As we sit and talk, my mind has no choice but to wander back to the time we first met. It was in church when we were small kids. I remember it vividly for some reason, the sight of her with a blue ribbon headband in her long hair and her best floral dress, etched in my mind forever. I still have the ribbon I pulled from her hair in a game of chasey, after the church service, as our parents mingled. She fought me as I ran away, already fast on my feet, and she almost caught me, stubbornness already part of her nature. She was determined to get her hair ribbon back and may well have if my parents hadn’t called me to the car to leave.

I smile as my mind jumps forward to high school. As soon as girls appeared on my radar my focus was on her and her alone. We’d always been friends at school but part of a bigger group. I was sure I could win her over and make her mine. I’d never really looked at anyone else and all of our friends knew we were destined to be together forever. We probably would be married with a bunch of kids by now if that talent scout hadn’t spotted her in the shopping mall in Perth on a rare visit. When she told me, my first reaction was negative, but she was so excited about the photoshoot that she’d done and the offer of a contract from a major modelling agency, I knew I couldn’t kill her dream by making her stay. My heart broke the minute she got on that plane to fly to Melbourne, my future in tatters until Kelsey stumbled into me in the local supermarket and we gradually fell in love and married. When she suspected something was wrong with the baby, I encouraged her to go and see her OBGYN who eventually diagnosed Ovarian Cancer. She understood the consequences of not terminating the pregnancy, but she wanted to hold her child in her arms, and if that meant giving up her life for it, she was prepared to do just that. I thought I’d never recover from her death when Amelia was 2 months old, but I know Kelsey was happy she had those months with her daughter.

Now this incredibly strong and independent woman has come back into my life and I’m not sure what to do with that information. My brain tells me to stay away because she won’t be staying, but my heart tells me to go for it – make the most of our time and damn the consequences.

“What are you thinking about? You were miles away.” Haven says quietly, studying me with her piercing blue eyes. “Are you alright?”

With a grin I reassure her that I’m fine as I take a sip from my beer. “Yeah, sorry. I was miles away. Kinda zoned out for a minute there. I’m okay.” I say sheepishly. “I was thinking about the first time we met. Do you remember?”

She laughs lightly and the sound reverberates in my soul. I’ve missed it so much. “I remember that Mum gave me Hell when I got home without a ribbon in my hair. She wouldn’t believe me when I told her you had it. She thought I’d lost it and was blaming you.”

“Sorry about that. I was just trying to get your attention.”

“Well it worked. You did that alright.”

“I never threw it out you know. It’s still in my box in the wardrobe. For some reason it was too precious to get rid of.”

She hesitates as she looks at me questioningly. “You still have it after all this time? I can’t believe that. I’d completely forgotten about it till now.”

“Still have it. Cross my heart.” I tell her as I cross my heart with my finger.

“Wow. What a thing to keep. I assumed that you threw it away on the day. I thought it was just a nasty boy prank.”

“Nope. I knew exactly what I was doing, but I’m sorry you got in trouble. You never told me that before.”

“I know. I’d forgotten about it till you just mentioned it.” She says with a smile. “I don’t know why, maybe I thought that you’d forgotten too.”

We sit in silence for a short time, just enjoying the quiet while I get used to the fact that the love of my life is once again sitting in my lounge room, like she has many nights before this, but now it’s my house, my lounge room, my couch she’s resting back against. Suddenly the memory of me choosing this sofa with Kelsey after we moved in here, makes my heart stutter and a breath hitch in my throat as I’m consumed by the picture of Kelsey’s face the first day we sat on it. I jump up to get another beer, conscious of Haven’s enquiring gaze burning into my back at the sudden movement. I need some space, some distance to think about what I’m doing and where this could lead. Is this what I really want? This is the house I shared with my wife, the mother of my precious daughter. Can I really be thinking about Haven sharing it with me now? Her sitting on Kelsey’s sofa fills me with apprehension, what would happen if I wanted to take her to bed? I couldn’t do it. That’s the bed where my wife took her last breath, holding our infant against her as she gasped in air, looking down on our child and holding my hand till the end.

Suddenly it seems wrong to have brought Haven here.

What do I do about it now? I invited her to stay, to talk, to try to sort out these awful feelings of guilt that she needs to work through, but at the back of my mind was the possibility that we could end up in my king size bed together. Just the thought of that now brings me chills. I can’t do that to Kelsey, or her memory. It would be like tainting her spirit which remains in the house, comforting me in my dark times. As I look around at the evidence of her everywhere in this room, I know that tonight there will be only one person in my bed, and I’m sure Haven will understand.

“What’s wrong?” She enquires, turning her head to look at me with a frown.

“I was just thinking about how much Kelsey put into this house to make it hers and I realize now that I shouldn’t have presumed this house would be the right environment for you. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for bringing me here?” she asks, her expression crushed.

“No. Not at all. I didn’t mean that. Oh shit...I’m not explaining myself very well am I? Dammit. I only meant that I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable because of the reminders of Kelsey. I haven’t got around to put any photos away.”

Sitting up straight she looks at me determinedly. “Don’t ever do that. She was a huge part of your life, and you shouldn’t ever try to forget that. She’s the mother of your child. Your wife. This was her house. You shouldn’t put away anything. We both have history Dalton. I have photos of Ryan that I won’t part with. He was part of my life too, and I won’t forget that, or him. I loved him for a long time and just because I was about to leave him when he died, doesn’t mean that we don’t have a past together.”

“You were leaving him? Why?” I ask, confused. I thought she was madly in love with Ryan, so I’m surprised to hear that she was planning to break up with him.

Taking a second to get her thoughts straight in her head before speaking she says, “We hadn’t spent any of the past year together. He was constantly working without a break, while I tried to stay in Australia as much as I could. Of course I went on the big jobs, London, Paris, Milan, New York, but I came back as soon as I could, but for some reason Ryan took every job he was asked to do. In the end I decided I’d had enough and I confronted him about it the night he died, telling him that I wanted out. I was fed up with him being away from me, and he made excuse after excuse but for me, the bottom line was – I’d fallen out of love with him. I didn’t really know who he was anymore. We had a huge fight. He tried to convince me he was doing it for us, to secure our future, but I know money wasn’t the reason. Hell, we’ve both made more than enough to get us through this lifetime with some left over for the next. Now I know how he died, it makes sense. He couldn’t stop working – it was like an addiction to him. He needed to be needed. That’s why he pushed himself so hard. He was always in demand, and for some reason he couldn’t stop, he was scared to slow down and take some time out in case ‘they’ forgot about him.”

I listen as she talks, my heart heavy in my chest. I feel bad for her - for the life she expected to have with Ryan - and because he was taken before she had a chance to tell him about it and give him the opportunity to change his ways.

A sudden hitch in her voice as she says the last few words draws my attention to her face. The beautiful mask that she wears in public has dissolved into a flood of tears and a crumpled, defeated expression. I pull her into my side, wrapping my arms around her tightly, trying to comfort and give her some of my strength. Her sobs die down eventually, leaving her chest raggedly drawing in breaths. The smell of her shampoo and perfume fill my senses, as I lay kisses on the top of her hair, still holding her firmly. Memories of the perfume she used to wear are pushed down as this new ‘grown-up’ scent is committed to my mind, to be pulled forward when I’m alone.

Her face eventually lifts as she pulls back slightly, with an embarrassed smile. “God, I’m so sorry. I thought I was done crying. I feel like a fool, falling apart like this again.”

Using only my pointer finger, I raise her chin so that she’s looking at me, our eyes locked. Hers watery, swollen and red-rimmed while mine are focused and burning into hers.

“Haven.” I manage to drag out, my mind blanking completely as I study her. “I’m gonna kiss you now...okay?”

A slight nod of her head and a sharp indrawn breath give me the answer I’m looking for as I lower my lips to join with hers softly. It’s been years since I kissed a woman like this and the pleasure the nerves in my lips are feeling is transmitted to my brain, where endorphins are released, setting my soul on fire as I push them firmly on hers, savouring the taste, the feel, the connection that comes from kissing Haven.

My mind wanders back to the first time I kissed her, sitting on the beach one summer night when we were sixteen. I was so nervous I nearly changed my mind, but the thought of not kissing her was more than I could bare. It was definitely worth it as I leaned in and pressed my lips to hers anxiously, hers soft and welcoming. After that first time we couldn’t stop - kissing at every opportunity. I remember our friends laughing at us and telling her that I was gonna wear out her lips, but she just laughed back at them and told me if that happened she’d just get some new ones and start all over again.

I loved her so much I thought I could never feel for another woman what I felt for her. She was my everything – I would have killed for her if she’d asked me – luckily she didn’t, but I did beat up a few guys who didn’t get the memo about leaving her alone because she was spoken for.

I barely remember classes, but I remember the softness of these lips, and the need for them. They’re addictive, but I never fought it before and I’m not now. I spike my tongue into her mouth, rubbing it along hers as her arms snake up around my neck, pulling me into her.

Drawing away finally, needing air, I gasp in a ragged breath and watch her touch her lips with a finger, as though she can still feel my kiss.

“Geez, Haven I’d love to say I’m sorry, but I’m really not. I’ve missed those lips, but I am sorry about the timing. I shouldn’t have taken advantage of your weak moment like that.”

She looks up at me, her eyes bright with desire, mirroring my own. “I’ve always loved the way you kiss me Dalton. It’s like I’m the only woman in the world and you can’t get enough of me. I’d forgotten just how good your lips feel against mine.” She glances down momentarily then focuses back on my eyes. “We shouldn’t be doing this tonight. I really only just came to talk. I never thought it’d get further than that. I’d better go. Would you mind taking me home?”

“Finish your wine first Haven. Don’t worry, I promise to be a perfect gentleman. I’ll keep my hands to myself, cross my heart.” I say, with a small grin.

“Okay. Thanks. I really am grateful for you listening to me rant and fall apart.”

“Hey. That’s what friends are for. You know that you can tell me anything. I’ll always listen. Nothing will change our friendship.”