The characters model positive behaviors (and don’t engage in sassy talk).Modeling Shapes Our Preschooler’s Behaviors and Experience
After Fred Rogers died in 2003, my heart literally hurt, and I knew I wanted to be part of promoting his legacy for future generations. So, when the Fred Rogers Company asked if I had any ideas as to what kind of show I could create that would do just that, I was ready.
Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood is an animated preschool series based on Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, where all the characters have grown up and have preschoolers of their own. Daniel Tiger wears a little red sweater and sneakers, and speaks directly to the home viewer. The show is based on Fred’s curriculum, inspired by his music, and if you look closely, there are a ton of “nods of love,” as we call them, to the original Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood. Before we premiered, fans of the original show were understandably wary, but I promised that, as Fred’s number one fan, I wouldn’t let them down. Today, we still receive thank-you letters from people who appreciate the care we took in honoring Fred’s legacy through our show. I even got a dream letter from Fred’s wife, Joanne Rogers, saying, “When I hear from friends about how much Daniel Tiger is helping them in their lives, I can’t help but feel proud. I am thrilled that all our hopes for Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood have come true AND THEN SOME!!! I know Fred would have been really proud of the show and of you, Angela.”
Swoon.
One such thank-you letter moved us to tears when we realized the far-reaching impact of what we were doing. “We’ve spent thousands of dollars on therapies, and countless hours at trial-and-error play dates. In spite of all that, I know just where the credit lies for my high-functioning autistic son’s newfound ability to connect with others: Daniel Tiger.” In July 2015, The New York Times printed Rasha Madkour’s article, “Daniel Tiger Becomes a Boy with Autism’s Guide to Social Life.”1 In it, Rasha writes about watching her son the first time she saw our show’s “magic” in action.
As she describes it, her son was playing with a train set in the waiting room at their occupational therapist’s office, oblivious to the fact that a nearby baby was crying out of desire for one of the trains. Rasha suggested her son share the trains, which he wasn’t interested in doing until she sang him a strategy from Daniel Tiger: “Think about how someone else is feeling; maybe you can help them feel better.” The next thing she knew, Rasha’s son passed a train to the crying baby, who immediately settled down. Explains Rasha, “You could see the understanding dawn on my son’s face as he watched the transformation. Then he smiled.”
Preschoolers are commonly referred to as “sponges,” as they seem to absorb all information and insight within arms’ reach. In many ways, the analogy of a sponge is spot on: preschoolers soak up and learn from everything in their environment, whether new vocabulary words, the alphabet, or the lyrics to sing-along songs. In fact—and what’s especially important for parents, caregivers, and teachers to realize—everything preschoolers see is fair game. They soak up what they see on television shows, advertisements, in games, and on websites, as well as what they see their family, friends, and teachers do. And they imitate what is modeled.
The notion that children imitate the behavior they observe was explored by social theorist Albert Bandura from Stanford University, when he conducted a series of famous experiences between 1961 and 1963 known as the “Bobo Doll” experiments.2 The Bobo doll was a toy with a weighted bottom that, when punched or kicked, would right itself back up. Preschoolers between the ages of three and six were placed into two groups: those who watched someone model violence toward the Bobo doll and those who watched someone who modeled nonaggressive behavior toward the toy. To break it down even further, different children were exposed to different role models. Some preschoolers watched a live actor, others a short film of a live actor, and others saw a “cartoon-like” film of a live actor wearing a cat costume.
After observing their respective models, the preschoolers were given an “aggression stimulus” of being placed in a room with toys but being told they couldn’t play with them, a situation the researchers knew would result in elevating their level of frustration. Now fully frustrated, the preschoolers were placed in another room with the Bobo doll from the experiment, as well as other toys that were categorized as either “aggressive” (such as dart guns and pounding boards) or “nonaggressive” (tea party sets, dolls). The results were astounding. It didn’t matter which group they were in. Where aggressive behavior was modeled (a live person, a live person on film, or a “cartoon-like” film), the kids imitated the aggressive behavior.
Interestingly, the kids not only modeled what they saw, they added their own aggressive acts, and in some cases even used the toys in the room to further act violently, as well as be more aggressive with the other toys. This shows that preschoolers not only imitated the behavior they saw, but even scarier, they internalized or “mastered” the behavior by making it their own and using other toys to be aggressive with.
The truth is, preschoolers imitate what they see every day in their real lives, and they are just as likely to imitate what they see on screens, whether it be a live-action show or an animated cartoon. This realization brings cause for both concern and joy for creators of children’s media, as well as parents and caregivers who choose media for their kids.
And because so many shows for young children are animated, it’s even more important that adults realize the potential impact of the programs their children are watching. Since cartoons show situations and actions that we as adults know are pretend, many parents and caregivers assume there can’t be any real consequences for their kids, good or bad. But preschoolers have a hard time differentiating between fantasy and reality. In actuality, animated preschool shows rooted in make-believe are just as influential to them as what they see happening in real life. In the end, content matters—what they see, how much they see it, and in what context.
The good news is that preschoolers model who and what they love most. And who do they love the most? Who are they watching with the utmost interest? Who is the “star” of their lives?
Well, we are.
As parents, everything we say and do influences them—our words, what we eat, how we behave, how we talk to them, and what media we let them watch. And right behind us are our preschooler’s friends—both real and animated. And these “peer models” can be both a godsend and a detriment to their learning about the world.
Though the common metaphor is that preschoolers are sponges, more accurate would be relating them to a sieve. Preschoolers are active in their process of modeling and learning. Like a sieve, they will take in information, use what is relevant to them through repeated exposure or positive feedback, and discard the rest. When they model behavior, they’re taking cues from everyone around them and don’t differentiate between behavior that’s relevant, funny, interesting, or inappropriate. With gentle guidance in the form of social scaffolding, our preschoolers will learn how to best absorb and learn what’s important information and discard the rest.
Case in point, when my daughter Hope was five, she announced to my husband, Greg, and me, “I would like to have a family meeting.” She picked up our family meeting journal, sat herself down at the kitchen table, and gestured for us to join her. Like a judge, she nodded, opened the journal, and wrote a few letters and words, as if dictating her thoughts. Then in a slightly accusatory tone, she looked us in the eyes and calmly said, “We need to talk about what happens after Ella and I go to sleep. It seems that the parents are having some sort of snack party after we’re in bed.” Cue a loud gasp from her three-year-old sister.
Hope nodded to Ella in a “sisters unite” kind of way, and continued. “Yes, I saw both of you come upstairs with cookies on a plate and mugs of tea. And . . . the television was on!” Another gasp escaped from Ella, this time with the added drama of her little hands covering her mouth in shock.
Hope leaned in, stared fixedly at the two of us, and asked, “Were you having a snack party and watching television?! Without us?!”
Busted! We slowly nodded yes.
“Well, I’m not sure that is allowed during bedtime,” she continued. “Let’s discuss.”
So, we discussed. We took this opportunity to talk about how adults have different privileges than kids, and that as adults, we have “adult time” after they go to bed, and sometimes that means we watch a little TV with a snack (or a glass of wine). Well, their minds were equally blown.
Hope was modeling how Greg and I broached important subjects we wanted to “discuss” with the kids. And as I’m sure you’ve experienced, watching your kids “act” like you, whether with a positive or negative portrayal, is eye-opening.
Modeling in and of itself is effective when it comes to short-term learning. We see this on exhibit every day in the way our preschoolers take cues from the world around them. But in order for a behavior to stick and be mastered, it needs to be interactively modeled. In other words, our kids need to embrace it and interact with it.
The equation for a behavior to stick, long-term, takes into consideration the preschool child and what exactly is being modeled, by whom, and for how long. In the classroom, “interactive modeling” is preferred over traditional modeling because it shows kids why a skill they’re learning is important, involves them in the process of learning by interacting with the teacher, enables them to watch their peers model the skill and practice the skill themselves, and provides them with feedback. As a result, preschoolers achieve greater, faster, and longer-lasting success.
We can replicate this same approach at home and get similar results. For example, we can model cleaning up our workspace after spending time working on a craft project. By talking with our child about what we’re doing and enlisting her help, we’re interacting with her in a way that activates her learning. Each time we finish working on our own craft projects, we continue to model putting things back where they belong, while simultaneously working with our child to encourage her to put her own craft supplies away. And all of this is done while offering positive, effort-focused feedback: “I like the way you chose to organize the crayons in the box. That is a very colorful pile of paper you’ve assembled there.” Over time, this interactive modeling will lead to competency and confidence and learning the positive behaviors we’re looking for.
The same goes for when we want to “un-stick” a negative behavior, such as aggression or sassy talk. We need to use the same model, but with a special focus on reinforcing the positive behaviors we want to see instead—in real life, through play, or by introducing a more positive media role model. For example, my friend’s daughter was going through a particularly sassy phase, and so every time she said something sassy, my friend would lightheartedly pick up a pretend remote control to “rewind” the situation, giving her daughter the chance to try again in a more appropriate and respectful way. Then they would repeat the exchange, only this time her daughter would have dropped the sass, and my friend would say. “Oh, that feels so much better! I love responding to you when to talk to me so respectfully. High five!”
One of the primary reasons why television has gotten a bad rap over the years is because of the awful stories splashed across the headlines about preschoolers imitating what they’ve seen on television with harmful and sometimes deadly results. One such tragic incident occurred in 2008, when a couple found their four-year-old daughter hanging by her hair band because, it was believed, she was trying to copy a stunt from her favorite series. Of course, there are many contributing factors to heartbreaking accidents like this one, but this story does shed light on just how worrisome the modeling of media can be. As parents, we must not only be aware of what our preschoolers are watching, but know how to guide them when they’re inspired to play out the experiences they see, so they can do so in a safe way. Although this is hard story to write about, it is these types of stories that have motivated me—as a mother and as a creator—to make positive media for kids.
Some of the violence preschoolers encounter on television and in apps is superhero play. Superheroes are the best of the best in our preschoolers’ eyes—they are revered by their peers, they save the day, and they wear cool costumes! Most preschoolers love to dress up like their favorite superheroes, and regularly interact with them via toys, books, music, and potentially even visits to their world, in real life, through amusement parks. Talk about sticky content. When a superhero uses a violent act on a “bad guy,” he or she “wins the day” and is celebrated, over and over again.
Though we, as adults, understand that these superheroes are using their powers for good and that they engage in violence only in order to defeat the “bad guy,” help someone, or fix a problem, preschoolers don’t make this distinction. What they’re seeing is the behavior. Behavior their admired, popular, charismatic heroes are acting out. And so it’s both the good and the bad behavior that young viewers will absorb and model.
DIFFERENT KINDS OF HEROES
Introducing your preschoolers to “other” kinds of heroes, as well as looking at the idea of “superheroes” from different perspectives, will expand their definition of superhero and also give them plenty of positive role-models to emulate. Here are a few ideas:
• Get creative: Ask your preschooler to create their own superhero—one who can solve problems only through positive superpowers and actions.
• Find positive superheroes in the media: Wild Kratts (“superheroes” who save animals), Super Why (has the power to read), WordGirl (defeats bad guys through vocabulary).
• Introduce real-life heroes: Read biographies on presidents, innovators, sports heroes, music heroes, and others.
• Help your child identify his or her superpower: Encourage your preschooler to think about the things they do really well that can be helpful to them and other people (super-fast runner, super block constructor, super singer, super animal lover, super helper).
Understanding and being mindful of the level of aggression our children encounter in their media becomes increasingly important as they get older. About 90 percent of movies include some depictions of violence, as do 68 percent of video games, 60 percent of TV shows, and 15 percent of music videos.3 So how does the accumulation of all this violence affect our kids over the long term?
As cited in Common Sense Media’s “Media and Violence” report, a study following children ages eight to nineteen showed that boys who viewed TV violence heavily at age six were more likely to manifest violent behavior at age nineteen.4 The researchers revisited the same participants years later when they were thirty years old and found a correlation between early exposure to TV violence and self-reports of adult aggression,5 including criminal behavior. It should be noted that this study controlled for the participants’ initial aggressiveness, social class, and IQ but did not control for children’s exposure to violence in the home, another variable thought to be a key contributor to violent behavior.6 But despite this, the findings of this study are notable enough to give us reason to Pause and think critically about the content we’re serving our preschoolers on a day-to-day basis.
Even background television, or any screens that are left on and constantly playing, acting as the “background noise” to a child’s life—has an effect on our preschoolers, even when they don’t seem to be paying attention. In fact, children between eight and twenty-four months old are exposed to an average 5.5 hours of background TV per day, mostly adult television and the news. Preschoolers between two and four are exposed to an average of 4.4 hours. That’s a lot of inappropriate content. Whether they’re actively watching or not, preschoolers are affected via modeling.
As a creator of children’s media, I take the responsibility for the content we put on the air very seriously. And because I studied (and have been scared by) the research on violence in the media, I’ve been inspired to take this influential nature of the media and the way kids model what they see in the media and use it to teach.
The characters in our preschoolers’ favorite shows become our children’s peer models. Everything they say and do becomes fodder for our kids to imitate. Peer models are aspirational, exciting, interesting, relevant to our kids’ lives, and often very funny. Add in the interactive model of television, and our children become truly bonded and invested in these peer models as trusted friends and guides. And that’s great, because our preschoolers’ best friends in their favorite shows can become part of our parenting notebook for navigating tough situations with our kids.
Case in point, when Sesame Workshop put a sticker of their iconic character Elmo on an apple, researchers at Cornell University found that children ages eight to eleven were 65 percent more likely to add an apple to their lunch as compared to when the apples had no stickers.7 One can only assume the numbers would have been even higher among preschoolers, the target audience for Sesame Street. Either way, the study proved that beloved characters can help to model behaviors—in this case, choosing healthy food.
The same year that the Elmo sticker study was released, we tapped into the power of positive food modeling for Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood. We had decided to write an episode dealing with the issue of waiting, and in trying to come up with a preschool appropriate context they could relate to, we thought, What better spot to have our characters wait than at a restaurant? As we were brainstorming in our script meeting about what Daniel should eat at the restaurant, we deliberated over choosing what preschoolers might typically choose (for example, chicken fingers and French fries) or featuring an aspirational choice (read: healthy and positive) for our preschool viewers to model.
Believe it or not, the topic of what Daniel Tiger should eat was hotly debated. Did we want preschoolers to feel like Daniel is “like them” and eats what they eat? Or did we want to use the influential nature of Daniel as our strong preschool “peer model” to raise the bar? We ended up going with the aspirational choice and, in the episode, Daniel Tiger orders a kid’s meal of grilled chicken and broccoli. Our hope was that it would inspire our preschool viewers to make similar healthy choices. In fact, everywhere we can, we choose the “healthier” options for Daniel—his favorite breakfast is oatmeal with blueberries, and his favorite dessert is “banana swirl” (frozen banana smashed into an “ice cream” treat . . . so good!). For our Halloween episode, we even had our Neighbors in the Neighborhood of Make-Believe give out stickers instead of candy. We’ve been applauded for these efforts because kids are following in Daniel’s footsteps.
Preschoolers, of course, get frustrated or angry from time to time. (Can we say meltdown?) Luckily, our preschoolers’ favorite characters as peer models are one of the clues we can pull out of our notebook to help temper those difficult situations. In one study, researcher Eric Rasmussen of Texas Tech explored some of the Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood strategies to see if the skills like anger management, empathy, and conflict resolution that we depicted on the show did in fact teach those skills. What he found is that, yes, they do, and even more so when combined with parental interaction and reinforcement of the concepts.8
MOM GETS MAD SOMETIMES, TOO
Daniel Tiger’s strategies have been known to help parents, too. In our “Daniel Is Mad” episode, we showed Mom Tiger get angry. Showing Mom use the strategy was particularly powerful to our preschool audience. Case in point: my friend’s preschool son, noticing his parents in a particularly heated conversation, proceeded to pull at his mom’s shirt to get her attention. As she looked down, she noticed her son’s wide, sad eyes as he sang Daniel’s mad strategy song, hoping to diffuse the situation with his parents. Which it did.
Understanding what types of modeling our preschoolers are learning in some of their favorite shows is important as we decide what behaviors we are comfortable with. Here is an example of the type of chart we would make for our characters when we create a show. We think about the type of humor we will model, how they will talk to the home viewer, what their favorite foods are, how they would role play our show, etc. Add your own shows and ask yourself these very same questions.
Character |
Show |
Conflict resolution |
Humor approach |
How they talk to kids |
Play |
Steve |
Blue’s Clues |
Finds clues |
Hide and seek |
Respectful |
Games |
Daniel Tiger |
Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood |
Sings strategies |
Imagination |
Best friend |
Dramatic play |
Super Why |
Super Why! |
Reading power |
Finding book characters |
Smart |
Superhero |
WordGirl |
WordGirl |
Vocabulary |
Wordplay / slapstick |
Confident |
Superhero |
Curious George |
Curious George |
Investigating |
Slapstick |
Silly |
Monkey play |
Arty |
Creative Galaxy |
Art |
Epiphany |
As an artist |
Crafts |
Bianca |
Wishenpoof |
Executive functioning |
Wish magic |
Problem solver |
Fairy play |
Odd Squad |
Odd Squad |
Math |
Slapstick |
Friend |
Detective |
So, how do we use what we know about modeling in our real, everyday parenting lives? In addition to citing our preschoolers’ “friends” on television and using what they do to reinforce the behaviors we like, we can also examine our own behaviors and see what we are modeling for our kids versus what we are saying.
• Effectively modeling is a very visual and iterative process. When we scream “Don’t YELL!” while yelling, we are modeling—you guessed it—yelling.
• When we say, “Eat healthy,” while we chow down a bag of chips and a soda for a snack, we are modeling eating junk food.
• When we say, “Be kind to your sister,” while simultaneously lashing out at a family member, we are modeling the exact opposite behavior we want to see in our child.
So, as the “star” of our preschoolers’ lives, it’s imperative to be clear on this point: it’s what we do and not what we say that has a lasting impact on our children.
Angela’s Clues
As “sponges” and “sieves,” our kids interact with what’s around them as they form their own opinions about what’s appropriate behavior and what is not. As their parents and caregivers, we are a critical part of that iterative, interactive process that will help cement our preschoolers’ ideas and ideals as they grow. At this important time in their lives when we have the most influence, we are planting seeds and setting the stage for the teen years and beyond. If we do the work now, we will reap what we sow with positive, engaged, kind, open, interested and involved kids who are bonded to us and our family.
Since we are our preschoolers’ biggest influencers, modeling through interactive family bonding activities can lead to mastery of those behaviors we deem most important. For example, when we do a family craft, our children are learning interactively on so many levels. We’re modeling the value of being together, laughing, and letting go of stress. Even better, we’re creating a space to talk about and model our hopes, wishes, morals, values, and future goals for our family. Instead of lecturing or pounding kids over the head with what we believe, making the time for fun family activities creates the perfect opportunity to learn more about how our children see the world while giving us the space to talk about own feelings and views of the world. Here are some my family’s favorites:
Wish Jar
1. Everyone in the family has their own jar for collecting wishes (we use Mason jars, but any sort of jar or even a small box will do).
2. Everyone writes or draws a “wish” for each member of the family and places it in their jar (including themselves). Some of our best wishes have been: always have Sunday dinners; go on a family beach vacation; learn Italian; write a song; learn how to sew.
3. Everyone reads the wishes in their jar aloud!
Thankful Tree
1. Buy a small pine tree (the kind you can find in a supermarket).
2. Have everyone write at least one thing they are “thankful for” on small pieces of paper (the more the better!).
3. Fold the notes and tape them to the branches.
4. At a special dinner, read them aloud!
1. Get one or more pieces of large poster board.
2. Gather some old magazines, copies of favorite photos, construction paper, markers, crayons, pencils, and glue or glue sticks.
3. Have everyone cut out or draw pictures that represent their “vision” and make individual vision board collages (or make a giant family collage). “Visions” are for a specific time frame: the upcoming school year, for vacation time, who they want to be when they grow up, etc.
4 Have everyone share their boards.
• Be Involved and know that everything we do is modeling for our child.
• Ask Questions to discover your child’s innate sense of values.
• See the Spark to notice the behaviors your child is modeling.
YOUR MEDIA “YES” LIST
The characters model positive behaviors (and don’t engage in sassy talk).
My child models positive behaviors after viewing (i.e., cleaning up, sharing, applying coping strategies, using expressive language, etc).
My child wants to emulate their favorite characters (and I’m okay with that!)
The theme of the show reflects my family’s values and dreams.
• What we do is more influential than what we say, and our preschoolers are always watching.
• Modeling is a powerful tool for promoting kindness, healthy eating, positive conflict-resolution strategies, social-emotional literacy, and independence, as well as how to handle failure and setbacks (by grown-ups modeling positive anger management).
• Engaging in family activities is a great way to consciously model your family’s values, morals, hopes, and dreams.