I stand on the deck of the house overlooking the azure blue water in front of me. Sipping the first coffee for the day, I reflect on the circumstances that saw me head back home to Esperance to escape the drama surrounding my life.

Finally, I can breathe again, after finding my boyfriend dead in our bed a month ago. I’d dealt with the Police, his funeral and his bickering, scavenging family, till they finally went back to the holes they crawled out of. Nobody actually came out and said “Haven Montgomery, you killed him,” but I knew most people were suspicious.

Ryan never had time for his family, and would be disgusted with their behaviour—as if it was my fault he died. They didn’t come right out and say it to my face, but they made it clear they thought I was responsible. I’m waiting for the autopsy results, but that won’t happen for a month or more.

They only suspect it wasn’t suicide or suspicious.

So far.

My life had been so intertwined with his for the last five years it was hard to think of a future without him in it, even though we had steadily been growing apart for a while. We were happy in the beginning, both of us signed to the same modelling agency in Melbourne. I’d run into Ryan on a shoot.

Literally.

We had been inseparable ever since. We were the golden couple of the catwalk, going all over the world to work. It was an exciting, exhausting, exhilarating life but I wouldn’t have changed a thing.

My dark eyes squint at the sun’s reflection on the water, blinding me momentarily. I take a deep breath in and can smell the sea on the warm breeze.

My home town is small, but I’d had the best upbringing my parents could give me. They were still her biggest fans and supporters. I love them both dearly, for allowing me to escape the media and spend some time back in the place I was born and raised.

I’d cancelled all commitments for the next six months, deciding that I needed a break. Time to just be me again. Find out who Haven Ellen Montgomery is when she isn’t the star attraction in the modelling circus. My agent Gina hadn’t been very happy about it, trying to persuade me to take a month off and then come back to work to take my mind off the tragedy.

I turn as I hear my mother come out to stand next to me, wrapping her arm over my shoulder as she stands silently.

Finally, she asks softly, “You okay sweetheart?” Studying her daughter of twenty-eight years with concern. “Couldn’t you sleep? You’re up awfully early.”

I look over to my mother with teary eyes, taking in the good looking woman beside me. My mother had inherited great genes, I think, as I take in the almost wrinkle free face and her long blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, threads of grey starting to show through.

“Na, I’ve been awake since the sun came up. Looks like it’s going to be a hot one again today. Might wander down to the beach later on and take a dip.” I reply, trying to take the focus from myself. Her mother knew that she wasn’t fine and may never be.

How do you get over losing the person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with? Ryan had his faults, as she did, but they were happy most of the time. That’s what happens in a long term relationship, you settle into mediocrity, just being together but living separate lives. She was often away when he was home, and he spent a lot of the past twelve months out of the country, so when he came home it wasn’t for long. But she thought they were content with their lives. It wasn’t ideal. When he did come home he was exhausted from travelling and just wanted to stay in every night, forgoing invitations with their friends, to sit home watching TV, instead of socialising. Eventually they stopped getting invited and their friends drifted away one by one. The people at his funeral were either her friends or his work colleagues from the agency.

Her mother ran her hand over Haven’s long auburn hair and pulled her in for a hug. “Maybe a swim might be a good thing. Get you out of the house for a while, but make sure you put lots of sunscreen on. I might come with you and we can have some breakfast at the Tea Rooms before you go swimming?”

“That’d be great. I haven’t eaten there in ages. I wonder if they still do those blueberry pancakes?”

After a morning of laying on the beach punctuated by quick dips in the cold water, Haven made her way into town to grab some lunch. Stopping at one of the many cafes, she sat down at a table near the window so she could do some people-watching. She saw some familiar faces walk by, but she was surprised when she noticed her high school sweetheart stop at the door of the café and usher in a gorgeous toddler, choosing a table near hers. He hadn’t seen her, his focus on his daughter in front of him. The girl must have been about three or four. She could hear them talking, and kept her head down, wondering if she should say hello.

It’d been ten years since they’d dated, but the memory of him lingered. Dalton Sullivan wasn’t easy to forget. They say you always remember your first love and he was Haven’s. His tall frame had filled out into a man’s body, and from what she saw, he took good care of himself. She wondered who he’d married and reminded herself to ask her mother when she got home. As the waitress walked towards her, he looked up suddenly, catching her gaze and his smile of recognition showed his even white teeth and reached his eyes as she struggled to look away.

“Haven? Geez I had no idea it was you sitting there. Would you like to join us?” He indicated a chair next to him and she moved to sit in it. “God, you look great. How are you?”

“Dalton.” She nodded in greeting as she got comfortable. “It’s been a while. You look great too. Are you sure you don’t mind me joining you?” she enquired politely, looking from him to the small child with him.

“Oh, this is my daughter Amelia” he says, running his hand over the child’s long dark hair. “Milly say hi to one of Dad’s friends. This is Haven.”

“Hello” The child said shyly. “You’re pretty.”

I struggle not to laugh at her childish innocence. “Thank you. You’re pretty too, and that’s a lovely name Amelia.”

“So; I heard on the grapevine that you were back in town. I heard about your boyfriend too. I’m so sorry. What a tragedy.”

“Thank you. Yes, it certainly was a shock. I’m just hiding away from the media circus at the moment. I’ve had enough of cameras being pointed at me, rumours and innuendo. Thought I might stay a while. Find a normal job maybe. Not really sure just yet.”

“Give up the catwalk? The cover of Vogue and Cosmo?” He asks teasingly, his vivid blue eyes shining with laughter. He always had the bluest eyes I’d ever seen on a man. They matched the turquoise blue of the water she had just been swimming in. Coupled with his dark hair and deep tan, he was stunning. In high school she’d been the envy of every girl for landing the captain of the footy and cricket teams and champion yachtsman also. Even back then he was large and muscly from the farm work that he did, helping his father on their property just outside of town.

Locking gazes with him I say softly, “They’re not all their cracked up to be, believe me. Being a supermodel sounds glamorous and I’m grateful for the life I’ve led, and the places that I’ve been, but right now...I need some time out. Just to regroup and find out who I am and what I want to do next.”

“I’m gonna be a farmer like Daddy, aren’t I Daddy?” Amelia says with a smile. She’d inherited her father’s large eyes, though hers are chocolate brown. You can see she’s going to be a stunner when she gets older.

“Yes baby girl you are. Or a ballerina, or Prime Minister. Whatever you want to do is fine.”

“What’s Prime Minister? Is that like Optimus Prime?” she says cutely, putting her head at an angle as she waits for his reply. We both laugh out loud at her question and Dalton shakes his head as he replies, “No Baby. Prime Minister is the person who runs the country.”

She thinks on his explanation for a while, a frown deepening on her forehead, before she asks, “Runs it where Daddy?”

I nearly choke on my salad as Dalton smirks and says, “Nowhere Milly. I’ll explain when you’re older.” To which she frowns at him before being distracted by the waitress bringing their food.

“So where’s your wife? Or is this a Daddy/ Daughter outing?” I ask, around a mouthful of lettuce.

He continues eating for a moment and then turns to look at me intently. “She isn’t in the picture anymore. It’s just me and Milly now.” He says, and his eyes have a sad look momentarily, before he turns to smile at his adorable girl. “We’re fine, aren’t we Mill?”

Taking a big bite of her sandwich she nods, and replies “Yep.”

They continue making small talk, as he relays all the gossip while she’d been gone. She had so much to catch up on. A lot of her childhood friends are still around and she determined to try to look them up and catch up on their lives while she’s home.

“So you’re home for a while then?” he asks. As I nod in agreement, he continues.

“You staying with your Mum and Dad or have you got your own place?”

‘No, I’m staying with my parents. They’ve been great, and it’s so nice to be here where nobody cares who I am. In Melbourne, I can barely get out my front door without a camera in my face. This is heaven and I want to make the most of it. Not sure how long I’ll be here for, but I’m not rushing it. A few months maybe, and then see how I feel about going back. Right now I don’t miss Melbourne at all.”

“I’m sure Esperance is a bit slower paced than Melbourne. Not even a traffic light still.” He says with a laugh. It’s a standing joke amongst the locals that when the town got traffic lights it’s time to move because the town was too big.

“True. I don’t even need a car. Everything is still within walking distance.”

“I see you’ve been getting some sun. We’ve just installed a pool out at the farm if you want to come out for a swim. Milly’s becoming quite the little mermaid aren’t you Bub?” the adoration for his daughter is evident in his eyes as he looks at her with a smile. She proceeds to tell me how she can do a big bombie in the water like Dad and Grandpa.

“Well, I’d better get moving. Mum has the art gallery this afternoon and she’ll be nearly ready to leave.” I get up and stand behind my chair for a moment. “It was really nice to catch up with you again Dalton, and to meet you Miss Milly, and I may take you up on that offer of a swim if this heat continues.”

“Come out on the weekend if you want. We don’t have any plans. Do you need me to come and get you if you don’t have a car?”

“Na its fine. I’ll borrow Dad’s ute. Thanks for the offer though. I might see you on the weekend.”

On the way home I reflect on our lunch conversation. I hadn’t got around to asking who he’d married, reluctant to, as I got the impression he didn’t want to talk about it, and I’m curious as to who it was that finally captured his heart. I was a fool to have let him go, but back then I had big dreams and he was happy to spend his life on the farm where he grew up. We’d finally decided to split, but there was never any bad blood between us. I’d loved him with my heart and soul, and it had been the hardest thing I’d ever done to get on that plane to leave him. If it hadn’t been for the modelling scout approaching me that day, I probably would’ve stayed and married him.

I knew that my looks gave me a career that everyone envied, and I’m very grateful for the opportunities I’ve had, but right now I just want to forget I’m Australia’s super model, and be Haven Montgomery again, with my oldest and dearest friends. I’ve only been home for two days and already I’m more relaxed than I’ve been in years.

This place is magical. The sun, sea air and slow pace of life is seeping back into my bones, allowing me time to breathe and to mourn privately.

My mind wanders back to Dalton. I smile at the memory of my first kiss at fifteen. I’d been so nervous - not sure what to do. He’d been a perfect gentleman until I’d turned eighteen, and then I’d almost begged him to take my virginity. He would always be special to me for being my first - first kiss, first boyfriend, first man, first love and first broken heart. His daughter is absolutely adorable, with her dark curls and soulful brown eyes, so expressive, like her fathers.

I hadn’t really considered the future with children. Both Ryan and I had been too busy working to even contemplate children, but now as I stroll back to my childhood home I admit to myself that at some point in my future I’d love to have a child - maybe more than one - but without a partner now, that possibility seems out of reach. A future without children had never been on my life plan, I just hadn’t thought about it, but now there’s a distinct possibility that it may happen. I silently admonish my thoughts, telling myself I’m only twenty-eight, and have years before I need to worry about not having children.

I’m parched by the time I reach the house. Mum has already left and Dad’s watching the cricket on television.

“Who’s winning Dad?”

“Not us” he says unhappily, shaking his head. “We’ve been coming second for the last few days. Think they’ve given up now.”

Leaning down to kiss the top of his head, I walk through to the kitchen to get a drink, calling over my shoulder, “I told you this was gonna be a white-wash. Now can I say “I told you so?”

His laughter echoes through the house as I grab a bottle of cold water and make my way to the bathroom for a shower. The love of cricket was one thing I’d inherited from my father.