5 :  THE KINDNESS OF THE ENEMY

VERSES 98–111

ONLY WITH AN ENEMY CAN WE PRACTICE PATIENCE

Our Enemy Protects Us from the Lower Realms

98Praise and honor destroy my serenity

and the shock of transmigration.

They generate jealousy toward persons of virtue,

and resentment of their success.

99Therefore, those who rise against me

to destroy my reputation —

are they not dedicated to keeping me

from falling into the evil destinies?

100Wealth and honor are chains

for a person who, like myself, seeks liberation.

How could I feel any hatred

for those who release me from these chains?

101Since I am rushing toward certain suffering,

how could I feel any hatred toward

those who stand in my way, like a bolted door,

as if the Buddha had placed them there?

The traditional way for Tibetans and Sherpas to make the soles of shoes was to soften the leather using butter. Because of the stiffness of untreated leather, it could only be cut or sewn with great difficulty. Therefore it was soaked in the butter left over from butter lamps and kneaded while drying in the sun, and polished to make it soft and malleable but still extremely strong. The kneading was a bit like kneading dough, working with the feet, pulling and pushing, until it became softer. When I was very small, my first teacher who taught me the alphabet would sometimes do this while he gave me a lesson or I was reciting a text. It takes a lot of physical energy.

With the butter, the sun, and the kneading, the leather becomes workable; without them the leather would be so stiff it would be useless. Similarly, our “untreated” mind — when we are not living in patience — is stiff and useless. We need patience, and we need other sentient beings to allow us to develop that patience. The harm that somebody tries to do us, testing our patience, is like the stiff leather of our pride being kneaded. By helping us destroy our delusions like that, they are saving us from the lower realms.

In the thought-transformation text Eight Verses on Mind Training, Langri Tangpa said,

Even if one whom I have helped,

Or in whom I have placed great hope,

Gravely mistreats me in hurtful ways,

I will train myself to view him as my sublime teacher.45

When Atisha was in Tibet, he had a servant, Atara, who was very bad tempered and who always caused other people to get angry. When asked why he kept him, Atisha explained that he did so in order to practice patience, for without patience you could not become a great yogi. It is very useful to think like this.

Even if the sentient being who is giving us trouble is not the Buddha, by treating them as if they are, we can only benefit. It is part of the thought-transformation teachings that we see all sentient beings as equal to the buddhas, not in their realizations, of course, but just as the buddhas are instrumental in our enlightenment by guiding us, so too are sentient beings in helping us develop the qualities we need. Without the angry person, we can never develop patience; without the needy person, we can never develop generosity and compassion, and so on.

We can view any situation from many perspectives. Rather than seeing somebody who is giving us harm as the cause of our suffering, we can see them as the means for our transformation, as the embodiment of our guru, thinking that our guru has manifested in this way in order for us to develop our patience. As enlightenment is impossible without the perfection of patience, it is impossible without this person trying to harm us and thereby testing our patience. Thinking like that, we see there is no reason to become angry in return. Techniques like this make the mind malleable and able to transform more quickly. This is another benefit of patience.

When somebody criticizes us, pointing out our mistakes to us, it might be natural to get upset, but we should understand how, by destroying our pride, that person is actually doing us a great favor. Pride and arrogance are great faults; they block our spiritual progress. It is said in the teachings that having pride is the cause to be reborn in the future as a slave or as blind, ugly, and repulsive, and with very little capacity to do things. We are not only unable to help others but unable to help ourselves as well.

A person whose mind is filled with pride is like a ball, and any good qualities are like water put on top of the ball — it slides off, unable to stay on top. If we are proud or arrogant, we refuse to learn from others; thinking we know best is a great hindrance to developing on the path and attaining realizations. And so, when somebody deflates our pride, making us become humble, they are teaching us a great lesson.

We can also use poverty in a positive way. Although nobody chooses to be poor, there are many benefits when we find we are. Poverty not only destroys our pride and arrogance but also helps us develop our compassion; we see there are countless others suffering from poverty in just the same way as we are, and compassion naturally arises. Empathy naturally arises for somebody suffering in a similar way. For example, somebody with cancer might initially have so much fear, but having the cancer also allows them to see how terrified others with cancer must feel. Seeing this, they feel great compassion and the wish to help arises.

Only Our Enemy Allows Us to Practice Patience

102 “But my enemy hinders my good works — ”

this is no reason for anger.

There is no austerity like patience —

are they not giving me the opportunity to practice it?

103 If I am not patient with my enemy,

the fault is mine:

it is I who hinder my own virtue,

while he remains the potential cause of my virtue.

104 If the one cannot exist without the other,

if when one is present the other is possible,

then the first is the cause of the second.

Why would I call it a hindrance then?

We can develop our patience only with somebody who tries to harm us in some way. The Buddha has given us incredible teachings on patience, but we can’t practice patience with the Buddha.

No other being can stop us from gaining merit, only our negative mind. On the other hand, somebody who tries to harm us is giving us the opportunity to gain great merit by practicing patience. If we don’t practice patience when we have a wonderful opportunity like this — when faced with somebody wishing us harm — when can we? And without patience, as we have seen, bodhichitta and enlightenment are impossible.

We are alive today, we survive from day to day, to help others and to work diligently toward full enlightenment in order to be of the greatest benefit to all beings. Our main goal is enlightenment, and here is the being who can directly help us achieve it. Without them, it is impossible. Therefore, rather than harming us, they are incredibly kind.

Even the mosquito disturbing our sleep is giving us a lesson in patience. We are trying to sleep and we hear that bzzz bzzz bzzz above our head. We know we are in for a bad time. The mosquito lands on our arm and we know there can be no sleep until we get rid of that little bug. She just wants a little drop of blood to survive and feed her children, but we don’t see it that way. Even just hearing the noise, we want her dead; seeing her shape as she lands, we want to kill her immediately.

Because we are trying to attain bodhichitta, we must try to develop the loving, compassionate mind for all beings — not all beings except this mosquito. We cannot determine that we will never give up on any sentient being at all … but we will give up on this one sentient being, this one mosquito. Is there any way we can attain bodhichitta when we exclude one sentient being? No, it is impossible.

When we include her, however, enlightenment is possible. Due to this one little sentient being sitting on our arm at this moment, we can actualize the five Mahayana paths and the ten bodhisattva bhumis and even the entire two stages of the Vajrayana46 and attain full enlightenment. Furthermore, as we are responsible for leading all sentient beings into liberation and enlightenment, and as our enlightenment is impossible without this mosquito, she is also the cause of the happiness of all sentient beings: all the hell beings, hungry ghosts, animals, human beings, demigods, gods, and intermediate-state beings.

When we reflect on the sufferings of the lower realm beings, such as the unbearable thirst and hunger of the hungry ghosts that lasts for thousands of years or the unimaginable pain that the hell beings must endure for eons, how incredible it is that all that can end based on the kindness of this mosquito. How unbelievably kind this little bug is! Even the Buddha couldn’t finish explaining the incredible kindness of this mosquito.

To give our body in charity numberless times to this mosquito would be nothing compared to the kindness she has shown us. How much blood we have drunk from the body of this being that is now a mosquito in our manifestations as a mosquito would fill the infinite space; there would be no space left at all. If all the bones of this being that is now a mosquito that we had chewed since beginningless time were collected and piled up, they would fill the entire space; if all the meat of this being that we had eaten since beginningless time were piled up, it would fill the entire space; if all the skin of this being that is now a mosquito that we had used as clothing were piled up, it would fill the entire space.

Now this being is a mosquito, and in order to live, it must harm others by taking blood from them. Now it is our turn! We led that mosquito to create that negative karma. If we had not harmed her in some way in the past, she wouldn’t have created that negative karma and so now be faced with this suffering and with the need to harm us. When she bites us, we are merely experiencing the result of our previous negative action. If we hadn’t created the cause, there is no way we could experience the result.

Therefore how dare we kill this kind mother sentient being who has been so extremely kind to us in causing us all the happiness in the three times? How dare we kill this precious object where all the buddhas and bodhisattvas came from?

Before, seeing she was just about to bite us, we might have become irritated and wanted to kill her. But now, remembering her kindness, we feel so happy. We rejoice so much because on our arm we see a precious, holy object, a being of infinite kindness, and a little blood is a tiny offering to make to her. We don’t feel any pain as she bites us — just joy, even bliss, that we are making charity like this. Instead of feeling disgust and seeing her as an ugly, harmful creature, we see her beauty, as our kind mother. Instead of seeing her as an object of harm, we see how all our happiness depends on her.

This is just an example using one sentient being, a mosquito. There are infinite sentient beings who are equally kind, who allow us to attain great compassion, bodhichitta, and then enlightenment; who have been the source of all the realizations of all the buddhas of the past, present, and future. Whenever some being harms us in some way, we can meditate on that being’s kindness in the same way we have on the mosquito’s.

THE ENEMY IS LIKE THE MOST VALUABLE TREASURE

Encountering an Enemy Is Like Finding a Rare Treasure

105The mendicant who appears at the proper time

is not a hindrance to the exercise of generosity.

When one meets a world-renouncer ones does not say

that he is a hindrance to renunciation.

106It is easy to find mendicants in the world,

difficult to find offenders;

for no one will do me wrong

if I have done no wrong myself.

107It is therefore as if a treasure

appeared miraculously in my home.

My enemy should be loved,

for he is a friend in the path to awakening.

108With our joint effort, he offending, I forgiving,

I will obtain the fruit of patience.

I will first give of this fruit to him,

for he is the source of my patience.

What we get from this person being angry with us is inconceivable; they are offering us limitless skies of merit. Surely because of that they are the most precious, kindest person in our life. Think of how precious we think a billion dollars is, how we would love to have that much money. But even if we did, it would be nothing compared with what that person has given us with their anger, allowing us the opportunity to practice patience. Even if we were to offer them all our possessions or all the wealth there is on earth, we could not start to repay their kindness.

They are not only helping us but also all other sentient beings. By allowing us to develop patience, they protect all beings from our harm. Once we have developed patience, we no longer harm any other sentient being but offer them only peace and happiness, all due to this person who is angry with us. This is how incredibly kind and precious this person is.

But because this precious being, our enemy, might not be our enemy for long, we must make use of this priceless opportunity. They won’t be angry at us until the day we die; they won’t be angry at us until we become enlightened; they won’t dislike us through all time. If they did harbor strong enmity for many years, then that would mean they were extremely kind, because we would have many years to practice patience. The less time their anger lasts, the less time we have to develop our patience, and so we must seize this rare opportunity.

Their anger may not even last until tomorrow, so we have only today, and of today there is only this present hour. If we decide to wait until we go to bed to read a Dharma book that explains about patience, that may be too late; they may have already become our friend.

Therefore this minute is the time to practice patience, while we have found this precious treasure, this extremely kind sentient being who harbors angry thoughts about us. To fail to do so would be an unbelievable loss. Say we work in a job that pays a thousand dollars an hour. As soon as we arise in the morning, getting to work would be all we would think about. But one day, because we feel too lazy to get up, we miss out on a whole day’s pay. That would be unthinkable. A far greater loss would be having this rare opportunity — the person who hates us — and not taking it.

This doesn’t just apply to angry people. If we found our home overrun by insects, it should seem like finding a jewel in our home. Whenever we encounter some being who irritates us in any way, we should feel like we would if we put our hand in the garbage and accidently pulled out a wish-granting jewel, the most valuable jewel of all. We would be delighted if we found a ten-dollar bill in the garbage, let alone a wish-granting jewel, but having found this being full of negativity is a much greater cause for rejoicing.

In Eight Verses on Mind Training, Langri Tangpa said,

When I encounter beings of unpleasant character

And those oppressed by intense negative karma and suffering,

As though finding a treasure of precious jewels,

I will train myself to cherish them, for they are so rarely found.47

The being of a “unpleasant character” is somebody who is deeply ignorant, overwhelmed with attachment and anger, whose cruel mind is capable of committing not just the ten nonvirtuous actions but also one or more of the five immediate negativities, such as killing a parent or causing a schism in the Sangha.⁴⁸

A person of such a negative nature is shunned by everybody else, chased away whenever they try to come close, like somebody covered with horrible sores from leprosy. Nobody wants them anywhere near; maybe they even want them banished from the country for fear they will contaminate everybody else with their wickedness.

When we see somebody overcome with intense negativity like that, what should we do? Rather than being terrified and renouncing them, we should feel great compassion, thinking how they have broken their vows and have been driven to this state by their delusions. If we could understand the state of their mind, tears would surely pour from our eyes.

How can we help such a being? We can first try to talk to them, but if that alone does not benefit them, we can try other ways such as giving food, clothes, material things, and so forth, doing whatever we can to change their negative attitude. We certainly don’t do as others do; we don’t avoid them totally. We need to accept the depth of their suffering and keep them in our prayers, even if we can’t physically do anything for them.

We should also practice tonglen for them, thinking to take all their suffering on ourselves and give them all our happiness and merit. Putting ourselves in their place is the best way to destroy our self-cherishing mind and develop the mind that cherishes others. Afterward we can dedicate our body, material possessions, and all our merits, imagining giving them whatever they need — enjoyments, medicine, the best doctors, and so forth — and especially the ability to generate the path to enlightenment. Even if we have yet to attain bodhichitta, with strong compassion this practice is very effective.

Those Wishing to Benefit Us Cannot Teach Us Patience

109If you argue that the enemy does not deserve your consideration

because “he has no intention of increasing my patience,”

then why would you venerate the good Dharma?

After all, it too becomes a cause for perfection without any intention of doing so.

110If you think he should not have your respect,

thinking “my enemy’s intention is to harm me,”

how would you otherwise practice forgiveness?

Would you practice forgiveness toward, say, a physician whose goal is your own good?

111Therefore, patience is possible only under this condition:

that the other harbors an evil intention.

Consequently, only he my enemy is a cause of patience,

and, like the good Dharma, deserves my veneration.

There is no doubt that our guru is extremely kind, but unless we take what he or she advises into our heart and follow it, it will be of no benefit to us at all. Similarly, the Dharma itself has incredible potential to be of benefit, allowing us to destroy all our delusions and create infinite merit. If we don’t practice it, however, it is of no benefit to us.

It is incorrect to think that the enemy, who is of great benefit to us in developing our patience, is not kind just because they have no intention to help. The holy Dharma itself doesn’t have an intention to benefit us. The two truths49 — conventional truth and ultimate truth — have no such intention, and the teachings on karma have no such intention. But when we study them and apply them in our life, they are of incredible benefit. By taking refuge in the Dharma, we free ourselves from the lower realms and even from the whole of samsara, and ultimately attain enlightenment. Because the enemy, like the Dharma, has the potential to greatly benefit us, we should venerate them as we do the Dharma.

Even though the Buddha and all the gurus have taught us everything we need to know about developing patience, because they have only compassion for us and could never harm us, there is no way we can practice patience with them. We can only do that with a nonenlightened being — a friend, stranger, or enemy — and it must be somebody who opposes us in some way. As Shantideva said, if everybody tried to help us, like our doctor does, how could we practice patience? We can’t practice patience with a friend who wishes only happiness for us, or with a stranger who neither helps nor harms us.

The only type of sentient being we can practice patience with is somebody who wishes us harm. Our virtuous teacher might have given us the teachings, but this person is the one who allows us to put those teachings into practice and in that way is also a virtuous teacher.

Seen like that, the enemy is definitely the kindest, most precious being. Having the chance to practice patience is like having medicine in our house in case of emergency. In fact, taking the medicine of patience is far more important than taking medicine for the body.

Our enemy is as precious as the Buddha or our own kind guru; they are as precious as the doctor who prescribes the medicine that can save our life. Just as we feel so grateful to the Buddha, to our guru, and to our doctor, we should similarly feel grateful to our enemy, our teacher of patience.

Khunu Lama Rinpoche told this story of a meditator meditating on patience. In Lhasa, in previous times, there was a wall around the main temples that housed the wonderful statues, such as the Shakyamuni Buddha statue that the wives of King Songtsen Gampo brought from China and Nepal. People made pilgrimages from all over Tibet, traveling hundreds of miles by foot, to circumambulate the temples by doing full-length prostrations outside the wall.

Once, a prostrator circumambulating in this way, seeing a meditator, asked him what he was doing. The meditator replied he was meditating on patience. The prostrator then shouted at him, “Well, if you are meditating on patience, you had better eat kaka!” The meditator immediately lost his temper and shouted back, “You eat kaka!” Even though just seconds before he was meditating on patience, just hearing those words made him lose his temper and immediately retaliate.

Rinpoche explained that bodhisattvas are not like this at all. Their only thought is to be of benefit to all sentient beings, and so, even if somebody harms them, that altruistic mind would never wish to retaliate. A bodhisattva will always give help in return for harm.

Without patience, no matter how much education we have, there is no peace or freedom at all. Our mind becomes the servant to our anger, completely under its control. We educate ourselves in order to be happy; we find a well-paid job in order to be happy. And yet without the practice of the good heart, nothing brings us peace and happiness, nothing protects our mind from suffering or from its causes — ignorance and dissatisfaction.

As long as we follow attachment, as long as we are a friend of our self-cherishing, we easily become impatient and angry, and we are easily hurt by somebody who tries to harm us. On the other hand, when we are patient, nothing bothers or harms us.

At present, our mind is rough, troubled, in bad shape, like a twisted piece of wood. The enemy is like a sharp axe or chisel that we can use to shape that wood into a beautiful object. By using their animosity like a tool, we can develop our good heart, our patience, our compassion. We can’t learn patience from trees or rocks. We can only learn patience with somebody who tests it. Another analogy is the whetting stone. If the axe is not sharp, we cannot cut down firewood and have the comfort of a good fire. We need to hone the axe on a stone. In that way, the enemy is like the stone, honing our mind, making us kinder, more patient, and more compassionate.