One of my profs told us that a lot of movie stars are short people with big heads—I mean, literally big heads—and that the women are all skinny as rails. The camera makes you look twenty pounds heavier, and big heads photograph better for some reason. The rest is camera angles, lighting and standing on milk crates.
I think of this because the first thing I notice about Aiden Tween, in the royal suite of the hotel, is how tiny he is. Except for his head. His head is huge. This may be because he’s wearing a gigantic old-time gangster hat on top of oversized aviator shades and brick-sized headphones. The headphones are plugged into an electronic keyboard he’s soundlessly plunking on. He’s facing a giant flat screen that’s been set up in front of the drawn curtains, showing something in black and white.
His manager, Sumo, leads us in. We’ve surrendered all our electronics—so much for my cinema verité idea. Then we signed forms promising not to blab about anything we see or hear or to sue if we fall out a window or break a fingernail or anything. Sumo’s all in black, which makes his bling and his head look even shinier. He’s chewing gum like a cartoon beaver gnaws a log. His words spit out like wood chips. “AT’s got a big meet, then a rehearsal. Ten minutes only.” That’s fine with me.
AmberLea nods and nudges Toby. Toby’s taken his dumb wooly hat off. He gives his hair a careless brush that somehow makes it perfect. I push up my glasses. I remind myself that Aiden Tween is a teenybopper joke. I remind myself I’m on a mission to save Bunny. I’m nervous anyway.
Sumo hustles across an acre of white carpet, scoops a remote and freezes the image on-screen. Aiden Tween stops playing piano. “Aw, stink,” he whines in a Southern accent. “It was just comin’ to my favorite part.”
“Good. Something to look forward to.” Sumo grunts. “Your invited guests, AT.”
“AmberLea,” AmberLea calls. “Gloria Lorraine’s granddaughter.”
AT has pried up an earpad in time for the last bit. He lights up, as much as you can behind a hat, shades and headphones. “Riiiiight.” He pulls off the hat and phones. Somehow, his head looks even bigger without them. His hair is slicked back perfectly in the giant upsweep I’ve seen in photos lately. It’s his new look. How does he keep it that way under a hat and headphones? Maybe Toby knows. “See what I’m watchin’?” AT nods at the screen, where I now see a young Gloria Lorraine, AmberLea’s grandma, frozen with one hand reaching into her purse. Gloria Lorraine was a babe when she was in movies.
“Hey, that’s Blond Trust,” AmberLea burbles.
“Right on,” says Aiden Tween. He cackles behind his shades. It’s a rising sound, as if he’s sucking in helium.
“1949,” Toby says casually, “with Richard Widmark and Edward G. Robinson.”
“Right on,” AT squeaks again. He pulls off the aviator shades and looks at Toby. “Hey, nice scarf.”
“Hat goes with it.” Toby holds it up and steps forward. He sounds as if he talks to world-famous people every day. For all I know, maybe he does.
“Sweet,” says Aiden Tween. “I gotta get me one.” He walks toward a couch bigger than our living room. “C’mon in. Set down.” He swings a flashy-looking guitar off the couch and plunks himself down on one end. “So you’re—”
“Toby,” says Toby. He lounges into a chair the size of a hot tub. “And this is Spencer, and this is AmberLea. She’s the granddaughter.” Everybody laughs as if this is a killer joke.
“Hey.” Aiden Tween nods at me, then turns to AmberLea. “Man, Gloria Lorraine’s granddaughter? How cool is that? She’s my all-time favorite. I’m into old stuff, you know. That’s my thing. Hey, guess what this is that I’m wearin’?” He stretches his little arms wide. He’s in a dark gray, chalk-striped double-breasted suit. Underneath it is a black T-shirt and a gold necklace with a tiny pair of sneakers set in his Comet Shuffle move. The suit is a little too big. Sticking out from the cuffed pants are orange-and-black padded high-tops. Before anyone can answer, he crows, “It’s Humphrey Bogart’s suit from The Maltese Falcon! I got it at an auction in New York last week. I still gotta get it altered, and it itches like a bugger, but I’m wearin’ Bogart’s suit! Biggest star of all time! Is that cool or what?”
We nod that it’s cool. I’ve got nothing to say except can we go now? and the answer to that is no. Toby, on the other hand, seems right at home. He reaches out to feel the fabric on one sleeve. “Nice,” he says and starts talking about the cut. AmberLea sits on the couch and they all start blabbing away. Some other time, this would be so weird it would be fascinating. I’d want to tell Bun all about it. Right now I’d be happy to tell Bun anything.
I’m too wound up to sit, so I wander. A giant security guy with an earpiece watches me from by the door. I try to look innocent for the second time today. Behind me, Aiden Tween is blathering about hot-air balloons and pirate ships. Sumo is in and out of the room, texting and barking into a cell phone. Other people bustle around in the background.
The keyboard is hooked to a laptop with lines of music on the screen. I look at the video games, pinball machine, drum kit, the framed poster showing a close-up shot of feet in gold skate shoes, again in the Comet Shuffle, and above them in big letters:
where it’s
AT
I walk to a sideboard with a spread of fruit and junk food and energy drinks. In front of it, there’s a big table set up for a meeting. There are printouts at each place.
Transitioning AT
GOAL: broaden AT appeal to 18-35 market
OPTIONS
• Sponsor Formula One racing team
• Photo op with Dalai Lama/Pope (see below)
• Film offers
• Duets album (Madonna, Mick, Beyoncé, Gaga, Sting, Tony Bennett, Kanye)
• Spokesman for worthy causes
• Domestic:
• organ donation
• pet dignity: ban on exploitive cat/dog videos
• International:
• world peace
• substandard synthetic wig hair
• child labor / 3rd world work conditions
• music for Pianvia
• free Tibet (see Dalai Lama above)
“Hey,” I blurt, “Pianvia.” Heads turn.
“Get away from there,” snaps Sumo. The security guy starts to move. “Never mind. Who laid that out? Too early.”
A girl hurries over. Her yellow jeans may be sprayed on. She glares at me, then starts scooping papers.
“Sorry,” I say. She ignores me. I stare at her jeans anyway.
“Spencer has Pianvia on the brain right now,” AmberLea says to AT.
“Right on.” AT nods, he jumps up and lopes over, Humphrey Bogart’s suit flapping on him like a sail in the wind. His teeth gleam. His hair doesn’t move at all. He’s a living bobblehead worth a hundred million dollars who dances, sings, plays instruments and writes songs while watching old movies. When I’m on my game, I can open a soda tin and put dip on a chip while watching a movie. He snatches one of the papers from the girl. “Y’all really know about Pianvia?”
I nod. I’m not sure how much to say. It’s also odd for me to look down at someone older than me. “One of my film profs is making a documentary about it.”
“Get out! That’s fantastic. You hear that, Sumo?” Sumo waves one hand. He’s texting with the other. “A doc, huh?” AT bounces in his high-tops as he talks. “I wanna see that. How long is it? Can he send me highlights? I don’t always have a lot of time.”
“Time” comes out “tahm.”
“That Pianvia though,” AT goes on. “You know they banned music? Only country in the world’s never heard me, guaranteed. Man, I wanna change that. They deserve music. Hey, they deserve me! They need to be Tweeners! Maybe he could make a doc about me.”
Before I can say anything, AT has wheeled to the couch, waving the sheet of paper. “There’s just so much injustice in the world, you know? Y’all know how making synthetic wig hair for cheap is cutting into the market for buying Third World—is that the right world, Sumo?—real hair for wigs? Man, the hair harvest has been cut in half! We gotta help!”
“Absolutely.” Sumo pockets his phone and rumbles forward. “We’ll talk about it as soon as these folks leave. It’s time. ’Preciate your dropping by,” he says to us.
AmberLea and Toby stand up. Toby nudges her. “We brought you something,” he says.
AmberLea starts. “Right! I almost forgot. It’s really funny that you were watching that”—she nods at the flat screen, where Gloria Lorraine is still reaching into her purse—“because I brought you these. It was Toby’s idea, really.” She reaches into her own bag. Instantly, the security guy is at her elbow. AT waves him back.
AmberLea unfolds a pair of white gloves from a small plastic bag and hands them to AT. “She wore these in that movie,” AmberLea says. “I think she takes them out of her purse in this scene.”
“Gimme the remote,” AT says. Sumo hands it to him. He presses a button. Gloria Lorraine springs to life and, sure enough, pulls a pair of white gloves from her bag. For a second it looks as if she’s about to put them on. Then she slaps Edward G. Robinson across the face with them.
“Right on!” AT does his helium cackle again. “And these are the gloves. How cool is that! Thanks, man.” And with that, he pulls one on. It fits. “Look at that. Gloria Lorraine’s glove that hit Edward G. Robinson. Man oh man. Know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna wear these for my New Year’s Eve show. You coming? You’ve gotta be there. Sumo, put them on the list. All access, after-party. Gotta be.” Sumo nods. AT gives AmberLea a hug. “Careful of the suit,” he warns. “Send me the pictures, okay?” he says to AmberLea, then waves at me. “And send me that movie.” He turns to speak to Toby, who’s lagged behind. Sumo is practically shoving AmberLea and me to the door. He calls to a helper, “All access for these folks. Get their names.” To me, he murmurs, “You really know Pianvia?”
“Yeah, I—”
“Big stuff?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“How old are you?”
“Eighteen.” This will be true next month.
“Huh. Could be trending. Send me the movie. And call me when you do. Make sure I get it. Schedule’s tight. Decisions. High priority.” He shoves a card in my hand. “Call me.” Toby catches up. Sumo shuts the door behind us.