Back at the showground, we went straight to Mr Chipchase’s caravan. I’d turned into a great knot of nerves. Before I could even think clearly, the door swung open. Gabriel appeared in a pool of light.
‘You’d better come in,’ he said.
I was dying to ask why he’d scarpered off so quick, and to tell him all about Blondin’s poor little daughter. But he’d already taken my arm and was guiding me inside.
‘I’ll be off, then,’ Ned said, and went without saying goodnight.
This time I wasn’t asked to take my boots off; I trod mud into the carpet and was offered the very best chair. Kitty wouldn’t look at me. She sat in a corner, her eyes puffed like she’d been crying.
‘Louie, my dear,’ Mr Chipchase said, perching his ample backside on the desk.
I frowned. My dear? This was getting stranger by the minute.
‘There was a . . .’ he searched for the word, ‘. . . misunderstanding . . . this evening. It seems you do indeed have a talent this circus needs.’
I glanced at Gabriel. He smiled in a way that didn’t reach his eyes.
‘I do have a talent, sir, yes,’ I said, thinking how I’d tried to tell Mr Chipchase this myself. ‘But you weren’t interested.’
‘Let’s just say I’ve been convinced,’ he said, tapping the side of his nose.
‘By Ned and his gossip? Because I really don’t see the link.’
He laughed a bit too loudly. ‘Good gracious, no! Whatever gave you that idea?’
‘Well, sir, this evening you were all for getting rid of me.’
‘Nonsense, nonsense! This is your home, Louie.’
I was mightily confused. ‘But, sir, didn’t you . . .’
I trailed off. Had Mr Chipchase ever actually said he’d throw me out? Or had I just presumed it? Suddenly, I wasn’t sure; I wasn’t sure of anything. Especially not this great big change of heart.
‘So what did convince you?’ I asked.
Mr Chipchase folded his arms. ‘That’s my business, not yours.’
‘I’ll be walking the tightrope, will I? I’ll be performing in the show?’
‘Absolutely. You’ll be front and centre stage.’
I could scarcely believe what I was hearing. When I could speak again, I said, ‘And my other work in the circus? I’ll do that too?’
‘If you can manage it, at least for now.’
‘Yes,’ I said, very fast. ‘I’ll manage.’ There’d be no reason then for him to change his mind.
‘Excellent, excellent!’
It was too good to be true. I sat there in a daze until Gabriel nudged me. ‘Say something, then,’ he said.
I blinked. ‘Um . . . well . . . I hardly know what to . . .’
Mr Chipchase interrupted me. ‘You are happy with the arrangement, no?’
‘Why, yes, sir!’
‘That’s settled.’
Not quite.
‘One more thing, sir,’ I said, bolder now. ‘I’d like a proper costume. With sequins and ribbons.’
In the corner Kitty pulled a face. I didn’t let it put me off.
‘And I want my hair to look nice,’ I kept on. ‘No more plaiting it, no more hats. I want it all on show, like a proper performer.’
Mr Chipchase hesitated. He pressed his hand to his brow. For a moment I thought he was going to refuse.
‘Very well,’ he said, eventually.
Before I could thank him he changed course. ‘Tomorrow we go to Littleton-on-Sea,’ he said. ‘A day’s practice and then I want you both to perform, you and Gabriel.’
I wasn’t quite keeping up. ‘Me . . . and . . . ?’
I locked eyes with Gabriel. His smile slipped. There was pain in his look and I felt it too. It made me catch my breath.
Then he was smiling again. Mr Chipchase beamed broadly too. I checked there was no one standing behind me; there wasn’t. That smile really was aimed at me.
But things still didn’t quite add up. Excited as I was to have the chance to perform, finally, I was just a bit uneasy. Yet Mr Chipchase seemed happy; his smile reached up to the crinkly edges of his eyes. He’d once looked at Jasper like this. And Gabriel. Behind that smile was money.
‘Excellent! We’re agreed,’ Mr Chipchase said, shaking Gabriel’s hand and then mine. ‘Now I have two showstoppers. How many other circuses can boast of that?’
By ‘other circuses’ he meant Wellbeloved’s; he always did.
*
The rest of the showground was in darkness. But I was far too excited for bed. Not wanting to wake Jasper, I tiptoed up our steps and slid inside before Pip had a chance to bark.
Jasper wasn’t asleep. He was sitting by the stove, his leg resting on a stool. He looked drawn and pale. ‘Where’ve you been?’ he said.
‘Just out.’
I wasn’t quite able to meet his gaze. At my feet, Pip squirmed like I’d been gone months, and I felt awful. Just hours ago, I’d been set on leaving and not coming back. The sight of his doggy face made that unthinkable now.
‘Folks were worried,’ said Jasper. ‘Ned was looking all over for you.’
He tried to sound cross but it just made me want to hug him. Dear Jasper. He did fret so. And I wouldn’t blame him; if he knew the half of what I’d been up to tonight he’d never sleep again.
‘Don’t be grumpy,’ I said. ‘I’ve got the bestest news.’
He sighed. ‘Go on then, what is it?’
I sat on my bunk. Pip jumped up beside me, determined not to let me out of his sight. I settled him on my lap and cleared my throat. This was a most serious announcement, after all.
‘Mr Chipchase has offered me an exciting new role,’ I said.
‘Not more dog tricks?’
‘No, silly,’ I said, reaching for his hand. It felt thin, birdlike and very cold. ‘This is something proper. A really big role.’
‘Oh?’
‘I’m so lucky I can hardly believe it. You see,’ I swallowed. ‘I’m going to be a showstopper.’
Jasper looked at me in disbelief. ‘Really? But how?’
‘You could be a bit more pleased,’ I said.
He let go of my hand. Pulling his blanket tight around him, he stared into the fire. His jaw was clenched with worry. So I started talking. The words tumbled out of me in a breathless rush. ‘I’ll be performing with Gabriel Swift. He’s so wonderful, honestly he is! And Mr Chipchase says that we’re to perform together at Littleton-on-Sea, and then . . .’
Jasper was looking at me now. ‘But Louie, sweetheart, you need to have a talent. You need to train. You can’t just . . . perform.’
I took a deep breath. My secret had caught up with me, at last. Now I had some explaining to do. ‘Jasper,’ I said slowly. ‘I haven’t been exactly honest.’
‘Perhaps you’d better start.’
I smoothed Pip’s head for courage, for I suddenly felt a bit fluttery inside. ‘The thing is, I can walk the tightrope. In fact, I can walk the tightrope very well.’
Jasper blinked. I kept going.
‘I’ve been practising for quite some time. I keep a rope under the wagon, and once I’ve done the horses in the mornings I find a spot . . .’ Seeing the shock on his face, I hesitated. ‘Ned’s watched me, and so has Gabriel Swift. And now Mr Chipchase knows about it and wants me to be part of the show.’
Jasper’s fingers plucked at the blanket.
‘Say something,’ I said.
There were tears in his eyes. ‘You’re so brave, so grown up.’
‘Not really,’ I said. ‘It’s the tightrope. It makes me feel magic.’
Jasper smiled like he understood exactly what I meant. If he was worried, he kept it hidden. And I was grateful for it.
‘I didn’t suppose you’d be happy selling tickets forever,’ he said.
‘This is my dream come true. On the tightrope it’s like I can face anything.’
Jasper reached for my hand again, giving it a squeeze. ‘Then it’s time I stopped treating you like a little girl. There’s something I need to share with you too. And it’s not an easy thing.’
He looked so gaunt my thoughts took a gloomy turn. I felt nervous all over again. Please tell me you’re getting better, Jasper.
‘It’s about your mother,’ he said.
‘Oh.’ A moment of relief, then the dread came back. ‘Her.’
‘Louie, we have to talk about her.’
‘Do we?’
‘Yes, we do. She’s your mother.’
I stared at him. ‘But she ain’t ever coming back. Mr Chipchase said she should’ve turned up by now and she ain’t.’
‘I want to show you something. It’s high time you saw it,’ Jasper said.
Leaning forward, he began searching under his bed. He huffed and puffed but wouldn’t let me help him. Finally, he sat up straight again with an old tea tin in his lap.
‘I’ve been waiting for the right time to show you. Your mother left a letter,’ he said.
A letter?
Jasper had never mentioned a letter before. My heart gave a thump.
‘I don’t want to see it,’ I said.
Yet he’d already prised the lid off the tin. Inside I glimpsed a folded piece of paper. I began to sweat.
‘She says she wants you to be happy,’ he said, reaching into the tin. ‘Perhaps that’s all she’s ever wanted.’
I stood up. ‘I don’t care to see it.’
‘Louie, please.’
‘My mother doesn’t care a flying fig about my happiness.’
‘That’s not true!’
‘Of course it’s true. Why else would she have abandoned me? You can take her poxy letter and whatever other gubbins you’ve got in that tin, and keep them away from me!’
Jasper frowned. ‘Perhaps you should calm down,’ he said.
‘Calm down?! Oh, and is that my dear mama’s instruction too? Well, ain’t it a big fat shame she’s not here to tell me herself!’
I stomped outside, then marched up and down until my temper cooled. For once, it didn’t take long. I was just about to go back inside when someone whispered, ‘Louie!’
A figure in white stepped out of the darkness.
‘Miss Lilly,’ I said, inching back up the wagon steps. ‘I must get to bed.’
‘Please, look at this.’
She held out a single tarot card. I didn’t want to see that, either. I kept my eyes on her.
‘Not that death card again?’
‘In Tarot, death doesn’t mean dying. It means the end of something.’ And she came right up to me, making it impossible to look away. ‘But this is your final card.’
The picture was of a woman on a throne. The word EMPRESS was in big letters at the top of the card.
‘As bad as the rest, is it?’
‘No,’ she said. ‘It is the very best. It is the card of female power.’
The hair on my neck prickled. This didn’t sound like flimflam, somehow.
‘A strong woman is watching over you, Louie.’
‘Who?’
‘You know who she is.’
And though I hated to admit it, I was beginning to think maybe I did.
‘You’ll need her strength to help you,’ Miss Lilly said. ‘The cards foresee difficult times ahead.’
She left me then. And as I turned to go back inside, a shadow flitted across the grass. One moment it was there. Then it wasn’t. But out of the tail of my eye, I knew I’d seen it, and my stomach tensed. For I swore that shadow had been wearing an impossibly tall top hat.