Joel had turned the kerosene lamps as high as they could go, and one of the two portable gas pole lights sputtered as the propane tank threatened to run out of fuel. It was two in the morning, and Rose was still out for some fresh air. His blood was simmering as he turned the flathead screwdriver, attaching the brackets for the curtain rod. The new bedroom echoed with each move he made, a sure sign that the furniture, bedding, and rugs were missing. That might have something to do with the fact that he and Rose hadn’t shopped for any of it yet. Would they ever?

Cold air seeped through the window he’d opened a few inches so he could hear her carriage when she returned. His best guess was that she was at Elise’s, safe and sound. He’d like to confirm that, but he refused to call—maybe because he wanted to respect her right for space or maybe because he was too angry to chase after her. He knew that much of his anger was at himself because she had responded to the annulment conversation as badly as he’d worried she might, and he hadn’t handled it well.

The distant clippety-clops of a horse’s hoofs on pavement caught his attention, and he got off the stepladder and went out on the front porch. Warm peace and agitation flooded him when the rig turned onto the driveway. It was Rose, and she was safe. She went right past him and pulled into the barn. He stepped back into the house and grabbed his coat.

It was now December 23, just two days before Christmas, and not only had the past several hours been completely frustrating, but he doubted things would improve anytime soon. Both he and Rose were in limbo. They didn’t have to be. She could choose to believe he loved her and say she wasn’t interested in whether an annulment was possible. But no.

“Women,” he mumbled as he strode toward the barn.

In this moment some of the traditions of his faith struck him as unfair. Women were smart and emotionally wise, but Amish men were supposed to be the leaders at all times. As if his gender automatically made him better at knowing what to do in every situation. Clearly it didn’t.

The silvery glow of the moon against the snow illuminated the night, and Rose was a mere silhouette inside the barn as she got out of the rig. She lit a kerosene lantern. Her hair was down, and the prayer Kapp was in her hand. She looked weary and disheveled and completely unaware of him.

He paused just inside the building. “Hey.” His voice was a low rumble through the barn.

She glanced up. “Hi.” She began removing the rigging from the horse, and he disconnected the carriage and rolled it out of the way.

Maybe he should’ve gone to her with the information about the annulment on Tuesday. Clearly he’d spared neither of them anything by doing it his way. It was part of his natural design to pick the right moment for a big conversation. He and Rose had successfully navigated four years by that method, these past weeks excluded, as the right moment to talk about his vision for the new room hadn’t presented itself either. He sighed and thought maybe it was time to change how he communicated with his wife.

“I’m going to bed.” She dug the envelope out of her coat pocket, laid it on a hay bale, and walked toward the double-wide doorway of the barn.

“Rose, wait.”

She paused and turned. “I’m exhausted, Joel.”

If she could really hear him for two minutes, they could clear the air. But since she was hurt, all she heard when he spoke was her Mamm’s belittling. She couldn’t believe he valued her because she couldn’t see her value. He imagined it would be like looking into a mirror but seeing a raccoon staring back at him. If her Mamm hadn’t been a raging backbiter, maybe Rose could see herself for who she was. And not turn the whole thing upside down.

He picked up the envelope. “I’ve insulted and offended you, but can you give me a break here? This whole mess hit like a tornado, with no time for me to think. I made a bad call. But—”

“Ya.” She held up one hand. “I got it. Elise says you’re right and I’m wrong.”

The muscles throughout his body tightened. If she hadn’t believed Elise on matters of husbands and wives and love, he had little chance that she’d hear him. “My actions weren’t perfect, but they didn’t convey what you think.”

“Maybe.” She nodded and said nothing else for several long moments. “That’s the problem. However I look at this, the best I can come up with is maybe you weren’t looking for a way out. And that’s not good enough. Not for a real marriage, it isn’t.” She shook her head. “I’ve decided that I need to go home, to my parents’ house, for a bit. I haven’t been back since arriving here four years ago, and now seems like the perfect time. I need more than a few hours away, Joel.” She sighed. “Elise is picking up Grace and me this morning after the boys go to school.”

“For how long?”

“I’m not sure. A couple of days, I think.” She walked toward the house.

Did she intend to stay through Christmas? Through New Year’s Day? He decided to leave those decisions up to her without asking questions.

“If that’s what you need, then I’m for it, but I need you to know that I believe all marriages have their own story. One where you love so much it makes your head spin. When your heart isn’t soaring with delight, it aches with shared grief. It’s a union so strong you’d do anything for your spouse, the very one who can anger you more than anyone. But that person owns half of you, and the love between the two of you is stronger than any anger.” He watched the snowflakes whirl around her, wishing she’d face him. “Rose, I’m head over heels in love with you.”

She turned toward him again, blank faced as she stood in the falling snow watching him. The moon caressed her body and long flowing hair. She looked like the angel he thought her to be. In the Old Testament, Jacob wrestled with an angel, so clearly angels were fierce too.

She drew a deep breath. “Ya, maybe so.”

She went toward the house, leaving him in the cold.