I’m numb. Numb all over. I can’t stop shaking and I don’t know why. It’s like my body has shut down completely. I can barely stand, so Dalton carries me to his truck and places me carefully inside. I’m conscious of Dad placing a suitcase in the tray which Mum hurriedly packed for me. I have a blanket wrapped around my body, but it does nothing to warm me, even though it’s a mild night.

We call in to get Amelia and head out straight away. Even Milly’s chattering isn’t clearing the fog that has overtaken my brain. I can hear her talking but I have no idea what she’s saying. I can feel Dalton’s eyes on me occasionally as we drive.

“Haven?” He says quietly, looking my way. “You okay?”

I nod slightly in answer, my power of speech completely vanished for the moment.

“Come on Bubby. Dad will take you inside first and then come and help Haven in okay?”

Not sure if he’s telling Milly or asking me, so I nod again automatically.

I wait for him to come back, unable to move from the truck. I’m almost catatonic. My limbs feel like they weigh a tonne and I can’t lift my arms at all. Not that I want to.

Placing me on the lounge I wait for Dalton to give Milly her bath and put her to bed. She came out in her cute Frozen nightie and wrapped her little arms around my neck and planted a big kiss on my cheek but I barely respond. I hope she understands.

I’m conscious of Dalton sitting down next to me and placing an arm around my shoulders, pulling me toward him, and gently kissing my hair.

“Haven?” he asks as I lay my head on his shoulder. “Wanna tell me what that was all about?”

I shake my head slowly in reply.

“C’mon Babe. Talk to me. I’m getting worried. Just tell me that you’re okay; well, as okay as you can be.”

I know he’s waiting for me to say something...anything...but I can’t. I just sit there, breathing in his scent and thinking how nice it is. That’s the only thing that has penetrated the fog so far...I love that smell. It’s so familiar. I shouldn’t be thinking about how nice he smells. I should still be mourning for my dead boyfriend like his brother said.

He blames me. Maybe he’s right.

Maybe I didn’t put a gun to his head and pull the trigger but maybe something I did or said or didn’t do, set him on his path to destruction. Now I’m blaming myself for something that I didn’t do? That’s fucked up, I know, but I can’t help think that if I’d seen or heard or noticed something wasn’t right, maybe I could have helped him.

His family blame me.

I blame me too. I just don’t know what to do with it.

I can feel myself trembling and I think I’m gonna throw up, but I can’t move. Taking deep breaths to settle the nausea, I’m aware of tears streaming down my cheeks and a sob is torn from my throat. I can hear it, but it’s like it’s disconnected somehow. It doesn’t sound like me at all. It sounds like an animal in distress.

Dalton’s arm tightens around my shoulders as the sobs get louder and I can’t stop them. Not sure if I want to right now. It’s easier to just let my body take over, than have to consciously make a decision to stop. I feel a deep ache in my chest, like my soul is being ripped apart and I’m not able to do anything about it.

Not sure how long I cry, but long enough to exhaust myself totally. As the sobs finally slow to ragged breathing and raw hiccups, Dalton picks me up like I weigh nothing and carries me to bed in a guest bedroom, laying me down under the covers. I can feel him remove my sandals and then lower himself to the bed behind me, pulling me into his arms again – my back to his front, but with me under the covers and him on top of them.

I sleep; exhausted and mentally drained, my body slipping into slumber despite my feeble effort to keep my eyes open.

When I attempt to open my eyes in the morning, I find them swollen and sore from all the tears last night. Realizing Dalton isn’t in bed anymore I sit up and throw back the covers and make my way to the bathroom. A shower helps to make me feel more like myself, and I’m grateful he brought in my suitcase so I can change my clothes.

“Morning” he says brightly as I walk into the kitchen.

“Hey” I reply, leaning down to land a kiss on Milly’s hair, dragging in the smell of her shampoo as I do. “How are you this morning Miss Milly?”

She looks up at me, finishing the bite of toast and nods. “I’m good. Daddy’s gonna take me out on the quad bike today aren’t you Daddy?”

“Yeah Sweet pea. After we’ve all had breakfast okay?”

“Sounds like fun.” I say as I take a mug from the cupboard and pour a coffee for myself.

Dalton is in a dark singlet and worn jeans and his amazing arms are on display, distracting me.

“Wanna come to?” Milly asks around another mouthful.

I look over at her sweet angelic face and smile at her. “No sweetheart. I’m good. You go and have some time with your Dad. I’ll stay here and clean up, or read a book or something.”

I glance over to Dalton and notice the deep frown creasing his forehead. “I don’t like that idea. I’d prefer if you came with us. Not sure I want you here all alone. We’ll be gone most of the day.”

Taking a sip of my coffee I say, “That’s fine. Really. I’ll get Mum or Sarah to come out and get me and I can spend the day organizing my house. I appreciate you taking care of me last night but I’m okay now. It was just a big shock to see him, that’s all.” Hiding my face so he doesn’t see the expression of fear on my face just talking about him.

Little does Dalton know that Ryan’s brother terrifies me – always has. I think back to the first time I met him at a restaurant. I thought we were going out to have a romantic dinner for two, but Ryan forgot to mention that his brother was joining us.

It turned into the most uncomfortable meal I’ve ever had. His eyes barely left me and the leering, hungry look he gave me made me lose my appetite - not that Ryan noticed. He later told me his brother was part of the “mob” and had some serious connections. They seemed to get on okay but Ryan said he tried to stay away from him and his “friends” as much as he could, and warned me to do the same. Not that I was willingly going to be in the same room as he was – with or without Ryan.

Turns out I was wrong. One night at Ryan’s birthday party in our apartment, he found me as I came out of the bathroom. Grabbing my arm, he dragged me across to the bedroom, telling me not to make a scene. I was too surprised to do or say anything, and when he closed and locked the door I realized what he intended. That’s when I began to panic. He was much bigger than me but there was no way I would let him do what he intended, no matter how hard he tried. With my mouth covered I had no way of screaming to get help but I fought him with everything I had, till someone knocked on the door and saved me. He pushed himself off me with a leer and opened the door as if nothing had happened.

Despite my look of disarray, the guy who knocked was just drunk and looking for the bathroom, so he barely glanced at me. I straightened my clothes and locked the door again until I calmed down. I vowed then that I’d never let him near me again...no matter what.

Later he cornered me in the hallway, and told me not to tell anyone about it or he’d be back and next time he wouldn’t be so easy on me and might even bring some mates to enjoy it too.

I didn’t tell a soul.

Dalton knows me too well. He gets out of his chair and comes over to where I’m leaning against the kitchen bench and lifts my face with one finger, studying me with a frown. His eyes search my face and I try to look away, I really do but his gaze is compelling. “What happened to make you so scared? That wasn’t just a bit frightened last night. You were completely terrified. Why?” he asks softly.

Shaking my head, my eyes fill with tears, unable to tell him even though every fibre of my being tells me to. Now isn’t the time though. Milly’s still eating and there’s no way I’m getting into this with her around. Maybe one day, but not today. Just the thought of him has me nauseas. My hands shake as I lower my coffee, keeping space between our bodies. Whispering softly, I lower my eyes and tell him “Dalton don’t. Please. I can’t.”

I wait for what seems like forever but it’s probably only a minute at the most. I can feel his breath on my forehead as he waits, like he’s weighing up whether he should push this or do as I ask.

“Ok. For now. This discussion isn’t over.’ He says, dropping his hand and taking a step back.

I release a pent up breath that I didn’t realize I was holding and quickly lower my coffee cup so I can hide my shaking hands under each arm. “I’ll ring Micah and make sure he’s gonna be at the house all day. If he has to work then you come with us.”

“Really? I don’t need a chaperone Dalton.” I say sharply, not intending to. “Mum and Sarah will be there. I’ll be fine.” I’m grateful for his concern though. He has no reason to be so protective but it’s just his nature. He’s always made me feel safe and secure. Just being around him relaxes me and allows my stress to almost disappear. He’s just that sort of person. I’m no shrinking violet who needs a man to look after her, but with him, I just know that even with our history he would protect me no matter what.

In answer he pulls his phone from his pocket and rings Micah despite my protestation. When he nods his head I know that Micah’s off today, and will be at the house. I go to my room to collect my suitcase and carry it out to the main hallway.

Suddenly he appears in front of me, blocking my path, arms crossed and legs spread slightly.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he growls.

“I’ll ring Mum and get her to come get me. I appreciate you allowing me to stay last night, but I’m sure I’ll be fine at home now.” I say, raising my face to lock eyes with him.

“No way. Not happening. You can go today because Micah is there but you will be staying here till we sort out this guy.” He declares, shaking his head. I can’t believe he’s ordering me to stay with him!

“Exactly what are you intending to sort out Dalton? I don’t want you to go anywhere near Ben, do you hear me? He’s trouble and he has some very shady ‘friends’. Don’t go looking for him. Just let him go back home and hope we never see him again. Hopefully, he has what he wanted. He found me and told me I was responsible for Ryan’s death, I think he did what he came here to do. Leave him be.” I take in a deep breath. “I mean it!” I threaten, glaring at him.

His eyes narrow in response. “I’m not gonna promise that if we meet in the street I won’t have a word or two in his ear. I can’t do more than that.” He growls at me, leaning in so that he’s only a few centimetres away from me.

“I hate this macho shit...honestly I do! Just leave him be. I know for a fact that he can be dangerous and I don’t want another death on my hands, so back off. He’ll be gone and I can go home to my own house and I’ll be fine. If I ever see him again it’ll be too soon.”

“How do you know he’s dangerous? What exactly happened between you two anyway? You were terrified when he showed up and now you think he’s gonna hurt me? Why? What happened?” he demands in his deep voice that I know means he’s not about to back down until I answer him.

“Daddy? I maded my bed. Can we go riding now?” we hear from the hallway behind me.

“You made your bed baby girl, not maded.” He tells her gently, dragging his eyes from me to focus on Amelia. “We just have to wait for Haven to unpack her suitcase, and then for her mum to come get her and we can go. Unless you can convince Haven to get her bikini on and come swimming with us? If you can do that we can go right after she changes.”

“You’re going swimming? I thought you were taking the quad bike out to check on the stock. Where are you swimming?” I ask, tempted to go with them despite the chaos that I left in the house.

“Please, please, please Haven. I have my bathers on already. Please come with us. We’re gonna go to the beach and build sandcastles and swim.” Milly pleads, her eyes huge and her hand tugging on mine.

“Ohhh, that’s not fair.” I drag out slowly.

“We’re going down to Lucky Bay.” Dalton tells me with a smirk, naming one of the best beaches in Australia, maybe even the world. “Nice and quiet down there now that the school holidays are finished. We should get going though.”

“Okay, okay. You convinced me. I could probably do with a relaxing day off. Give me a minute to get changed and I’m in.”

Milly starts jumping up and down with excitement as I turn and head back to the guest room ...with my suitcase.

We decide to take the truck rather than the quad as there’s more room. It doesn’t take long to get there via the back roads, and we’re soon set up with blanket, shade umbrella and esky full of food and drinks. Dalton must have been up at the crack of dawn to organise all of this.

Removing my t-shirt, I fold it and unbutton my denim shorts, pushing them from my hips and step out of them. Instantly Dalton’s behind me, and I turn to see what he’s doing. As I turn he follows, literally covering my arse from view.

“Dalton? What the hell are you doing?” I question as I step aside to face him.

His face is frowning and his brows almost connecting in the middle. “Did you forget something?” he hisses at me.

“What? Forget what?” I ask, unable to follow his train of thought. “What are you talking about?”

“Your bikini pants. You forgot them and put on lingerie by mistake.” He says moving to step behind me again.

“No I didn’t! These are my bikini pants” I inform him, looking down to check that I did indeed change into my swimsuit.

“It’s a thong!” he says in a whisper, looking around to see if there’s anyone nearby. There isn’t, but I look around to double check.

Looking down to my bikini, I say, “Well yeah. That’s the way bikinis are now. In Brazil you wouldn’t wear the top at all, just the bottoms.”

“It’s not decent. I can see your arse” He tells me, his lips close to my ear. “I don’t want everyone looking at your butt.”

“Why? What’s wrong with it? Do I have cellulite? Oh geez, I knew I should have been working out harder.” I say, turning my head and looking down over my shoulder, trying to look at my arse.

“What?! No!” he says, moving to get me a towel to wrap around myself. I brush his hands away and take a step back.

“Dalton. This is perfectly acceptable all over the world. What’s wrong with you?!” I ask indignantly.

“That might be acceptable on the French Rivera or in Hawaii but this is Esperance. I don’t think your mother would let you out of the house like that if she knew what you were wearing.” He says, reaching forward with the towel again.

“You’re being stupid. This is the fashion. Everyone wears them. It’s just a thong for God sake.”

“I know! That’s the problem! It’s just a thong...not a full bikini. What happened to the rest of it?” he asks, his eyes darting around to make sure nobody can see me. Luckily there’s nobody on the beach with us to hear this ridiculous argument.

“This cost me a lot of money. It’s the latest fashion.”

“Maybe you could keep those cute shorts on? That’d work. Lots of people go swimming in their shorts don’t they? Milly does all the time.” He nods in the direction of his daughter digging muddy white sand with a plastic shovel and piling it up beside her.

“Dalton.” I tell him, locking eyes with his vivid blue ones. “This is what I’m wearing; now get over it!” Making my point I move away to slather sunscreen all over my body.

With an exasperated sigh he moves behind me to put sunscreen over my back. I can feel him hesitate when he gets to the top of my bikini thong.

“Err...do you want me to do the rest of you?” he asks and I can hear his smirk even though he’s behind me.

“You mean my arse?” I ask, more to embarrass him as I know exactly what he’s asking me. “Yeah of course. I could do it but I might miss a bit. It’d be horrible to get a sunburned butt now wouldn’t it?” To make my point I push my arse out behind me, invitingly and hear a long groan.

“Now I’m gonna have to go swimming too, you realize? Somehow I have to make it to the water though, without anyone seeing.”

“Who’s gonna see? There’s nobody here Dalton. I don’t know what you’re worrying about. We’re alone on this beach. Let’s just enjoy it. Stop your fussing!” I tell him with a laugh.

We have a great time, building sandcastles with Milly on the talcum powder beach and intermittently swimming in the cool clear blue water, the same shade as Dalton’s eyes. It turns into one of the most enjoyable days I’ve ever had.

As Dalton helps Milly pack up her stuff I decide to go for one more swim before we leave. The cool water’s enticing in the late summer heat. There’ve been a few people come and go over the day but right now we’re alone again.

Running into the water I dive beneath the waves and come up about ten metres from shore. Close enough to see Dalton walking away to the car, his arms full.

I turn and swim parallel to the shore for a few minutes, enjoy the stretching of muscles and the relaxing feeling that comes with weightlessness in the sea. Flipping my hair back I look back to see that I’ve gradually got further out, now about fifteen, maybe twenty metres from shore. Dalton’s on his way back from the car as I stop and tread water, catching my breath. As he looks at me I feel a tug on my right leg and instantly disappear under the water. It takes me a second to realize what’s happening, as my lungs scream for air and I’m pulled under further.

Shark!

For an instant I’m paralysed with fear, unable to think clearly. Sheer disbelief is the overwhelming emotion, and I know I have to do something to stay alive and get away as fast as I can, but I can barely register a thought, let alone a plan. The crystal clear water turns red around me and I try to turn to find the shark, my lower leg feeling floppy and burning pain brings me to a halt. I struggle to stay conscious as the shark brushes by my leg again and I feel it’s sandpaper skin graze mine.

I kick out with my good leg as the burning pain of its bite nearly cripples me. I try to turn again to find it but I shoot up out of the water as it grabs hold again, tearing into my flesh, throwing me side to side and I scream. I have a millisecond to notice Dalton’s running out into the water toward me, screaming my name in panic as he realizes what’s happening.

Nooo!

If the shark gets him too, Milly will be alone on the beach!

When I surface a second time, adrenaline pounding through my veins, I yell at him to stay there, as my fight or flight reflex kicks in. I decide I’m fighting, as I kick out, trying to see the predator in the water. I see a fin break the surface behind me, so I strike out for the shallow water, conscious of the trail of blood I’m leaving as I swim in as fast as I can.

I put everything I have into my strokes, trying not to think of the shark following me.

I can see into the water and I can’t see it nearby but I don’t stop to locate it. There’s no pain at the moment but I have no idea what injuries I have. My right leg is numb from the knee down, if it’s still there.

At this point I’m not sure if I still have a leg. My stroke is ungainly as I can only use my left leg to swim with. My heart feels like it’s about to pound through my chest wall as I flail around, trying to get to the shore. I drag in much needed air as fast as I can.

Just when I think I’m not gonna make it, loss of blood making me faint and weak, strong arms pull me up and cradle me as he runs up the beach, yelling at Milly to get to the car.

That’s when the world fades to black, and I pass out.