ELLEN

8.00 A.M.

The oxygen mask fit tightly over her face. Ellen was breathing heavily and irregularly. She tried to control her breathing, but couldn’t.

‘It was lucky your parents found you and managed to perform CPR. You were only a few seconds from drowning.’

Ellen looked at the doctor, who had a gentle appearance and was wearing a white coat. Her nametag said Elisabeth. She shook her head to make it clear to Ellen how bad it was.

As if she didn’t know that herself.

‘You lost consciousness for a short while, and for that reason, we want to keep you under observation,’ she continued.

Ellen was having trouble taking in what the friendly voice was saying.

‘We’ll do a chest X-ray to make sure that nothing is damaged. You’ll have to stay here under observation for a few hours after that, and then we’ll see how well you’re recovering. How are you feeling now?’

Ellen stared up at the fluorescent light, which was flickering irregularly in the ceiling. It felt as if she was strapped down. But she wasn’t. Should she ask about that?

‘I’ll leave you in peace,’ the doctor said. ‘Try to rest a little now.’

As soon as she’d left, Ellen took off the mask. She closed her eyes and wished she never had to open them again. Her stomach cramped, and she wanted to vomit, even though she felt completely empty inside.

Someone took hold of her hand and gripped it tightly. Ellen opened her eyes and saw her mother sitting on the stool beside the hospital bed.

Why didn’t they just let her die?

‘What happens now? How can I go on living?’ The tears were burning behind her eyelids. She heard steps approaching in the corridor and turned her head slowly in that direction. Then the doorway was filled by a big armful of pink roses.

Secret garden.

‘I came as soon as I could. Thanks for calling, Margareta.’

Didrik sounded out of breath and placed the bouquet on the table beside the bed. The fragrance from the stunning pink roses mixed with the sterile hospital odour, and the already stuffy room felt, if possible, even more claustrophobic.

Didrik grazed her hand. She stiffened and pulled it away by reflex. Raised her eyes and stared at the now full-grown man, but saw the image of him as a teenager. An unpleasant feeling rose up in her, as if she’d done all this before. ‘You were there,’ she panted. It was as if she was being thrown back into the water, and she had no air. She reached for the oxygen mask.

‘What is it, Ellen?’ Margareta’s voice sounded worried, and she squeezed her hand harder.

‘He was the one who …’ She placed the mask over her mouth and breathed in the oxygen. But the pain in her chest got worse with every breath.

Didrik had been there. The images in her head became clearer. They were so strong. She squeezed her eyes shut to avoid seeing, but it couldn’t be stopped. Small fragments crystallised. It was stronger than a feeling. She and Elsa were swimming. They quarrelled. Didrik showed up.

It got harder and harder to breathe.

She remembered the path. Every little stone and root, and she could almost feel the ground against her bare feet as she ran away from there. And she could hear the screams from down in the lake. Ellen ran over Elsa’s clothes.

She opened her eyes and stared at Didrik. ‘Christ, you moved her clothes?’

‘Huh, what are you talking about?’

Margareta got up from the stool and sat down on the bed.

‘Mum, I remember,’ said Ellen.

Margareta’s eyes were completely dull. She opened her mouth, but couldn’t get a sound out.

‘How can you live with yourself, Didrik? Do you understand what you’ve done?’

‘Ellen, calm down now,’ said Margareta, reaching over to puff up her pillow.

Ellen refused to take her eyes off Didrik. When she saw how his jaw clenched, her whole body turned cold. ‘What were you doing with her? Did you drown her?’

He laughed. ‘Why Ellen, what are you talking about? Someone’s a little confused here.’ He looked at Margareta and sought support.

‘It was you.’ Ellen tried to get up, but her body wouldn’t respond. ‘I saw everything before me in the water. I remember.’ He’d come down to the lake when she and Elsa were quarrelling. ‘You told me to leave the two of you and get out of the water.’ Elsa’s scream was still echoing in her head. Was she calling for help? How could Ellen have left her there?

Margareta stood up. ‘Ellen, calm down. You’re babbling. I know that there’s been a lot to take in recently but …’

‘No, Mum, listen to me. I remember, he was there. When I left them in the water, Elsa was alive. I know that. Didrik must have …’ She coughed. ‘He must have killed her …’ She could barely say it out loud. ‘And then moved her, that was why they didn’t find Elsa where she should have been found. I told the truth.’

‘Margareta, can you leave us alone a moment. I would like to speak in private with your daughter.’

‘No, Mum, stay. Listen to me.’

‘Please.’ Didrik adopted a superior tone, and Margareta’s face was completely white. She looked first at Ellen and then at Didrik. ‘I’ll go out and get a cup of coffee with your father. Do you want anything from the cafeteria?’

‘No, Mum, don’t leave me alone …’

‘I’ll be back soon,’ she said, stroking Ellen’s arm.

‘Mum …’ She reached for her in vain.

Margareta turned her back and left the room. The door closed slowly.

Ellen carefully raised her eyes and saw that Didrik’s face and neck were bright red. ‘You frighten me,’ she said, discreetly reaching for the call button, and trying to repress the memory of them having sex in the water. How could he have challenged fate that way? It must have helped her to remember. She thought about the wall at home, how he had removed everything she’d put up and only left a picture of her behind. Shuddered when she thought that she’d let him get so close to her.

‘Does your mother know what you’ve done?’ She saw the way he clenched his hand, but she continued. The anger suddenly won out over the fear. ‘You’ve extorted money from us. How could you? And for all these years you’ve made my family believe it was me even though in reality it was you …’ The fury poured out of her. ‘That was just what Kjell Thulin said — do you remember him? The policeman who questioned you? He told me you changed your story. You lied, and you destroyed everything!’

Ellen tried to get up, but he put his hand on her shoulder and pushed her back down in the bed again. She strained against it, but it was impossible. He was too strong.

‘How can you be so fucking stupid? I saved you, don’t you understand that? Elsa was trying to drown you. I haven’t destroyed your life. I saved your life. I heard how you were quarrelling in the water, and I called to Peder, but he was necking with that girl in his room, so I ran down and I saw what Elsa was doing to you.’

He released her shoulder and moved back.

‘We were just quarrelling a little.’ Ellen felt completely empty. ‘We were sisters. We quarrelled, the way sisters do.’ The tears were running down her cheeks.

‘You were quarrelling. Yes, you quarrelled all the time. Don’t you remember what she said to you? Damn it, I was the only one who took your side! When I saw her push you down under the water …’

Ellen forced herself to meet his eyes. The total exhaustion was mixed with a terrible pain across her chest. ‘Please, stop. Just be quiet.’