of your ways and your days to him. And second, receive from the community that God puts around you. It’s that simple. Stay surrendered and stay surrounded.
The Bible says, “God places the lonely in families” (Psalm 68:6 NLT). Don’t underestimate how blessed we are to have people around us or how significant that community is.
Since I was a child, I have benefited from the church and the community of Jesus followers that surrounds my life. Somewhere along the line, by the grace of God, I surrendered to what God wanted for my life. Then God surrounded me with men and women, many of them have known me since I was a child, and those people have guided me, encouraged me, and helped me along the way.
You’ve probably heard that haunting proverb, “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment” (Proverbs 18:1). In other words, if we are not surrounded, we’ll tend to make dumb decisions. We’ll be deceived by our passions and desires, and we’ll end up hurting ourselves.
We weren’t designed to be alone. We are relational beings. No matter how introspective or shy or private we might be, we are all designed for community. We are meant to benefit from one another.
How do you live an effective life? Yes, you surrender—but you don’t do it alone. You surround yourself with other surrendered people, and before you know it, your life and your soul are fruitful and full and meaningful. Their words of encouragement, their text messages and e-mails, their silent support in difficult times, their counsel—they will change your life and build your soul.
I’m not the sharpest crayon in the box. I’m not the most avid reader or the best scholar. I’m certainly not the most self-controlled or self-motivated. But I can yield my life to God, and I can stay immersed in a community of people.
What a benefit and a privilege we have. We are here for each other: to surround each other, love each other, and encourage each other along this surrendered, yielded life. Surrendered and surrounded, we stay grounded. That rhymed unintentionally.
God is inviting each of us to have an effective soul and an effective life. His invitation is available to everybody. It’s not going to be a life without challenges and difficulties, but in the end, we will be fruitful, faithful, and full.