I hate this.

I hate not being independent. I hate that I can’t even shower myself, dress myself or walk without crutches. I can’t do anything I want to, but I will be back at work as soon as I can. I can use my crutches in the shop, but I won’t be much help to Sarah unpacking stock or cleaning. I just feel useless and sitting around for the last few months has made me antsy. No gym workouts, no walking, no swimming, nothing but rest and rehab. It sucks, but I have finally managed to put on some weight and everyone tells me how well I look. That is until they see the bandaged and plastered leg.

The first time I got to look at the wounds I cried so hard I thought I’d never stop. I’m not that vain that the scars upset me because they’re so ugly, but the amount of muscle missing and the never ending skin grafts have left my lower leg half the size it was, misshapen and scarred. The whole calf is a roadmap of scars that I’ll never be able to hide. I think I was more upset because it took away my choices. My modelling days are over...even if I had wanted to go back, I couldn’t. No one would employ me looking like this. Even my Manager told me that I was done when she saw the pic I sent. I felt like Frankenstein for a long while but gradually I’m moving on and getting used to the endless questions and the ugly scars.

The only thing I haven’t got used to is the recurring nightmares. The feeling of drowning, being pulled under the water and unable to get away. In my dreams it’s much worse. I get dragged under deeper and deeper, something pulling me down till I can barely see the surface anymore. My lungs are about to burst and the sheer terror has me waking up screaming as I drag in precious oxygen. I always wake up sweating and shaking, unable to go back to sleep. My counsellor tells me that the dreams will fade in time, but it won’t be soon enough for me. I can bear the pain, but I don’t know how long I can cope with these night terrors.

The next day Mum drives me to work. I’m determined not to sit home vegetating a moment longer. I need to get back to my normal routine, even if it is slightly altered temporarily. I make it through the day but I must admit – my leg’s aching and I’m exhausted beyond belief. All of this sitting around hasn’t helped my fitness levels.

Gradually I get stronger, and after numerous trips back and forth to Perth I can finally lose the crutches and use a moonboot to get around. I still can’t drive, but I can walk slowly to work, getting my exercise at the same time. It feels good to be out and about and moderately more independent now. I’m over the sympathetic looks from the townsfolk, the questions from everyone wanting to know how it happened and how I am. Everyone knew about the attack. Hell, I had to get Micah to talk a lot of them out of going after the shark. I don’t hold any animosity towards it. I was in its territory and I think if it had wanted to eat me, it would have. I think it mistook me for food. Maybe a seal.

My philosophy has always been, when sharks get out of the water and start walking around our streets, then we do something about them. Till that happens, they have every right to be swimming around in their ocean.

“Wanna ride Beautiful lady?” I hear as I hobble along the footpath to work. My heart instantly goes into my throat and I spin around, only to see Dalton hanging out of his truck casually, smirking at me.

“Geez Dalton. You scared the life out of me. Don’t ever do that again!” I holler at him, trying to calm my rapid heartbeat.

He has the good grace to look apologetic as he realizes he scared me. “Sorry Babe. I thought you heard the truck. I wasn’t exactly sneaking up on you.”

“It’s okay. You nearly gave me a heart attack though.” I say, holding my hand to my chest.

“You alright?” He asks, turning off the engine and climbing down to hold me by the shoulders. A deep frown covers his brow.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine, but if you’re serious about that ride to work, then I say yes. My foot is hurting more than usual today so I’d be grateful not to have to walk on it.”

Maybe it was the rain that was making my foot ache because it started pouring around mid-morning and didn’t let up all day.

Sarah was going to give me a lift home but as we’re closing up, I notice Dalton’s truck parked out the front. Braving the icy rain, I open the front door and ask him what he’s doing. As he gets out to run in under the veranda, I notice Milly in the back seat.

“Hey Babe. Thought I owed you for this morning so Milly and I thought we’d shout you dinner at the pub before we go home. How ‘bout it?”

The pub isn’t very crowded and we spend a few hours laughing about the old days, and how we used to sneak into this hotel on Friday and Saturday nights as underage teenagers to listen to the bands. Dalton can name almost all of the bands from back then, his memory amazing. After a shared ice-cream sundae we run back to the truck, or in my case – hobble quickly.

Dalton walks me to the door of my parent’s house, and I lean in to give him a kiss on the cheek and thank him for dinner. Just as my lips are about to connect with the five o’clock shadow covering his jaw, he moves his head and pushes his lips to mine firmly. Unable to resist, I respond, moaning softly at the contact. His hands move to my damp hair, holding me in place so that he can deepen the kiss, forcing my lips open to allow his tongue to slide over mine. I slide my hands up over his rigid chest and around his neck, pulling him closer. I don’t want to break the kiss but I remember Milly’s still in the car, so I pull away and lean my forehead against him, taking in a few breaths to steady myself.

“God, I want you.” He says softly, raising my face to look into my eyes. He studies me for a long while, his eyes covering my face, focusing on my mouth before he drags them back to lock with mine.

“Dalton.” I whisper, unable to think straight enough to say anything more. A long sigh escapes me.

“I know. I’m leaving...unfortunately. It’s the last thing I want to do right now, but I’ll go.” He says softly, giving me one last gentle kiss before turning away. “Oh I forgot to mention that we’re having a birthday party for Milly next week. She wants you to come.” He says, walking backwards.

“Of course I will. Text me with the details and I’ll be there for sure.”

“Will do” He throws over his shoulder as he pulls the door open, climbs up and turns on the engine, slowly backing out into the pouring rain.

I wonder if I’m doing the right thing spending so much time with him as I walk inside slowly.

I say Goodnight to Mum and Dad and try to sleep but my night is restless, interrupted by dreams of a future I daren’t think about...one I thought I’d lost for sure. Now it seems like it’s all coming together in a way I never imagined.