The time between the ages of two and five is the most critical.Laying the Groundwork to Inspire Our Preschoolers to Learn and Grow
As is probably no surprise, the preschool years are perhaps my most favorite. And not just because these are the years when our kids truly find their voice, develop rich vocabularies and senses of humor, and start to show us glimpses of the amazing people they’re going to become. No, the real reason I love the preschool years is because the years between ages two and five are undeniably the most important, most influential, and most critical in a child’s life. When we know who our preschoolers are and what they are capable of, we can better influence and inspire them to learn and grow.
In fact, the single most important factor in ensuring children become successful, productive, happy adults isn’t the quality of their education or how high they score on an IQ or achievement test—it’s what happens during a child’s preschool years . . . hands down. This is a high-stakes game. Luckily, preschoolers are also the cutest and funniest human beings on the planet.
These little people are incredibly busy learning language, solving problems, thinking creatively, and figuring out how to get along with other people. And how they learn these things is determined by the level of stimulation they receive in the home between the ages of two and five. These years are the foundation for not only their tremendous social and emotional growth, but the educational foundation for kindergarten, elementary school, and beyond.
There is a lot going on in the brains and bodies of these young kids—they are so funny, full of life (and energy!), interesting and wise, innately helpful and empathetic, and just want to be heard and listened to. I like to think that if we do the hard work during these preschool years, the teenage years become that much easier.
While preschoolers are different from one another in how they grow and develop, how quickly or slowly they go through the phases of development, and their learning styles, there are a number of aspects of child development that are universally the same:
• All preschoolers play, in many different ways, to figure out their world.
• All preschoolers need time to Pause. Pausing to let them think gives us amazing insight into who they are, what they know, and what interests them.
• All preschoolers like to repeat. They learn through repetition, the more deliberate and purposeful the better.
• All preschoolers imitate their parents as the “stars” of their show.
• All preschoolers, universally, want to help—they are innately empathetic, and we can strengthen their empathy muscles through everyday activities.
Our role as parents is to be the “star” of our preschooler’s favorite show—it’s called “Real Life.” We are their trusted guide—holding their hand literally and metaphorically as they figure out their way in the world, challenging them to jump higher and try something new, opening their eyes to new experiences, and helping them through hard times. Parents hold the keys to a preschooler’s level of development—opening up the door to new opportunities, interesting adventures, games that build their cognitive abilities, and ideas that spark them. And above all, we have one incredibly magical tool in our notebook—just being who we are.
When we, as parents and caregivers, are involved, invested, engaged, and knowledgeable about our preschoolers’ development, we can help to support them in a healthy, positive way. Research suggests the experience of a nurturing home environment could have a strong effect on brain development. Parents have a tremendous role in enabling children to develop their cognitive, social, and emotional skills by providing safe, predictable, stimulating, and responsive personal interactions. Everything parents do—feeding them, clothing them, keeping them safe, and teaching them age-appropriate skills like using the toilet, getting dressed, and catching a ball . . . even just talking to them—is shaping who they are.
At the same time, we’re busy buying educational books and toys and supporting their learning to make sure our little sponges are on track cognitively and socially and are mastering concepts like colors, numbers, and letters, and adapting to behavior expectations. This is why I feel like a mama to all the preschoolers who watch my shows. And once my own kids hit the age group? Everything I did was elevated; I was determined, more than ever, to put easily replicated clues in our programs that preschoolers and their parents could use every day.
So, why are a child’s earliest years so critical? Brain science tells the story: 80 percent of a child’s brain development has occurred by the time she is three years old. Once she hits five, that figure is up to a whopping 90 percent. That means the bulk of a child’s emotional and intellectual development has already been indelibly shaped by the time he’s learning to do things like tie his shoes, ride a bike, and skip. These are astonishing figures, and they speak to just how malleable and nimble a preschooler’s brain is.
While preschoolers are defined as children between the ages of two and five, this age span is developmentally extremely wide, and the milestones they’re going through are vast, as they are developing intellectual, physical, social, and emotional competencies all at once. It’s a lot of work for them, and it’s a lot of responsibility for us. By the time our little ones reach preschool, they have acquired control over their bodies, they can feed themselves, dress themselves, jump, run, show a preference for things, and have a strong will. These competencies are the manifestations of intelligence and personality. Understanding how preschoolers think, how they learn, and how they develop will empower us to nurture each area of our preschooler’s development.
Cognitive Development
The notion of cognitive development originated with child development psychologist Jean Piaget who described in his Theory of Cognitive Development that children move through four different developmental “stages” as they grow, acquiring new abilities and skills at each stage.1 The stages are: the Sensorimotor Stage, from birth to age two; the Preoperational Stage, from age two to about age seven; the Concrete Operational Stage, from ages seven to eleven; and the Formal Operational Stage, which begins in adolescence and spans into adulthood. According to Piaget, preschoolers have passed through the first stage, where much of what they learn is through picking up and manipulating objects and using their senses, and are now in the second, or Preoperational, stage. In this stage, Piaget believed that preschoolers make associations and learn about everything through play.
While Piaget’s developmental stages are still recognized and subscribed to today by many researchers, new theories of cognitive development have emerged that show how much preschoolers are able to learn if taught in a play-based, preschool-appropriate way. Regardless of the particular theory or model of cognitive development one subscribes to, what’s actually going on inside a preschooler’s brain in terms of the new thinking and processing skills they’re acquiring in these crucial years is something everyone agrees on—it’s major.
The first of these are skills related to executive functioning, or the “command central” of the brain. Executive functions are made up of a collection of skills Ellen Galinsky, president and co-founder of Families and Work Institute, labels as the “seven essential life skills” all kids need for future success. In her book Mind in the Making, Ellen talks about skills such as:
1. learning to be focused and have self-control,
2. learning to take on life’s challenges,
3. being able to communicate well with others,
4. having empathy and ability to take someone else’s perspective,
5. the ability to think critically and
6. make connections to the world around you, and
7. being motivated to continue to learn.2
So yes . . . pretty much everything! You can see why the “command central” metaphor fits.
According to Harvard University’s Center on the Developing Child, “Children aren’t born with these skills—they are born with the potential to develop them.” And while executive functioning continues to develop well into the early elementary school years and adolescence, during the preschool years many areas of executive functioning experience rapid growth.3 For example, a child’s working memory, which is the ability to acquire, store, and recall information, powerfully switches on around the age of three. Impulse control—a concept that is sometimes touted as a key predictor to future success—is a skill that is generally learned in the preschool years as well. Really, since all executive functions are acquired and not innate, the preschool years are the ideal time to begin supporting and nurturing their development.
Other cognitive skills taking center stage in the preschool years include understanding the use of “symbols” as objects that represent something else (like a drawing of their family being a representation of their family or using a penny to represent a missing player token in a game), developing problem-solving skills (such as figuring out that two children, each with the color of balloon they don’t want, can trade them so that each gets what they want), beginning to use logical thinking (such as being able to organize toys by color, shape, or other characteristic), and understanding the concept of cause and effect (such as recognizing that furiously pumping the water pump at the playground water station will ultimately result in the makeshift stick dam being washed away).
A TYPICAL MORNING
From the moment preschoolers wake up in the morning, they are learning and developing by taking everything in—the tone of the morning, the smells of what’s cooking, the mood of everyone around them. On a Saturday, they hop out of bed early and run into our room, jumping on our bed singing “good morning!” (meanwhile, we have to pry them awake on the weekdays). We urge them to go potty (asking about ten times), and then they hop down the stairs and sit at the kitchen table (still hopping or at the very least bopping). They look at their breakfast of oatmeal and blueberries, which we may or may not have arranged into a smiley face (always a crowd pleaser!). They eat a few bites while counting how many blueberries they have, making a game out of it, and then launching into questions about the coming day as we hurry them along. Bouncing out of their chairs, they run to brush their teeth (singing a song) and get dressed (yep, singing another song). And all before 7:30 a.m.!
The morning routine is an example of an everyday way preschoolers practice cognitive development (knowing the routine, understanding what utensil to use, counting blueberries, asking questions, and comprehending what is expected of them), social-emotional development (understanding the tone of the room, the mood of the caregiver, saying good morning), and physical development (the hopping down the stairs, bopping, sitting, eating, getting dressed, going potty).
Physical Development
The preschool years are when our kids’ sense of big and small movement, coordination, and agility are growing by leaps and bounds. With every new feat they attempt—from big movements like climbing up the slide, jumping from higher and higher perches, kicking and throwing a ball, riding a bike with two wheels (gross motor skills), to small movements like building with blocks and small Legos, zipping up a jacket (fine motor skills)—their balance and coordination neurons are becoming more and more robust.
As active preschoolers, many kids feel driven to test their bodies and see what they’re capable of, and research shows that it’s in our best interest as their parents and caregivers to give them the chance to do this, safely, of course. These are also the years when kids may find themselves frustrated with certain fine motor or gross motor tasks that don’t come as easily to them as they might for their peers (such as grasping a pencil or catching a ball). Sometimes this is simply a variance in developmental pace, and sometimes it’s indicative of an area where a child might need some extra support. A pediatrician will keep his or her eyes on this and let you know when and if these differences warrant more attention.
As is the case in most aspects of growth and development, play is everything. Between zero and five years old, the brain is more pliant than it will be at any other point in life. Providing opportunities for young children to deliberately repeat, test, and practice their gross motor and fine motor movements through play can yield a big payoff.
When we consider all the tremendous connections our preschoolers are making as they try to understand their huge emotions and begin to make sense of the world around them, it’s no wonder this period can get off to a, shall we say, rocky start. In her book Your Three-Year-Old: Friend or Enemy, author Louise Bates Ames writes about the generally calm, pleasant nature of the three-year-old in contrast with the tempestuous nature of a three-and-a-half-year-old: “inward, insecure, anxious, and above all determined and self-willed.4 The three-year-old child seems emotionally insecure from the word go.” Six months’ difference! It still amazes me.
Erik Erikson, a psychoanalyst known for his psychosocial development theory (and who worked with Fred Rogers), helps us look at the role of preschoolers and their social and emotional development.5 Erikson’s theory has eight distinct stages, and successful completion of each stage results in a healthier personality. The preschool child has already gone through the first two and is now entering Stage Three, called the “play age.” During this stage, she is asserting herself, initiating play, and asking questions of her world as she grows and develops. Our job during this stage is to foster this level of growth as we nurture their sense of themselves. During Stage Three, preschoolers work hard to navigate relationships with other children and develop the skills to express their own feelings, understand and respond to others’ feelings, and share, as well as discover their own sense of self within groups of other children and appropriately relate to others in group settings. No pressure or anything!
These are also the years when children are putting a lot of time and energy into learning emotional regulation, which refers to understanding how to respond to things that happen in their world in ways that are emotionally appropriate. This age group is intense! It’s no mistake that both Erikson and Piaget celebrate the world of play for preschoolers as a great source of learning during this age.
Another typical social-emotional area of growth centers around a preschooler’s desire to, often for the first time in their lives, begin to see themselves as independent individuals. As a result, they often start looking for opportunities to assert and demonstrate their independence.
Lastly, it’s during the preschool years that children are developing a vocabulary for their emotions, a concept known as emotional literacy. Learning how to identify, label, and talk about the big (and small) emotions they’re feeling is a big piece of what’s happening in a preschooler’s world.
Communication Skills
When we talk about language acquisition for preschoolers, we’re talking about huge growth spurts in all aspects of language and communication development, which means in both the giving and receiving of information. Though it may not always seem like it, especially when repeatedly asking our little ones to do something like put their boots on or stop banging on the table with their crayons, preschoolers are developing all kinds of skills related to listening. These include everything from simply hearing what’s happening around them (what other people are saying, audio books, a show on the TV) and recognizing what the spoken or sung words mean, but also being able to understand and follow multistep spoken directions.
Preschoolers are naturally curious little people who want to learn about all of the “whys” in the world. As born scientists, preschoolers are always pushing the limits to learn through trial and error. Whether they are running in the park, playing with blocks, painting a masterpiece, or role-playing with their imaginary friends, they are actually making hypotheses, gathering evidence, and finding results. They are also great observers—learning about the “whys” of human behavior by watching everyone around them to figure out motivations, desires, preferences, how to act, and how they fit into the world.
Timelines are different for every child and, especially in cases where a child might be developing in some sort of neurologically atypical way, the milestones may be either accelerated or delayed. But generally speaking, kindergarten readiness skills are the milestones schools expect typically developing preschoolers to reach by the time they enter kindergarten, which in most school districts happens when a child is between the ages of five and six.
There is no one set of concrete guidelines for exactly which skills—social, emotional, and cognitive—a child should be comfortable with before beginning his or her first year of full-time school. Ask a half-dozen teachers and you just might get a half-dozen different answers, and requirements also vary by state. But for the most part, these little learners should be able to:
• listen and pay attention
• verbally communicate their needs and wants;
• be patient, take turns, and share;
• grasp a pencil;
• write their name;
• exhibit reading readiness skills like letter recognition and story comprehension;
• show an interest in learning new things;
• be able to follow simple directions;
• identify a variety of numbers, colors, and shapes; and
• perform gross motor movements like running, skipping, and jumping
What your children learn at the preschool and kindergarten age sets the foundation for later learning, both in school and in life.
Development is a fluid process and different types of kids learn in different ways. There are, of course, many different ways of learning and experiencing the world, as is evidenced by the most recent statistics showing that one in five school-aged children are in some way neurologically atypical. My writing partner, Debbie, focuses on these unique learners in her book Differently Wired.6 As Debbie experienced firsthand in raising her intellectually gifted son Asher, who at the age of eight was diagnosed with ADHD (attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder) and Asperger’s syndrome (now known simply as autism spectrum disorder), there are many variations on the ways preschoolers move through the developmental stages, depending on their sensory issues, the way they process information, or if they have social, emotional, and other developmental delays.
The preschool years can be especially tricky for parents raising atypical kids because it can be hard to ascertain what’s “typical” behavior and what might be an indicator that something else is going on that deserves a closer look. Debbie’s advice for all parents, but especially those who are wondering if their child is in some way neurodiverse, is to discover what type of learner you have on hand, become curious about their areas of strengths and weaknesses, and commit to becoming fluent in how they see and experience the world. Doing so will help parents navigate the journey in a way that best supports their child, no matter what their unique wiring is.
Doing the work and laying the groundwork in these preschool years will set the stage for our school-aged children and beyond. We want to teach our preschoolers and give them strategies that they will take with them as they grow into competent, independent, happy, kind, and powerful kids, setting their sights on changing our world for the better.
The time between the ages of two and five is the most critical.
Preschoolers are learning about who they are and what is most important from you—parents hold the keys to a preschooler’s world.
Everything from brain development to socio-motor skills to language acquisition is growing at the fastest rate during these critical years.
Maximize the preschool years as best you can through the Clues in the next chapters.